She shakes her head. “No, he just decided that he didn’t want to go. He said he needed to save money. But anyway, I was angry and I told him that if he didn’t want to go with me that I would have Jake Warren take me.”
Now I’m lost in high school drama. “Who’s Jake Warren?”
She looks up through her long lashes. “He’s a guy at school that keeps flirting with me and asking me out. Dean hates him.”
“I see.”
“Do you think he hates me?” She bites her lower lip as she waits for my answer.
Looking at her teeth on her plump lip, her dark brown eyes that are watching me, and with the memory of her in the bikini still playing in my head, my mind is filling with dirty thoughts. I feel my dick start to throb in my jeans. Sure I just woke up and I could blame it on morning wood, but that would be a lie. That innocent look in her eyes, with the blossoming body of a woman, does something to me it shouldn’t. I’m a dirty bastard for even thinking about sliding into her tight pussy.
I shake my head with a laugh. What the fuck is wrong with me? “No, I’m sure he doesn’t hate you. Why don’t you go home and I’ll talk to him when he comes in and try to figure this thing out.”
Her eyes widen. “Really? You’d do that for me?”
Anything, angel, I want to say. But I don’t. I can’t help but to see her angelic features. So sweet and innocent, something I want to dirty up.
“It’s no problem,” I say as I stand.
She jumps up and throws her arms around me, pulling me in for a hug. “Thank you, Holden.”
God my name coming from those lips sounds sexy as fuck. I’d love to hear her scream it while I’m pounding into her.
Her tits press against my chest as I get a whiff of her lavender shampoo and I lose my mind.
“No problem.” I pull away quickly and open the door so she can step out. I need to get away from her. My body is reacting in a way it never should. I’ll push her out if I must.
Seeing how angry I am, her face is laced with fear. “I know I shouldn’t have come here, but — ”
I don’t give her time to finish. I grab her and pull her inside, closing the door while moving my mouth to hers. After that memory, I can’t stop myself. I know I shouldn’t, but fuck, I need her. I need her to make me forget the shit I’ve been dealing with for the past two days. I need her to make me remember how she makes me feel. I just fucking need her. She’s the only one who even comes close to understanding me right now.
She doesn’t fight me even though she should. She just wraps her arms and legs around me and kisses me like she knows I need it to breathe, to live just one more second.
With my lips on hers, I can finally breathe the air I’ve been gasping for. Somehow, she’s become my lifeline. She’s the only thing keeping me going.
Her hands pull at my shirt until she has it stripped off of me. She pushes against my chest until I put her on her feet. Without removing her mouth from mine, she pushes me back until I fall into the recliner.
With our eyes locked, she falls to her knees. Her hands work on freeing me from my jeans, and as badly as I want to stop her, I can’t. I’m fucking weak when it comes to her. She has this look in her eyes that drives me fucking crazy. When I look at her and see into her tortured soul, I’m lost. She could ask me for anything and I’d go to the moon and back just to deliver.
In a teasing way, she licks her lips with a smirk. I see her eyes flash down to my cock in her slender hand as she pumps me up and down.
“I’m no good for you, Hope,” I whisper as she lowers her mouth to my tip. I suck in a hissing breath. “I’ll only end up hurting you too.” Her tongue swirls around me and it takes everything I have not to lift my hips so more of me is in her mouth.
“Please listen to me. You need to stay away from me,” I try again. But every time I try to talk her out of being with me, she takes me further into her mouth, silencing me. Her lips look better than I imagined wrapped around my dick. Finally, I give in. I can’t fight against her when she isn’t playing fair.
I lean my head back against the chair and watch her. Using my right hand, I pull her hair away from her face so I can get a better view. Her eyes pop open and they lock on mine. She looks like a dirty little angel sucking my throbbing dick. Just watching her is making me want to explode. But I can’t have that yet.
I touch the side of her face and she pauses long enough for me to pull away from her. She looks at me confused. “What’s the matter?”
I don’t answer her. Instead, I pick her up and walk into the kitchen while pushing her jean skirt up over her hips. I place her gently on the table and fall to my knees. “I have to know if you taste as sweet as I think you do.” I pull her panties down her legs, and the moment I run my tongue between her folds, she lets out a loud moan. Her fingers curl around the edge of the table as I flick my tongue against her. “Sweeter than candy. So much better than I imagined.”
I use my tongue to spread her wetness before I pull away to see her glistening pussy that’s blushing for me. I run my tongue down her center one last time before standing between her parted legs. “What am I going to do with you, Hope?” I push into her, causing her to call out.
She feels like heaven around me. Better than heaven. She’s my salvation, my reason to live, the only thing that’s keeping me from fucking breaking at this point. If I hadn’t found her when I did, there’s no way I would be okay right now with the recent turn of events.
I know I shouldn’t allow myself to take more from her, but I’m a desperate man. Desperate only for her. She’s changed me, and in this moment, I don’t give a fuck what I have to give up to keep her.
She’s mine.
This hold she has on me is too strong to fight against. I know nobody will understand it. Hell, I don’t even understand it, but I sure as hell can feel it. She consumes my soul and sets my heart on fire anytime she crosses my mind. She’s burrowed deep into my heart, and it hasn’t beat in so long. It’s just been sitting unused in my chest for years now, turning my blood to a thick ooze. But somehow, she got it started again, after all these years of rot and decay. She’s the reason it pumps the black sludge through me once again.
I pick her up and press her against the wall, holding her by the hips so I can continue to move inside her. I can feel her convulsing around my dick as she moans and whimpers, begging for more of me like she can’t get enough. It only makes me want her more. These dirty sounds coming from her beautiful mouth rip away what decency I have left. I’m nothing but a monster that won’t stop until I’ve ravaged her entirely.
She calls out for me loudly before digging her nails into my shoulder and shattering around me. I love to watch her come for me. It’s a turn on all in itself.
With her milking me for every drop I’m worth, I can feel my own release building, but I’m not ready to let it go. I want — no, I need so much more of her. My fallen angel has become a powerful addiction for me. I’ll never be as high as I am when I’m buried deep inside her.
She feels too good to hold off any longer, I explode into her with the most powerful orgasm I’ve ever had as her name falls from my lips.
I relax against her, waiting for my heart and breathing to calm down. She’s holding me tight against her like I’m her savior, little does she know I’m the devil himself for ever fucking allowing myself to touch her.
When we’ve both regained our composure, I place her on her feet and tuck myself back into my jeans. I turn around to see her smoothing her skirt back into place.
When she’s satisfied with its appearance, she looks up and her dark eyes lock on mine.
“What are you doing here, Hope?” It sounds bad considering the things we just did, but I meant what I said earlier. She just happened to show up in one of the weakest moments I’ve had in years.
She crosses her arms over her chest, almost like she’s hugging herself. “I didn’t like the way we left things earlier. I know what you’re going through,
but I want to be with you. I want to be here for you and comfort you.” She steps toward me, reaching for me.
Her touch is something I need to avoid if I want to keep myself in check, but fuck, it would be so easy to just walk into her arms and hide beneath those invisible wings I know she has. I need her comfort, her friendship, and her unwavering love. But it’s wrong. I’m the adult here. I should stop this. But I’m helpless.
“I meant what I said. I’m no good for you. Nothing good will come of this.” I motion between the two of us.
“You make me feel things that nobody ever has. Isn’t that enough? What more do I need?”
I walk to the fridge and grab a beer. I pop the top and lean against the counter. “How about family? Do you think your parents would approve of you sleeping with a man old enough to be your father?”
Not only that, but I’ve been friends with Gary since the day I moved in here over twenty years ago. I’m betraying him as we speak. He would never forgive me for touching his daughter.
She takes a deep breath. “I’ll go tell them right now!” she says, throwing her hands up in the air at her sides. Anger and determination is etched in her beautiful face as she quickly walks past me toward the door.
“Hope!” I yell after her as I take the few steps until I can reach her. I grab her wrist and pull her back. She loses her footing and falls into my arms. We’re both breathing heavy from the adrenaline pumping through us. She looks pissed as fuck, but damn it if she isn’t the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
A puff of air leaves me. “You’re such a pain in my ass.” I move my lips to hers where she openly accepts my kiss while tangling her hands into my hair.
Chapter 16
I know I’m young. I know I’m damaged. But I also know what I want. And that’s Holden. It’s only been a couple of days since we ran into one another, but my heart calls to him like it’s been with him all along.
I know it’s wrong. I know people won’t understand. I know it’s considered taboo, but I don’t care about any of that. All I care about is living the rest of my life happy. And Holden provides that. We’re moving fast and that scares him. Hell, it scares me for more reasons than one. I can list them off but that wouldn’t do any good. Holden is what I want, what I need. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach, deep in my bones, and in my heart. He makes it so easy to forget that I’m broken. When I’m with him, I only think about him, not what led us to where we are now.
“You need to think about this, Hope,” he tells me as we sit at opposite ends of the kitchen table he just fucked me on.
“I have thought about it. I know what I want.”
He scoffs before rubbing his forehead. “You’re twenty-three. What you want will change many times throughout your life, trust me.”
It angers me that he doesn’t trust me to know myself. “Holden, if there is one thing I know, it’s how you make me feel. I can’t promise that this will be easy, and I can’t promise that it will work. But for now, in this moment, I want you.”
He looks at me with his brows drawn together, his blue-green eyes twinkling with the overhead light hitting them. “Fuck, Hope,” he nearly whispers as he tears his gaze from mine. He hangs his head while shaking it, looking down at his lap.
I can’t keep doing this with him. Yes, I want him. And yes, he wants me. I know he does. I can feel it when he looks at me. I can feel the tension growing between us like I can feel my heart beat, but I can’t keep playing this game of tug-of-war. I can’t force him to be ready. All I can do is wait and let him realize it himself.
I reach across the table and take his hand. “I understand why you’re afraid to move forward with this. But I can wait… as long as you need. Take care of Jane. When you have things squared away, and you know what you want, come see me.” With that, I push away from the table and stand. I take the two steps over to him and kiss him on the cheek before walking away, leaving him speechless.
By the time I get back into the city, I’m a nervous wreck. Did I just lose him or did I barely make it out alive?
I want Holden, there’s no denying that, but maybe he’s right. It will be extremely hard for us as a couple. But I can’t ignore the way I feel about him or the emotions that pump through my veins when he touches me.
I walk into my apartment and crash on the couch.
“Where have you been all weekend? I haven’t seen much of you,” Jenn says as she walks out of the kitchen and sits on the couch beside me.
“I met someone. Well, it’s someone I’ve known all my life, but I ran into him Friday night and we’ve spent a lot of time together.” I look over to see her push her black hair behind her ears.
“Who is he? A cute guy you never got to date in high school?”
I laugh. She has no idea. “Kind of, but not really. He’s Dean’s adoptive father.”
Shock covers her face. “Dean? As in your late fiancé?”
I’m afraid to look at her, so I just nod while watching my fingers tangle together. “That’s the one.”
She sits up suddenly. “Wait. Was that who was here last night?”
I quickly look over at her. “You heard us?” Embarrassment washes over me, causing my face to heat up.
“The whole building could hear you! I had to get up and put on my noise-reducing head phones at two A.M.”
I cover my hot face with my hands. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize we were so loud.”
“I can’t believe you are sleeping with his dad! I mean, he’s got to be what? At least twice your age. Not to mention, haven’t you known him since you were like five or something? That’s disgusting.” Her nose crinkles, proving how disgusted she really is.
This is exactly what Holden was talking about. Nobody will understand us. All people will see is our past connection, not what we have now. They won’t see that we’re both just two broken people who found comfort in one another. They won’t see the way we look at each other. They won’t see the sparks fly when we touch. Nobody will understand us, but us. We will always be judged.
“You don’t understand,” I breathe out.
She stands, holding her arms out. “What’s to understand? You’re fucking a man that’s twice your age, a man you’ve known since you were a child, the man who raised the fucking guy you were going to marry!”
“I know, but everything isn’t black and white!” I defend my feelings while holding off the threat of tears from being judged unfairly.
She takes a deep breath and sits down. “Look, you know my experiences with men, but explain it to me. I’ll try to understand.”
Is this how my life will be if Holden and I do move forward? Will I be constantly explaining my relationship? Regardless, let’s give it a shot.
The unshed tears are burning my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. Instead I take a deep breath while holding my eyes open, waiting for them to go dry. “I ran into him at a group meeting. He’s been going because his wife has been depressed since Dean passed away. He’s hurt and lonely. He doesn’t have anyone that’s there for him.”
“Wait. He’s married?” she asks with a lift of her brow.
Fuck. That doesn’t help. A rush of air leaves my chest, causing my shoulders to slump shamefully.
“He’s in an open marriage. Yes, they are still married, but it’s only because Holden is afraid to leave her alone. She’s given him permission to see other people as long as he doesn’t leave her.”
She shakes her head before closing her eyes and running her hand through her hair, something she does when she’s stressed. “I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to hear anymore.” She stands and begins to walk away.
I stand quickly. “Have you ever had your soul lit on fire from a simple, friendly touch? Have you ever felt the tingles that takeover your body when that person walks into a room? Someone you can feel before you even see them?” She stops and turns to look at me.
“That’s how I feel about Holden. I know it’s crazy as fuck an
d doesn’t make any sense. I know it’s wrong and it’s something that nobody will ever understand, but should I give all that up, just because it makes other people uncomfortable?”
She shakes her head before walking away, closing her bedroom door behind her.
I collapse onto the couch. Maybe Holden is right. Maybe I should stay away from him. Jen doesn’t even want to hear it. I can’t imagine what my parents will say.
It’s been a week since I left Holden at his house. I haven’t heard from or seen him since. A part of me feels like a piece of my heart is missing, but another part of me feels relieved. We need space and distance to put everything into perspective.
I’ve gone to school, but I’ve skipped group because I’m afraid I’ll run into him. I have been keeping my promise of staying away from alcohol, even though I’ve found myself wanting to reach for it more than once. And I’ve continued to go to the gym. Not the gym he took me to, but one I found on my own. I run five miles every two days. Mostly, I just try to keep myself busy.
For the first couple of days, he was all I thought about. I wondered if I would see him again. I longed to see him, touch him. I wanted to run to him, but I held back. There are things I need to think about. One of those things being: how could this ever work for us? Nobody will approve. We will have to fight every single day just to be together. Is it worth it?
I’ve asked myself that question at least a hundred times over the past week, and I still don’t have an answer. I don’t know if I ever will. But until then, I refuse to go to him. I said I would wait, and that’s what I’m going to do. It’s easier to ignore what I feel for him if I don’t see him.
I’ve also realized that since last weekend with Holden, I haven’t thought about Dean once, and that brought on a whole new set of anxiety. How could I do that? I loved Dean. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. I look down on the ring that I still haven’t taken off.
Wrapped in Hope: A Forbidden Romance (The Hope Series Book 1) Page 12