The Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT): Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer—Based on Stephen Karpman’s original Drama Triangle, the DDT involves three intertwined roles.
1. Victim. The central figure in the DDT, a Victim is one who feels powerless and has experienced some loss, thwarted desire or aspiration, and/or the psychic death of a dream. An important distinction is made between victimhood, which is a situation in which one is victimized to some degree, and Victimhood, which is a self-identity and “poor me” life stance.
2. Persecutor. The Persecutor serves as the cause of the Victim’s perceived powerlessness, reinforcing the Victim’s “Poor Me” identity. The Persecutor may be a person, condition (such as a health condition), or a circumstance (a natural disaster, for example). When the Persecutor is a person, he or she is symbiotically linked to the Victim and seeks to dominate (either overtly or covertly) and maintain a “one-up” position through a variety of assertive and/or manipulative means. Often a Persecutor’s behavior is driven by his own fear of becoming, or re-becoming, a Victim. Fear of losing control can also be a factor.
3. Rescuer. The Rescuer is any person or activity (such as an addiction) that serves to help a Victim relieve the “pain” of Victimhood. As an activity, the Rescuer helps the Victim “numb out.” Despite having helpful intentions, the Rescuer as a person reinforces the Victim’s “Poor Me” by adopting a “Poor You” attitude, which serves to increase the Victim’s sense of powerlessness. This renders the Victim dependent upon the Rescuer for a sense of safety—a bond forged by the Victim’s shame for needing to be rescued and cemented by the Rescuer’s own fear of abandonment or loss of purpose.
FISBE: This serves as the basis of the “mental model” that underpins the two Orientations. It is an acronym for the three elements of the model: where people put their Focus engages in them an emotional Inner State, which then drives their Behavior. The two primary mental models (Victim and Creator) are referred to as “Orientations” because what we focus on (i.e., orient on) has a great deal to do with what manifests in our experience.
Victim Orientation: It is in this Orientation that the DDT thrives. In this way of being, one’s Focus is on the problem or problems that dominate one’s life. When a problem occurs, it engages an inner state of anxiety, which in turn causes one to react. There are three basic forms of reacting: fight, flight, or freeze. The DDT is based on fear, avoidance (of feelings, loss, pain, reality), and/or aggressive reactivity. Much of humanity sleepwalks through life, unwittingly entangled in the DDT and the Victim Orientation in which it takes place. While the Victim Orientation has served a vital evolutionary purpose by helping humanity survive by reacting to threats in a hostile world, it has now outlived its usefulness as our “default” orientation.
Creator Orientation: The alternative to the Victim Orientation, this is the way of being in which The Empowerment Dynamic is cultivated. The FISBE here is much different. A Creator consciously focuses on a vision or outcome—that which she chooses to create in her life. As she focuses on what she wants to manifest, a Creator taps into an inner state of passion, which propels her to take a Baby Step. Each small movement is either an advancement toward the vision or a clarification of the final form of the desired outcome. A Creator still faces and solves problems, but she does so in the course of creating the outcomes, rather than merely reacting to them.
AIR: This acronym highlights the three key differences between the Victim and the Creator Orientation. The first is where you place your Attention (on what’s wanted instead of what’s not wanted). The second is what you hold as your Intention (manifesting outcomes, not just ridding yourself of problems). The third is Results (satisfying and sustainable, not temporary and reactive). The acronym AIR also serves to reinforce the reality that a very different experience and environment (hence, “air”) is generated by each of the two orientations.
Harnessing Dynamic Tension: Based on the work of Robert Fritz (The Path of Least Resistance), Dynamic Tension is a way of planning for and taking action in creating outcomes. We begin by identifying and describing the vision/outcome we desire to create. The next step is to carefully and completely assess our current reality as it relates to the envisioned outcome. There are two aspects of the current situation that we identify. The first aspects are those things that are happening or exist that support and are helpful in the creation of the outcome. The second aspects are the problems, obstacles, or things that are missing that inhibit our capacity to manifest the vision. By focusing on both the outcome and the current reality, we engage the tension—a creative force —between what we want and where we are. This tension seeks to be resolved. A Creator resolves the tension by taking Baby Steps to move from current reality toward the desired outcome. Each small step brings learning—whether it results in a step “back,” a step “forward,” or a “quantum leap”—in the process of creating outcomes.
TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic): Creator, Challenger, Coach—As a result of moving from the Victim Orientation to the Creator Orientation, a whole new set of roles and relationship dynamics becomes possible. The Empowerment Dynamic is made up of the following three roles, each of which serves as an antidote to the toxic roles of the DDT.
1. Creator. This is the central role of TED* and is the antidote to the powerless Victim. A Creator cultivates his capacity to create outcomes by adopting a Creator Orientation and harnessing Dynamic Tension. A Creator greatly increases his ability to choose a response to life circumstances (even in the harshest of situations), rather than merely reacting to them. Creators seek and form relationships with other Creators (Co-Creators), both to support and to be supported through the other two roles that make up TED*.
2. Challenger. Serving as an antidote to a Persecutor, who provokes a reaction from a Victim, a Challenger is a catalyst for change, learning, and growth for a Creator. A Challenger may be conscious and constructive, especially when in relationship with another Creator. Some of the Challengers we meet in life are unconscious—a person, condition, or circumstance that comes into our experience uninvited. In either case, a Creator is able to embrace the experience of a Challenger as a call to action, learning, and growth.
3. Coach. As the antidote to a Rescuer, who reinforces the powerlessness of a Victim, a Coach views others as being creative and resourceful. A Coach sees each person he relates to as a Creator in her own right, and seeks to support her in the process of creating outcomes. A Coach does this by asking questions that help clarify envisioned outcomes, current realities, and possible Baby Steps. A Coach dares a Creator to dream and discern the pathways for manifesting her visions.
Shift Happens: Making “shift happen” from the Victim to the Creator Orientation and from the DDT roles to their antidotes in TED* is the pathway for transforming how we experience life and interact in relationships. The shift from Victim to Creator takes place by focusing on what we want rather than what we don’t want, by moving from reacting to choosing outcomes and our responses to life experiences, and by reconnecting to our dreams and desires. Transforming our relationship with Persecutors so that we see them as Challengers instead calls upon us to discern the learning and growth they spark. To become a conscious Challenger in relationship with others requires clarity of intention, the ability to see the other as a Creator in his own right, and the wish to provoke and evoke growth and development. The shift from Rescuer to Coach invites us to see the other as creative and resourceful, and to support him in the creation process by asking questions and facilitating his own clarification of envisioned outcomes, the current realities he faces, and possible Baby Steps for moving forward.
Acknowledgments
for the 10th Anniversary edition
Many people have encouraged me and helped me bring TED* to you, and have contributed to the maturing of the book and body of work over the past decade. To those who have shared with me their heartfelt stories of how TED* has made a difference in their lives, I offer my heartfelt gratitude in return.
No one has influenced my thinking and my way of being in the world more than Bob Anderson, my decades-long friend and founder of The Leadership Circle, partner in the Full Circle Group and co-author of Mastering Leadership. Thanks for introducing me to the Orientations and for encouraging me to find my own voice, my own ways of expressing them.
And to my dear fellow “Four Horsemen,” Bob Anderson, Jim Anderson and Dan Holden and “Soul Sister,” Barbara Braham, Ph.D.—as well as the circle of colleagues who have gathered around the tables at the University of Notre Dame while serving as coaches for the Executive Integral Leadership Program—a deep bow of gratitude for your love and support in facing my own “dark nights” of the DDT, while always affirming the Creator essence we all share.
The contributions of two special editors and publishing consultants cannot be overstated. Ceci Miller, as the original editor and publishing coach, thanks for the challenge to develop the story that became TED*, and for coaching and coaxing the various voices of the story into being. You were a wonderful midwife (and thanks for introducing me to Roy!). Roy M. Carlisle, you expertly shepherded the second edition that grew TED* to maturity and made it accessible to an even wider circle of readers. This 10th Anniversary edition may never have come to fruition without your encouragement, persistence, publisher and bookseller sensibilities.
And to Donna—wife and partner extraordinaire—the word gratitude pales in comparison to what my heart and head really want to say about the contribution you bring to my life and our work. For your early admonition to write down the shift from the Drama Triangle to what you helped me name as The Empowerment Dynamic, for the magical suggestions that came out of our innumerable morning “quiet time” meditations, for reading every single word of the manuscript, and for constantly cheering me on, I thank you with all my heart. You have been an incredible companion every step of the way. You are, indeed, "TED*'s mom."
Suggested Reading and References
The following books, articles, and resources directly influenced the writing of this book. For additional resources, please visit www.PowerofTED.com.
Allen, James. As a Man Thinketh. Forth Worth, TX: Brownlow Publishing, 1985.
Chopra, Deepak. The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Practical Guide to the Fulfillment of Your Dreams. San Rafael, CA: Amber-Allen Publishing and New World Library, 1994.
Frankl, Viktor E. Man’s Search for Meaning. New York: Washington Square Press, 1984.
Fritz, Robert. The Path of Least Resistance: Learning to Become the Creative Force in Your Own Life. New York: Fawcett Columbine, 1989.
Nouwen, Henri. Bread for the Journey: A Daybook of Wisdom and Faith. New York: HarperCollins, 1997.
Rilke, Rainer Maria. Letters to a Young Poet. Translated by M. D. Herter Norton. Revised Edition. New York: Norton & Company, Inc., 1993.
A number of references to Stephen Karpman and The Drama Triangle are available on the Internet. The following three were particularly helpful in the writing of this book:
Forest, Lynne. The Three Faces of Victim. http://www.lynneforrest.com/html/the_faces_of_victim.html
Karpman, Steve, with comments by Patty E. Fleener M.S.W. 2002-2004. The Drama Triangle. http://www.mental-health-today.com/articles/drama.htm
Namka, Lynne, Ed.D. 2004. The Drama Triangle: Three Faces of Victimhood. http://www.angriesout.com/grown20.htm
For more information on Stephen Karpman and the Drama Triangle, visit his website:
www.KarpmanDramaTriangle.com.
About David Emerald
David Emerald is a confirmed Creator who once viewed life through the eyes of a Victim. He makes his home on a peaceful island in the Pacific Northwest in the United States, where he likes to walk the beach and imagine the best of all possible futures.
David Emerald is also the pen name of David Emerald Womeldorff, cofounder of the Bainbridge Leadership Center, along with his wife, Donna Zajonc. It offers a wide range of products and services in three interdependent areas of practice: public leadership, organizational leadership, and self-leadership.
The Power of TED* serves as a focal point for self-leadership. David has drawn on decades of communication, leadership, and organization development experience in writing this fable on self-leadership out of his conviction that how one leads one’s own life is highly correlated to the quality of one’s leadership as a whole.
For more information, visit www.PowerofTED.com.
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