“That sounds like a beautiful life.”
I paused. It would have been beautiful, and I would have tried my best to give it to her, had she not taken her life. “I reckon it would have been, had she stuck around.”
“I’m sorry again for what you’ve had to endure. There’s no real words I can say to you that will put a dent in the pain you’ve suffered.” She looked down at the table, just when the waitress brought us our food.
For a couple minutes we both got started eating. I supposed I could have left the conversation alone, and forgotten about the way it was getting to me again, but opening up to someone after so long, especially with Isabella, made me feel alive. It reminded me that I was still living and breathing.
“It’s been hard for me, Iz. Can I call you that now?” I waited for her response.
“Sure. I’m gettin’ used to it.”
“Anyway, it’s been trying at times. For the first few months I completely shut down. My parents did their best, but it was a lost cause. I stopped working, and eventually lost the house. I let it go into foreclosure; lost everything because I couldn’t cope. Once I had to move back into their house they did everything they could to get me out of my coma-like state.”
She took a bite of food and spoke at the same time. Some would have been offended by her table mannerism, but I found it cute how comfortable she instantly felt being around me. “How did you get better? What made you up and leave?”
“I heard my parents fighting. They were discussing how I’d ruined my life. I know they didn’t mean it to be offensive, but I took it the worst way possible. In the middle of the night I packed a bag and left. For a while I just drove around, doing odd and end jobs to stay afloat. Then my bank account ran dry, and I knew that I could either be homeless or find something more permanent. I’ve always loved horses, and spent my summers working with a trainer, so I knew enough to make an impression on your cousin. He gave me a week to show him progress, and after I did he offered me the position. I never looked back after that, and even though they’re still on my mind almost every second of the day, I was able to start living again, well the best I could of course.” I looked down at my food and shook my head from side to side. “I can’t believe that I’m telling you all of this.”
“It’s okay. Really. I’m glad you’re able to talk about it. That’s got to be progress. Don’t you think?” I shouldn’t have looked into her eyes. The moment I did I felt all kinds of confused. She must have sensed it too. “I have to ask you somethin’, Rusty, and I don’t want you to take offense to it.”
“Ask away.” I already knew the question. I could see it in her body language. I’d watched her enough to know when she was nervous, scared, or confused.
“It’s obvious that you have some kind of attraction to me. At times it’s been a little creepy, but I get it now. I guess I’m just wonderin’ if you feel the way you do because I look so much like her? I wouldn’t blame you if it was true. I’d probably feel that way if I was in your shoes. It’s like gettin’ a second chance in some ways.”
I couldn’t look at her when I answered. It wasn’t just a personal question she was asking. My answer could affect our friendship in the future. I had to be careful with my choice of words. “At first it was. I’m not going to lie. One look at you and I did feel like I was getting a second chance with Simone. It was short lived though. I mean, I knew you were someone else. Then I saw you screaming at your cousin and knew for sure that you were nothing like her. It only took me being around you a couple more times to realize that my attraction to you went beyond the resemblance. I wanted to know that indecisive woman that spoke her mind, and yet always seemed confused. I wanted to be there when you were down, and do whatever it took to make you smile. Being around you helps me want to live again.” I put up my hands so she wouldn’t get freaked out, or try to cut me off. “I get that you’re not into me that way. I know I’m ten years older than you, and that your family would send me packing if I tried to pursue anything more than a friendship, but I also know that I’d be lying if I tried to deny it.”
Isabella put her fork down on the table and placed her hands flat on either side of her plate. “I would have thought that gettin’ knocked up by another man would change your opinion of me.”
“You’re in love with the guy. Why would that change the way I feel?”
“I was in love with him. There’s a huge difference. As far as he goes, I hope his dick falls off. He doesn’t deserve to be happy, not after the shit he pulled on me.”
I started to laugh. She smiled and cocked her head to the side. “What’s so funny?” she asked.
“It’s that spunk that I think is fascinating. You don’t hold anything in. Sometimes you’re so brutally honest that it’s painful.” I continued to laugh after explaining, and she finally joined in. This was pure enjoyment for me. I needed this kind of connection, and it reminded me again why she was so different from Simone.
Then she did something that I wasn’t prepared for. Her smile faded away and she peered into my eyes with some kind of intent that I’d never seen from her before. “Today has opened my eyes to the person behind the mask.”
“Is that a good thing or bad?”
She smiled and cackled to herself. “I’m still decidin’.”
I took a sip of my tea, never taking my eyes from hers. “Let me know when you’ve reached a verdict.”
“Okay.” This half-smile formed at the corner of her lips and she looked down at her plate. “Doesn’t it gross you out that I’m pregnant?”
“Why would it? You’re still you.”
“I’m about to get terribly fat. I already have killer mood swings, and most of the time I have puke in my hair from mornin’ sickness. Sorry for rainin’ on your parade, but I’m not very desirable.”
“It’s true. You are going to gain weight. Some days you may become so crabby that nobody wants to be near you, but the morning sickness will soon pass. You’re going to get this glow to you, and as your body transforms from a young woman to a loving mother, you’ll rediscover yourself in ways you never knew possible.”
“Is that what happened with your wife?”
I laughed. Simone was a happy woman when she carried Sydney. “No. I read a lot.”
“You read pregnancy books?”
“In med school I did.”
“What? You went to med school? Were you going to be a doctor?”
“A veterinarian. I had my own practice that I ran with my dad. He retired, and I took on the whole thing. That’s why I can’t go back. I ruined my father’s legacy without a single apology.”
She changed the mood by throwing me a compliment. “I can see you in one of those white lab coats. I bet you were a little sexy.”
Her comment honestly made me blush. I’d never heard her compliment me in that way. “You think I’m sexy now, after everything I’ve told you?”
Isabella folded her hands and shot me a ornery grin. “Maybe.”
“So old men can be sexy?” Something was happening between us. I could feel it, though I had to wonder what the reasoning behind it was.
“You’re not that old.”
“You didn’t answer the question.”
I watched her sipping the tea up from a straw. “I’m not goin’ to.”
I waved for the waitress to bring us our check. It was going to be a long drive back to Kentucky, and since I wasn’t full of rage anymore it was certainly going to drag.
I paid for our meal and we started walking out to the truck. While I kept my eyes focused on where I was heading, she asked something that stopped me dead in my tracks. “You must hate me. I wouldn’t blame you for it. I’ve been so shitty to you. If I’d have known…”
I didn’t let her finish. “No. Of course I don’t hate you.” I paused and looked down at my hands before proceeding. “It’s the opposite actually. Listen, I chose to keep my life a secret. I suppose I scared you with my stalker tendencies. I can assure yo
u that it wasn’t on purpose. I just didn’t know how to go about getting you to notice me.”
Her cheeks reddened as she looked away, seemingly embarrassed at my confession. “Doesn’t it bother you that I’m ten years younger? I mean, when you were in elementary school I wasn’t even born.”
I let out a chuckle in light of her question. “If you haven’t noticed, I am a man. Though I try to be a gentleman in most circumstances, I’d have to say that having a younger woman is sort of every man’s dream, at least once.”
I realized right away that they could have been construed as a come on. Before I could retract the statement, or at least rephrase it, she asked a question that changed everything.
“So, I was wonderin’, are we goin’ to drive home tonight, or get a room somewhere? To be honest, I’m kind of tired.”
I never saw it coming, and wasn’t positive what she was implying.
Chapter 13
Isabella
I couldn’t believe that I’d said it. One minute I wanted to be as far away from him as physically possible and the next I was asking him to spend the night out of state in a hotel room.
To say that I was confused would have been an understatement.
There was no denying my attraction to him, though I wasn’t sure if it was out of feeling sorry for him, or something else all together. Obviously I’d found him attractive before, and I think that’s why it was so confusing to me.
Was my sudden interest in him something that was building, or something that had come on for my utter guilt of what he’d endured?
Rusty scratched his head, and I could tell he had mixed feelings about my question. “We could get a room with two beds, for sure.”
Right away I realized he was trying his hardest to make me feel comfortable. Little did he know that I was fighting a losing battle with my conscience. “That’s what I thought, too.” Far be it from me to give him false hope about hooking up. I was in no condition to lead him on, but I was also the one sitting silently imagining what it would be like if we did do something.
“Yeah, I guess it would be fine if we stayed somewhere local and made the drive in the morning. I apologize again for bringing you so far from home. My intentions were in the right place, I can assure you.”
I smiled, still wondering if he was blowing me off, or being kind in fear of how I’d react. “If I had any doubts about my decision, they’re all gone. I’m goin’ to have this baby. Even if I’d made it inside of that building, there was no way I would have been able to go through with it. The decision to make the appointment wasn’t my highest moment. You can imagine that it’s been difficult for me to cope with this news.”
“I can understand how one would think that an abortion is an easy out.”
I appreciated his sympathy. “Thanks. It means a lot that you aren’t lookin’ at me like I was a monster.”
He reached across the table and touched my hand. I didn’t pull away for two reasons. The first was that I knew he was being genuinely kindhearted. The second reason was because his touch gave me chills throughout my body. “I would never see you that way.”
I had to look away when the heat of his words overwhelmed me. I could feel my heartbeat increasing, and knew that my reaction was only verifying what I could already feel was happening between us.
After our conversation I felt even more eager to be alone with Rusty. I wanted to know everything about him, and this night, being away from home, was going to give me the chance.
We drove a for a while before he pulled into a nice hotel. He started to get out of the truck and stopped to say something to me. “Wait here. It’s probably best if you let me pay for the room. I don’t want your cousin knowing that we’re together, so go ahead and call someone at the ranch. I don’t care what you tell them. I sent Noah a text this morning when I followed you. I knew I wouldn’t be in any condition to work either way it went, so I told him that I had a family emergency.”
“Clever. He’s probably going to ask you about it.”
“I’ll make up something. Just take care on your side.” He walked away, leaving me alone to think up a good excuse that would keep me away from home. After a few minutes I had the perfect idea.
Can you get Rusty to check on my house tonight? I had to drive all the way to West Virginia today to meet with our partner company. It was last minute and I’m just going to spend the night here. I’m not sure if I turned off my coffee pot. –Bella
He responded immediately.
I’ll do it. Rusty took the day off. The house hasn’t burned down, so that’s a good sign. – Noah
Okay, thanks. See you tomorrow then. - Bella
Rusty came outside with a key card in his hand. “You ready?”
I climbed out of the truck and followed him inside, where we took an elevator up to the fourth floor. Once inside of the room we both plopped down on the two beds and laid there in silence for a few seconds. “I’m so tired,” I announced.
“Yeah. It’s been a long day.” He hopped off the bed and started walking toward the door. “I’m goin’ to run out and find a place to get us some waters. Do you want anything else?”
I sat up and looked at him. “Do you want me to go?”
He shook his head. “Nah. Just relax.”
“Okay. I think a toothbrush would be nice. Do you want some money? You paid for the room. The lease I can do is buy you a toothbrush.”
He laughed at me. “I’m pretty sure the hotel has toothbrushes if you call housekeeping.”
I watched him leave before getting up and going in to use the bathroom. After I was done, I started the shower. Rusty would be at least fifteen minutes, so I had time to clean up and crawl into bed. I could sleep in my bra and panties, and make him turn his head when I got up to dress in the morning.
The shower felt wonderful after such an emotional day. While I stood there letting the beads of water run down my body I thought about Rusty. It was possible that he’d used the store as an excuse for some alone time.
The man had been a mystery up until a couple hours ago. I could only imagine that his head would be a little messed up. For so long he’d kept his past a secret. Telling me could have opened up wounds he thought had healed enough to go on.
I felt so bad for him. Even though I wasn’t yet a mother, I still couldn’t imagine what it would be like to watch my child die, and not be able to do anything about it. To some she took the coward way out, but I felt like I would have done the same thing. Her mind wasn’t on Rusty when Simone took her life. All she wanted was to be with her daughter again.
I hadn’t meant to start crying again, but that’s exactly what began to happen. Waves of tears started pouring out of my eyes until I let my body sink to the tub bottom. I brought my knees up to my chest and let the sobs continue.
I thought about that man being so in love with his family, and what it was like to wake up one day without them. My heart ached, and I knew that everything I’d ever thought about him had been untrue. This man wasn’t just running, he was doing his best to get by. Meeting me had changed something in him, and now after all this time he was beginning to feel again.
Whether I wanted to admit it or not, there was this connection that I felt to him. It wasn’t just because he’d tried to save me from making a terrible choice. It was more. When I needed him, he’d always seemed to be there. He’d been trying to know me for a while and I’d pushed him away.
I thought he was a creep.
Little did I know that he was yearning for a friendship. He longed to feel needed by someone again. Whether he picked me because I looked like her, or for other reasons, I had to help him. I wanted to do it.
Whatever I was feeling for this guy needed to be addressed. My head was spinning with such confusion.
Time got away from me, because the next thing I knew the bathroom door was opening. “Iz, are you all right?”
“Yeah,” I stood up and turned off the water. “I’m just finishing up.”
/>
I don’t know why I tried to play off being upset. He’d obviously heard me crying, or else he wouldn’t have asked. “I got you a t-shirt and some shorts. They aren’t anything special. The pharmacy was selling them.”
I stuck my head out from beyond the curtain and looked at the clothing in his hands. “Thanks. You didn’t have to do that.”
“I figured you’d want to be comfortable when you slept.”
He left me alone to change, and when I came out into the room he was staring out the large window. He turned to acknowledge my presence. “I figured they’d be huge on you.”
I looked down at the oversized top and rolled up shorts. “It’s fine. They feel nice.”
His eyes traveled to my chest, where my hard nipples made it obvious that I’d left my bra off. I could feel my cheeks getting warm as I looked up at him. He met my gaze and smiled.
Since it made me uncomfortable, I crawled under the covers on one of the beds. “I’m so tired that I could go to sleep now.” Since it was just starting to get dark I knew it was still pretty early.
Rusty sat on the edge of his bed and started taking off his boots. “I feel the same. Do you want to watch a movie?” He stood up and pulled his shirt over his head, then dropped his jeans, leaving me to stare. Even though he’d still had on a pair of boxers, it left little to the imagination. His chest was perfectly sculpted, as I’d already known. The V in the front of his shorts caught my eye. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He made Tate look like a scrawny teenager. “Iz, did you hear me?”
“Huh?” I looked up realizing that I’d missed everything.
“I asked you if you wanted to play cards.” He held up the deck that he’d just purchased.
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