I know it’s wrong, but my heart can’t grasp the concept. The heart wants what the heart wants, regardless of age, situations, the past, present, and future. My heart beats the same rhyme as hers. My lungs burn for oxygen until she walks into the room, breathing the air back into me. And my soul calls out for her, like she was always meant to be my other half.
She looks absolutely breathtaking in that white dress — just like an angel. Her tanned toned legs beg to be wrapped around my hips again. She looks even more beautiful than the last time I saw her. Her plump lips are pink and shimmering in the bright sun. And her dark eyes are still full of questions, questions that I want to answer but probably shouldn’t.
Jane walks up to them, giving them each a hug. “I’m so thankful you guys came.”
Gary and Lisa both say something to her, but I’m not paying any attention because all I can see is Hope. She’s biting her bottom lip and batting her big brown eyes at me like she doesn’t believe I’m standing right in front of her. I see her right hand twitch like she wants to reach for me, but at the last second, she clasps her hands together like she has to restrain herself.
All I want to do is march over there, pull her lip from between her teeth and kiss her like I’ve wanted to for a month now. I long for the tingles her touch creates. I miss the electric shock and the way every hair on my body stands on end when her big eyes lock on mine when she’s shattering beneath me. I just want to feel her, kiss her, love her. However, her dad standing right next to her may have a few words about that.
That’s exactly why we wouldn’t work, I remind myself. Even if Jane is okay with it, he never will be. In his eyes, I will be nothing more than the friend that betrayed him by fucking his daughter and keeping it a secret.
I pull my eyes away from hers and look at the headstone instead. I should be thinking about my son right now, not nailing his girlfriend.
The four of them walk over to stand next to me in front of the headstone, and somehow, Hope gets placed directly beside me. When my elbow brushes hers, the tingles take over. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to clear my head of the memories of her that play before my eyes. I hear her take a deep, cleansing breath of her own.
Jane walks up to the headstone, placing her hand on top as she turns to face the four of us. “As you all know, these last five years have been extremely hard on me. I sank into a sea of depression. I was angry and sad, and just couldn’t understand why this happened.” She looks at Hope. “I blamed you for the death of my son. And that was wrong. If anything, you made his life better. You gave him friendship, and love, and kindness. I wanted you to be here today so I could apologize to you. I’m so sorry, Hope. I pray that you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but I completely understand if you can’t.”
“There’s nothing to forgive, Mrs. Brantford. I’ve been in the same sea you’re talking about, and I blamed myself. It’s only been recently that I’ve been trying to get better, to let him go. I needed to come today to do the same as you. So thank you for inviting me,” Hope says, wiping a tear from her eye.
Jane nods and turns her back to us, kneeling down to be even with his grave. “Dean, I think you know how much I love you. But it’s time for me to move on. I hope you understand. You made my life so happy, and full of so much joy. Thank you for letting me be your mother. I wish you would’ve gotten a chance to live life. But know that no matter where I go, you will be with me. I love you, Son.” She stands and turns toward us.
“That was beautiful, Jane,” I tell her.
“Would anyone else like to say anything?” she asks, looking at all of us.
“I will,” Hope speaks up. She takes a few steps and kneels the same as Jane. “Dean,” she lets out a soft cry. “I’m so sorry. I know now that it wasn’t my fault, but I’m sorry that we didn’t get our future together. I’m sorry that you didn’t get to live life. And I’m sorry, but I have to let you go. Please forgive me, but you’ll always be with me.” She kisses her fingertips and presses them to the stone before standing and walking into her father’s outstretched arms. I wish more than anything they were my arms. I want to be the one to comfort her, but that’s not my right.
I look at them all before stepping forward. “Dean,” I start but the words fall from my lips as I shake my head, trying to clear it. I don’t even know what to say. Honestly, I know what to say, but I can’t say it with an audience. I turn around. “Would you guys mind giving me a little privacy?”
They all nod and agree before walking back toward the cars. Once they are no longer in ear shot, I kneel at his grave. “Dean, I’m so fucking sorry. I’m afraid I’ve fallen in love with someone who wasn’t mine to claim. She’s yours. I know it’s wrong, and I’m sure you probably hate me for it, but I’m a weak man. If you can even call me a man. I know I betrayed you, but please forgive me. I’ll always love you like my own son.”
I brush away the tear that’s threatening to fall and walk over to the four of them talking by the cars.
“Holden is going to throw some food on the grill. Will you all come? It will be like old times,” Jane says, reaching for Lisa’s hand.
“We’d love to,” Lisa replies.
I look at Hope and see her roll her eyes. I see that bad habit hasn’t left yet. I have the urge to throw her over my knee, but I fight against it. It wouldn’t be a punishment anyway. I could never hurt her. It would be more for the kink than anything and that’s something I can’t have anymore.
I withdraw myself from the conversation as they begin loading up to head back to the house. The whole way, Jane talks about how good it was seeing Hope again after all these years, how beautiful she’s grown to be, and how healthy she looks. Just listening to Jane talk about her has me fighting to keep my erection away.
Chapter 20
Jane and Lisa work on setting up the patio table for our cookout, and Gary stays by my side at the grill. He talks about work, asks about my shop, and just tries carrying on a conversation, but I can’t pay attention to anything but Hope who is sitting at the table only a few feet from me.
She keeps her eyes on her phone, trying to ignore me, but every once in a while, she will look up and our eyes meet. Every single damn time, it makes my heart stop. I get that same feeling in my chest I got the night Jane tried taking her life, a calling from deep inside of me. The calling that led me to her.
Before I know it, dinner is done and everyone is sitting down to eat. I place the tray of grilled food on the table and look around. “Where’s Hope?”
“She went in to use the bathroom a bit ago,” Jane replies.
“I’ll go tell her the food is done.” I take a deep breath before opening the sliding glass door and walking into the house. I walk through the living room and down the hallway. The bathroom door is shut but the door across from it is cracked: Dean’s room.
I push the door open and stick my head inside. She’s standing in front of the dresser, looking at the framed photos.
“Dinner’s done,” I say, making her jump.
She spins around, causing her dress to flow around her with the action. “Okay, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to snoop. I just wanted to see it one last time before I didn’t have the chance to anymore.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Hope.” I walk up next to her and look at the pictures. “If there’s anything you want, you should take it before I start packing it up.”
“Where are you moving to?” she asks, her voice shaking a bit.
“Jane is moving to Texas to be with her family, but I have an apartment across town.”
She quickly turns to look at me. “You mean, you guys didn’t get back together?”
My heart sinks to my stomach. This whole time she’s been thinking that I’ve stayed away from her because I was back with Jane?
“No, we filed for divorce.” I look at her dark eyes and watch as they light up.
She rakes her hands through her hair. “Then why haven’t I heard fr
om you over the past month? Did you get the only thing you were after and thought it was time to move on?”
“God no, Hope. I don’t want to ruin your life! I’m no good for you, I’ve already told you.” It fucking kills me that she thinks I used her for sex, but I guess I didn’t do much to make her believe otherwise.
She steps directly in front of me causing our chests to damn near touch. “I told you, I don’t care. I know what I want. I know what I feel for you. I’m tired of trying to pretend that what we have isn’t real.” Her hands reach for me, but I step back.
“We can’t do this. It’s wrong.” I hold up my hands in an attempt to stop her from touching me. If she touches me, I can’t control myself. “You’re too young for me. You deserve someone who can give you everything you deserve, not take more from you.”
She pulls her eyes away from mine as she looks at her feet. “If you can just walk away from what we have, I don’t mean as much to you as you want me to believe.” She begins to walk away from me, but I can’t let her. I can’t let her think she means nothing to me because she means everything. If there is one thing in this world I want, it’s her.
I reach out and grab hold of her arm, pulling her back to me as my lips find hers. The second they touch, I feel alive again. My heart pounds loudly in my ears, my blood rushes my body making me feel lightheaded, and every hair stands on end.
I push her against the wall as she wraps her legs around my hips. My hands tangle into her dark hair, slightly pulling as I give her every last drop of love I have for her through this kiss. Her hands roam my body hungrily, teasing every part of me, mind, body, and soul. A piece of me longs for her, it controls me completely. I’m hungry for nothing but her.
My hands start pushing her dress up her hips while she begins freeing me from my pants, never breaking the kiss or the connection between us. I push her panties to the side before thrusting deep inside her. She’s so fucking tight and hot around me I could lose myself in her right now. It makes me realize that I don’t have a choice with her. I belong to her as much as she belongs to me. She owns me.
I move quickly in and out of her as her nails dig into my back. When I break the kiss, her eyes lock on mine. We’re sharing everything we have while I bury myself deep inside of her pussy that feels like it was made just for me.
Her eyes flutter closed as her breathing picks up and soft whimpers fall from her lips. I feel her tightening around me and I know she’s about to fall. My mouth covers hers to quiet her moans of pleasure just as my climax violently washes over me like a powerful wave. We’re both breathing heavy and quietly calling out with our release.
I slow to a stop inside her. “You’re everything to me, Hope. I can’t fucking control myself when I’m with you. I just fucking wish you’d listen.” I place my hands on either side of her face and tilt her head back until our eyes are locked. “This is going to be really hard on the both of us.”
“Am I worth it?” she asks with fearless eyes.
I let out a small laugh. “You’re worth so much more.” I kiss her forehead as I pull out of her and place her on her feet.
We both right our clothing and take a minute to even our breathing. As I’m heading for the door, she stops me. “Holden?”
I turn around to face her. “Yeah?”
“I will see you again after today, right?” Fear is dripping from her words.
I turn and bring her into my arms. “This past month has been hell. I can’t deny what I want any longer.” I give her one more long kiss that stirs my body into a frenzy.
“So we will talk about this later?”
“Promise,” I say with a nod.
When we make it back outside, I feel everyone’s eyes on us. I take my seat between Gary and Jane.
Jane leans over. “Everything okay in there? You two were gone a while.”
I lean in towards her. “I found her in Dean’s room. She’s trying to process.” A ping of guilt washes over me for lying, but I know if she knows the truth it will only hurt her. We’re almost done with each other. I’d like to end it on good terms.
Jane looks up at me with sadness in her eyes but also something else I can’t place. I’m thankful when she turns her attention to Lisa.
Dinner goes by smoothly and after everything is put up and out of the way, Hope stands from the table. “I really should get back to the city before it gets too late.”
I stand. “I’ll walk you out.” I push away from the table while Gary, Lisa, and Jane continue with their coffee and dessert.
Hope tells her parents goodbye with a kiss to their cheeks and she thanks Jane before turning for the door with me following after her. I walk her across the street to the car she drove.
She opens the door and stands between it and the seat. I place my right hand on the top of the car, trapping her. “Can I come by tonight so we can talk about this?” Just asking her this feels like taking a knife and stabbing myself in the back with it. I shouldn’t be doing these things, but I have no control when it comes to her.
She smiles. “I’d like that.”
I quickly look over my shoulder to make sure nobody from the house is watching before leaning in and giving her one last kiss. She tastes so sweet, something I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of.
Her hand wraps around the back of my neck and she pulls me closer, letting a soft whimper fall from her lips. That sound shoots a bolt of pleasure right to my dick.
I break away. “If you don’t stop that we could get in a lot of trouble.”
She smiles as she looks up at me with her innocent brown eyes. “Why’s that?”
I feel a grin form as I say, “because I’ll be fucking you over the hood of this car.”
Her face flushes like she’s picturing it. I groan. “God, you’re a pain in my ass. Consider it done, but not here.”
She giggles and gives me one more quick kiss before I let her get behind the wheel and drives off. I stand in the middle of the road and watch her go, taking my heart with her.
I turn and walk into the house. Gary and Lisa are just walking out. “Thank you both for coming today. It means a lot to Jane,” I say, shaking Gary’s hand.
“It’s no problem at all. We’re happy to be included. I know you’ve moved across town now, but don’t be a stranger, eh? How about we plan a fishing trip soon?”
I smile and nod. “That sounds great.”
He slaps me softly on the back as Lisa leans in and gives me a hug. “If you need anything just let us know.”
“Thank you,” I say, feeling the guilt eating me alive. “Have a good night.” I open the door for them.
After they leave, I walk through to the kitchen. “Jane, I’m going to take off. You need anything before I go?”
She’s standing at the sink with her back turned toward me. She looks over her shoulder at me and I see the tears in her eyes. “I thought I was crazy, but I’ve always seen the way you look at her. I can’t believe you,” she whispers the last part with a shake of her head.
“What’s wrong? What are you talking about?” I ask, taking a step closer.
She spins around, leaning against the counter. She crosses her arms over her chest like she’s trying to hold herself together. “A few years ago at the pool party we went to, I saw it then but told myself I was crazy. I saw your eyes linger a little too long on a seventeen-year-old girl. I saw the way your jaw flexed and your muscles tensed like you had to force yourself to turn away.” She scoffs. “After all these years, you don’t think I know what you look like after sex? I saw your disheveled hair, her flushed cheeks, not to mention the guilt written all over your face when you sat down earlier. And I saw everything you two were just doing, Holden.”
Realization washes over me. “You saw everything?”
She nods slowly. “I was walking out Gary and Lisa. I saw you kiss her. She’s the one you’ve been seeing?”
Fuck. I run my hands through my hair as I take a deep breath. I nod, unable to f
ind the words.
“How could you do this? She is twenty years younger than you! She was our dead son’s girlfriend for God’s sake!”
I fall into the kitchen chair. “I know. I’m fucking sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“When did this happen?” Her voice is shaking, full of anger.
“I told you when I started seeing her. I ran into her at group,” I answer.
She lets out a bitter laugh. “You disgust me. How could you even dream of touching her? Our son was in love with her, and she was in love with him. You’re dishonoring his memory. Do you know what Gary and Lisa are going to say?” Her eyes grow wide with that question.
I look up at her quickly. “Did they see?”
“Of course not. I stopped them from going outside when I saw what was going on out there. You’re a pervert!”
Relief washes over me. “I’m fucking sorry, Jane. This wasn’t planned. She was all I had. You refused to get better. I didn’t have anyone here for me for five fucking years. We were both alone and hurting.”
She rolls her eyes as she wipes her tears. “Did you ever touch her before Dean passed away?”
My eyes nearly bug from my skull. “No! Of course not!”
“But you thought about it, didn’t you?” Her voice is full of malice as she nearly snarls.
I don’t answer her. I can’t. I can’t lie, she’s already told me she seen the exchange back then.
She lets out a loud laugh. “Oh my God.”
I look at my feet. “I’m sorry, Jane. I didn’t want you to find out like this.”
“That night, after the pool party, we came back here and we made love. Only it was different. You were so intense that night. You were thinking about her, weren’t you?”
I stand. “This is ridiculous. I’m not talking about this.”
Wrapped in Hope: A Forbidden Romance (The Hope Series Book 1) Page 15