A Glimpse at Happiness

by Jean Fullerton

  ‘Well, while you’re taken up caring for Mattie I’m trying to make sure everything stays just as you like it,’ Josie told her.

  Sarah expression softened. ‘Well, truth where it’s due, I couldn’t have done better myself, and the children are forever telling me how Miss Josie has done this and that for them. Annie even said you were giving them a bath twice a week. That’s a lot of water to fetch in. Wouldn’t it be easier for you and the children to make do with a strip wash like Patrick does?’

  ‘We do most nights but Patrick goes to the bathhouse in Smithfield each Saturday, and the children and I can’t. So despite the fetching and carrying I’ve decided to set a bath in front of the fire like Ma, Gran and me used to.’

  Sarah laughed and Josie’s shoulders relaxed. ‘Pat said he’d come home and found you soaking yourself in the tub the other night.’

  Josie felt her cheeks glow as she remembered what he had done after he walked in on her - and without giving her time to dry herself either.

  Sarah set her empty cup on the table. ‘Well, I can’t say that you haven’t brightened Patrick’s and the children’s lives. There’s no doubting they couldn’t be in better hands, but I’d bet a crown to a penny that you’ve discovered muscles you didn’t know you had in the last week.’

  This time Josie laughed. ‘Aye, and that there’s such a time as five in the morning.’

  Sarah’s smile widened. ‘I heard you’ve been sending Pat off with a clean shirt and full belly each day. I used to do the same for my Pat, God rest his soul.’ She crossed herself.

  ‘I may not be able to be Patrick’s wife in law, but I am his wife in every other way,’ Josie said firmly. ‘After Rosa, he and the children deserve a proper home, and while I’m caring for them they’ll always have clean clothes, mended socks and a hot meal each day.’ She gave Sarah a quirky smile. ‘But I had forgotten just how much work that actually took. No matter. I’ll get used to it.’ She picked up her chemise and plunged it into the soapy water.

  The reserved expression returned to Sarah’s face. ‘I’m sure you will but, Josie, whatever will your mother say?’

  A lump settled on Josie chest and her shoulders slumped. ‘That’s just what I’ve been asking myself for the past week,’ she replied. ‘I just pray that when she hears the whole story she’ll understand why I left.’

  ‘I hope you’re right and Ellen does see it that way, but you’re not little Josie running the streets in second-hand clothes any more. You’re Miss O’Casey, the stepdaughter of the Chief Medical Officer at the London Hospital. You have grand prospects; at least you did have before all this trouble.’

  ‘I know, but now I have Patrick instead, and perhaps that’s how it should have been all along,’ Josie replied. ‘Anyhow, I have written Mam another letter explaining everything but I’m not sure if it will reach her. She was in Edinburgh but I’m sure she’s gone north by now. If I remember rightly, Robert’s sister was leaving to visit a friend for a few weeks after they’d left. I just hope that she got my first one so at least then she’ll know what’s going on at home while she and Robert are away, even if I have to wait until she returns to tell her the whole story.’

  ‘But what about the children? From what you’ve said about Mrs Munroe aren’t you bothered about them?’

  At Sarah’s words all the nagging fears that kept her awake at night while Patrick slept peacefully beside her came screaming back into her mind.

  Josie stared at the dirty water. ‘No, Sarah, I’m not bothered. ’ She looked up at Sarah. ‘I’m nearly out of my mind with worry,’ she replied, as the images of Bobby, Lottie, George, Joe and Jack sprang into her mind and a lump rose in her throat.

  ‘There’s not a day goes by without me imagining what that foolish old woman might be doing to the children, but I can do nothing about it. Patrick said he’d send Gus around but I said not to as Mrs Munroe would probably have him arrested.’ She looked at Sarah through shimmering tears. ‘The only consolation I have is that despite all her old-fashioned ways and pious attitudes Mrs Munroe is their grandmother. She does care for them in her own way and would not do anything purposely to harm them. All I can do is pray they remain safe until Mam and Robert return.’

  ‘May the saints hear you,’ Sarah replied.

  Josie pressed her lips together and, as much as she could, she put aside her concerns for her brothers and sisters.

  Perhaps she could wait for Mrs Woodall when she went to market and see if she could get news of the children from her.

  Sarah stood up. ‘Ah, well, I can’t be sitting here all day,’ she said. ‘Mattie’s trying to run a coal yard and grow a baby so I’d better get what I came for and head on back.’ She went over and rested her hands on Josie shoulders. ‘You know I’ve always thought of you as a daughter.’ One corner of her mouth raised slightly. ‘But it won’t be an easy task for your mother to see you living with Patrick without the benefit of the church as an advantage for you, or the rest of your family.’

  She kissed Josie on the cheek, picked up her bundle and left.

  Josie watched the door close and then turned back to her task, her mind full of thoughts of her mother. She rinsed the washing in the cool water tub and then hung clothes next to Patrick’s laundry. The cuff from one of his shirts fluttered against her cheek and she smiled as she thought of the man it belonged to. Images of herself and Patrick entwined in each other’s arms came back so vividly that a thrill of excitement shot through her. Then she recalled his whispered words of love as he caressed her body. Her troubled heart quietened.

  As long as she had Patrick’s love she would never regret her actions the night of Harry’s attack because it brought them together and gave her more joy than she ever thought possible. She was Patrick’s completely, and she would never regret giving herself to him as she had. Even so and despite everything Josie fervently hoped that when her mother did find out about her and Patrick, her estrangement from her family would not prove to be permanent.

  Patrick’s head nodded forward and he woke with a start. He blinked a couple of times and then glanced around the scullery. The light from the window was almost gone and he judged it was almost nine o’clock at night. He must have closed his eyes for a moment and fallen asleep. It was hardly surprising - he had been up since before dawn and, after a belly full of pork and potato stew, he must have drifted off.

  His eyes rested on Josie, Annie and Mickey sitting at the table. Illuminated by the soft lamplight Josie, with Mickey on her lap, traced her finger over the words of a book he was reading softly and slowly, while Annie sat on the other side stitching the turned collar of her brother’s shirt.

  It had been three weeks since the night of the Tugmans’ violence, followed by Brian’s funeral, and Patrick still hadn’t got used to the joy of returning home each day to find Josie waiting for him. He knew he never would. When he told the children that she was staying they were overjoyed and, thankfully, didn’t ask any questions as to how or why. Having Josie with him made his life complete and, in truth, he didn’t know how he could have gotten through the past few weeks without her. He’d nearly unmanned himself when Brian’s coffin was lowered and it was only Josie’s love that made the aching loss of Brian bearable. But, despite his need of her, Patrick’s conscience continued to trouble him for bringing her into such a situation.

  It had started on the morning of Brian’s funeral, when they’d arrived back and found that one of the Munroes’ servants had delivered a bundle of Josie’s clothes sent by her younger sister.

  Josie had sobbed when she read the note inside and remorse took a hold of him as he thought again about what she’d given up. It flared yet again when he’d come home a few days later to find she’d sold her three good dresses to buy two workaday ones for herself and new coats and boots for Mickey and Annie. He reproached himself when he saw her cooking with her sleeves rolled up, whereas less than a month ago she had had her meals not only prepared by the Munroes’ cook, but als
o served to her in style.

  It wasn’t right, and he was determined to provide her with a better home. He’d put a little by from his overseas voyages and with the Mermaid constantly in work, he’d already decided that he would quit Walburgh Street and rent one of the houses at the back of St Dunstan’s church. They were no bigger than the house they had but they did have gardens. Kate was going to live with poor Mattie and help her run the business when the baby arrived, so it would just be him, Josie, Annie, Mickey and his mother Sarah in the house. There was also a school nearby for the children. Of course, it didn’t compare with the luxury he’d taken her from, but it was a start.

  His head jerked again. He stretched his legs and put his hands behind his head. ‘I just dropped off for a moment there.’

  Mickey put his hand over his mouth and chuckled.

  ‘Have I missed a joke?’ Patrick asked, forcing himself to forget about their present circumstances and enjoy his family.

  ‘Oh, Pa. You were snoring,’ the children said almost in unison.

  Patrick shot up and gave them an incensed looked. ‘Snore? I don’t snore!’

  The children laughed and Josie joined in but she frowned slightly.

  ‘Now, Mickey, Annie, your pa’s been up before dawn and working like a farmer’s mule all day. You get yourselves to bed and let him have a bit of peace,’ she said, tousling his son’s hair.

  The two children hopped down from the table and each gave him a swift kiss before going upstairs.

  Josie kissed both children as they left the room and a lump settled across Patrick’s Adam’s apple.

  ‘Mickey’s reading is coming on a treat,’ Josie said, as she folded away Annie’s thread into the sewing box.

  ‘Thanks to you.’

  Josie put the lid on the box and went over to stand in front of him. Even in her faded green gown she looked like a queen. He remembered the feel of her against him and rested his eyes on her slim waist.

  After the first few days, when he couldn’t have held himself back if he’d wanted to, he’d tried to withdraw just at the crucial moment; however, on more than one occasion his passion had overtaken him. The thought of Josie’s middle swelling with his child filled him with joy because he wanted nothing more, but also with dread - because he felt it would remove her even further from her family.

  He forced a smile. ‘That was a meal fit for a prince.’

  Josie ran her fingers though his hair and looked down at him. ‘What’s troubling you, Patrick?’

  He caught her around the waist, pulled her onto his lap and kissed her. ‘What could be troubling me?’

  She settled in his arms and gave him a considered look. ‘That’s what I asked.’

  ‘This colour suits you,’ he said, running his hands over her thigh, and reached up to kiss her but she pushed him away. ‘Patrick Michael Nolan, are you going to tell me what’s on your mind or am I going to have to nag you for another hour?’

  Patrick managed to maintain his guileless smile for a few seconds longer but then let out a sigh. ‘There were three more boats damaged today - two with their rudders smashed, and the Pegasus’ engine was filled with syrup.’

  ‘The Tugmans?’

  He nodded. ‘Of course. Also two of the men who stood against Ma had their houses go up in flames last night. ’

  Josie gasped. ‘Was anyone injured?’

  He shook his head then let it fall back to stare up at the ceiling. She caressed his face and he caught her hand and kissed it.

  ‘I knew there would be comeback after I’d practically brained Charlie. Ma won’t let that go and now everyone is suffering because of what I’ve done. What’s happened to Brian doesn’t seem to matter.’ He blew out hard. ‘I know some of the men in the association have already started shipping her contraband again. I don’t blame them, but to my mind they are putting their family in the shadow of the workhouse by running her stolen goods right under the coppers’ noses.’

  Josie shifted on his lap. ‘Why don’t you go to the police?’

  ‘A man sorts out his own problems and doesn’t go bleating to the nabbers,’ he said, running his finger over her cheek lightly. ‘Don’t you worry, sweetheart, I’ll see it right.’

  He reached up and managed this time to capture her lips. He kissed her deeply, hoping that would be the end of the matter. With Josie sitting on his lap he could think of a number of things he’d rather do than talk about the Tugmans. She melted into him for a few moments but then pushed him away again.

  ‘I know you think you can sort it out, Patrick, but now we have a chance at happiness I can’t bear to think of it ruined by you ending up at the end of someone’s knife - or worse.’ She looked him squarely in the eye. ‘Think, my love. You send them packing and they sink someone’s boat. Ma’s thrown out of Mattie’s wedding and more boats are damaged. You all join together and they smash up the Town, kill Brian - God bless his soul - and then try to sabotage the Mermaid. Charlie attacks me and you all but kill him.’ She grasped his face in her hands. ‘I know it’s hard to admit, but the police are the only ones who can put a stop to Ma’s gang for good, otherwise there’ll be more widows and orphans queuing up for parish relief. And don’t try to tell me that Ma isn’t biding her time until she can pay you back for Charlie,’ she said, with just the hint of a tremor in her voice.

  Patrick enfolded her in his arms. ‘There, nothing’s going to happen to me,’ he told her. ‘And I won’t let anyone harm you again, I promise.’

  She struggled against his embrace and sat up. ‘For goodness’ sake, I’m not afraid for myself. It’s you! I don’t want to lose you.’ A twisted smile played over her lips. ‘Don’t you understand, you great lummox? I love you and want to spend my life with you. My whole life - for years and years - not just until the next fight when Harry catches you out one night.’

  A tear swelled up over her lashes and Patrick hugged her to him. This time she snuggled down with her head on his shoulder.

  She was right of course. From the moment the pipe had connected with Charlie’s head there was no going back. He didn’t fear for himself. If anything happened to him his family would look after the children, but Josie would be alone and then what would become of her? She wouldn’t be able to go back to her family and society would shun her without him. Josie would be destitute.

  He looked over to her bonnet hanging on the back of the chair. He had fished it out from the bottom of the Mermaid’s hold where it had tumbled on that fateful night. The shape of the brim was intact but the ribbons were ripped off. Coal dust had sifted itself in between the woven straw. Josie had dampened it and dried it several times in an effort to remove the black specks but its brightness had gone. Even the fresh ribbons couldn’t restore it to its former pristine condition and, unfortunately, the world Josie had turned her back on would regard her in much the same way as her bonnet - beyond rescue.

  But would he wish her anywhere else? he asked himself silently, enjoying her head resting on his collarbone and her hand slipped around his body. In truth, with the joy of loving her each night he couldn’t - and he thought she had the right of it: if the docks were ever to be free of the Tugmans it would need more than street law to remove them.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Josie pushed open Mattie’s door and called out a hello before making her way down to the kitchen at the back of the house. As she’d expected, Mattie was there with her mother Sarah preparing the midday meal. Queenie Maguire sat in a rocking chair in the corner of the room.

  ‘You’re looking well,’ Josie said as she gave Mattie a kiss on the cheek.

  Mattie smoothed her hand over her swollen stomach. ‘I feel fine. I still can’t . . .’ she bit her bottom lip and gave Josie a bright smile. ‘I’ll be glad when the young ’un’s out in a few months and not doing a jig in my belly all night.’ She glanced at Brian’s mother rocking back and forth. ‘He’ll soon be here, won’t he, Mother?’

  Mrs Maguire gave a vague smile but di
dn’t answer. Josie nodded at her and then turned back to her friend. ‘Is she any better?’

  ‘Well, she’s talking now - sometimes,’ Mattie replied, putting the pot back on the stove. ‘But she’s still wandering about at night.’

  Mattie put her hand onto the small of her back and her mother waved her to a chair. ‘Sit down and fold those clothes while I peg the sheets on the line,’ she said, picking up the basket full of damp linen, and smiled across at Josie. ‘It’s good to see you,’ she said, as she went out the back, leaving Josie and Mattie to talk.

  ‘You’ll be needing these in a week or two,’ Josie said, and handed Mattie the baby clothes she’d been sewing.

  ‘Oh, they’re beautiful,’ Mattie said, holding them up and inspecting them. She gave Josie a crafty look. ‘You might need some of these yourself soon.’

  Josie cheeks grew warmer. She should have had her monthly visit by now, but with all the upset of the past few weeks she was out of rhythm - or that was what she kept telling herself. ‘Not this month,’ she said.