***
A month after Joey’s confession, things were looking up. He started therapy and group meetings with other veterans a few times a week. He’d stopped talking with Bree almost completely, although I did see her name flash on his phone a few times, he never ran off to talk to her. The girls noticed a difference too. They had communication now that wasn’t there before, and Natasha and Lily were conscious of the behavior that was hard for him to deal with.
I was so proud of my girls who made it a point to understand some pretty grown up stuff. I felt like for once, we were a family. Even before Joey went to war, he was gone for such long periods of time it was hard to feel like a family. Now, he went to the clubhouse for club matters either while the girls were at school, or after dinner or when they went to bed. I was happy he wasn’t letting that come in the way of us, and the girls loved having him around.
I got the job at the salon, so I worked most days. Goldie was in half-day pre-k so Joey dropped her off and picked her up, leaving them a few hours of together-time before me and the other two girls got home. Joey never told me the jobs he did for the club, but I knew he was making money, which was a relief since I didn’t make a ton at the salon.
Joey also was in the process of updating our home in Plantain. I knew keeping himself busy was part of his therapy, since his therapist told him it would be beneficial for him to keep his mind and body busy. He rarely told me what him and his therapist talked about, but I could tell it was helping him. He seemed lighter, not so burdened, and I was okay not knowing what he’d experienced, as long as he was talking to someone.
The girls were sick with the flu for a week, first one, then the next, then the next. I was close to pulling my hair out by the time everyone was on the mend, but still just barely sane. An unexpected call from Joey one night while he was at the clubhouse had cheering up. He informed me that Maven was going to take the girls overnight and then meet us at Missy’s for Sunday dinner. Joey and I did as expected with a children-free home, but we also talked a lot.
I was so grateful to have this time with just us. The sex had us connecting on a physical level, reuniting ourselves, but the conversation was soul bonding. He didn’t tell me a lot about what he was going through, or details about his therapy, but I felt like him letting me look through that crack in the door, was settling almost. Since he’d been home, hell since he started in the military, I finally had the overwhelming feeling that my partner was back. The guy I met at the party, the one who came to the library every evening, the one who gave me an opportunity to live…he was back.
One day Joey called me at work and said there was urgent business going on at the club that he needed to be there for, that Gwen would get Goldie from school. The tone of his voice worried me, and I knew some serious shit had to be happening in order for him to miss his time with Goldie. I told him to be safe and he said he’d call me as soon as he knew when he’d be home. When that call did come, he told me he was going to be gone the rest of the night and wouldn’t be home until late. Of course I worried, but there was something about at least knowing where he was and that he was in the same country as me, that made anything he had to do with the club manageable.
I tried to wait up for him, but at midnight I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I don’t know how much later, but I awake to a body behind me, curling up close against my back. I snuggle back knowing it’s Joey, but begin to wake up more when I put my arm over his that’s around my waist and feel he’s still dressed.
“Beautiful,” he says softly, his voice sounding off.
Immediately I wake up, trying to turn and look at him, but his head is buried in the back of my neck.
“Joey?” I say with concern.
I force myself onto my back and his head nuzzles my chest, I can feel through his clothes he’s trembling.
“Joey?” I repeat, this time with a stronger voice.
“Smokey got shot,” he states.
“What?!” I blurt out, my stomach instantly plummeting.
“Run went bad…it took me right back to war, shit, Katie, it was so bad,” he tells me.
“Is he dead?” I ask with fear in my voice as my heart races.
“No, no, but he’s in surgery, I just left the hospital.”
“Was anyone else hurt?”
“Maven was with him, but she’s okay…it scared me Katie, like I remember Grant, and I tried to help Smokey, but there was so much blood.”
I wrap my arms around him, my chest heaving and I want to call Emily to see if she needs me for anything. When Joey finally dozes off, I slip out of bed and into the kitchen to call her, she’s at the hospital and tells me that Smokey’s still in surgery. We talk for only a few minutes, but I tell her I’ll come in the morning. When the girls get up, I hurry and get them ready, and Gwen comes to get them to take them to school. After I get ready for work, I take a cup of coffee into our bedroom and wake Joey. His eyes are soft when he blinks up at me, his hands attempting to pull me into bed as he smiles.
“We have to go see Smokey,” I tell him softly, and hate watching his face morph with reality.
He nods and sits up, taking the coffee as he heads toward the bathroom. When he’s done getting ready, we drive separately over to the hospital. Emily’s in the hallway when we arrive through the elevators, and she informs us that Smokey’s still unconscious but that his surgery went well and the doctors are optimistic he’ll make a full recovery. We make our way to his room, Sven’s there and we chat for a bit with him. I can tell him and Joey want to talk about what happened last night, but can’t in front of me, so I seek Emily out to talk with her.
“Em, how ya holding up?” I ask.
“I'm still running on shock I think, it doesn't feel real, like I'm miles away from myself,” she sighs and runs her hand across her forehead.
“He's going to be okay,” I reassure her.
“This time,” she sighs again. “This is exactly the reason I didn't want to get involved with Smokey to begin with.”
She looks at me and I feel a bit guilty that I played a part in him wooing her.
“But I love him, I can't fight that, I'm just thankful he wasn't killed,” she exhales.
“Anything you need, just ask-”
“Smokey's awake,” someone says and immediately we hurry over to the door to his room and I wait just outside. Joey comes out and stands beside me, putting his arm around my shoulders. Staff comes down the hallway quickly towards us and into the room. They announce loudly that they’re removing his breathing tube and I turn into Joey’s side.
“You okay, beautiful?”
And I shake my head. This happening to Smokey has my head spinning. I knew being a part of the club wasn't all lollipops and puppy dog tails, but I didn't think this was possible. Joey’s arm pulls me closer against him, and I see Sven who I hadn't noticed is there on his cellphone.
“Smokey's awake...will you call Maven? See you.”
“Dornan and Maven are coming.” Sven says.
“Should we go pick Maven up?” I ask, looking up at Joey.
“She’s with Dornan.”
I can't help it, but my mind clicks into a different gear. Its super early, and I wonder maybe, just maybe, they spent the night together. When the room is cleared of staff we enter, and although he looks pale and like he's been through hell, it’s reassuring to see my old friend alive. We hang out for a bit and Smokey doesn't seem to remember much other than Maven trying to get him out. I watch Em as her eyes water and I thank God for my brave friend for helping Smokey. I glance at the clock and realize I’m going to be late for work at the salon.
“Oh, I have to go,” I blurt out.
I tell Smokey I'll come by later if he needs me to bring anything and Em that I can take the kids for the night if she wants. Joey follows me out, taking my hand as we walk to the elevator doors.
“You can stay, babe, you don't need to walk me.”
“I want to, probably won't see you the rest o
f the day.”
I smile and lean up to kiss his lips. When the doors open, Maven and Dornan are inside and looking rather...different. I think I only notice because we've been friends for so long, but Maven smiles when she sees me in a way I've never seen on her before. Dornan too shares a smile with Joey, and under other circumstances I'd be demanding reasons for their happy expressions. But I don't, instead I tell Maven to call me as they exit and we enter the elevator.
“They looked pretty smitten,” I say as the doors close.
Joey gives me a side smile, and it feels good to think of something positive from this horrible morning.
“So, I probably won’t be home until late tonight,” Joey tells me as we get to the Cadillac.
I turn and face him, his eyes look weary and I lift up onto my toes to wrap my arms around his shoulders.
“You okay, I mean, with all this, how are you feeling now?” I ask, knowing the way he was when he got home last night.
He nods. “I’m processing, remembering the words the therapist told me when I feel this way.”
I inhale and look up at him, his huge arms moving around my waist.
“I don’t know why, but I never imagined anything like this with the club, I know that’s stupid, but…it sort of bothers me that it doesn’t bother me so much.”
He looks down at me with a curious look.
“You made it through war, and I feel like this is nothing compared to that.”
Raising a hand, he brushes my hair back. “I love you so much, beautiful, shit got crazy last night, but it’s not always like that…I told myself if this all gets to be too much, I’ll leave the club, or at least step down from my position.”
His words leave me knowing that he’s just as concerned with his wellbeing as I am, and it’s reassuring to know that he’s just as much aware of what this life could do to him.
“Call me later?” I ask.
“Of course,” he smiles, kissing me one last time through my lowered window.
Chapter 23
Joey ends up leaving for a week with Dornan, where, I don’t know. But he calls me several times a day and every night to talk to the girls. Even though he’s gone, the fact that unlike before and what I’m used to, we can talk anytime. But this almost makes his absence more painful, and I find myself anxiously awaiting his return home.
I call Maven after I saw her and Dornan at the hospital, and other than telling me they stayed the night together, she didn’t say anything more. We’re meeting at the clubhouse tonight for a party, and she told me she’d fill me in then. By the time Friday comes, I’m more than antsy to talk to her.
Natasha came home from school that day announcing she had a boyfriend. I never had a boyfriend before Joey, but I remember in elementary school, kids would be boyfriend and girlfriend for like a day. But it alerted me to the fact that my little girl was growing up, and this was just the beginning.
Gwen and I arrive at the clubhouse and help the other ladies prepare food and I finally see Maven about an hour after arriving. She’s being kind of snappy and irritated with other people and I wonder why. Could it be Dornan being gone for so long? I want to tease her about it, but can see she’s not in the joking mood.
Instead, we decide to drink. Yes, me, drink. Slowly, over the years I’ve allowed myself to indulge, but never drinking to the point of blacking out or anything. I’ve come to realize that alcohol wasn’t my parents’ problem, my parents were their own problem. I could drink socially and didn’t beat myself up about it.
However, Maven is drinking like a fish, and we start with tequila shots, which of course I don’t feel the effect of right away and keep drinking. By the time Smokey and Em come, I’m pretty far gone, but having fun. The girls are staying over at a woman’s who I work at the salon with, and since I’ve had such a lonesome week, why not have a little fun? I start telling Maven about Natasha having a boyfriend, when I look over her shoulder and see Joey and Dornan walking in through the gate.
“Baby!” I squeal as I stand and practically run to him, jumping onto him and kissing him.
“Hey, beautiful,” he smiles in between kisses at my welcome.
“I missed you,” I pout.
“I can see that,” he says, chuckling.
Then I hear catcalls and pull myself away from his lips to see Maven and Dornan in the same position as they kiss the living shit out of one another. I reach out and smack her ass and Joey makes some comment for them to get a room.
“Oh you old poop,” I tell him, dropping my feet to the ground. “It’s about damn time,” I add to him about our friends.
“You got drunk?” he asks me.
“I did, you wanna go to an apartment and mess around?” I ask while wiggling my eyebrows.
“Shit,” he groans and gives me a playful smile.
Just then Joseph walks over and hands his son a beer. “Sven wants to talk to you guys,” he says.
Joey looks at me and I nod my head, knowing he wasn’t gone for a week for nothing, and needs to talk to his boss. Maven and I resume our places on the bench and I notice how she can’t stop smiling.
“I love you two together,” I comment.
“Whatever, we need more drinks.”
We drink a little more until she tells me she has to go to the bathroom, before getting up and leaving me. I check my cellphone to see if I have any messages from the babysitter, which I do that says the girls are all in bed. I reply with a thank you, and close my phone. I stand and wobble for a moment, and Joey’s hand is on my arm, helping me from not falling over.
“You ready to go home?” he asks, giving me a smile.
“Yeah, I’ll take her since you have your bike,” Gwen says, coming up beside me.
“I wanna go for a ride!” I say excitedly, and they both give me a look.
“Probably best if I just drive us,” Gwen says, looping her arm in mine.
“Shit, Dornan has my keys, I’ll meet you there,” he says to me as he steps away and toward the clubhouse.
We get in Gwen’s car and I surf the channels as she starts the car and heads out towards the street. “Mickey” by Toni Basil comes on and instantly I’m clapping and chanting the lyrics, even getting Gwen to sing along. I think she helps me into the house, but anything beyond getting to the kitchen I don’t remember a thing.
I wake up with cotton mouth, and my head a little foggy. The bed’s empty on the other side and I look at the clock, it’s after twelve but the house is silent. I get up and the house is indeed empty as I head into the kitchen for some headache pills and water. My cellphone is sitting there and I shoot Joey a text and moments later he’s replying.
Joey: at the park with the girls.
I take advantage of my alone time with a hot shower before making some lunch. Last night was not what I hoped would happen. I imagined having sex with Joey all night and this morning until we needed to get the girls, and I kick myself for getting so drunk. A little while later the girls come running in for hugs and kisses, followed by Joey. I ask if they had fun and what they did, and a little while later everyone’s settled in and the girls are playing in the basement.
“I’m sorry about last night,” I tell Joey as I empty the dishwasher.
“No worries,” he shrugs.
“I feel bad, we never get alone time and I ruined it. I’d planned to get wild with you last night.” I look up and smile at him, but he’s looking out the window and he looks weary and run down.
“How was your trip?” I ask, since being gone a week, I’m sure he’s exhausted.
“Good,” he says looking at me, “glad to be home, the party was a little intense last night,” he sighs.
“Why, something happen? I didn’t hear you come in,” I ask, turning back to my task.
After a long moment he says, “No.”
“I called Maven to see how she was fairing this morning, but no answer-” I start,
“I talked to Dornan, said she was sleeping still.”
<
br /> There’s something off about his voice, flat and almost dismissive. Not like when he came home from the war, but more that there’s something he’s not telling me.
“Joey?”
He steps closer, kissing my temple. “I’m going to lay down for a bit.”
I watch his back as he walks out of the kitchen and towards the hallway. I don’t know if I’m just paranoid since anytime Joey seems distressed, but I wonder if he’s struggling with his PTSD. I know he’s working on it, and he hasn’t had any fall backs since he started therapy, but maybe something triggered his mind to go there. Or maybe he is just tired
The next few weeks Joey’s busy, always going to the club and I don’t ask but know something’s going on. All I can do is check in with him and make sure he’s okay, which he assures me he is. One night he calls me to tell me he won’t be home until sometime tomorrow and although I’m not thrilled, I can sense he doesn’t want to be gone that long, so I just tell him to be safe and that I love him.
But nothing prepares me for when he gets home and asks if we can talk away from the girls. My mind and heart are racing as we walk to our bedroom and he closes the door behind us. My eyes scan him for any injury and part of me feels like he’s about to tell me someone’s been killed.
“Maven and Dornan are gone,” he states.
“Gone?” I ask in a panic. “Dead?”
“No! No!” He hurries out as he rushes towards me. “No.” His hands cup my cheeks. “They had to leave town for a while, I was helping them last night.”
“Where are they going?”
“I don’t know, and we won’t be able to talk to them until it’s all cleared.”
I don’t understand, why the hell would they leave town? I shake my head slightly.
“I know it’s difficult to understand when I can’t tell you why…but-”
“I know,” I cut him off, another thing I can’t know about.
It hurts me that I didn’t get to say goodbye, and the first few days of their absence is so strange. I can’t just pick up the phone and call Maven, or stop by her house. How do I explain this to the girls? Especially Dornan, they’ve grown so attached to him over the years and he’s almost a surrogate father figure to them.
Take On Me: Plantain Series Book Three Page 22