Second Thoughts

by Bailey, H. M.

  Second Thoughts

  A Short Story

  By

  H.M. Bailey

  Copyright © 2013 H.M. Bailey

  All rights reserved by the author. No part of this publication can be reproduced or transmitted by any means without the consent of the author.

  Second Thoughts is a sweet romance novelette.

  Everything is falling into place for Aubrey Gray, a successful architect who is about to marry the man of her dreams. But after some unexpected information at the wedding rehearsal, Aubrey is wondering just how well can you really know someone after six months and what other surprises are in store for her.

  Now, the morning of her wedding has arrived and she's having second thoughts about going through with the marriage. Hair fixed, gown on and guests arriving, she doesn't have much time left to make her decision.

  What will Aubrey decide? Read Second Thoughts to find out.

  Aubrey paced back in forth in front of the fireplace in the wood-paneled study of Fairlawn Mansion. Fumbling nervously with her pearl bracelet, she stopped pacing for a moment to gaze out the window that overlooked the lawn of the rose garden. It was covered in white chairs tied with satin bows awaiting the family and friends who would soon be arriving for this happy occasion. That happy occasion was Aubrey's wedding to Nick, although, at this moment in time, 'happy' would not be the word she'd use to describe it.

  She started pacing again and fixed her eyes on a clock on the mantel. If only she could freeze time. She needed time to sort through her thoughts and the fact that the clock kept ticking on despite her wishes was stressing her out.

  What was she getting herself into? She was not one to second guess herself, usually she was the girl to jump headlong into things with full gusto. Maybe that was her problem. Maybe she should have thought things out more before marrying a man she'd only known for six months.

  In a few hours she was about to become the wife of Nick Smalley. And as of yesterday morning, there was not a doubt in her mind that this was her destiny. She was madly in love with Nick and couldn't wait to start a life with him. He was smart and successful, had wavy dark hair that she loved to run her fingers through and gorgeous pool blue eyes. She thought they were made for each other. But what had transpired the night before at the groom's dinner had her a bit unnerved. Well, that was probably an understatement. She was in full anxiety mode.

  The night had started in a flurry of excitement; the plan was for the wedding party to meet at Fairlawn for the wedding rehearsal and then they'd be off to their favorite Italian restaurant for the groom's dinner. She thought it would go off without a hitch and her biggest problem that night would be skipping the famous tiramisu at Angelo's to make sure she'd have no problem slinking into her unforgiving, body hugging wedding gown the next morning.

  But the rehearsal hadn't gone off quite as planned. In fact, she ended up so stressed that she ate two servings of tiramisu, didn't get any sleep and spent the morning like a zombie going through the motions of getting her hair and makeup done wearing a fake smile plastered on her face while her bridesmaids drank mimosas and cheerfully chattered away.

  The moment that had started all of this stress had come during the end of the rehearsal. They had practiced walking down the aisle, saying their vows and the minister told them that at the end of the ceremony they would turn to face their guests as he pronounced them Mr. and Mrs. Nick Smalley.

  “Aubrey Smalley? That sounds funny,” her sister giggled as Aubrey shot her a dirty look.

  “Nice, Jackie. Have you been drinking?”

  “What? No!” Then after a hiccup loud enough to raise the dead she added, “Maybe.”

  A few bridesmaids and groomsmen chuckled and Jackie smiled at the attention.

  Aubrey was going to have to rein in her party animal sister. If this was how she was at the rehearsal, Aubrey could only imagine the shenanigans she could expect to see at the reception.

  “Nice.” Aubrey said again. “And 'Aubrey Smalley' does not sound funny. But it doesn't matter anyway, they just say that at the ceremony. I'm keeping my maiden name, so I'll still be Aubrey Gray.”

  Then, at that very moment, Nick chuckled. Aubrey turn to face him, confused. “Are you laughing at Jacki? Because the last thing she needs is encouragement.”

  “No, not at her, but when you said you were keeping your name.”

  “What's funny about that?”

  “Umm, because I thought you were making a joke about keeping your name.”

  She raised an eyebrow at him.

  “You aren't, are you? Really?”

  “Of course I am. We talked about this!”

  “No, we didn't. I definitely would have remembered that!”

  Aubrey's jaw tightened up at the way he emphasized 'that'.

  She was about to give a retort to that comment when she was suddenly aware of all the eyes on her. The minister and the bridal party were watching them awkwardly.

  There was a tense moment before she heard Jackie say, “Yeah, six months is totally long enough to get to know someone before you marry them.”

  That comment broke the tension and there was laughter among the onlookers, albeit nervous laughter. Even Nick seemed to find the comment amusing and leaned in to kiss her forehead while saying, “No big deal. Sorry sweetie, I just didn't know.” Then turning to the guests, he said, “Who's ready to eat? Let's wrap this up and head to Angelo's!” That pronouncement was met with cheers and the guests starting chatting and making their way to the cars as if nothing had happened. But what did just happen? Aubrey wasn't exactly sure.

  Her jaw was still tense and she had no idea if Nick had just said that because everyone was staring at them or because it really wasn't a big deal. Because if he really thought it wasn't a big deal, why did he even have to say anything in the first place?

  She sat in their car waiting as he went over a couple of last minute details with the minister. She pulled a piece of gum out of her purse and started chomping on it. Chewing gum was a stress reliever for her. She tried to put the whole scene out of her mind but she couldn't. What her sister had said bothered her. It struck a chord and she didn't like that because it meant there must be some truth to it.

  She remembered back to when she and Nick first met. It was at an airport. They were both flying to San Francisco for business; she was an architect and he was a consultant for an engineering firm. He had flirted with her and then as fate would have it, their first class seats ended up being right next to each other. They talked and laughed and drank champagne and when the flight was over she gave him her number. He was so attractive and flirtatious, she figured he had girls lined up cross the country waiting for him. But, surprisingly to her, he did call her. And he told her that he could not get her out of his mind and he needed to see her again. So they had a first date-dinner at Angelo's and then a movie. Then there was a second date and a third. They took a weekend ski trip together and things got more serious. They got serious fast. Maybe too fast.

  They took another trip, this time to Mexico for their four month anniversary and on a beautiful white sand beach he asked her to marry him. How long they had known each other was not even an issue in her mind, it had nothing to do with how she felt about him. She couldn't picture herself with anyone else. The two months after that had been a whirlwind of wedding plans; it was hard to find places that hadn't been booked a year in advance. But Fairlawn had a cancellation and was able to fit them in. Then she found her dream wedding dress at a place that happened to have her size in stock. Everything fell together perfectly. It was meant to be.

  She was startled out of her thoughts by the car door opening. Nick got in and smiled at her, “I'm starving, how about you? I could go for some of Angelo's eggpla
nt parmigiana.”

  “Eggplant? After what just happened back there, you want to talk about eggplant?”

  “What do you mean? About you keeping your name? I just really didn't know you were planning on doing it, that's all.”

  “So you have a problem with me keeping my name?”

  “I said it wasn't a big deal, Aubrey, we just never talked about it that I can remember. But I'll let you keep your name.”

  “What? You'll 'let' me keep my name, are you kidding me?”

  “Oh boy. That's not what I meant. Honest, it came out totally wrong. What I meant was that... you know the saying 'pick your battles'? Well, this isn't the battlefield I want to die on. I don't want this battle. If you want your name, so be it. It just kind of came as a shock to me. I assumed you'd want to take my name.”

  “I like my name, it's the name my career is built around. 'Aubrey Gray'. You have to admit it has a nice ring to it. And it's just me and my sister in my family, my dad doesn't have a son to carry the Gray family name, so it would be nice for me to do that. I doubt my sister will ever have kids-I don't think she could stop drinking for nine months.”

  Nick slightly adjusted in his seat. He seemed uncomfortable. “You didn't say anything about the kids. Do you think they'd take your name, too? They should have Smalley for their name or it would be too confusing to them, people would think we were divorced.”

  “Confusing? Our kids will be smart, they'll figure it out.”

  He looked at her and added, “You told me you want to have a family with me, I know that's important to both of us. Maybe you could keep your name for your work until we have kids, then after you've been home with them and are ready to go back to work again, you could hyphenate it or something? Best of both worlds!”

  “How long do you think I'm staying home? I love my job and aside from maternity leave, I plan on staying there, I have worked incredibly hard to get where I am.”

  “I just assumed you'd want to stay home. I make more than enough money for the both of us. There are a lot of women out there who don't have that opportunity. It would be hard to find someone to trust our children with and we are lucky enough to not have to worry about that. Right?”

  “So, is this a battle you are fighting?”

  “What? No, I don't want to fight with you. We never fight, and I don't want to start the day before our wedding about something like this. And this isn't like you at all, honey.”

  “I don't think it's a fight, it's just a discussion. Because we obviously disagree.”

  “Well, like I said, if you want to keep your name, keep it. And we'll cross the bridge about the kids' names and daycare when we get to that part of our life, okay?”

  Aubrey didn't know what to think. She gave him a smile, thought just a little one. One little, nervous smile. He was right, she needed to get over this and focus on the fun night ahead of them and their wedding day. She was probably making too big of a deal of it.“Okay.”

  “All right then. Can I talk about eggplant now?”

  ****

  The groom's dinner went well, though Aubrey couldn't remember much of it. She was preoccupied with her conversation with Nick and something just wasn't sitting right with her. She never thought in a million years she'd be a bride to get cold feet. Was that what this was? Was it just bridal nerves or something else? The lump in her throat told her it was more than that. She wished she and Nick would have done one of the engaged couples classes that their minister had recommended. They had just blown it off-they knew they were perfect for each other., they didn't need a class to confirm that. And Aubrey had done a quiz in Cosmo that confirmed they were a perfect match. However, the quiz hadn't mentioned anything about keeping your maiden name or your groom thinking it a good idea to quit your job.

  Everyone raved about the delicious food and there was plenty of eggplant and chicken cacciatore to go around. The best man, Kyle, who was also Nick's best friend, gave a wonderful toast to them. Then Nick stood up and gave a speech about their first date that took place at Angelo's that was very sweet. While he was giving the speech, she was stuffing her face with tiramisu. Besides chewing gum, she liked to eat when she was stressed. It must have had something to do with moving her jaws, which always were tight and clenched during stressful situations. As the speech ended and everyone clapped, one of her bridesmaids, her cousin Hannah, came up and sat down next to her, putting her hand on Aubrey's back.

  “Hey, cuz, are you okay? I'd recognize your nervous eating anywhere. Everything will go fine tomorrow, just relax and enjoy this night.”

  Aubrey smiled back at her and wished that would be true. She often forgot that Hannah was actually a year younger than her. Ever since they were kids, Hannah was the responsible one and always so motherly to the other cousins. She always knew the right thing to do and Aubrey had great respect for her, which is why she asked Hannah to be in her wedding.

  Hannah hadn't always had an easy path herself. Her husband died and left her with a son, Andrew to raise alone and a broken heart to heal. But then last winter Hannah met Ben and since then, Aubrey was happy to see Hannah back to her old self, she hadn't seen her so happy in a long time.

  “I hope things go fine. Can I ask you a question, Hannah?”

  “Sure, anything.”

  “Do you think six months is long enough to know someone before tying the knot? Honestly?”

  “It doesn't matter what I think, it matters what you think. You need to listen to your heart. For me, that answer is yes. I just met Ben last winter and we are shopping for engagement rings now. Because I know he's right for me. And after everything I've been through, having the love of my life ripped away from me at such a young age, I've learned to never take anything for granted, and to live each day as if it's my last.”

  Aubrey nodded and pushed her plate of tiramisu away. Hannah was right, she had to listen to her heart. If only she could trust it.

  The night ended with the slightly embarrassing situation of having to drag her karaoke-singing sister out of the bar.

  Once she got home to her apartment, she couldn't sleep. Most of her her things had been moved out to the home she'd share with Nick. This was her last night in her own place; after the honeymoon she'd be renting it out. The emptiness and quietness of the place after a dinner that was loud and festive gave her time to be alone with her thoughts, which were running wild. How could she have been with Nick for six months yet didn't know how he felt about the idea of her keeping her married name or being a working mother. She hadn't pictured him as such a traditionalist and wondered if the kind of wife that would make him happy would be straight out of 1950's sitcom-wearing heels and pearls while vacuuming and greeting her husband with a drink and foot rub when he gets home from work. She was not that kind of woman. Had they even talked about dividing up housework? She hadn't lived with him before...what if he expects her to do everything and doesn't do his share? She found herself getting worked up about it even though the logical part of her brain was telling her she was being silly. She'd practically lived at his house for how many times she'd stay over there and knew it wasn't a pigsty-he kept the place pretty clean for a guy. But then she remembered he had a cleaning lady come in once a week and then she started getting mad at him all over again.

  She started thinking about her options. Maybe she should call off the wedding. Or maybe not call off, but postpone. Yeah, postpone. Lots of brides do that, don't they? “Only the crazy ones,” she answered out loud. “Great, now I'm talking to myself. Maybe I am one of the crazy ones.”

  And thus went Aubrey's circle of thoughts the night before her wedding. After only an hour or two of actual sleep, a car full of bridesmaids arrived to take her to Fairlawn where the makeup artist worked her magic to cover the dark bags underneath her eyes. After mimosas and muffins and a flurry of dresses being put on, the ceremony was only a couple of hours away.

  She told her bridesmaids she needed to be alone for a bit and found the quiet study th
at overlooked the lawn. Here she paced back and forth, chewing gum and twirling her bracelets and wishing she could stop that mantel clock.

  A knock at the door startled her. It opened slowly to reveal the face of her perky bridesmaid, Katie.

  “Hey there, beautiful, mind if I join you?”

  “No, come on in.” Aubrey stopped pacing and plopped down on a stuffed chair in front of a bookcase.

  “I know today is your wedding day and all, but you just don't seem yourself. Are you okay?”

  Aubrey looked at Katie with pleading eyes. She hadn't wanted to talk to anyone about her thoughts but now felt it might be good to get this burden off of her chest. Katie was one of her closest friends and also one of her newest. Her husband was Kyle, was Nick's best friend and best man. The three of them had grown up together in the same neighborhood and all went to the same college. The two couples hung out a lot together and Katie had been so sweet to her they became close fast. Katie looked gorgeous standing there in her pale yellow gown, holding a bouquet of bright pink flowers, her hair in a pretty chignon and pearl drop earrings hanging from her ears. She looked like a model in one of the many bridal magazines that Aubrey had devoured over the last couple months. Katie smiled at her and Aubrey could see concern behind her kind eyes.

  “Oh Katie, I don't think I am okay. In fact, I'm kind of a mess!”

  “Oh no, that doesn't sound like you at all. But it's totally natural, I had wedding jitters the day I got married, too. I'd offer to bring you a mimosa to settle your nerves but apparently your sister downed the rest of the champagne. ”

  “Thanks but I don't want any alcohol to fog my mind. I need to think with total clarity right now to figure out what to do.”

  “What to do about what? What's going on?”

  Aubrey hesitated before answering. “It's just, I don't know, I'm having...second thoughts.”

  There. She said it out loud. Second thoughts.