Aliens Abroad

by Gini Koch

  “We agree with the Ard Ri,” Wruck said. “I can shift to look like anyone, so I’ll be the one getting us supplies.”

  “I think it’s going to be kind of too long for all of you to hold it, if you catch my meaning.”

  “There’s a bathroom connected to this supply room,” Siler said. “So thanks for worrying, but we’ll be okay.”

  “The bathroom also isn’t monitored,” Buchanan said. “But that’s because the lines were rerouted.”

  “Rerouted by whom, if John and Cameron are afraid to link up?”

  No sooner asked than a part of the ceiling opened and a what looked like a neon yellow, three-foot, humanoid turtle/Jiminy Cricket combination dropped down, landing in a catlike stance that, for a Turleen, was cool and, for a human, was pretty adorable. I never mentioned the adorable, though, because he wouldn’t like it and I didn’t want to ruffle his shell.

  “Mossy! My man!” He and I did a complex hand-elbow greeting that was our “thing.” “How’d you get in here?”

  “I saw Christopher bringing people out and figured there was an issue. I know the ship well, so I thought I might be needed.”

  “You always are. So, you’re officially on Team Tough Guys now?” Considering that Mossy was a Brigadier General in the Turleen Air Force, he definitely had the bona fides.

  “I am. And I have to say that it’s a good thing I was involved on Drax’s planning team, because otherwise I never could have done the rerouting necessary. But we’re good to go and I’m certain the AI doesn’t know what hit it, so to speak.”

  “Why can you do that but not John or Cameron?”

  Mossy chuckled. “The ship is protected against other AIs, as well as Vata-type connections. Against someone who knows what wires to move where, however? Not so much.”

  “It’s always the small ports that mean the Death Stars get blown up, so this is just par for every course.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Mossy said.

  “So few ever do, but you disappoint me.”

  He shrugged. “I’ll work to make it up. You three had better leave with some kind of supplies, though, or it’ll look suspicious.”

  “What cleaning supplies would make sense for us to take to the other crash couch seating area?”

  “Toilet paper?” Tim asked with a snicker.

  “That’s so Operation Drug Addict ago.” And besides, I wasn’t having wild sex with Jeff in this closet, so that wouldn’t be the fun kind of nostalgia. “Do they have general medical supplies like aspirin or Advil in here?”

  “They do, actually,” Buchanan said, tossing a large box of Advil to Tim. “Good plan, Missus Executive Chief. You were worried about Reynolds and a possible migraine reaction, so came here first, found this, and now are heading off.”

  “Don’t forget to visit,” Wruck said. “Though do it carefully.”

  “We’ll do our best. Um, can we talk to each other about what’s going on?”

  “Only if you want the AI to hear it,” Siler said. “So, no. Only in a maintenance room like this one. There’s one per floor per section, so there’s plenty of opportunities. You’ll just have to have a good reason for going in and out.”

  “Joy. Subterfuge on top of everything else. Truly, I cannot wait.”

  “You’ll do right, lassie,” Algar said. “You always do.”

  “Yeah? Let’s hope.”

  “How would you know that, that Kitty always does what’s best?” Tim asked Algar.

  Who shrugged. “We do get the media in Algarria, laddie, we’re not some simple backwater. You just watch your tongue when speaking to a sovereign.”

  “Apologies, Ard Ri,” Tim said, shooting me the “why me?” look.

  Managed not to laugh. “So, per Mother, Lizzie and everyone else learned new languages we’ll need. Jeff, Tito, Tim, and I did not, and I’m betting the seven of you didn’t, either.” Not that I thought Algar needed the knowledge. “Supposedly we’ll have time on our journey to wherever the hell we’re going, but I don’t know how much, and I’d love to take the learn in your sleep shortcut, too.”

  “I figured out how to tap into the feed that’s providing the somnolent learning,” Mossy said. “Again, because I’m not an AI, the ship isn’t noticing me because she wasn’t built to so notice.”

  “Cameron and I will be able to learn anything within minutes if not moments,” Butler reassured.

  “I as well,” Wruck reassured. “We have full faith in the Ard Ri, Mossy, Benjamin, and Malcolm. Besides, we all need to rest, too, so you should be fine as well. Just do as we’re doing—two of you must be awake when the other two sleep, at all times.”

  “I’m sure that won’t be an issue. Much. Because it’s not like you want us to bring Jeff and Tito here, do you?”

  “Nope,” Buchanan said. “We do not. Just the three of you are in the know, and only the three of you.”

  “What about the DreamScape? Can they read our minds?”

  “Not as far as I could tell,” Lizzie said. “I didn’t share that my dad and his team were on the ship and no one mentioned them, so I think we’re good.”

  “We can but hope.”

  Noted that Buchanan looked slightly annoyed at Lizzie’s insinuation that Siler was the head of Team Tough Guys, but he saw me so noting and gave me a wink. “It’s all good, Missus Executive Chief.”

  “Yeah, we’ll handle it,” Tim said. “Anything else before we go?”

  “Besides waking me up before we go-go? Oh, I slay me.” Now I wanted to hear Wham! and this wasn’t the time or place to shove earbuds in and rock out.

  Algar winked at me, the others all groaned. “I don’t actually get that joke,” Mossy said. “But I definitely get the feeling that I’m better off not understanding it.”

  “Everyone’s a critic.”

  Lizzie hugged Siler again, I resisted the urge to hug all of them, Algar included, then the three of us left, Tim holding the Advil in a very conspicuous way.

  “That was a good idea,” I said to Lizzie once we were in the hallway. “I’m worried about Chuckie, and who knows if anyone else is having a headache or worse.”

  “I’m surprised you didn’t have any in your purse,” Lizzie said. “But at least there was some in the supply closet.”

  “Sorry it took so long to find this stuff,” Tim said, indicating the Advil.

  “We’ll use hyperspeed. You steer, I’ll drive.” Grabbed his hand and Lizzie’s and we took off. Hoped we’d get to the others before they found Jeff and so blew our so-called cover. My first official interstellar trip and I was already essentially leading a mutiny against the captain, because that’s what Mother had made herself, really.

  The pirate’s life for me.

  CHAPTER 18

  I WAS STILL HELLA LOST in this place, but since Tim wasn’t, we arrived in about two seconds. Just in time to stop Reader from exiting the room ahead of everyone else.

  Dropped the others’ hands, grabbed Reader, and hugged him. “Are you okay?”

  He hugged me back. “Yeah, girlfriend, I am, and so are the others. Though I think we’re all going to appreciate you getting that Advil for us.”

  “That’s what delayed us.” Looked around. “There’s no water, is there? We didn’t think of that, sorry.” Frankly, it occurred to me that a maintenance closet having Advil in it was odd—Algar at work. Maybe he’d made the entire ship a portal. Good, we needed all the help we could get. “Is everyone here? I mean everyone that was in this room sleeping when we took off.”

  “I have no idea, but I think so. We’ll find water, don’t worry about it. And, ah, the dreams were interesting.”

  “So we’ve heard,” Tim said. “Jeff, Kitty, Tito, and I missed our beauty rest, though.”

  “The four of you were awake?” Reader asked. “How?”
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  “Stubborn willfulness? That’s all I’ve got for you. Or else Mother wanted us awake for some reason.”

  “Your mother’s on board?” Reader, like Buchanan before him, sounded enthused. Figured Chuckie would chime in on the Mom Love, too, the moment I mentioned the AI’s name to him.

  “No, my mom’s in the White House. The ship’s AI is named Mother.”

  Reader raised an eyebrow. “You named it?”

  “That’s one of my jobs and I take it seriously. Yes. I think she really wanted a name and she seems protective and all that.”

  “Bossy,” Tim said. “She seems really bossy.”

  “I resent that,” Mother said. Tim jumped.

  “But you can’t deny it. Mother, get used to us kvetching about you. We kvetch about everything. It’s one of our ‘things.’ Doesn’t mean we don’t love you for yourself.”

  “How could you love me?” She sounded honestly interested.

  “Humans and many other races out there have a large capacity for love,” Chuckie said, joining us and grabbing some Advil immediately. “And I heard that Angela’s not on the ship. Let me express my disappointment.”

  “I get it. Everyone would prefer that Mom was here running things. You’re stuck with the usual suspects, dude. You’re one of them, too, I see I have to mention.”

  He grinned. “We’ll manage. We always do.” He looked up at the ceiling. “Mother, huh?”

  “Yes,” she replied. “I feel the name is . . . fitting.” As long as she was a mother like mine and not, say, Siler’s, I’d be okay with her feeling the name was right on.

  “Gustav, is there water nearby?” Reader asked Drax, who had joined us.

  “Yes.” He gave directions, Tim and Reader followed said directions and were back shortly with water bottles. Everyone came over to get some water, and more than Chuckie popped in Advil. The people in this room were definitely not as relaxed as the ones in the room where the kids were. “The reclamation is internal. Throw away the bottles in the appropriate receptacles so that the ship can recycle and refill them.”

  “Wow, Gustav, you really think of everything.”

  Drax looked worried as he took a water bottle. “She should not be acting like this,” he said quietly.

  “Yeah, we’re clear on that. She isn’t following your programming anymore.”

  He shook his head. “This has never happened before.”

  “Of course it hasn’t. This is, frankly, how our lives roll. So I’m not surprised. For the record.”

  This room had no children or young adults in it other than Lizzie, so we spent a few minutes catching everyone up on what had happened while they were hanging out in the DreamScape basically against their wills. We’d already practiced with Team Tough Guys, so Tim, Lizzie, and I were a well-oiled Recap Machine.

  “Oh,” I finished up, “and as a ‘cool’ surprise for the parents on Alpha Team, your kids are on the ship. Not that they seem to be nearly as freaked out as any of the adults.”

  “The kids think this is a totes cool vacay,” Lizzie said reassuringly. Shockingly, this didn’t appear to make Serene and Brian, Lorraine and Joe, or Claudia and Randy feel better.

  “How the hell did the Cabinet get into the other room?” Reader asked. “They were with us when the ship starting bucking. We heard that Jeff and Kitty had ordered us to get to crash seats but after that . . .” He shook his head. “It’s fuzzy.” Others seemed to be having the same reactions.

  “No idea,” Tim said, which was true, since he hadn’t been the one chatting with ACE. “But I think we want everyone in one place right now, and I suggest that place is the command deck. There’s enough room there for all the people we have on this impromptu mission.”

  Wasn’t so sure about that—by my count, we had at least a hundred people on board, and who knew who I’d missed. However, there was a more pressing issue. “I want to know how Hacker International got here, honestly.” Stryker and the others weren’t meeting my eyes.

  Chuckie heaved a sigh. “They snuck in.”

  “Excuse me?” The hackers were now really interested in their shoes.

  “You heard me. They snuck in, apparently under the belief that they were going to stow away on the official mission.”

  “Words fail me.” The hackers looked up hopefully. “Well, honestly, they don’t. I just feel that saying the words I want to, with press so nearby, will be a poor choice, all things considered. I’m going to let the President say those words to you guys, however, because I just know he’s going to want to and, unlike me, can probably get away with it.”

  “She can be taught,” Chuckie said. “And I’m with you, Kitty. It was moronic and it’s also kind of backfired.”

  “Not really,” Reader pointed out. “They’re here and, from what Kitty and Tim said, none of us are going anywhere other than where Mother’s taking us.”

  Knew without saying it aloud that Chuckie and Reader were hoping for the same thing Tim and I were—that the hackers could override Mother. Also knew that the four of us really didn’t want said hackers figuring that out, because they were not the epitomes of cool or subtle and the chances of them sharing their abilities out loud was hella high.

  Could see the five of them thinking and Stryker’s mouth looked to be opening, meaning I needed to say something fast before one of them did and basically identified their potential plans to Mother.

  “I think we need to get everyone out of Engineering and to the others before Jeff starts freaking out about where we are or the kids want some parental face time.”

  “We’ll continue this on the way,” Chuckie agreed quickly, as Stryker’s mouth closed. We all headed off, but at a walking pace.

  Figured it was better to be talking, lest one of the other hackers decide to share his prowess with computer overrides. “Mother, how long before we’re out of this jump?”

  “Several hours.”

  “Great, so where should everyone house? I mean, I know we’re spoilt for choice, but is there a section or deck you would prefer us to be on?”

  “I would suggest that everyone stay near the command deck.”

  “Not the tail portion?”

  “No, not until detachment might be needed.”

  “It just keeps on getting better,” Tim muttered.

  “Great. Is everything we need in the rooms or do we need to rough it?”

  “There is no ‘roughing it’ on the Distant Voyager,” Drax huffed.

  “My creator is correct,” Mother said. “All that everyone needs is available, and I can create whatever might be missing.”

  Chose not to make a comment about her choice of descriptor for Drax. He was indeed her creator, though not the only one. Really wondered if Mother was playing games or if the reprogramming had messed her up a whole lot. Had no idea which way to bet, so went with both because why not?

  We reached the others just before they came looking for us. Family reunions took place as we explained what Mother had shared.

  “How is it that the ship that supposedly needs a crew of six to fly it safely is functioning perfectly without anyone at the controls?” Hughes asked as we finished up.

  Walker nodded. “Because it doesn’t sound like Tim, Tito, or Jeff affected anything while they were at the controls. Only Kitty and only for Communications, nothing else.”

  “That was all that was needed at the time,” Mother said.

  “I thought you said she didn’t talk to anyone but you, Kitty,” Jerry said.

  “I am here, listening, and Kitty has insisted that I respond to everyone’s queries,” Mother said, sounding slightly annoyed again. “I am always listening.”

  “That’ll put a damper on everyone’s private lives,” Joe muttered.

  “Probably the least of our worries,” Randy said. “All things considered.”
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  “The ship has gone into Protection Mode,” Drax said. “It’s the only answer.”

  “So, Mother, why won’t you come out of Protection Mode, since we’re all here?”

  “As I keep on saying, where we are headed has more priority than anything else.”

  “Why?” Jeff asked, sounding angry. “And I’m asking as the President of the United States and the King Regent of Earth for the Annocusal Royal Family, not as your Weapons Chief or whatever the hell role you’ve chosen to assign to me. I want answers that make sense, not more of your usual secretive crap.”

  Everyone looked like they thought we were all spaced. However, I’d been pissed off and Mother had responded better to that than to kindness, which was a weird programming thing that probably needed our attention sooner as opposed to later.

  Mother sighed. “Your assistance has been requested. And I have been shown the situation you are being asked to circumvent. Without doubt, if you do not go, the ramifications will be catastrophic.”

  “How catastrophic?” Jeff asked, sounding slightly less angry.

  “I have calculated the odds of the complete destruction of your galaxy to be extremely likely.”

  “How likely?” I asked.

  “A ninety-nine-point-nine percent certainty.”

  CHAPTER 19

  EVERYONE WAS QUIET FOR a few moments, even the kids. “So,” I spoke carefully, “you determined that whatever’s going on with Ixtha is going to affect our entire galaxy?”

  “Yes. I will explain everything, but right now, you should all choose quarters. For the next jump you will have the choice to be in quarters or to be in the jump stations. You all seem to like to discuss your choices in great detail, so please make them now, while there is still plenty of time.”

  “You don’t know us.”

  “Oh?” Mother asked politely. “You don’t plan to discuss every choice you’re going to make and reach consensus which you will then, somehow, override and change as events warrant?”

  “Who the hell programs sarcasm into an AI?” Jeff muttered, shooting a glare at Drax, who looked confused, chagrined, and worried.