She stared at him, her blue eyes swimming with tears. Then she closed the door in his face. He held his breath, not sure whether she was shutting him out or closing the door to remove the chain. His heart pounded with uncertainty, the wait interminable.
Finally, she opened the door and stepped aside to let him in. They stood staring at each other in the tiny vestibule. Then she laid her hand against his heart, and a tear streaked down her cheek.
“You’re right. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
He wiped the tear with the pad of his thumb. “You don’t have to be. I’m right here.”
He lowered his mouth to hers and softly kissed her lips. She moaned against his mouth, her hand caressing his face. The light touch was all it took to set his blood on fire. He wanted to wrap her in his arms, touch every sweet inch of her skin. He wanted to be inside her, to empty himself in her, to make her shout his name as she orgasmed around him.
But she was too vulnerable tonight. If he took advantage of her weakened state, she’d hate him. He ended the kiss and took a step away from her, keeping her at arm’s length.
“Alex,” she whispered. “Make love to me. Please. I need you.”
“Julia—”
She pressed herself against him once more and kissed him until any protest he was about to make was overwhelmed by his need for her. Her tongue swept his mouth, tangling with his in a delicious duel that left him breathless and so hard he ached with wanting her. Ending the kiss, she wordlessly took his hand and led him up the stairs to her room. She slipped off her robe and threw it on a chair. A bedside lamp provided the only light in the room, just enough to reveal her short, white nightgown, the creamy length of her thighs, and the hard peaks of her nipples beneath the silky fabric.
She pushed the thin straps of her nightgown from her shoulders, and it skimmed down her body to pool at her feet. He stared at her, taking in her small, high breasts, her slender waist, the generous flare of her hips. Only a pair of skimpy panties covered her. Alex was seized with a desire to rip them from her body and sink himself into her.
He reached for her just as she reached for him. In a frenzy of kisses and touches, she helped him remove his clothes. He had just enough sanity left to find the condom he kept in his wallet and slip it on. Then they were on the bed, though he didn’t remember exactly how they got there. His body and mind had spiraled out of control in a way he’d never experienced before. Nothing mattered but Julia. Nothing mattered but her pleasure, her touch. He needed her like he needed his next breath.
Alex inserted his finger inside her, withdrawing and plunging until she convulsed around him, her body bowing, her head thrown back. Kissing her again, he swallowed the cries that ripped from her mouth. She writhed under him, lifting her hips, rubbing her mound against his cock. He struggled to prolong the pleasure for both of them, but felt himself slipping into the abyss.
He couldn’t wait any longer. Positioning himself at the entrance to her body, he gradually eased himself inside her. Trembling with the effort to take it slow, he pushed a little further. Julia’s heavy-lidded eyes opened, her face pale in the dim light.
“Alex, please. I need you. Please.”
Her soft hands kneaded his buttocks, her hips lifting to take him in deeper. Something inside him went wild. He thrust inside her, hard and deep, over and over, unable to stop. She met him thrust for thrust, her hands gripping him, her legs wrapping around him, spurring him on. His orgasm burst from his body with a sudden force that left him trembling and weak and unable to move from Julia’s arms. She held him tightly, their bodies still joined, and her face nuzzled against his neck.
“I’m crushing you,” he managed to whisper. “I should move.”
“Shh.” She kissed his neck. “Not yet. Stay.”
She smoothed her soft hands over his back and shoulders, and Alex relaxed against her. He couldn’t remember ever feeling this way after sex before, so sated, and so at peace. Being here with her felt so completely right.
Finally, he rolled off her and slipped across the hall to the bathroom to dispose of the condom. When he came back to the bed she was asleep, one hand under her cheek and her blonde hair mussed.
A beautiful mess.
Smiling, he climbed into bed and pulled her close. As he listened to the sound of her breathing, he wondered if this was the beginning of something for them, or if it was only the shock of learning about her friend’s illness that had prompted her to let him into her bed.
****
She was in a small boat on a lake. It was a perfect day. The gentle breeze cooled her skin from the heat of the sun without marring the glasslike finish of the water. Her two best friends were in the boat with her. Tracy and Edie laughed as they threw their fishing lines into the water.
Something tugged at Edie’s line, and she stood up, struggling to reel in her catch. But whatever was on the other end of the line was too strong, and it pulled her over the side of the boat and into the water. She disappeared under the surface. Tracy immediately dove in after her. Over and over, she came to the surface, gasping for air, then dove below the surface again to search for Edie. And then Tracy didn’t come back up to the surface for air. She was gone. They were both gone, and she was alone.
“No!” she screamed. “No! Don’t go! Don’t leave me!”
“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay.”
Strong arms held her securely. Alex. She woke in an instant and wrapped her arms around him as tightly as she could. Snuggling against his chest, she breathed in the scent of him, a unique mix of aftershave and antiseptic soap.
“Bad dream?”
She nodded, the hair on his chest tickling her nose. “Yes.”
He stroked her hair. “Everything’s okay now, sweetheart.”
She felt safe in his arms, as if nothing could harm her. “I know.”
“Do you think you could go back to sleep?”
She gripped his arm, suddenly afraid. “Not yet. Don’t go.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Propping a couple of pillows behind them, he pulled her with him to lean against the headboard. Gently, he tucked the sheet around her and simply held her, his chin resting on the top of her head. Julia felt she could have stayed like that with him forever.
She thought about the way he’d made love to her, like she was something special, like he couldn’t get enough of her. When was the last time a man had felt that way about her?
She couldn’t get enough of him, either. She loved the feel of his smooth skin over powerful muscles, loved the strength of his body. Last night he’d pushed her to the very edge of every border, every boundary she possessed, and then pushed beyond. Their lovemaking had been fierce and wild, and so intense it had been almost unbearable at times. But it was the most amazing sex she’d ever experienced.
Despite the power of his body and the ferocity of their lovemaking, he could be tender and gentle, and so kind.
She wanted that power, that intensity, focused on her once more. She wanted to forget about Edie’s illness. She ran her hand down his chest, past his taut abdomen, to his penis. It sprang to life at her touch. He grabbed her wrist, preventing her from touching him again.
“That’s not a good idea.”
“Really?” She kissed his beard-stubbled chin. “I thought it was a totally excellent idea.”
“I only had one condom in my wallet, sweetheart.”‘
Her mouth stilled. “Oh.”
She leaned back against the headboard and looked up at him. They’d left the bedside lamp burning when they fell asleep, and it threw a soft light across his face, outlining the strong chin and the chiseled cheekbones. His dark hair fell rakishly across his forehead and, along with the stubble, gave him the look of a pirate. A very sexy, well-built pirate.
She wanted him. They just had to be a little creative.
She ran her fingers over the hard muscles of his chest, then leaned in to kiss her way down his body. When she re
ached his lower abdomen, she heard his sharp intake of breath and felt his hand grip her shoulder.
“Julia, no birth control, remember?” His voice sounded strained, his breathing erratic.
She looked up into his face. “I know. I just thought maybe we could try something…different.” She stroked him once more, the need inside her overwhelming her, and spurring her on. She barely recognized herself. All she knew was that she needed him. “I’ll make it good for you, I promise. Just don’t go. Please don’t go.”
“Julia.” His voice was strangled, the look on his face a mixture of apprehension and desire. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”
That was all she needed to hear. She bent over him, taking the tip of his penis into her mouth and teasing it with her tongue. Alex moaned and lifted his hips, providing all the incentive she needed to know he liked what she was doing. She took him fully into her mouth, sliding her tongue, her lips up and down from tip to hilt, her teeth raking gently over his shaft. Alex made inarticulate sounds in his throat. Then suddenly his body stiffened and he shouted his release. Julia lapped it up.
His breathing had barely returned to normal before Julia felt his hands around her waist, and suddenly found herself on her back with Alex on top of her. He took her left breast into his mouth, suckling and teasing it with his tongue, at the same time inserting two fingers inside her. She gasped at the sensation. Dear God, it felt so good, so right. She threw back her head and arched her back, teetering on the edge.
But then he suddenly abandoned his attention to her breasts and withdrew his fingers, leaving her whimpering with need. He kissed and licked his way down her stomach, to her inner thighs, urging her to open wider for him. The first touch of his tongue to her clit almost rocketed her off the bed. It was the most amazing sensation she’d ever felt, and she wanted more. She thrust her hips towards him, bucking wildly, desperate to be closer to him. He stayed with her, his wicked tongue overloading her system with pleasure, until she felt her climax building low in her belly. It suddenly burst free, overwhelming her with wave after wave of bliss and joy and contentment.
Alex held her, and she fell asleep once more, this time into a blessedly dreamless sleep.
Chapter Twelve
Julia woke slowly, the light creeping in between the slats of the window blinds telling her morning had arrived. She groaned and checked the clock on her bedside table: Six a.m.
The events of the previous evening and night flooded back. Edie. Cancer. Alex.
Alex. Oh, God.
She couldn’t believe what she’d done, how wanton she’d been. What on earth had come over her?
Fear and anxiety swamped her. She’d used sex to try to forget about Edie’s illness, her mother’s precarious health, even the stress of her work. But it hadn’t worked. Nothing could make her forget that her best friend was facing a possible death sentence.
She turned her face into the pillow to muffle her sobs. The worst was that she’d used Alex to assuage her fears and guilt. Oh, God. What must he think of her?
Wiping the tears from her face, she sat up quickly and looked around her room. He was gone; the room empty. Had he gone home? Then she heard the water running across the hall in the bathroom and realized he was in the shower.
Grabbing her robe from the chair where she’d tossed it last night, she quickly pulled it on and securely tied the belt, doubling the knot just to be safe. She remembered the things they’d done to each other during the night, and a flush spread over her body, heating her from the inside out. The sex had been amazing, spectacular, mind-blowing. By far the best she’d ever had.
And they could never do it again.
Maybe it was already too late. What she felt for Alex was already too deep, too strong. It was stupid to feel this way about him, considering the way they’d met and the short time they’d known each other. But he’d been the first person, the only person, she’d turned to after getting the news of Edie’s illness. She trusted him. Needed him.
The thought terrified her. She couldn’t let herself need him. She couldn’t let herself need anyone again.
Losing Russ had been humiliating and gut-wrenchingly difficult. She’d been forced to come to terms with the knowledge that he hadn’t loved her enough to want to stay with her in Lobster Cove. In the end, she’d discovered that everything about their life together had been a lie.
None of this was Alex’s fault. But she had to put a stop to their fledgling relationship now, while she was still able to do it.
He opened the bedroom door and quietly closed it behind him, a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair wet from his shower. When he turned and saw her, his face lit up in a smile, as if she was the one person in the world he most wanted to see.
She sent up a little prayer to Heaven. God, please give me strength.
“Hey, you’re awake.” He stepped close and reached out his hand to touch her face. She moved, evading his touch.
He let his hand drop to his side, his eyes narrowing. “What’s going on, Julia?”
“Nothing. Last night was wonderful, and I appreciate that you…that you…comforted me. But I need to be realistic. We…this relationship…isn’t going anywhere, so I think it best if we say goodbye this morning and go our separate ways.”
“How do you know this relationship isn’t going anywhere? You haven’t given it a chance.”
“What would be the point, Alex? You’ll be back in San Diego in a few months, and I’ll still be here.”
He edged closer, reaching out to caress her arm. “Baby, that’s over six months from now. Why couldn’t we see each other until then?”
Moving away from his touch, she wrapped her arms around herself and paced her small room. “People would find out we were having an affair. It would be all right for you, but I’ve still got to live here after you leave.” She gave a laugh that came out more bitter than she had intended. “I’m supposed to be an example of upstanding citizenship to my students. How much moral authority do you think it would give me if everyone in town knew I’d been screwing the good doctor’s brains out?”
He flinched at her choice of words. “It’s not like that, and you know it.”
She lifted her chin. “Isn’t it?”
“Not for me,” he said softly, “and I don’t believe it is for you, either. Why are you doing this?”
She couldn’t look at him. “Like I said, I think it’s better if we don’t see each other…this way again. I have my reputation in this town to think of, not to mention my daughter’s feelings.”
“For Christ’s sake, Julia, this is the twenty-first century, not the nineteenth. Nobody gives a damn if we’re sleeping together.”
“I care!” she said, her voice louder than she’d intended. She deliberately lowered it, not wanting to wake Ava. “My reputation is all I’ve got.”
For a moment he stared at her, confusion and frustration etched on his face. Then he grabbed his clothes from the floor and headed to the door. With one hand on the doorknob, he paused, not looking at her.
“You can’t deny that there’s something strong between us. I’m not sure what’s going on with you, Julia, but I never thought you were too much of a coward to find out what we could have together. Call me if you change your mind.”
She heard him go into the bathroom to dress. Sitting on the edge of her bed, her hands clasped in her lap, she listened for him to leave the house. At last she heard him go down the stairs and close the back door of her house. She got up from the bed and moved to the window to watch him leave her yard through the back gate. She watched him walk down the back alley until he was out of sight.
Sinking into the chair next to the window, she dropped her head into her hands and cried. She cried for her mother, for Edie, and for the life she could never have with Alex.
****
The day dragged on and on for Julia. She was tired from lack of sleep and worn out with worry over Edie and her parents. And then there was Alex. Had
she been wrong in sending him away?
No. It was the only thing she could do. They had no future, and to carry on an affair would leave her open to criticism and attack by people like Ralph Sykes and her former father-in-law. She was a single parent. She needed her job.
But as much as she tried to justify her decision, her heart still cried over and over that she was wrong. So damn wrong.
She closed the lid of her laptop and rested her forehead on top of it. Her world was spinning wildly. Everything was going wrong, and she couldn’t keep up anymore. She wanted to get off this crazy merry-go-round and catch her breath before she spiraled completely out of control.
The cordless phone on her desk rang, startling her out of her melancholy. She saw her former in-laws’ number on the screen and contemplated letting the call go to voice mail, but that was just putting off the inevitable. She either dealt with Wyatt now or later. It might as well be now. Steeling herself, she punched the talk button.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Julia. Lily here. How are you?”
She sagged with relief at the sound of Lily’s voice, and belatedly realized she couldn’t have dealt with any problems from Wyatt today.
“I…I’m—”
To her surprise and distress, she burst into tears. Putting a hand over her mouth, she tried to stop, but she simply couldn’t. Through the window she saw Ava playing outside in her sandbox, and she was grateful her daughter wasn’t nearby to witness her breakdown.
“Oh, honey,” Lily said. “I heard about Edie. I’m so sorry. I know she’s a good friend of yours.”
“Yes.” She managed the word through her tears. Lily and Edie’s mother were friends, so it was no surprise she’d heard the news. Edie’s mother must be worried sick. She should call her, see if there was anything she could do for her…
The tears fell harder.
“Julia, would it be all right if I came over and visited with you and Ava today?” she asked gently. “Have you had lunch?”
Her stomach rebelled at the thought of food, but Ava needed to eat. It was past lunchtime. What kind of mother lets her child go hungry? “No, we haven’t.”
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