She's Gone: A Novel

by Emmens, Joye

  “I feel so free. Like a weight has been lifted,” Jolie said, fingering her moonstone pouch.

  “You’ve been harboring a lot. I admire you.”

  “You admire me?”

  “Yeah, you always stand up for what you feel is right. Don’t ever change that.”

  They stared at the flames.

  A pang of sadness shot through her. “What do you think Will is doing right about now?” she said.

  “I imagine he’s working on the anti-racism, anti-materialism, and anti-capitalism manifesto.”

  They both laughed.

  “He’ll survive,” he said.

  She swirled the tea leaves in the bottom of her cup and sat strong and grounded and clear-headed with her decision.

  Charlie got up and put out the fire. “Time to hit the road. But first, I want to see one of the wonders of the world, Old Faithful.”

  In the middle of the night Charlie pulled into a rest stop near Reno. He fixed up their beds and they slept for a few hours. They woke at dawn with the sound of big rigs starting their engines, vibrating past them. They got up and meditated on the tailgate. Fifteen minutes later, Jolie opened her eyes and went to get her camera.

  “I want to remember this,” she said. She took a photo of Charlie sitting cross-legged, hair tousled with a three-day beard, smiling back at her on their last leg to California.

  Charlie stopped at a roadside café for breakfast. Jolie, bursting with energy, could not stop grinning. She would be home that night. They ordered tea and homemade cinnamon rolls.

  “How are you holding up?” Charlie said.

  “My mind is wild. I’m joyous and scared and blissful and worried all at the same time.”

  “Worried about what?”

  “I’m worried about Will trying to find me.”

  “He’s not your problem anymore.”

  “I have a bad feeling. Can you call Adam and just check-in?”

  “Sure.”

  Charlie paid the bill, and they walked outside to the phone booth. The phone book was missing, and the cord that once held it hung limp. She squeezed in next to him. Charlie dialed the operator, inserted coins, and was connected to the office. He asked for Adam. A moment later, Adam was on the line.

  “I thought I’d find you there,” Charlie said.

  “Charlie?”

  “Yep. How’s it going?”

  “How’s it going? It is all fucked up here Charlie. That’s how it’s going. She’s gone. Jolie girl is gone. She left Will and no one knows where she is.”

  Adam’s animated voice spilled out of the phone receiver.

  “I don’t blame her.” Charlie fixed his gaze on Jolie.

  “Man, the guy had a meltdown. He looked everywhere for her. He even thought she might be with you. He was going to come after you. Then we got him calmed down and assured him you’d never steal his woman. He was frantic. Manic. I tried to give him a sedative to calm him down, but he wouldn’t have anything to do with it.”

  “How is he now?”

  “He’s in jail, that’s how he fucking is. He was all wound up and called in a missing person report last night. The cops came to get more information, and they took one look at this wigged out cat and got suspicious. They took him in to the station. Turns out there was a warrant for his arrest because she’s underage.”

  “Jesus,” Charlie said.

  “That poor kid. We all cherished her. Where did she go?”

  Charlie’s eyes were still fixed on Jolie. Tears rolled down her cheeks. “She’s with me. I’m giving her a ride home. She’ll be home tonight.” Charlie deposited more coins and handed the receiver to Jolie.

  “Adam?”

  “Jolie girl, everyone’s been worried about you. Will for one, and Nick and Sarah, and Leah and Daniel, Sam and Ginger. And me....”

  She listened, staring into the barren Nevada landscape as he reeled off the chain of events again. A giant tumbleweed rolled by in the distance. “Are you there, Jolie girl?” Adam asked.

  “I’m here.”

  “Will, our pillar of strength, just imploded before our eyes.”

  She handed the phone back to Charlie and leaned her face into his chest. He reached out his right arm and held her tight as a great wave of sadness filled her. Why hadn’t Will taken her note to heart and let her go? Why, why, why had he done this to himself?

  50

  Far Away Eyes

  On the 101 Freeway they passed a road sign. “Santa Barbara, 60 miles,” Charlie read. Jolie breathed in and audibly exhaled. A rising anxiety gripped her. She clutched her moonstone. He glanced over at her. “You okay?”

  She nodded, pulled down the visor, and peered into the mirror. She’d been gone almost two years. On the inside, she was a completely different person. Had her appearance changed much? The same blue eyes and face stared back at her. Please let them forgive her.

  In Santa Barbara, Charlie pulled into a gas station to clean up. They both emerged from the bathrooms looking fresh but road weary. Charlie had shaved and wore a white button-down shirt and jeans. He looked boyish with his shoulder-length hair. Jolie had changed into clean bell bottoms and a silk blouse and had combed her hair. She gave him directions as they drove and soon La Bamba turned up the long driveway to her parents’ house.

  Nervous energy flowed through her body. Charlie parked, and they got out. He leaned against the car.

  “Breathe and stay grounded,” he said.

  A brief smile met her lips. Her legs wavered, weak with apprehension. How could she come back after being gone for so long?

  She walked toward the courtyard entry, and her father appeared. He stood in the doorway with his arms outstretched. It was the same vision of him that she saw in her reoccurring dream, at the pond with the Buddha, except now he was smiling. Charlie stood by the car. Jolie first walked, and then ran. She floated to her father’s arms and was enveloped in a bear hug. His blue eyes were wet, but his smile was unwavering. Her mother appeared and then her two brothers. She was engulfed in hugs. Jolie looked over at Charlie who was riveted to the same spot.

  “Let me introduce you to Charlie. Oh, and La Bamba.”

  Charlie moved toward them and shook her father’s hand and then her brothers’. He gave her mother a hug. They moved inside. “It looks like you could use a beer,” her father said to Charlie.

  “And a shower,” Jolie said.

  The next morning Jolie and Charlie sat out on the deck. The ocean sparkled in the distance and the scent of honeysuckle and jasmine mingled in the air.

  “Look at this,” Charlie said as he waved his hand at the view. “I can’t believe I’m in California.”

  Jolie smiled and looked at the ocean. The water glinted clean and blue. The oil platforms still loomed on the horizon silently threatening another oil spill.

  “And your family. They’re so welcoming. Last night after you went to bed I stayed up with your dad and brothers. They wanted to know everything about the war. They really missed you, Jolie. Your dad called me a hero for bringing you home.”

  She would miss Charlie. His open honesty, his faint accent. She loved everything about him. “You are my hero.”

  “I have to leave for L.A. soon.”

  “I’ll write you,” she said. “I’ll let you know what college I get into.”

  “You better.” He paused. “I was wondering something.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Can I come out for your birthday when you turn eighteen?”

  A laugh spilled from her. It was a deep laugh that had been unconsciously silenced for a while. “I thought you’d never ask.” She met his eyes. He had been there for her the whole time.

  “I’m sure we can think of something crazy to do for your birthday,” he said. “Another road trip?”

  “Hmm,
” she said, with a faint smile and a faraway look in her eyes. “How about a temple in the mountains of Tibet?”