“You’re scared,” I said matter-of-factly. There was no way around it. I knew what he was feeling. He opened his eyes slowly and looked at me once more.
“I’m terrified,” he replied. He took a deep breath and continued, “I’m terrified I’ll lose you and we won’t find each other again. I have a bad feeling, and I wish I could shake it. Believe me, I wish I could go into this with the same blind faith you have.”
I nodded, unable to say anything else. I took a quick glance at Escara surrounded by darkness and I knew I could trust her with both of our lives.
“We’re going to make it out of here. I did say we’ll have our happily ever after and I don’t break promises. I’ll do whatever it takes to get it. If that means trusting a demon like Escara, I’ll do it to get there. She is our only hope.”
The word hope seemed to trigger something in him because he smiled that crooked smile I loved so much and his eyes began to sparkle even brighter than they had before. We were both running so hard for our lives that we didn’t know which way was really up. This was one of the hardest things about my line of work. Sometimes you just didn’t know, and when you did everyone doubted your decision. I just couldn’t take the hesitation Gordon was feeling in that moment. He trusted me, but not her and I needed him to trust her for this to work out in our favor. I wanted to go home, and I know he wanted to be there with me.
I looked him deep in the eyes and asked one simple question. “Do you trust me?”
I could see the wheels turning inside of his mind and the hesitation hurt me a little bit. I knew it wasn’t because of me, but because of Escara.
He confirmed that by saying, “Yes.”
I smiled down at him and couldn’t hide the happiness I was feeling. It meant a lot to me that he trusted me. I took that to mean that since he trusted me he had faith in the plan and in Escara. I leaned down to him and kissed him softly on the forehead, then moved to his lips. They were still so soft and the kiss was fleeting, but the feeling of butterflies in my stomach weren’t. I felt like a teenage girl with a crush all over again. I just happened to have a crush on one of the least popular kids in school, but I couldn’t care less.
He then pulled me down to the ground to lie at his side. I submitted and placed myself in the crook of his shoulder and wiggled to get as close as I possibly could. The heat of him against me woke the beast up inside of me enough for it to voice its contentment and disappear for a while. I was finally able to dose off and sleep, but who knew for how long.
Chapter 12: Dream a Little Dream
I bolted upright and couldn’t catch my breath. My breathing was heavy and I was sweating profusely like I had just run a marathon. I could barely gulp in air fast enough before I had to take another breath. All I knew was that the fire beside me was too warm, and there wasn’t enough air. My sweat had pooled in a few uncomfortable places and, as I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand, I could actually feel ash smear on my skin. It was gritty like sand. I could still feel sweat pouring out of me like I had taken a bath in it or walked into the warm ocean. My clothes were drenched and my hair was matted to my forehead and neck. So, this was what it felt like to sleep directly next to a large and roaring fire?
I looked around me and tried to remember what had woken me. A part of me was too scared to know. Wasn’t it always like that when you had to sleep in Hell? I was sure it was.
I was in the middle of a large clearing, fires ranging from large to small scattered throughout its expanse. They were barely enough to swallow the blackness. There was nothing there in the darkness that the light could expose. Absolutely nothing, which was what I expected. My throat was dry and sore and my breath was still coming out in struggling gasps, making my throat even scratchier. I was sure not even water could help, but it wasn’t like I could get ice water down here anyways. That joke my mother told me about Hell and ice water came back to mine and I couldn’t help but chuckle a little bit.
I took a glance down at Gordon’s still sleeping form, his back was to me and he was so still. I was glad I hadn’t woken him. I was so startled but I really had no idea why. As I looked around the clearing I realized even Escara was absent. She didn’t sleep, so what was she doing? Probably walking around and making sure we would remain safe and unseen. After all, our goal was to escape Hell. Had anyone ever attempted it before, or was I the first? My mind was literally screaming for the answer as I felt the beast beat against my skull at the thought. Maybe Escara had attempted it at one point and didn’t have the necessary tools to do so. Maybe that was why she had the information I needed, but then I would have to ask who she got the information from herself. There was no telling anymore. Plus, no one knew how long it had been since she acquired the evidence and then handed it to me with a promise.
My heart had finally begun to slow and my breathing returned to normal once I realized everything seemed to be okay. At least, at a first glance. I looked back down to Gordon’s still form and became nervous once more. He hadn’t moved since I had woken, and I was terrified that I had lost him again. Of course, he was asleep so the answer could be as simple as that. I was really hoping so because I knew I couldn’t make it through the grief of losing him again. Especially since I didn’t think Escara would be great company for a grieving woman. Not even in the slightest. She didn’t even know what it felt like to be human because she had never experienced it herself. That was a shame because it wasn’t all bad.
I was trying really hard to choke down fear as I reached out to touch Gordon’s shoulder. My hands were shaking so badly I wasn’t sure I would be able to steady them enough to touch him at all. I could almost hear my bones rattle from the shaking. I gripped his shoulder and it felt rigid and cold, like the darkness had taken every bit of heat from his body and left him an empty shell despite the fire roiling beside us. I didn’t want to think that way, but it was hard not to when you were surrounded with it.
“Gordon?” My voice was shaky as it passed from between my lips, which seemed to also be trembling with fear. Nothing. There was no response. Fear began to gag me once again with its pungency. The feeling was so strong I couldn’t swallow it down and the pit in my stomach was continuing to grow as the fear was tightening its grip on me. My mind and soul were even shuddering and screaming with it. I couldn’t force myself to roll him over even though I had to know.
My heartbeat was beginning to pulsate again with that familiar glow that mirrored the embers surrounding us in the dark and I could feel that heat building inside of me. It got hotter as the fear grew stronger and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I knew if I had one simple wish in that moment it would be that Gordon would roll over and smile at me from under heavy and tired lashes. If only wishes came true down here.
I took a deep breath and worked up the nerve to do what needed to be done. I turned him over as slowly as I could, terrified of what I could possibly see. I knew Hell played tricks on you, but the thing was, you were never prepared for them. The tricks were even worse than your worst nightmare, and I had had some doozies over the past year.
Once he was on his back complete shock, revulsion, and horror took over. I almost lost control over the beast entirely. As I looked down at him in horror, the beast was pounding as hard as it could behind my ribs and inside of my skull. It was threatening to shatter me until I set it free. Gordon’s eyes had been burned from their sockets and his face was frozen in shock and pain. There were scorch marks and soot around his eyes. The empty sockets were still sizzling and they were burning slightly. I screamed and started to back away, but the fire directly behind me stopped me in my tracks. So instead, I crawled away from him and as far as I could get without running.
I stood and frantically searched the darkness. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to see more than a few feet in front of me, but I had to see what did this. That was if I hadn’t. Tears began to flow from my eyes and they were hot, almost burning. It was like the beast was trying to escape through my cries a
nd that demonic growl began to creep its way in. My body began to become a beacon in the shadows, helping lead lost souls my way. I couldn’t have done this. I wouldn’t have done this. Then a thought hit me. The beast could have and would have.
The world began to look so distorted that I almost didn’t want to believe what I could see in the distance. What I saw caused the shaking to worsen and my soul to cry out. I felt like a storm was brewing inside of me and it was begging for release, and it wanted it soon. It was threatening to bowl over and a wind began to blow. I stumbled slightly over nothing, but was able to keep my balance as my feet slid around in the ash that covered the ground.
I saw my mother in the distance, dressed in white. As her dress dragged along the ground it collected small particles of ash that were still ablaze, causing small flames to erupt. Her dark hair blew in the breeze and her face was stern and angry as she watched me from the distance. It was like I was a child again, and I had done something that broke the rules. According to her Catholic faith I had. I was in love with a demon, and I had killed him.
That’s when blood began to pour down from the nothingness above me. It was so hot it felt like it could blister my skin, and it just kept coming. As it covered the ground I had to dig my feet into it to keep me from sliding again. All I needed was to slide around and fall while my mother was in front of me staring me down like I just stole the last piece of salt water taffy she had been saving. The expression on my face had to have been priceless. Shock was beginning to become my number one emotion and it was right before fear. Well, fear and grief. Would I ever be happy again? I was beginning to think not.
My mother stopped in front of me and her blue eyes were glowing in the dark. I realized just how much I looked like her in that moment, except for the eyes. Mine were bright green like grass, but were now probably bright amber just like the flames burning inside of me. She remained stoic and I couldn’t help but blink the blood out of my eyes from the relentless downpour as I squinted at her. Then my mother opened her mouth and began to speak.
“I should’ve gotten rid of you when I found out I was pregnant. You are a danger to everyone around you,” she stated very matter-of-factly. I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe that no matter how hard I tried to save the world that I would bring nothing but death with me. This had to be a trick. All I could do was shake my head in response.
“The blood pouring down on you right now is the blood of every death you will cause if you escape Hell, human and devil alike.” Her face was contorted in anger and disgust, and the blood was drenching her beautiful white gown. There was almost no trace of the white left, like all purity and good was gone to the bloodshed, and I had caused it. Or will cause it.
“No,” I cried, shaking my head in denial. There was no way. I was destined to only be the harbinger of death to those who rose from the depths of Hell only to wreak havoc on the innocent living above us. That’s what I was. That was my destiny.
“You are meant to rot in this place with the devils you laid to rest,” she screamed at me. Her voice was beginning to sound like mine once I let the beast take control. It was like a thousand voices were erupting from her all at once and they were only growing louder. “You are meant for Hell.”
I screamed in response because that was all I knew to do, and the beast was roaring from inside of me. It wanted to be free, and I was so scared of what my mother said being true that I fought for control. Escara knew I wasn’t meant to be here, but why wouldn’t my own mother? Blood was making its way into my eyes and I had to continuously blink to get rid of it, and it was making my vision red. It was like the beast inside of me was a bull, and my control was the red cape. It was only made worse by the blood pouring down around us.
My mother reached out and took my throat in her hand and squeezed. This couldn’t be right. I wasn’t going to die here. Death was final here, and I was meant to fight for the light. Her hand closed around my throat, choking me in conjunction with the thick, warm blood pouring down around us. I clawed desperately at her hands with no avail and this only caused her to grip tighter. As I struggled to breathe I could feel the beast rumbling inside of me, begging to be free. It wanted to save me because a final death in Hell wasn’t my fate, and we both knew it. It didn’t matter what my mother said here in the darkness.
I let go of my control and let the beast spread through each and every cell in my body and leach through my veins. The light inside of me pierced the darkness and showed me my mother’s true face. It was distorted and twisted with pure evil, black dead eyes and all.
At that moment the flames shot from my veins and blazed anew across my flesh, something it had never done before without me making it happen. As they blazed I could hear the blood sizzle on my skin and the smell of iron filled my nostrils, causing the beast to growl even more ferociously inside of me. It was like the smell alone was satisfying a hunger that I had inside of me that only the monster knew about, and it was a hunger for blood. If I had let it roam free in this storm I was sure it would be licking it from the ground.
As I let out one final, demonic cry, a light so bright it rivaled the sun burst from the epicenter of my chest. It could’ve leveled an entire city like an atomic bomb, and then the world went black.
Chapter 13: World in Flames
I bolted to a sitting position for what the second time that night. I knew technically there was no such thing here, but that's how it felt. My heart was pounding so hard in it felt like it would leap out through my mouth at any moment. If only I could get it to slow down. I could barely get a whole breath in, and the beast was pounding away in my head once again. In all technicalities it was. I had kept it caged inside of my head in pursuit of control, but I felt like that control was slipping away with each breath I tried to take and each panicked heartbeat. It was melting away with every drop of sweat that my skin produced. I needed to remain as calm as possible so I didn’t cause it to start beating against my control again.
I looked to Gordon beside me and his back was to me, just like the dream I had just had. I was sure that the word dream wasn't really the word for it. Nightmare was closer. A very vivid nightmare that I was hoping wasn't somehow a premonition. With everything happening to me lately I wouldn't be surprised. I was terrified. Everything looked exactly the same as the dream I had just woken up from. The fire was at my side and Gordon was laying facing away from me on the other, and Escara was nowhere to be seen.
I reached out tentatively, my hand shaking so violently I could feel the warm air moving past my fingers. There was this strange feeling of déjà vu that passed over me. I put my hand on his shoulder and he felt cold, just like I had dreamt. There was no way that could be good. I closed my eyes and prayed a silent prayer that everything was going to be okay. His shoulder was hard like all the life had been taken from him, and the cold didn't help either.
As if my prayer had been answered, Gordon rolled over of his own accord and stretched, his eyes fluttering open. He had been sleeping, and soundly from the look of it too. He shuddered and rubbed his hands over his bare arms. I could see the muscles flexing beneath his skin and I almost couldn't tear my eyes away. He looked me in the eyes and smiled, causing me to blush. I wasn't sure why I blushed, but I did. I just couldn't help it. No matter how long I was with him he always reduced me to a teenaged school girl with a crush who flushed and giggled at everything he said.
He took my hand in his and the cold triggered something inside of me. It must have been the fear or the realization that I could lose him again at any moment. An image of my mother gripping my throat like a vise, eyes like blue fire, telling me that I would kill anyone I came across. It didn’t matter if they were evil or not. And it didn’t matter who got in the way. I would kill anyone and everyone I came into contact with, especially those I love. Gordon had already died once for me. Could I let him continue to put himself at risk?
My breath began to speed up again and my heart beat like a drum. I felt l
ike I needed to get a warning sign tattooed on my forehead so people would stay away. I had to get away from Gordon and fast because I could feel the beast roiling to get out of its skeletal cage, and I wasn’t sure if I could hold it back this time. I imagined it throwing itself against my skull and beating against my ribs like a torrent of rage, fire, and power. It screamed at me and I had to put my hands over my ears, but it didn’t deafen the sound. Of course, how could it when the sound was coming from inside of me.
Gordon sat up as quickly as he could, not knowing what to do to help me. I wasn’t even sure there was a way that anyone could do anything. Not even Gordon who had proven that he can calm the beast with just his presence. I didn’t think it would work that way this time. Sweat was beginning to pour from me once more as I fought to control the animal inside of me with everything I had. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to this time. Not with the emotions coursing through me and the thoughts in my mind. I hadn’t noticed but I had begun to rock back and forth trying to find my own private solace.
I had about a million things going on inside of me and it was like everything on the outside was amplified. I could hear the fire crackling loudly next to me. I could hear the movement of the ash as Gordon made his way to his knees. I could hear his heavy breathing, showing he was just as scared as I was. It was like I could hear the rush in and out of air in his lungs. I could also hear the steady thump of his heartbeat under the thundering rush of my own. The sound of his blood pumping was almost unbearable, and everything was so loud I could barely hear my own thoughts.
Follow the Screams (The Executioner Trilogy Book 2) Page 6