Qualia

by Marie Browne

Parity shook her head then gave a shaky smile as Una climbed into her lap. She snuggled up to the seer, one thumb in her mouth.

  ‘You’re going to have sticky-out teeth if you continue sucking that thumb.’ Parity sniffed and gave the small girl a cuddle.

  Una giggled and pulled the thumb out with a wet plop. ‘Bunny,’ she stated.

  Belial heaved himself off the bed and raked a hand through his hair. ‘Well, I suppose we’d better go and face the music,’ he said.

  Drinking tea in sullen silence was a collection of well-dressed men and women. Sitting stiffly, they looked like a group of Amish elders who had just been told they were going to be introduced to the joys of swinging.

  Filing in, we all found chairs then sat in silence as we waited to hear what they had to say.

  Eventually, one man – broad shouldered and red faced – stood up and, with his hat in his hands, cleared his throat. ‘We would like to know what’s going to happen now,’ he said. He sat down again, the hand that held his hat shaking slightly.

  Galgaliel sighed then stood up. ‘You all know me,’ he said. ‘Martin, you’ve come to me to set bones, Audrey …’

  A stick-thin woman with a long face and a sad expression looked up.

  ‘You’ve brought your children to me – a rather nasty case of insect bites, if I remember rightly.’

  Audrey nodded and gave a small smile.

  ‘Well, you have to believe me when I tell you that we don’t know what’s going to happen now.’ He paused to look around the room. ‘All we know is that what was happening had to stop.’

  ‘Them kiddies ain’t comin’ back, am they?’ A surprisingly deep voice from a tall, thin man broke the silence.

  Galgaliel shook his head. ‘No, Sam, they aren’t.’

  ‘But why?’ An older woman, her hair scraped back into a severe bun, demanded. ‘My Alex went away three years ago. He should be finished soon – he said he’d come back.’ The woman stood up, hands clenched into fists at her sides. ‘You’ve taken away the gate – they can’t come home and you have to fix it so they can.’

  ‘Sarah.’ An older man, his hair grey and long, gently took the woman’s arm. ‘They never went away.’

  ‘That’s not true, Geoffrey.’ Sarah twisted around to face him and yanked her arm out of his hand. ‘They went away to learn a trade.’ She turned again to face Belial. ‘They did, didn’t they? My Alex wanted to learn how to make metal.’ She laughed – a shrill and sour sound. ‘The council told me he was doing well.’ Her voice had risen almost to a scream.

  Galgaliel licked his lips and took a breath, but whatever he was going to say was cut across by Geoffrey. ‘No, Sarah. You know, deep down, that all those children are never coming back.’ He took the woman by both arms this time, forcing her to face him. ‘We always knew – we just hoped and prayed it wasn’t so … But we always knew – deep down inside.’

  She twisted and turned, trying to keep from looking at him. Tears rolled down her face and her lips were set as she shook her head in mute denial.

  ‘Sarah.’ He shook her very gently. ‘You have to understand this, you have to, otherwise you are going to spend your whole life waiting for something that’s never going to happen.’

  Sarah’s lower lip quivered and her face crumpled. ‘No, you’re all wrong,’ she whispered. Sniffling and gulping, she collapsed back into her chair, her arms wrapped around her thin chest. ‘Alex … my little Alex.’ As her sobbing increased, another woman – also in tears – got up and went to the distraught mother.

  ‘Come on, Sarah.’ She wiped her eyes on her grey apron. ‘We’re going to my place. We’re going to talk about our kids and we’re going to make sure all the others are all right. Audrey can stay here and fill us in later.’

  Sarah nodded, allowing herself to be helped out of her chair. All eyes followed them as they left the room.

  We sat in silence for a while, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Finally, Geoffrey turned to Belial. ‘So you’re back in charge then, are you?’ He sounded flat and defeated. ‘Full circle, back to where my ancestors were, are we?’

  Graham twitched and Lucifer stood up. ‘No, I don’t think we are.’

  ‘Who the hell are you?’ Sam leapt to his feet, chin thrust belligerently forward. ‘Him we know.’ He pointed to Galgaliel. ‘But we didn’t know he was a stinking angel. Him we know.’ He pointed to Belial. ‘His face is on all sorts of pictures and books. Look under “betrayer” or “coward” or “runaway”.’

  Belial clenched his jaw.

  ‘But who are you?’ Sam stalked forward and circled Lucifer.

  Lucifer smiled. ‘I’m his boss.’ He nodded toward Belial.

  ‘Yeah? Well, that’s where we know you’re lying.’ Sam snorted. ‘Just so you know, he’s Belial. Belial the traitor, Belial the treacherous. He doesn’t have a boss – the only boss he could have would be …’

  It’s an interesting experience to actually watch the passage of a single thought cross a man’s face.

  Sam stuttered and stared at Belial then he winced, took a deep breath and blew it out through pursed lips. By the time he’d turned back to face Lucifer, the Morning Star had changed completely. Wings out, long elegant hands folded calmly before him, he hovered about a foot off the floor, his bare feet crossed gracefully at the ankles. There was a look of expectant amusement on his striking features.

  I had to give Sam his due – even with all his senses telling him that his next move was a very important one, he obviously decided that he’d come this far and to give way now just wasn’t an option. He’d reached that point where he just didn’t care. His worried look vanished and he firmed his jaw.

  ‘Just great.’ He turned and squared up to Lucifer. ‘You’re worse than he is, so now we’ve got two self-centred, arrogant bastards to deal with. Welcome, Lord.’ He swept a theatrical bow toward the floor. ‘We have long awaited your return.’ He rose again and once more thrust his chin in Lucifer’s direction. ‘Actually, we really hoped that you’d die in agony before you came back.’

  Lucifer raised an eyebrow.

  I smiled because despite all of Sam’s bravado he had a minute tick in his left eyelid. Lucifer could easily have disassembled the angry man into his component parts; he could have turned him inside out; he could even have made him into something entirely different – a frog, a cabbage, a pair of pants. But there was some small voice in the corner of my mind that quietly remembered another time and, as I sat back to watch the show, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that none of these people were in danger. Una, sitting next to me, smiled and patted my knee.

  Everybody avoided looking at anyone else as they waited for the certain explosion of anger that was surely going to follow that little tirade.

  Lucifer seemed to be at a crossroads. His face switched from murderous intent to having to press his lips together to stop himself laughing. ‘Well, I’m truly sorry to disappoint you,’ he said. Then, giving in to the less destructive of his impulses, he started howling with laughter.

  Galgaliel watched the fallen angel laughing for a moment then sighed, stood up and raised his hands. ‘OK, let’s just try and find a solution,’ he said. He paced around the room as he considered. ‘There seem to be a couple of questions that need answering.’ He turned to Lucifer who was still sniggering at the belligerent little human. Reaching forward, he snapped his fingers between them. They both blinked and turned toward him.

  ‘Lord Lucifer, is it your intention to take over and make all as it once was?’

  The question was asked with a formal tone – obviously this was a deal maker.

  ‘No.’ Lucifer turned toward the other angel. ‘That’s not possible now.’

  Galgaliel nodded. ‘Belial, are you intending to take up your old position?’

  ‘Hell no.’ Belial shook his head. ‘Really. No, a whole world of no.’

  ‘I think we get the point.’ Lucifer frowned at the other angel for a moment then, with his head on o
ne side and a curious look, he turned toward the healer. ‘Galgaliel you seem to care for the people here – will you take on the responsibility of care?’

  Galgaliel looked surprised and slightly flustered. ‘Erm …’

  Silence fell once more. All eyes followed the angel as he stalked about the room frowning and confused. After he’d walked past three times, Belial snorted and got to his feet. ‘Gal!’ he called.

  The angel stopped pacing and looked up.

  ‘Why not say yes?’ Belial looked around ‘You could actually do a great deal here. You do care about them – you’ve already proved that.’

  The tall healer examined the floor. ‘No,’ he whispered then looked up. ‘They have to do it.’ He turned to the remaining members of the delegation. ‘I’ll help and guide and do what I can, but they don’t want me. They don’t need the Host. We’ve done enough harm here.’ He turned to the older man called Geoffrey.

  ‘You’re already the head of the blacksmiths and craftsmen guilds.’ He turned to Audrey. ‘How many years have you been organising the women into a force to be reckoned with?’ He paused. ‘Martin, you’ve been building houses and making sure people have places to live, stealing materials from the council, making do, scrimping and reusing? You’re all good people despite that you lie, cheat, steal and have, on occasion, killed. But you have managed to hide everything from the council. You’ve always managed to keep the people together.’

  The three delegates stared into the distance, expressionless.

  ‘Sam.’ Galgaliel turned back to the little man now standing at Lucifer’s side. ‘You founded the traders’ guild. You stopped a lot of the cheating and you set standards and levels.’

  Sam shook his head and clenched his fists as he shouted, ‘But there won’t be any more trading, will there? The gates are gone, the power has gone.’ He obviously remembered where both of those things had come from and flushed bright red. ‘And that’s a good thing.’ He groaned and pushed a hand through his shaggy brown hair. ‘But without trade we’re locked again. No one can get in or out – what are we supposed to do?’

  ‘Deal with Zephaniah,’ Belial spoke up. ‘With no danger to her children she should open the Purgatory Gate again.’

  ‘The witch?’ Martin shook his head. ‘No, she steals those children that she has up there. Trade with her and again we’re back where we started.’

  Audrey shuffled and coughed. She opened her mouth as if to say something then appeared to think better of it.

  Geoffrey stared at her, frowning as he worked things out. ‘No, she doesn’t steal anything, does she?’ He closed his eyes and sighed. ‘She keeps them to protect them from our bloody council.’ He twisted round to stare at Belial. ‘That’s what she’s been doing, isn’t it? The kids have been going to her, sent to her by parents that didn’t want them sent away?’ He smacked himself in the head. ‘The birth rate hasn’t been going down. The women have been going to her, having the babies then leaving the kids in her care and coming back to visit them.’

  Audrey took a sip of tea.

  ‘You!’ The movement caught his eye and Geoffrey twisted to face her. ‘You knew about it.’

  Audrey nodded. ‘I arranged it, but we couldn’t save them all. A lot, like Sarah, believed all the council promised, or they couldn’t bear to give their kids away – even if it meant them being safe.’ She shrugged. ‘We did the best we could.’

  Lucifer stretched and yawned. ‘I think you’ll all do a better job than I ever could.’ He stared down at Sam. ‘I’m in a good mood, so you can count yourself lucky today.’ He leant toward the little man. ‘If I ever come back this way, I really hope I’m going to see some changes.’

  Sam nodded then, greatly daring, stuck out his right hand.

  Lucifer looked surprised. ‘You have got to be fucking joking,’ he said before pushing past us all and striding out of the room.

  Audrey came to stand next to Sam and watched Lucifer leave without comment. When the door had slammed behind him she turned to the trader. ‘You did see what they did to the bowl last night, didn’t you?’ she asked.

  Sam swallowed and nodded.

  ‘You are the luckiest man alive.’ She patted him on the shoulder. ‘By rights you should be a smear on the floor. A really flat sticky one that we’d have to clear up with a mop.’

  Sam swallowed again; his tic was becoming more pronounced by the second.

  ‘As you’re feeling so brave maybe your next meeting ought to be with Zephaniah.’ She smiled.

  Sam winced and went to find somewhere to sit down. He seemed to be having trouble holding onto his teacup.

  Belial got up and gestured for us all to leave. He stood for a moment head down, deep in thought, then turned to face the townsfolk. ‘For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I should have closed this place down completely. I’m truly sorry for leaving you here.’

  Martin looked up at him surprised. ‘The people you trapped here left a long time ago,’ he said. ‘They were the first out through the gate when it opened. We chose to stay here. We decided it’s better to dictate our own lives than to live by someone else’s rules.’ He looked around at the others. ‘Maybe now I think we can really start.’

  Belial nodded. ‘Then good luck.’ He walked away.

  We stayed another night at the Fat Maggot, enjoying the fire and the food. Lucifer had left once more and everything had to be explained to Graham. ‘So what now?’ he asked.

  Farr spoke up. ‘The ice lands.’ He shook his head. ‘Miles and miles of ice and snow, howling winds and the screaming of those still trapped there.’

  Graham shuddered. ‘Can’t we just stay here?’

  Parity wandered over and sat next to him. ‘How are you, Graham?’ she asked.

  The question had nothing to do with the conversation we’d been having and we all looked at her, confused.

  Graham, his rapidly whitening hair looking odd framing his doughy face, gave her a little smile. ‘Fine,’ he said.

  ‘But you’re not, are you?’ Parity gave him a long look. ‘What happens to you when Lucifer’s here?’

  Graham swallowed then closed his eyes. ‘It’s horrible.’ He took Parity’s hand. ‘I’m just trapped in the darkness. I don’t know what’s going on and it’s all dead in there; there’s no sound and I can feel walls on each side. It seems to be getting smaller each time I’m there and I feel like I’m there for days.’ He drew a shuddering breath. ‘It’s like being trapped in a living coffin or maybe like something has eaten you and you’re still alive in its stomach.’

  Belial shuddered and shook his head. ‘We have to get you to the Throne Room. We need to stop all this for your sake and, if we don’t, these people are going to rule themselves for about a week. As soon as Metatron finds out they’ve opened the Purgatory Gate he’s going to come in here and flatten the lot. We really need to separate you and your passenger.’

  Graham frowned. ‘And have you worked out exactly how you’re going to do that yet?’

  ‘Not quite,’ Belial admitted. ‘But I’ve got a theory.’

  Graham leant back against the wall, folding his arms and raising an eyebrow. For a moment I had to double-check that it wasn’t Lucifer that had come through.

  ‘And that theory is?’ he prompted.

  ‘Still under construction,’ Belial growled.

  Graham nodded and turned away.

  ‘You do have a plan, right?’ I asked as I watched Graham stuffing things into his rucksack. It was the first time I’d seen the man get angry.

  ‘Yes, I have a plan.’ Belial sighed. ‘But it’s a really shitty one and I’d like to come up with something better,’ he said. He rubbed his neck – a movement he favoured when he was stressed or under pressure. ‘Preferably one that doesn’t require me to murder either Lucifer or Graham, because that’s all I’ve got at the moment.’ He began checking the packs that were piled around him. ‘But it’s OK, it’s going to take us ages to cross the ice and f
ind the door to the Throne Room so I’ve got some time.’ He fell silent for a moment. ‘And of course we could all die of cold so that would be an outcome of sorts.’ Carly sauntered across with some more packs. ‘Is this it?’ She huffed as she looked at the pile on the rug. ‘Is this the last of them?’

  ‘It’s probably the last of everything.’ Belial shook his head and then went to talk to Parity.

  ‘What’s up with him?’ Carly stared after her father.

  I shrugged. ‘Too many options and none of them right.’

  Carly glanced over at Graham and nodded. ‘That will drive Dad crazy,’ she said. ‘He hates it when things aren’t completely black and white.’

  ‘OCD?’ I grinned at her.

  She snorted. ‘Let’s hope it doesn’t run in the family, eh, or our kids could be completely screwed.’ She laughed at my expression and, after giving me a quick kiss, walked away.

  ‘Kids?’ I hurried after her.

  CHAPTER 11

  THE NEXT MORNING, WE headed away from the city of Dis and began walking toward the horizon. The party had become used to warm fires, soft beds and good food, so none of us were in a particularly happy mood. For the next three days the conversation was minimal, each of us unwilling to share our misery with the others. Nights were cold and sleepless, days were cold, filled with the need to put one foot in front of the other and meals were scarce. I felt as though I could no longer tell day from night. My legs ached, my hands and feet became steadily colder as we headed out into a blank wasteland and, like everyone else, I was miserable.

  Graham, trudging along beside me, was particularly unhappy.

  ‘I want to go home,’ he grumbled.

  I was curious; it wasn’t something he’d said for a good while now.

  ‘Why?’ I asked.

  ‘Because I didn’t know how good life actually was,’ he explained. ‘I went to work, I had a nice house, a good car, money in the bank and I could do what I liked.’

  ‘And what was that?’ I pressed. ‘What did you actually do?’

  ‘Well, I …’ Graham frowned and fell silent. We carried on walking for a while then he burst out. ‘Damn it all, I must have done something!’