Qualia

by Marie Browne

  Metatron’s eyes dulled with every word. Finally he couldn’t take it any more. ‘You have no idea what you’re talking about, half-breed. I wanted nothing more than to sit at God’s right hand – to be His voice, His scribe.’ The furious angel bent down and thrust his face into Carly’s. ‘I’d done nothing wrong but He punished me – 60 lashes just to prove that I could be disciplined, just to prove I wasn’t a god.’ He stood up. ‘Is that fair?’ Metatron reached up and, snatching at the front of his tunic, began to pull. ‘He didn’t love me. I was nothing, I was a tool. He loved the humans – they were like toys to a spoilt child. I tried to do my best. I loved Him and wanted nothing more than to spend eternity doing His will.’ With a final jerk Metatron ripped off his tunic and, holding it tightly in his fist, continued to rant. ‘And do you know what His will was?’

  Carly reached over her father to prod Keril who had managed to pull himself up until he was slumped against the throne.

  Metatron had expanded to over 15 feet tall. His wings brushed dust and dirt from both floor and ceiling, causing all of us to cough and splutter.

  ‘That I should always suffer – that I should know my place!’ Metatron turned away from Carly and screamed into the air.

  His back was, quite frankly, a mess. Long lines of lava ran as it bubbled and hissed within the 60 lines that crisscrossed every exposed piece of skin. From little scratches on the back of his neck to long, weeping gashes that disappeared beneath the waistband of his trousers. Some were thin and some were wide as though two or more strokes had landed in the same place. The skin around the lash marks was burnt black, bubbling up in blisters that burst, continually spattering fluid and necrotised flesh onto the ground. Where the boiling liquids fell, they hissed and caused little grey smoking pits in the shining perfection of the crystal room.

  No wonder the angel was insane – that sort of pain would unhinge anything.

  Metatron turned slowly to face Carly again. ‘Are they the actions of a forgiving God?’ He took a breath, obviously forcing himself back under control. ‘We have a lot more in common than you know.’

  Carly shook her head and gripped her father’s shoulder. ‘I don’t have anything in common with you.’

  ‘What about your people?’ Metatron raised an enquiring eyebrow. ‘God decided that you were an abomination – half-human, half–angel – all were destined for destruction. You had the power of the angels and the free will of the humans – you were dangerous. So he decided you were vermin and tried to drown you all.’ Metatron smiled. ‘Well, most of you, anyway.’ He rolled his bleeding shoulders. ‘But that’s OK, we’ll now take care of the rest.’

  Carly glanced up at him from beneath her brows. ‘God was right, you know, you’re just a secretary. You should really learn your place because it doesn’t seem as though the whipping taught you enough.’

  The hand moved to my broken arm and I looked down at Graham Latimer whose face was lying close to my thigh. Lying completely still, he winked one dark blue eye, and then closed it again.

  I gritted my teeth as my arm healed faster than ever before. Heat and pain rushed through me and, copying the Light Bringer’s example, I forced myself to stay slumped over Nessus’s body.

  At Carly’s words Metatron’s face went white. ‘You know nothing, you’re pathetic.’ He snarled and stepped away from her. ‘Every road toward change has to start somewhere and I think I’ll start by removing you. Time to go.’ Metatron raised his staff and pointed it at Carly.

  ‘Go, now!’ Graham pushed my missing knuckle-duster into my hand.

  As everybody watched Metatron. I leapt over Nessus and rushed toward Carly. Out the corner of my eye I could see Raphael heading toward me. Sidestepping, I ducked but belatedly realised that I wasn’t Raphael’s target. Drawing his sword, he aimed it at Metatron’s staff and, with a huge downward sweep, he shattered the glowing weapon. The two separate pieces went dark and fell to the floor.

  ‘No!’ Metatron dragged his sword into being and, with one quick movement, spun so that he was standing behind the confused angel. One casual swing severed Raphael’s wings from his shoulders and hurled him toward Michael. ‘I’m surrounded by traitors,’ Metatron screamed.

  I stared at the twitching wings as they slowly turned to smoke and then vanished leaving only the smell of burnt feathers behind. Una peered out from behind the throne, tears streaming down her tiny face.

  Michael howled in fury and caught the screaming Raphael as he fell. ‘Why?’ he bellowed at Metatron.

  Metatron turned, his face impassive. ‘His actions marked him as fallen. I just made the changes permanent.’ He spoke slowly and smiled. ‘Any action against God – me – will be punished.’

  Gently placing Raphael onto the ground Michael stood up, his normally stern face white with shock; tears streaked his cheeks. ‘You’re not God. He was acting as per his nature – the nature that God gave him. You took his wings. He didn’t fall – he was pushed.’

  The Voice stared at the weeping angel. ‘I am God, and if Raphael loves humans and abominations so much, he can spend the rest of his short time with them. I did him a favour.’ He turned to face me. ‘Leave Raphael alone, Michael, I’m going to let you do something you’ve wanted to do for a long time. Now you can kill Joe.’ Metatron smiled. ‘You can do what you like – this time I won’t stop you.’

  ‘I don’t think so.’ Michael brought his sword into existence then, holding it up for a moment, dropped it casually to the sand where it lay, cold and dead. He knelt and, gently lifting the newly created human into his arms, spread his wings and disappeared through the Fae Gate with a crack of displaced air.

  ‘This is why everything needs to be cleansed.’ Metatron laughed. ‘Everything is flawed. I will make it anew – perfect – and there will be no more questions.’

  A movement caught my eye and I turned to see Parity helping Lucifer to his feet.

  Metatron’s happy smile fell away and his eyes widened. ‘You’re dead.’ He screamed as he stared at the pair.

  Lucifer twisted his neck to get out some cricks. ‘No, I’m not dead. I’m not actually sure what I am. If anything …’ He smiled as he stretched. ‘… I seem to be more than I was, I don’t really know.’ He shrugged and cracked his knuckles before concentrating on Metatron. ‘But I do know that you’re not God.’

  Silence fell. Lucifer stared down at Nessus’s body. ‘These acts of spite and stupidity show the world how flawed you are.’ He gazed calmly at Metatron. ‘You’re a long way from being God.’

  ‘I didn’t kill him,’ Metatron said.

  Lucifer walked over and sat on his throne, staring down at Metatron who was almost purple with rage. ‘You need to go now.’ He spoke in a bored tone, and raised a hand. ‘I can help you on your way if you wish.’

  Metatron stood his ground, unimpressed by the being sitting on the throne, blinded by anger and hatred.

  ‘You’re not Lucifer.’ He spoke slowly, defiantly. ‘I’d know if you were – I’d feel it.’

  ‘I am Lucifer.’ The being stood up and glared at the sputtering angel. ‘Star of the Morning, the Antichrist, Abbadon, Father of Lies, first among God’s creations.’ He paused for a moment and frowned. ‘Or at least the important parts of him. I also know a huge deal about insurance and I’m quite keen on digestive biscuits too.’ He shrugged. ‘Not the same – different, new and improved.’ He raised his hand again and began to push the walls of the room outward, changing the black tourmaline to a dazzling white quartz that ran in thick ropy veins down clean brick walls. ‘I’m still learning.’ He reclined into a huge wooden chair that had taken the place of the dark crystal throne. He looked comfortable on the padded tapestry seat, illuminated by the candles that had suddenly appeared on the walls. ‘But I’ll get there. In the meantime …’ He looked pointedly at the door.

  With a laugh, Metatron raised his sword and began stalking toward the throne. ‘You’re just another fucking useless half-human with a bit of sto
len power and ideas above his station.’ He matched his words to his steady walk.

  Lucifer watched him approach, his face impassive. When the angry angel was within striking distance, Lucifer merely held him fast. Metatron struggled, then, as Lucifer picked up a sword and walked around to stand behind him, sweat broke out on the angel’s red face and he began to shake.

  The Morning Star spoke gently into the straining angel’s ear. ‘Hear me, Metatron. I am God’s first creation and I will be here to the last. You, little scribe, little scribbler, creator of lies and stories, you’re not worthy and have no right to judge the world and now you will do as you are bid.’

  After a moment’s struggle, Metatron bowed his head and became the podgy little professor once again. Grabbing the lapels of his jacket he settled them firmly on his chest. With one last vitriolic look at Lucifer, he turned away from the throne.

  ‘I look forward to working with you,’ Lucifer called as the angry scribe stamped through the Fae Gate. We all watched him walk away into the dappled sunlight until he disappeared among the trees.

  Lucifer sighed and slumped back in his throne. ‘I must put a lock on that gate,’ he muttered. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the big wooden chair. ‘I do believe I have a slight headache,’ he said.

  Carly looked around the room. ‘Is it over?’

  Lucifer snorted as he sorted out new clothing for himself. Eventually, after a dizzying series of quick changes, he settled on a well-cut pair of jeans, robust black boots and a deep green silk shirt which hung open over an old Eagles 1994 tour T-shirt. On one of the arms of the throne hung a dark leather coat with toggles and a hood. ‘How can you ask that?’ he said, running a hand through his white hair which grew shorter and spikier as he did so. I noticed a tattoo on the inside of his forearm. A long, slim sword ran from the crook of his elbow to his wrist – from its tip seven stars cascaded into his palm.

  ‘Better?’ He glanced at Parity who swallowed hard and nodded.

  I noticed that in his hair there were two or three dark stripes that ran from his temples and through his fringe.

  ‘You’ve made huge changes to the world, to me, to everything.’ He hopped down from the throne and walked toward the body of Nessus. ‘There have been some losses that we really can’t afford.’

  Lucifer stood for a moment in silence as he studied the huge body. ‘I didn’t know him at all.’ He chewed his lip.

  With a sudden movement that made us all jump he swung round to look at me. ‘What do you think, Joe?’ He looked back at Nessus. ‘Did you know him? Did he have a good life? Did he enjoy himself? Did he have a good childhood?’

  ‘I … I … I don’t know,’ I stammered. ‘I only met him recently.’ I had to smile as I remembered Nessus in the lift, his confusion outside the gates and his general good humour. ‘But I think he liked life – he certainly laughed a lot.’

  ‘What about you, Carly?’ Lucifer turned to watch Carly helping her rather dazed father to his feet. She jumped as he addressed her; he’d never used her name before. ‘Is he going to be all right?’ Lucifer nodded toward Belial, whose eyes were still rolling in different directions. ‘Maybe he ought to sit down for a bit.’ Lucifer nodded toward the throne.

  Carly’s eyes widened and she nodded. As she helped her father sit down she spoke over her shoulder. ‘Nessus was always there. He drank too much, he laughed too much and he loved a good fight.’ She turned back to the huge body on the floor and sniffed, blinking hard to stop new tears. ‘When I was little he taught me to ride.’ She wiped her face and pulled in a shuddering breath. ‘He was one of my first models for my painting. He stood in one place for three hours and didn’t stop complaining once.’ She laughed through her tears. ‘He was a really good guy to have around but he told the most terrible jokes.’

  Lucifer laughed, and the group stopped what they were doing and stared at him in amazement. ‘Do you think he’d appreciate the opportunity to carry on with life?’

  Carly nodded. ‘Yes, I really think he would.’ Making sure Belial was upright and mostly awake she walked over to the Lord of Hell. ‘Can you bring him back?’

  Lucifer’s grin widened and he put an arm around her shoulders.

  Carly stiffened at his touch. She paled slightly then relaxed.

  ‘I couldn’t bring him back if he was dead.’ He poked at Nessus’s rump with his boot. ‘Come on, you’re fine. I healed you about 15 minutes ago – now you’re just playing possum.’

  Nessus cracked one eye open and grinned. Heaving himself to his feet he shook himself back to order then grunted as Carly flung herself at him.

  Lucifer laughed.

  ‘What happens now?’ I reached forward and laid a hand on Lucifer’s arm.

  Pulling his arm away to place it round my shoulders, I really wasn’t sure I liked this new relaxed version of the Adversary.

  ‘I don’t even know who I am yet.’ He looked down at his hands. ‘I’m someone entirely new – half-human, half-angst-ridden fallen angel.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Actually the angst-ridden angel thing is wearing off, thank God. I’m actually feeling quite …’ He paused. ‘Happy? Excuse me.’ He grinned down at me. ‘I have to go and collect a debt that should cause some consternation.’ He gave a wicked giggle and wandered over toward Parity who shrank back against the wall.

  Carly stood beside me still trying to get her ribs back in order from where Nessus had hugged her. ‘Did he just giggle?’ She watched with a smile as Lucifer began asking Parity when she was going to make good on all her suggestions of the last week. He stood next to her and leant one arm above her shoulder, all smiles and flirting.

  ‘I think he did and it’s quite unnerving.’ I turned to look at her. ‘Is it time to go home now? How do you fancy a holiday?’

  Carly stepped back and held me at arm’s length. ‘What are you suggesting?’ She laughed and turned away to grin at Una who was trying to follow the lines of glittering quartz in the wall. Una looked back at her, her little face sad, tears in the corners of her eyes. ‘Una?’ Carly called over. ‘What’s the matter?’ She stepped toward the little girl and said over her shoulder. ‘I think we could all do with going home.’ She sighed ‘But what do you think the angels will d –’ Her eyes widened and her mouth opened but no sound emerged. The world stopped in a gasp as Metatron’s blue sword blade erupted through her chest, covering me in blood.

  I stared, open mouthed, as the glistening point disappeared and she fell away from me to land where Nessus had so recently lain.

  Parity screamed and everyone turned to watch as Metatron appeared from behind Carly’s falling body. ‘Whore, abomination – one less of you now.’ He screamed then turned to Lucifer. ‘Do you think you can just order me away like a child?’ He stepped over Carly and headed toward the Morning Star, his wings unfurling and his eyes glittering, dark pinpricks of insanity that were fixated on his foiled plan. ‘Don’t you know who I am?’ He raged as he stood in the middle of the room. Then, taking his sword in both hands, he first bent then snapped the blade. ‘Plenty more of these around.’ He grinned. His hands dripped Carly’s blood in a small trail as he stalked toward the expressionless Prince of Lies.

  I dropped to my knees beside her shuddering body. Blood trickled from the corner of her mouth and she looked somewhat surprised. Holding her on my lap I watched as the blood stained her blue and white striped shirt first red then black. She reached up and tried to grip my arm but her hand fell away. I shook my head, hard. I needed to stop crying; I couldn’t focus on her face and I needed to look at her for ever.

  ‘I love you. I had to say it before I leave.’ She gasped, her hand turned red and wet as she attempted to cover the wound. ‘No more coffee cakes.’ Forcing a smile, she coughed and I wiped away the fresh blood that cascaded over her lower lip. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered.

  ‘What for?’ I had trouble getting the words out and choked as I stroked her hair away from her face. It was dark and wet
and stuck to my fingers.

  ‘I’m sorry we won’t get to have all the fun together that we should have had.’ Her words were becoming slower and quieter. ‘I’m sorry we won’t get to fill your fridge with real, edible food together.’ She coughed again.

  I tried to sit her more upright ‘Don’t be silly. Lucifer will fix you. We’ll have plenty of time for you to turn me into a good useful member of society.’ I looked around for Lucifer. He was currently at full stretch, battling with Metatron high above us.

  ‘I’m sorry we won’t get to decorate my house, since yours got knocked down and I’m sorry we’ll never get to combine our book collections.’ Her voice trailed away to the barest of whispers. ‘I’m sorry we won’t be able to buy a puppy or have huge arguments or irritate Mr Morris. Tell Dad I love him.’

  Then, with a last shallow breath that whined through her stripped lungs, she was gone.

  Placing her head carefully on the floor, I stood up and walked slowly over to where Michael’s sword still lay on the ground. Both angels had expanded in size as they grappled. White and black wings created the sound of gunshots as they slapped the air into compliance, each fighting for dominance. Lucifer had hold of Metatron’s throat with one hand and a huge grey sword in the other; it dripped slow purple fire which rolled and tumbled away into the air every time he swung it.

  Metatron had no weapons but full armour which he used to block each blow. Eventually Lucifer landed a blow and Metatron sprawled across the tiles, but not before he’d managed to thrust Lucifer away from him and into the wall with a sickening crack.

  This was my chance. I picked up the sword, grunting at its weight. Despite my best endeavours I couldn’t get the tip from the ground. For a moment nothing happened then slowly the sword became lighter and a small trickle of white flame dribbled down the blade. Moving quickly I stepped toward Metatron, sword held high. I chose not to acknowledge Una’s shout of warning. ‘Joe!’ Intent on plunging that sword deep into the prone angel I carried on toward him.