Truth Behind the Fantasy of Porn

by Shelley Lubben

  It was a day of reckoning. It was also a Day of the Lord’s Favor.

  Suddenly, women and men started leaving porn. I hadn’t even ministered personally to some of them but God Himself was rescuing them. It was amazing to watch the hand of God move so powerfully in the midst of so much evil. I found it even more amazing that the very ones I prayed for at the booths in the convention, some of them were the same ones now getting out!

  Truly, the power of prayer took on an even newer meaning in my life. Inspired by God’s amazing rescue of women in porn, I became a powerful praying woman.

  As I continued to minister to women in the sex industry, I learned that God was already on the move and had rescued thousands of women out of the entire sex industry, including strippers, prostitutes, phone sex operators and more. Amazingly, a world-wide movement of God had already begun but in 2006, things began to move quickly, especially when I saw a host of sex industry ministries popping up all over the web.

  I had never seen anything like it. I hadn’t even read about anything that could describe what God was doing in the earth. Surely, God was up to something HUGE! And here’s the big kicker, I was chosen to be one of His leaders in the sex industry emancipation movement!

  Holy Jehosaphat! “Who am I?” I kept asking God.

  “Just stay humble, Shelley. You’re going to need some serious humility for this,” God along with the rest of the Christian world emphatically warned me and so I bought a book on the greatness of humility. I knew, honestly, I was not humble enough for an outreach of this caliber no was I ready to be a “Mother Teresa” to the porn industry. No way. I was a wretch and enjoyed the interviews and camera way too much in the beginning.

  But God was faithful to work out a cure for my enjoyment of any part of the new public ministry he called me to. To begin my school of humility, He lovingly sent me other porn ministries to drive me crazy. Our immature fights along with my deteriorating health and mix in some satanic warfare and hours of listening to mentally ill and sexually abused women, oh yeah, I was definitely being humbled.

  Heck, I needed it. I was such an idiot in the beginning.

  But I digress.

  Wait, let me regress. I am still an idiot.

  Okay, now I truly digress.

  Seriously though, God knew I needed more humility for the sudden public interest in the hardcore testimony of Ex Porn Star Shelley Lubben in 2006. What I consider my “break out” year into the public, I started receiving speaking invitations throughout the United States and media requests to appear on major television networks for both Christian and secular television shows.

  Finally, I thought. I’m doing what I was created for!

  My first major Christian television appearance was on the 700 Club. Filmed at my home in Bakersfield, I also appeared LIVE on the show on May 5, 2006. Filled with the Spirit of God and the saving testimony of Jesus Christ, 700 Club producers reported that 546 people got saved during the hour I appeared on the show.

  I was preaching the hardcore Gospel of Jesus Christ now!

  And of course, there was satanic backlash. Satan wasn’t going to let an ex porn star get away with a testimony like that in front of an audience of porn struggling Christians! Hell no, he made sure that TEN DAYS LATER he powerfully orchestrated for my 17 year old daughter to try and commit suicide by slicing her wrist with a huge jagged knife.

  If you only knew the pain our family experienced.

  I was sure it was time to quit but God totally disagreed with me. In fact, He made me preach the day after the attack on my daughter at a Celebrate Recovery meeting. Imagine the slap to Satan’s punk face. A message preached out of pure suffering, I saw God powerfully touch and heal every person at that meeting. Oh yeah, God rocked it!

  Filled with bewilderment over the new warfare my family was in, we skipped the opportunity to reach out to porn stars at the 2007 Adult Entertainment Expo in January. God made it clear I was not to go and to stay really close to Him and learn. Anyway, the porn ministries were fighting and it became way too much for me to partake in anymore so God warned me to separate myself.

  It wasn’t easy to separate because I had been taught so much about teamwork and unity at the Champion’s Centre. But at the same time I could not stomach the gimmicky and overly grace-packed message being offered to thousands of pornified people whose lives were a living and future hell. They needed the pure unadulterated Gospel of Jesus Christ, not some 30 foot erect Wally the Wiener blowup penis I saw “popped up” at one porn ministry’s booth. I understood they were trying to be relevant, but seriously, they did not know the power of God’s Word. Especially, when I also discovered a video on their web site about how God kills kittens every time someone masturbates. The blatant irreverence towards God’s holy attributes, I was horrified. No, I knew better than to stay very involved with them. But of course, for the sake of the babes coming to several of our porn ministries to receive help at the same time, I tried to bite my tongue and use more wisdom in my dealings with other ministries and organizations.

  Just like porn, I quietly backed away from the elite porn ministry circle and followed God into No-Man’s Land.

  That’s when the question of the century burned inside of my mind: How could I reach out to the porn stars and pornographers and porn fans in love at a porn convention and yet not compromise God’s Truth?

  While I pondered that question and continued my online outreach to porn stars and porn addicts, I somehow ended up preaching the Gospel and my testimony to an audience of 2,000 Christian men in Bend, Oregon.

  Incredibly nervous but filled with the Holy Spirit, I boldly called upon men in the audience who were struggling with a pornography addiction to stand up and receive healing through the power of Jesus Christ. At first only about 30% of the men stood up but then God told me to call more out on the carpet and so I did.

  “God said there’s MORE of you and to stand up! Whoever stands up will be delivered today!” I shouted out into the dark arena.

  Almost immediately another 40% of the men stood up. It was an amazing view from the big stage and suddenly it matched the exact vision Jesus gave me when I was six years old.

  Filled with extreme emotions, I tried to fight back the tears while I humbly praised God for all He was doing through me and around me. I couldn’t believe it. I honestly still don’t believe it.

  God proved faithful over and over and fruit from my ministry began to pop up everywhere. Messages of gratitude were sent from people all over the world for my courage to tell my story and boldly declare the Gospel. God’s goodness toward me and my family overwhelmed me.

  By the end of 2007 and a victorious online outreach to porn stars and porn addicts, regular appearances on both secular and Christian TV networks and traveling and speaking to churches and organizations sharing the truth about pornography and the Gospel, God began to move in our hearts for an even greater move to heal the world from pornography.

  Due to the outcry of millions of hurting people and the need for someone to go into the porn industry with firsthand knowledge and a heart to rescue, my husband and I went to a lawyer to officially start up the Pink Cross Foundation: the faith based non-profit organization that would be the first to financially and emotionally assist women and men out of the porn industry. No longer would we only meet with the porn stars privately or online, it was time to boldly step into their world and reach out to them in a tangible way and share the truth and love of Jesus Christ.

  At first I had no clue how that looked but fortunately, I had taken the time to build relationships with many of the people in porn. I genuinely loved these people. I loved them so much that I worried if my outreach may hurt or embarrass them in a major way so I cried out to God for more wisdom.

  But God assured me over time that there was little I could do to embarrass people who were used to publicly exposing their sexually diseased bodies. These people just needed hardcore love and a shot of reality and I was the one to give it to them. />
  So, I went for it and called up the porn show management to reserve a booth for the Erotica LA 2008 convention. Then I hurried to try and raise money for the Goliath-sized outreach. I spent months trying to convince people to support the powerful move of God in the porn industry.

  As our team of ex porn stars and recovering porn addicts prepared to minister in one of the most hostile environments known to Christianity, God also prepared the hearts of California lawmakers to hear a firsthand account from someone who has lived to tell about the secondary negative effects of pornography.

  Lord, have mercy.

  Contacted in January of 2008 by the office of Assemblymember Charles M. Calderon, he wanted me to help him push the Porn Tax bill that would tax the porn industry a whopping 25%. This would bring some serious cash into poverty-stricken California as well as help improve the secondary negative effects of pornography.

  Suddenly, I was knee deep in a political world that I wasn’t ready for. At least, I didn’t think so but God proved me wrong and used my testimony along with Daphne, my compadre and former adult entertainer, to expose the ENTIRE California adult industry. Now God was going after the whole adult world, not just the porn industry.

  Lord have mercy, again!

  On May 12, 2008, my family, Daphne and I walked into the California State Capitol building and it immediately felt like home. I never felt so sure of anything in my life. Energized by the powerful people and decision making going on around me, I fell in love with the super power system and dreamed of one day becoming a public servant. Thoughts of reforming California danced in my overwhelmed stressed out head.

  I have to admit, as much as I loved it though, I felt really nervous. When Assemblymember Calderon announced there were too many people on the opposing side of the bill and we had to move to a larger building, that’s when reality smacked me hard in the face.

  Oh crap, I’m about to testify against the multi-billion dollar porn industry, I thought. How the heck did I get so far in such a short time? I inquired of God.

  As usual, He smiled back and said His two famous words, “Trust Me.”

  Though the bill never passed ultimately, in August 2008, the bill did pass out of the Assembly Revenue and Taxation Committee and it was a huge victory. Suddenly California began to understand the horrible porn problem as well as public service agencies wanted to get behind me. Of course they did. They hoped I would save their jobs!

  But imagine what it was like for me to go to the Erotica LA convention only two weeks later after I first testified against the porn industry in the state legislature.

  Not pretty.

  The satanic backlash worsened and I was in the doctor’s office almost every week for my own secondary negative effects from pornography. Back on my knees, I prayed to God for serious strategies from heaven to continue the fight against pornography and still remain in one piece!

  As I prayed, I remembered the humble words of Jesus in Matthew 5:

  Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

  Meekness means controlled strength. Holy Spirit also taught me that humility would be my number one weapon in the fight against pornography. He was right.

  Obviously I can’t share all of the heavenly strategies that I’ve been given but…

  Eyebrows lifted.

  Let’s just say I pursued humility, walked in love as best I could, began to pray all day and night to the True Most High God, asked other dedicated people to pray and of course, I worked really hard. I also learned to rely solely on God’s Spirit, especially when I was utterly beside myself with no one to understand the hell I was going through.

  When no one had the high wisdom or advice to help me continue to pioneer the “ministry turned mission” God called me to, only God’s Spirit could speak to me. 1 John 2:27 became the hardcore reality of my life:

  As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him.

  I finally understood what that Scripture meant and began to learn how to totally trust the leading of the Holy Spirit. That was one of the most difficult things to do, especially with so many voices telling me otherwise!

  My parents told me one thing. My mentors warned me with another. Christians, Muslims, Catholics, Mormons, Atheists and everybody else told me their views. They all wanted to give their opinion about my porn mission and which god to follow but my God warned me and said, “Follow Me.”

  It became extremely difficult when even my own husband expressed doubts about the mission that God gave us. Suddenly, another question burned in our minds: Were we really called by God to lead an international anti-pornography outreach mission and allow our family to fall apart because of it?

  According to the Google search I did on “ministry burnout”, our family should have hung up their combat boots a long time ago.

  But God made it crystal clear to me that I was not to look to the right or to the left and that I was to continue to follow the anointing. Wherever His power was, that was where I was supposed to go. And if there wasn’t any tangible power, to get down on my feeble knees and cry out for more strength and humility.

  I also realized during this extreme learning time that I was being crucified and entirely emptied of myself due to the fleshly arrogance that still dwelt within me. Front row in the school of humility, I became desperate and read only books written by Saints who had already been there and done that.

  Mother Teresa, St. John of the Cross, St. Francis of Assisi, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Paul and the list goes on. Unable to receive any relief from the contemporary grace-filled prosperity Gospel teachers, I turned to historical Saints of God for help.

  It all began when I started having horrific nightmares for the first time in seven years. Images of women and children being brutally raped entered my mind as well as terrorizing dreams of me in great battle against Satan and super-sized demons. Truly, I thought I left my body every night to fight vicious inhuman entities in another world. Suddenly my bedroom became a war zone and my husband and I grew very perplexed.

  It got so bad, I couldn’t even have enjoyable sex anymore because of me being re-traumatized by the continual pornographic images and information I was daily exposed to. My condition became so terrible that I actually had to replace my shredded bed sheets because of the holes I tore through them. Think about it. A woman and mother leading a porn fight and a porn outreach to porn stars while trying to help thousands of people recover from porn addiction while also spending endless hours researching the porn industry in order to win a porn fight while in constant communication with other porn advocates and ministries. Oh yeah, you better believe I was hurting from porn.

  But you know what hurt the most? The fact that whenever I put a much needed prayer request up on the Internet, I typically received cruel rebukes or thoughtless suggestions from the greater part of responses. Only a few of my truest and most thoughtful friends understood to keep the advice to a minimum and instead to turn the heat up on the prayers.

  That’s when I realized the condition of the Church was even worse than I had previously imagined. When I desperately needed prayer and encouragement to continue an excruciating fight against porn, I largely received compassionless and faithless suggestions from so-called people of God.

  My heart was utterly broken. I never felt so alone in my life. Even the old porn days weren’t as bad as what I was going through in 2008.

  My heart was even more shattered when I reached out to certain organizations for prayer and much needed assistance, including churches in the San Fernando Valley area where the porn industry is located and guess what? They wouldn’t even give me business cards to pass out to porn stars to invite them to church.

  What the hell was their church doing in Porn Valley? I angrily questioned.

  All I wanted was some prayer and church bu
siness cards to pass out to the porn stars. I even volunteered to drive down to the area and “escort” porn stars into the big beautiful church on Sherman Way but they said they needed to talk to their Board of Directors first.

  I was livid to say the least. And then of course, I got a taste of commercial Christianity. I swore if I ever had a chance to get on a certain Christian television stage, I would rip up the gaudy gold chairs and cast them straight into the pit of hell for ignoring the pandemic porn problem in the earth. But then it got even worse. I discovered from emails I received from Pastors, Bishops, Missionaries and Priests around the world, that the Church of Jesus Christ, no matter what affiliation or denomination, is the main contributor to the destructive porn industry!

  AHHHHH!!! I screamed at the top of my lungs in my back yard while spewing to God about my utter disgust with these people who supposedly belonged to Him. Here I was giving my life’s blood for God’s enormous move in the earth, and the vast majority of His people were masturbating to porn.

  Holy Shit!

  I wasn’t the same anymore and the recovered Champion Mom and woman named Shelley disappeared and someone else resurrected in my body. That’s when I went out and bought an eight foot wooden staff at Home Depot and began to pray and aim it in the air towards major government super powers and Christian organizations.

  It was a time of reckoning between God and His people and the earth dwellers.

  Yeah, I was starting to be in a very bad prophetic mood by the end of 2008. Not great for outreach but definitely perfect for a vicious porn fight. God knew what He was doing and sure enough, I boldly showed up at the legislature again and testified to the extreme horrors of the illegally operating and hazardous porn industry.