Blame it on Texas

by Amie Louellen

  “I hear ya, boy.” He whined again, and Shelby opened the door, watching the short-legged dog waddle down the steps.

  Clyde trotted over to the dark form slung between two large trees and raised his head to give a little bark.

  The sound of Ritt’s voice floated over to her, his words unintelligible as he rubbed the dog behind the ears. Then he lifted the pooch into the hammock with him.

  As if of their own accord, her feet carried her down the stairs and across the patchy yard. It wasn’t the easiest thing to keep grass growing in the West Texas heat. It seemed as if Wayne McCoy had long ago given up the effort. Her bare toes encountered dry dirt and shoots of Bermuda as she walked toward Ritt.

  “Nice night.” Shelby gazed up at the sky, a billion stars twinkling from between the branches of the trees.

  “Yep.”

  She sank to a thick ring of grass, no doubt the legacy of watering the trees. She pushed her toes into the dirt under the hammock, a patch most likely worn through from many feet pushing the hammock on nights exactly like this.

  “Be still,” Ritt whispered. “Just be still.”

  But how could she when he was buried inside of her, hard and throbbing? She wanted so badly to move with him, against him.

  “Ritt.”

  “Shhh…” He pressed a kiss into her hair. “Let the motion take you.”

  Shelby swallowed down a moan and tried to relax. “What if someone comes out here?”

  She hated the thought, but at the same time it made her want him more, this risk of being caught spurring her desire to greater heights. Ritt rocked against her, and she bit her lip to keep from screaming out his name.

  He chuckled, seemingly pleased with himself for being able to push her to the edge of reason while remaining in control of his own.

  “Ritt, please…”

  He thrust one last time, covering her mouth with his, taking in her strangled cry of pleasure.

  Ritt cleared his throat.

  Was he thinking about that same warm spring night so long ago?

  “You should be sleeping,” he said.

  “So should you.”

  “I can get by on a little.”

  Shelby smiled into the dark night. “Don’t let Delilah hear you say that.”

  Neither one spoke, the night filled with other sounds. Nocturnal birds, cicadas and the occasional car from across town.

  “Was it so bad here, Shel?”

  She wrapped her arms around her legs and propped her chin on her knees. “It wasn’t bad at all.”

  “And that’s why you took off as fast as you could?”

  “That’s not how it went.”

  “Tell me,” he commanded, his voice soft, his face hidden in shadows.

  “I really believed that you would be able to get your scholarship back.”

  He answered her with a grunt.

  “I knew that’s what your parents wanted for you.”

  She could barely make out the bob of his head.

  “They’re not as…committed as they were back then.”

  Shelby let out a small laugh. “Committed. That’s a nice way of putting it.”

  The ropes creaked as he shifted to face her, suddenly his expression was clear, remorse and need filled his eyes. “They weren’t as…”

  “Committed,” she supplied.

  He nodded. “Committed until after Kyle’s accident.”

  “So…what? They wanted you to live your life as well as his?”

  “It wasn’t like that. He was a kid, you know? One day he was running through fields and breaking windows with baseballs and the next he was half-dead. When they knew that we weren’t going to lose him completely, they changed. They understood how precious life is. How it needs to really be lived.”

  “And they agree with how you live your life now?” She hated the derisive note in her voice. “That’s not what I meant to say.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with my life, Shelby.”

  She waited a heartbeat before responding. “Are you happy, Ritt?”

  “Mostly.”

  “I guess that’s what really matters.”

  “What about you, Shel? Are you happy?”

  “Of course.” But there was a too-chipper squeak to her voice that added a note of falseness to her words. “I mean, what’s not to be happy about? I have a great apartment close to the ocean, I have a thriving business. I’m my own boss, and I love what I do.”

  “Is that all?”

  “W-what?”

  He cleared his throat. “Can you tell me one thing? And the truth this time. Why did you leave?”

  She sighed into the night. Not wanting to answer, but needing to say the words all the same. “I wanted you to come after me.”

  The one sentence could have been whispered and still it would have rung through the night.

  “You wanted me to come after you?”

  She rocked back, needing some motion to balance all of the emotions lingering from the night. “I know it sounds silly, but I loved you so much. I was feeling a bit bruised after everything. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right.” She wiped the tears forming in her eyes. “I couldn’t do the one thing every woman should be able to. I couldn’t carry a baby. Your baby.” She took a deep breath. “I felt like I let you down.”

  “Oh, Shel.” His words were heartfelt and filled with more emotion than she could name. “You didn’t.”

  “Then why?” She didn’t have to add the rest. Why did she lose the baby? Why did they have to suffer? Why did their love get interrupted?

  “I don’t know.”

  “So this was supposed to happen?”

  “I don’t know that either.”

  “I thought that if I left, and you got your scholarship back, then everything would be okay. But then there was this part of me that also wanted you to come after me. Maybe thump your chest a couple of times, tell the world I was yours, and then we’d live happily ever after.”

  He didn’t say anything. Once again the night was filled with bobwhites and crickets.

  “When does this pain stop?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think it ever does.”

  “Then what are we supposed to do?”

  She smiled quietly into the night. “All we can do now is learn to live with it.”

  Chapter Eight

  Ritt ran a finger under the collar of the pristine white dress shirt and wondered how much longer he had to remain in the monkey suit. A while for sure, seeing as the wedding hadn’t even started.

  Craig looked remarkably calm for what was to be the biggest day of his life. He talked to his younger brother who was also dressed for the occasion, full tuxedo, white pleated dress shirt, navy-blue tie. Er, midnight blue.

  Ritt pulled on his sleeves and tried to breathe normally, though he was certain the tie was slowly strangling him to death.

  From inside the church sanctuary he could hear the murmur of voices, the buzz of anticipation as the guests waited for the wedding to begin. So much hype and pomp and ceremony for what could be accomplished in the justice of the peace’s office in less than ten minutes.

  “You ready?” Craig slapped one hand on Ritt’s shoulder, startling him out of his thoughts.

  “Wha…yeah,” he said. “I’m ready.”

  As the organist played Pachelbel’s Canon, the men filed down the aisle and took their places at the front of the church to await the bridal party.

  Ritt resisted the urge to tug on his sleeves again, adjust his suspenders, loosen his tie. None of that would make the time go by faster. Or change anything…

  “Your hands are like ice.” Ritt rubbed Shelby’s fingers between his palms.

  “I’m scared,” she admitted.

  Ritt couldn’t stop his smile. “What’s there to be afraid of?”

  “I don’t know. Everything.”

  “You’ve got it all wrong,” he said, still holding her hands in his own, lending her his strength. “Thi
s is the perfect beginning, don’t you see?”

  “See what?” Her gray eyes were enormous.

  “Us…me, you and the baby.”

  “In your parents’ garage—”

  “It’s detached.”

  “We can only stay there until the fall. Then what are we going to do?”

  Ritt shrugged. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

  She was stiff with tension as he pulled her to him. He lowered his head and kissed her sweet lips. Slowly, her form melted into his. And he knew everything was going to be just fine.

  The organist played the first few bars of “The Wedding March”. The guests stood. Craig’s face lit up as Delilah turned the corner and started down the aisle toward them.

  Ritt shifted his attention. There was no sense living in the past. He and Shelby, they’d had their chance. They were no longer crossing bridges, they’d all been burned. And last night…?

  He’d held heaven in his arms once more.

  But it was morning now. And he had to stop hanging on. Last night, their talk. It was good to clear the air a little. Even if she didn’t believe that his parents had paid her mother to take her away. Seven years had passed. What difference did it make now? The deed was done.

  “Ritt?” Craig’s voice was a whisper of urgency. “I need the ring.”

  “Oh,” he said. “Oh.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the little velvet box. Inside was a three-carat diamond, perfect in every way.

  What would have happened if he had done that for Shelby? Bought her a diamond, let her walk down the aisle in front of all of her family and friends, instead of hustling her to the courthouse and repeating vows after a court official.

  What was he thinking? Three days ago he’d been criticizing the masses for falling into the drivel that made up weddings. Now he was wishing that he had done more for Shelby.

  A church wedding couldn’t have changed what happened to them. There were too many other factors in place. His parents and their drive to make him everything that he could be along with all of the potential that Kyle had lost. Her mother and her bohemian ways. Shelby’s hurt. His pride. And the baby.

  “You may now kiss your bride.”

  Craig lifted Delilah’s veil, and the congregation held its breath as he leaned in to kiss his bride.

  A few more minutes and Ritt would see Shelby again. His heart jumped at the thought.

  Then reality set in.

  They’d had a chance, and now it was gone. She was trying to start again, and he was standing in the way.

  “You coming?” Craig’s brother nudged Ritt’s arm and pointed to the door that led to the fellowship hall where the reception was to be held.

  “Yeah. Right.” He followed the wedding party through the double doors, automatically looking for Shelby.

  Part of him craved seeing her while the other part breathed a sigh of relief that there was no sign of her.

  Only her cakes. They were spectacular, beautiful and elegant. He had to tamp down the surge of pride that had a smile quivering on his lips.

  But seeing her talent was just another nail in the coffin that housed their marriage.

  Regardless of last night, regardless of the love that he still held for her, he knew what he had to do.

  Shelby propped her hands on her hips and took one last critical look at the cakes. They were beautiful, even if she said so herself. Given the circumstances, she was double proud of herself.

  She sighed and rubbed her eyes. Today definitely felt like the morning after. She had managed to dry her tears and leave the bathroom long enough to say a quick good morning to Ritt’s brother Kyle. He’d grown up while she was away.

  Kyle had always been a kind and gentle soul. He wore his heart on his sleeve, unlike his brother whose every emotion was guarded as if it were gold. But Ritt hadn’t always been that way.

  Shelby shook her head. Once she’d said her greeting, she begged off any more visiting, citing a headache as she hurried to the church to give the final touches to the cakes.

  Heartache was more like it.

  She should be used to it by now. That was what Ritt was to her, a perpetual heartache.

  Shelby added a couple of more lilies to the top of the middle cake. She tossed the stems in the trash as her phone rang. She snatched it from her purse, needing the distraction to keep her from bursting into tears once again.

  “Shelby?”

  “Mom?” She barely recognized her voice through the crackle and static.

  “Sorry. Reception is really bad here, but I promised I would call.”

  “It’s all right.” Shelby took a deep breath to steady her nerves and muster up courage. “Mom, did Ritt’s parents pay you to take me away from Texas?”

  Her mother waited so long to answer Shelby thought the connection had been broken. “It’s not that simple.”

  Her knees went weak. Shelby sank to the kitchen stool, glad the cakes were complete. Her hands were shaking so badly she wouldn’t have been able to hold a decorator’s tube if her life depended on it.

  “Shelby?”

  “I’m here,” she whispered.

  “I…it was a long time ago, and you were so emotional.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. Ritt had been right. He’d been right all along. No wonder he had treated her with such contempt.

  “There just never seemed to be a good time.”

  “I suppose not.”

  “Honey, don’t blame Ritt. He had nothing to do with it.”

  “I know.” Water under the bridge as they say. “It doesn’t matter.” But it did. Much more than it should have.

  She had fallen in love with her husband all over again. No, that wasn’t true, she had never stopped loving him in the first place. But there were too many bad times, too much heartache to give it a second chance.

  Static filled the line. At first Shelby thought the call had dropped, then her mother’s voice broke through the crackle. “Shelby, I—”

  One of the ushers motioned from the doorway, the signal that people would flood the fellowship hall to drink champagne while the bridal party finished up photographs.

  “I gotta go, Mom.” She ended the call without waiting for her mother’s response.

  Now was her time to leave. Not just the church, but Texas. There was nothing there for her anymore. She couldn’t ask Ritt to sign the papers, not with her heart still attached to him. But she couldn’t stay. There was too much hurt between them.

  She had a life to return to. What there was of it.

  How had things gotten so messed up in such a short time?

  All she could do was blame it on Texas. It did crazy stuff to her heart.

  An hour and a half later, Shelby let herself back into the church. She had a couple of items to get, cake plates and such, then she would be on her way. She gathered her things, stacking them in plastic grocery sacks to carry them to the car.

  Her phone chimed as she dropped the key into the church mailbox.

  She looked at the message. Ritt.

  Meet me at the Longbranch. I’ll wait for you there.

  That was so like him, send her a demand and expect her to comply. She had half a mind to get in her car and keep driving. She didn’t owe him a thing after last night. Her phone pinged again.

  Please.

  Shelby sighed and texted him back. I’m on my way.

  The Longbranch had been there as long as Shelby could remember. Half bar, half restaurant and all Texas honky tonk. Not that she had gone there much as a teenager. She and Ritt had been much more interested in places where they could be alone.

  The parking lot was nearly empty when she pulled her rental car into the space by Ritt’s rusty pickup. Four o’clock was an odd time, not quite the hour to drown sorrows and dreams in the beer on tap.

  Shelby stepped inside and blinked several times, allowing her eyes to adjust to the dim interior.

>   Her gaze swept the room. Everything looked the same as she remembered. Things in Texas might be bigger, but out here, they moved at a slower pace as well. Same ol’ dark paneled walls, same ol’ dance floor, same ol’ barkeep wiping down the bar. The blond-haired waitress was perched on a stool, flipping the pages of a glossy magazine. A sad country song drifted from the jukebox, but soon Shelby knew that the band would be warming up for their Saturday night gig.

  The blonde looked up, tossing her hair over her shoulder. As she rose to her feet, Shelby pointed to the booth where Ritt sat. The waitress smiled and shot the barkeep a knowing look.

  Shelby’s heart pounded against her ribs as she made her way toward her husband.

  He didn’t glance up as she sat down.

  He looked handsome and troubled. Still in his tux from the wedding, dark-blue tie hanging loose around his neck, top button undone. He rolled something between his fingers, staring at it as if it contained the answers to solving world hunger. A half-empty tumbler sat in front of him, its dark amber liquid looking wickedly potent.

  “Can I get you something?” the waitress asked.

  Shelby shook her head. “No. Thanks.”

  As if sensing they needed to be left alone, the waitress backed up a couple of steps then returned to the bar.

  Ritt finally looked up, his expression guarded. “The cakes looked beautiful.”

  “Thanks.”

  “You really know your stuff.”

  Shelby clasped her hands in her lap, to stop their shaking. “You didn’t call me here to discuss the cakes.”

  He pressed his lips together, then he shook his head. “No, I didn’t.”

  He dropped what he had been holding. A paperclip. Then he slid a manila folder across the table to her. “You win. Signed them this afternoon.”

  The divorce papers.

  Shelby swallowed back tears. So much had happened in the few days that she had been in Texas. She had traveled so far to have those very papers signed and the divorce secured. Now that she had it, she didn’t want it anymore. She still loved her husband with as much feeling as she had from the beginning. He was the other half of her soul, the reason she had the guts to become the woman she was today. Leaving him again would tear her heart to pieces.