Picturing Alyssa

by Alison Lohans

  “Uh oh. Let me help you, dear.” The clerk knelt beside her. Plump hands lifted the jugs of milk onto the counter.

  “I’m sorry!” Alyssa stammered as she fumbled with the egg cartons. Luckily only two eggs had broken.

  “Don’t worry about it,” the woman said. “These things happen.” She cleaned up the mess until only a big wet spot was left.

  Brooklynne was still there, watching. She was eating the Hershey Bar.

  Alyssa looked away, but not before she’d seen Brooklynne’s smirk. She reached in her jacket pocket to pay.

  The twenty-dollar bill from Dad wasn’t there. Panicking, she checked her other pockets but found nothing. She knew it wasn’t in her backpack. The money must’ve fallen out when she fell off her bike.

  “I lost the money,” she mumbled. “Can I call my dad?”

  There was a sigh as the woman slid a telephone across the counter. Holding her breath, Alyssa punched in the numbers.

  “That’s twenty dollars, Alyssa!” Dad said when she explained. “You’re old enough to be responsible.” Brooklynne still lingered by the door. There was a predatory look in her hazel eyes.

  “I fell off my bike,” Alyssa said in a low voice. “That’s when it probably fell out.”

  “Then go back and look for it,” Dad said impatiently.

  “But the lady’s waiting.” Alyssa’s hands were sweaty. “Please, could you come?”

  The line clicked.

  Ethan came instead of Dad. By that time Brooklynne was gone. The clerk had whisked the phone back behind the counter, and was busy marking things on a list. They paid for the groceries and went home exactly the way Alyssa had come. There was no twenty-dollar bill lying in the street.

  For supper they had scrambled eggs with cheese and milk. Nothing else.

  The next day at school, every time Alyssa was near her, Brooklynne whispered to Mackenzie and then they giggled. Sometimes Chelsea and Jessica joined in too.

  It got worse in language arts the day Mrs. Fraser asked them to role-play words for strong emotions. Alyssa and Rachel slid their desks together to plan how to act out “patriotic.” It wasn’t very nice of Mrs. Fraser to give them a word like that, after the way she’d ignored them at the peace march.

  Alyssa’s stomach twisted, remembering. Under the flag, a picture of the president was surrounded by shiny foil stars. Across the top of the next bulletin board were big red, white, and blue letters that said PROTECTING OUR DEMOCRACY — LET FREEDOM RING. Below was a display of war medals. Mrs. Fraser had put up the medals her father earned fighting in Vietnam, and some from her grandfather from the Second World War. She’d invited everyone in class to bring medals to put up, and now there were some from the Korean War, the First World War — and even one from the Civil War.

  “Do you think she did it on purpose?” Rachel whispered. “Everyone else got fun words.”

  All around the room, small groups of kids were talking and laughing. “Eggs!” Brooklynne said two rows away. The awful snickering started. Alyssa’s face burned.

  Rachel nudged her. “What’s with Brooklynne?”

  Alyssa tucked her feet around the desk legs. She hadn’t told Rachel what happened at Bristow’s. “I don’t know.” There was something else she hadn’t told Rachel, either. How could you explain about going from your couch to a whole different state a long time ago? Across the aisle, Tristan and Kai pretended to stab each other. “I wish we had ‘murderous rage,’” she said.

  Rachel giggled. “That’s not very Quakerly. What would your mom say?”

  Alyssa smiled. “She’d figure out a nonviolent way to show it.” PATRIOTIC, she printed across the top of her notebook page, copying from the dictionary. “1. loving one’s country. 2. showing love and loyal support of one’s country.” There was nothing wrong with that. But what could you say if your country was doing something that seemed terribly wrong?

  Rachel’s peridot birthstone ring winked light green as she wrote something lower down the page: “Not fair!” with a frowny face in the middle of the O. Alyssa couldn’t help laughing.

  “Splat!” Brooklynne’s voice was louder.

  Moving only her eyes, Alyssa checked on her. The other girl was staring right at her, waiting.

  Mrs. Fraser was at the back of the room. “Think about what ‘despair’ really means, Seth. How would you feel if something terrible was happening and you couldn’t do anything to stop it?”

  That was easy. All you had to do was think about the Middle East. Or how it felt when you were expecting a new baby, and …

  Rachel seemed to know what she was thinking. “Want to see if Seth will trade words?”

  Alyssa shook her head. “Mrs. Fraser wouldn’t let us.”

  “Embarrassed,” Mackenzie whispered loudly, and giggled.

  “Alyssa loves eggs,” Brooklynne added.

  Rachel’s mouth dropped open. “What’s she talking about? Just because her mom’s the news anchor now, and her dad’s the mayor — what right does that give her to be so snotty?”

  Alyssa stabbed her pen through the definition of “patriotic.” Mom and Dad, and the other adults at Quaker meeting, talked about how everybody had a little bit of God in them. How it was important to think about that goodness, and try to find it. Well, Brooklynne was different. She didn’t have any.

  “Class.” Mrs. Fraser moved decisively toward Brooklynne and Mackenzie. “Time’s almost up. In five minutes we’ll begin with Brooklynne and Mackenzie. Are you girls ready?”

  Rachel poked her. “What’re we going to do?”

  Alyssa shrugged. “The flag salute?”

  “That’ll work,” Rachel agreed.

  While their teacher talked to Tristan and Kai, Alyssa hurried to the bookshelf to get the I encyclopedia. There was just enough time to check some things about Iowa. She looked at pictures of fields of corn and sunflowers, and a big state fair. She looked at the Mississippi River and how it made the eastern state boundary into a curvy line, and how the straighter Missouri River made the western border. Where was Chatham? There it was, a tiny dot west of Des Moines. As fast as she could, Alyssa scanned the pages.

  “Class, your time is up.” Mrs. Fraser’s voice broke her concentration. “All right, Brooklynne and Mackenzie. Let’s see what you’ve planned.”

  At the front of the room, with their straight, shiny hair and their perfect tops and jeans, Brooklynne and Mackenzie looked like they could be on TV. “You have to guess our word.” Brooklynne’s braces flashed when she smiled, a smile that looked like her mom’s when she did the six o’clock news. She went to stand behind Mrs. Fraser’s desk. “I’m a store lady,” she announced.

  Alyssa went cold. Rachel poked her. “Store lady?” she whispered. “What kind of vocabulary is that?”

  Mackenzie walked toward the desk. She was hunched over, and her arms curved out as if she were carrying something heavy.

  “May I help you?” Brooklynne’s voice had the syrupy tone that telemarketers used.

  “Uh …” Mackenzie pretended to stagger.

  Brooklynne hurried to the chalkboard. “SPLAT!!!” she wrote in big letters. Then she turned on Mackenzie. “How could you be so stupid? Dropping eggs all over the floor! You have to pay for them, you know.”

  Alyssa’s heart pounded so hard she was afraid it might explode.

  “I’m s-s-s-sorry,” Mackenzie stammered. She dropped to her knees and covered her face. Somebody laughed.

  “Where’s the money?” Brooklynne demanded.

  Mackenzie fumbled through her pockets. “I-I … l-lost it.”

  It wasn’t fair! The way they were doing it, Mrs. Fraser would never guess. Alyssa’s hand clenched around her pen. Her shoulders felt tight. Her neck felt tight. Keeping her head down, she wished she could be a rock, a rock that couldn’t see or hear. Because if she even looked at Rachel, she’d cry.

  Brooklynne triumphantly faced the class. “What’s our word?” she asked sweetly.

  People
clapped and laughed, and shouted out answers: “Mad!” “Clumsy!” “Stupid!” “Sad!”

  In a sudden lull, Rachel looked over at Alyssa. “Bullying,” she said.

  Or being victimized, Alyssa didn’t say. It was just too much! Tears raced down her face. She held the open encyclopedia in front of her.

  “Alyssa.” Mrs. Fraser’s voice prodded her. “Are you with us?”

  Frantically, Alyssa wiped her eyes on her arm and lowered the book just enough so she could see Mrs. Fraser.

  “Put down the encyclopedia, Alyssa,” Mrs. Fraser said gently. “I’m sure you’d like everyone else to show you the respect of paying full attention to your presentation.”

  There was a muffled snicker, but everybody else was quiet.

  “Brooklynne and Mackenzie,” Mrs. Fraser continued, “this was a very convincing presentation.” She glanced at the clock. “Was this based on something that actually happened? I’d like to discuss it with you at recess.”

  There was a shriek of laughter. Giggles erupted from different parts of the room.

  “Class!” Mrs. Fraser’s angry voice brought instant silence.

  The recess bell rang.

  As people rummaged in their desks, Alyssa felt Rachel’s tap on her arm. “What’s all this about?” Rachel demanded.

  Alyssa sighed. She couldn’t keep putting Rachel off. Not trusting her voice, she wrote in her notebook: “It happened to me at Bristow’s. Brooklynne was there — she followed me after I fell off my bike.”

  Rachel gasped. “That witch!”

  Alyssa nodded. She ripped out the page and crumpled it.

  Brooklynne shot her a poisonous look.

  At home, as usual, Mom didn’t notice when Alyssa washed the dishes and changed the cat litter without even being asked.

  A week went by. Alyssa still didn’t know what to do for her genealogy project. She thought about writing to Grandma Hadley. Mrs. Fraser had said letter writing was one way of doing research. Should she write to Great-Grandmother Newlin? Alyssa had never met her, but every October, right on time, a birthday card came in the mail. Great-Grandmother Newlin was really old and lived in a seniors’ home in Iowa.

  Writing letters seemed like so much work. Email would be faster. Grandma had email, but she didn’t check it often. Great-Grandmother Newlin probably didn’t know how to use a computer. Maybe she could phone?

  The genealogy project was due in two weeks. As usual, there was math homework, creative writing, health, science, and book reports. Alyssa put off thinking about her assignment until Sunday when she and Dad and Ethan were sitting in their Quaker meeting for worship.

  Their Quaker meeting was small and didn’t own a building, so they rented space downtown in the North Dakota Crop Insurance office. Mom had stayed home with her stringy hair and stained housecoat, and the heavy, sad cloud that was with her all the time. As Alyssa sat wiggling her toes in her tight shoes, she was suddenly glad Mom wasn’t there. Sometimes Mom cried in meeting, and Rachel’s mom and the other women would hug her afterwards. It was too embarrassing.

  Sitting quietly, Alyssa pretended she didn’t have a mother. It would be just her and Ethan and Dad. They’d go to school and take care of the house. On weekends, they’d go exciting places like the Mall of the Americas and Disney World. They’d be in lots of peace marches too.

  There were fourteen people at meeting, counting two-year-old Mariah who was running around with her doll. Alyssa looked at each person. Ethan’s laces were untied, and anybody could see how his shoes were coming apart. Dad sat with his eyes closed. Alyssa noticed, to her horror, that Dad had some white hair! Was he getting old? To stop thinking about that, Alyssa looked at Rachel. A photocopier was behind her, and on the wall, a calendar with a picture of a green-and-yellow tractor. Rachel was twisting her birthstone ring, probably to make the peridot sparkle. Look at me! Alyssa thought.

  Except for Mariah, with her thumping feet and her baby talk, the room was still. Alyssa shifted in her folding chair. It squeaked. She propped her feet on the rungs. The chair squeaked again.

  In meeting for worship, the grownups tried to “center down.” That meant being so quiet, and listening so deeply, that you could connect with the bit of God that was inside you, also known as the “Inner Light.” There was no minister. Once in a while somebody said something into the quietness. Rachel said her mom loved meeting for worship because it was so peaceful. Alyssa thought it was boring.

  Alyssa could hear the pages rustle as Warren Stanley opened a little book and read a question about seeking the goodness in other people. Right away, she quit listening. Warren Stanley didn’t know Brooklynne. That made her think about Mrs. Fraser and the genealogy project. Since Mrs. Fraser didn’t like talking about peace, maybe she should make something up.

  The Underground Railroad! Everybody knew Quakers had helped slaves escape to Canada. Alyssa couldn’t remember Mom ever talking about her ancestors helping with the Underground Railroad — but so what?

  Was this what the Inner Light was like? An idea coming out of the blue? Except, God wouldn’t help people cheat.…

  Alyssa wiggled. Her chair squeaked again, loudly. Little Mariah laughed. Across the room, Rachel looked like she was about to laugh too.

  The Underground Railroad was perfect! Even if it wasn’t true. Mom would never find out.

  Chapter Five

  Another week passed. Then it was Friday, and Alyssa was glad. Rachel had invited her for a sleepover. First, they were going to see Stardancer. This would be the perfect time to tell Rachel about the picture and what had happened. The more she thought about it, the more she wondered if she’d somehow made it up. The photograph and the magnifying glass were in her backpack.

  The movie theatre was crowded. Stardancer was about a superhero who got her powers from the star Betelgeuse. Her daytime cover was as Catherine Richardson, a dancing student at the Omaha Academy of Dance, but any time a danger signal was transmitted through the celestial ether, Stardancer would fly away to trap heinous criminals.

  After buying a large buttered popcorn with cheese and onion powder on top and giant soft drinks, Alyssa and Rachel squeezed their way into the last empty seats in the second row from the front. Alyssa laughed as an icy dribble of orange pop trailed down her hand. “Yuk,” she said. “Got a napkin?”

  “Nope,” Rachel said.

  “Oh well.” The popcorn smelled so good Alyssa couldn’t wait. She ate a handful and licked the awesome cheesy-buttery-onion off her fingers.

  “Hi, Alyssa. Hi Rachel.”

  Rachel turned to look, so Alyssa had to turn around too. Brooklynne sat there with her perfect, straight blond hair. Brooklynne’s mouth was smiling with her silvery braces showing, but her eyes looked mean. As usual, Mackenzie was beside her.

  “Hi,” Rachel said flatly, and faced forward again.

  “Hi,” Alyssa said, hating how she sounded like an echo of Rachel.

  “Have you got anything in your pockets, Alyssa?” Brooklynne’s voice was syrupy sweet, exactly like the way she’d spoken in that horrible skit.

  Heat rushed into Alyssa’s face. Rachel nudged her. “Just ignore her,” she whispered. On the big screen there was a quiz question about who played the leading role in the latest Harry Potter movie.

  “Did you find your twenty dollars, Alyssa?” Brooklynne persisted.

  Alyssa gasped. How had Brooklynne known it was a twenty? Unless … Anger shot through her. What would Mom do? Mom wouldn’t let Brooklynne get away with this! “Is there any other place we can sit?” she whispered to Rachel. As usual, Brooklynne and Mackenzie were snickering.

  Rachel shook her head. “Don’t let on that they’re getting to you — they’ll only make it worse next time.”

  Next time. Always, there’d be a next time. Alyssa held herself straight and proud. Next year, in junior high, there’d be more kids. Brooklynne might not even be in any of her classes. And maybe Brooklynne would find somebody else to torment.


  The lights dimmed. There was a reminder for people to turn off their cell phones. A waving American flag appeared on the screen. The president’s voice boomed through the theatre, talking about terrorists and evil things that were happening in the Middle East. Alyssa squirmed in her seat, wishing she could turn it off like the TV at home. People in the theatre were clapping. “Nuke ’em!” somebody yelled.

  After previews for a spy movie and a film about frog heroes who wanted to become knights, Stardancer finally began. Alyssa got caught up in the story of Catherine, who was a beautiful dancer and always tried harder than anyone else at the Omaha Academy of Dance, but another girl, Allegra, always got the starring roles. One day Allegra tripped Catherine during a performance. Catherine’s foot was injured badly, but the place she was taken wasn’t a hospital. Aliens infused her with power from the star Betelgeuse, telling Catherine her new name was Stardancer, and that her mission was to make the Planet Earth a better place. The first time Stardancer flew, there was a song that was so beautiful Alyssa discovered that she was crying.

  Rachel nudged her. “Hey. Are you okay?”

  Alyssa wiped her eyes and nodded. “It’s so pretty. It seems like I’ve heard it before.”

  “I haven’t.” Rachel took a long drink from her Coke.

  Something swished the back of Alyssa’s hair. A pale thing landed in Rachel’s dark frizz. Popcorn. Alyssa picked it out. More popcorn pelted them.

  Rachel turned to face Brooklynne and Mackenzie. “Why don’t you guys grow up for a change?”

  Alyssa heard their giggles. But Stardancer was still flying, and the song was too pretty to miss. “Remember your gift,” the refrain continued. “Now let your light shine.”

  The scene shifted to a busy city street. A mother was having a hard time with her children. The two sisters were fighting. The older brother kept hiding, always checking to see if his mom would notice. The little brother walked quietly beside his mother. He had a blue helium balloon. A sleazy man was following the family. The balloon floated up, out of the little boy’s hand. He yelled and chased after it, but he bumped into a parking meter and fell into the street just as a yellow taxi hurtled past. The mother screamed and dropped her purse as she ran to save her little boy. The bad guy grabbed the purse and the older brother. Other people were pointing and screaming. A shining figure meteored down from the sky. Stardancer pushed the taxi back with one booted foot. She picked up the mother and the little boy and set them safely on the sidewalk. Then she swooshed down on the escaping bad guy. Stardancer freed the boy and handed him his mother’s purse, then lifted both of them and soared into the air. She dropped the bad guy in a rooftop swimming pool, and returned the boy to his mother. A shining light pulsed from her whole body. Before she flew away, she knelt beside the children. “Make the world a better place,” she told them. “Let your light shine.”