Angry Annie

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  I nod. “I’m a CD girl myself.”

  He smirks and I feel a little weird.

  “I like your house. Thanks for inviting me inside.”

  “Do you live around here?” he asks, bringing the bottle to his lips.

  “About twenty-five minutes, give or take traffic. I can’t afford a house yet. Maybe I should have gone into landscaping. Only problem is I don’t look good dirty.”

  “I highly doubt that’s true. Something tells me you’d look amazing sweaty and covered in mud.”

  His eyes meet mine and he doesn’t look away.

  Raising my eyebrows at him, I smile. “Think maybe your boss would hire me?”

  “He might. You might have to get on your hands and knees and show him what you can do first. With weeds I mean.” He winks at me and snickers.

  “Oh my God.” I laugh. “Show me to your boss then.”

  “Yeah, about that. It mind kind of be me.”

  I smile. “I know.”

  “You do?” he questions as his head turns to the side to regard me.

  “I might have done a little research. I like to know who I’m dealing with.”

  “Should I be flattered or worried?” He laughs.

  “It’s part of what I do. I’m actually working as a fact-checker right now. I basically make sure the information we’re provided has credible sources. But this story could be my break. I guess you knew that from the run in with my mom the other day. I never did get to apologize.”

  “For what?”

  I take another sip of my beer. “Oh jeez, I don’t know. Her comment about my assignment being you or when she called you a sex-object. Maybe my comment about shagging you on my sister’s table?”

  He grins. “Oh, that.”

  “I’m surprised you didn’t run away.”

  “Nah. It happens all the time.”

  I smile brightly and he licks his lips.

  “Well my family is a little odd, but I guess you’re used to odd since you live next to Annie.” As soon as I say her name I feel ill. He must see it on my face because his gaze becomes probing.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks in a soothing tone.

  “I feel like I talk too much. And complain way too much. I’d like to forget today. Tell me something. Distract me.”

  He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees before taking a sip of his beer. He leans back on the couch and crosses his leg. His eyes seem to scan my body and it sets me on fire. “Distract you, huh?” He scratches his face, then places his beer on a side table. “Come with me.”

  He takes my beer and puts it next to his. He holds out his hand and I place mine inside. He’s smoldering right now and my skin is on fire. Oh, shit. Is he taking me to bed?

  “Does this involve me having to get on my hands and knees?” I ask with a seductive smile.

  He gazes down into my eyes. “Only if you want to.”

  The way he stares at me makes me tighten my thighs. I suddenly realize I forgot to pee. “Do you mind if I use your bathroom first?”

  “Sure. Down the hall to the left.”

  Once I’m inside, I immediately start cleaning myself up. Thank God I shaved today. I wad up some toilet paper and start cleaning my girly parts. Shit, I hope I smell okay. I sniff my armpits. I open his bathroom cabinet to see what I can use to freshen up. I spit my gum into a tissue and use a little of his toothpaste on my teeth. I’m taking too long.

  I stare at myself in the mirror. Kitty, you’re about to get pet. I’m nervous and excited all at once.

  I open the door and lean seductively on the frame. He’s nowhere in sight.

  “Rhode?” I holler in my most alluring voice.

  “Over here.”

  Turning the corner, I see he’s on his back patio. Are we fucking outside? He is an outdoor man.

  “So you wanted me to distract you, right?” he asks.

  “Yes . . . distract me,” I say in a hot whisper as I step outside.

  He does a double take at me. “Hey, you’ve got a little something blue on your teeth.”

  “What?”

  He moves toward me. “Hold still.” He lifts his finger and scrapes something off my tooth. I blink rapidly and place my teeth together awkwardly. Did that just happen?

  “There you go.” He wipes his hand on his jeans and turns away like it was nothing. “This is my garden.”

  My legs won’t move. He thought he’d distract me by showing me his garden? What the fuck? I thought I’d see a hose, but this isn’t what I had in mind.

  “Over here are my tomato plants, then cucumbers, carrots, spinach, corn, and potatoes. You can’t beat fresh vegetables and nothing gets my mind off things like getting down and gardening.”

  Rubbing my arms, I try to smile. He wanted to show me his veggie garden? On my hands and knees? That’s really . . . sweet. I wonder how big his cucumbers are. I could use something sizeable right now. Damn, I had him all wrong. I swore he was propositioning me. At minimum, checking me out.

  He’s so proud of himself and I’m doing my best to stop thinking of sex. “I like to try out new stuff. It’s one of the reasons poor Annie is always my guinea pig for dinner.”

  “I like to try new stuff, too,” I say hesitantly as my mind wanders. What I’d like to try is screwing Rhode in the garden. Maybe him pounding me from behind on his kitchen table. Straddling him on his leather chair. Showing me his carrot stick…

  He waves his hand in front of my face. “Where did you go just now?”

  Shaking my head, I smile widely. “Umm, I was thinking you never really told me about how you became friends with Annie.” Good. Change the subject.

  “That’s a long story. How much time do you have?” He laughs.

  “Well, considering I don’t think she’ll ever talk to me again, I have the rest of the week.”

  “Will you please tell me what happened?”

  I sigh. “I looked at her mail while she was sleeping. I was bored and curious.”

  He cringes. “Rule number one with Annie is don’t invade her privacy.”

  I slouch and put my hands on my hips. “That would have been nice to know YESTERDAY!”

  He smirks and I stare at his mouth a little too long. He steps toward me and brushes a strand of hair from my eyes. I gaze up into his. Is this it? Is he going to kiss me?

  I lean slightly toward him, licking my lips. He takes a step back and stares at me like kissing me was the last thing he was thinking. I can no longer meet his gaze. Wrong again. How embarrassing.

  “Umm . . . Can I tell you why I called you earlier?” he asks.

  “I should go.” I pivot on my heel and rush toward the door. I pull it, then push it. It won’t open.

  He stands next to me at the door while I place my forehead against it. “Are you going to let me explain?”

  “No.”

  “Should I not have touched your hair?” he asks.

  I snicker. “You should have touched a lot more. Oh yeah, Joss. You’d look hot dirty. Get on your hands and knees, Joss,” I say in a mocking tone. “Fucking ridiculous! Then you back away from me? Now open the door, please, so me and what’s left of my pride can go.”

  “Please wait. Let me talk to you for a minute.”

  “The time for talking has come and gone. I need to get out of here.”

  “But I really want to explain.”

  “Open the door. Open the door. Open the door!” I shout it each time with increasing volume, stomping my foot for extra emphasis.

  He pushes it in then pulls it open. “It’s tricky.”

  Pulling my keys from my shorts, I jog to my car. “Yeah. It’s tricky, all right.”

  “Come on! Don’t go like this. You’re barefoot! What about your shoes?” he yells, as he follows me out the door. His hands fly to the top of his head.

  “Throw them away. They aren’t worth another second with you.”

  His reaction to my words causes me physical pain. Maybe now
he knows how rejection feels.

  I jump in my car and drive barefoot all the way home. I’m a fucking idiot. I will never ever like another man for as long as I live. And never, ever . . . Rhode Bennett.

  IT’S A LITTLE AFTER ten and I’ve eaten an entire pint of cookie dough ice cream, another can of barbeque Pringles, and a half a slice of cheese. I’m going to turn into a blimp if I keep eating my emotions. This whole thing with Annie has me so upset. The thing with Rhode didn’t help either. Maybe I over reacted. I was already on edge from my argument with Annie and he just seemed to push all my buttons.

  I think about it for a minute. No. He was flirty and sexy and then acted like I was crazy for trying to kiss him. Fuck that. I was right to be pissed.

  On the other hand, I feel awful for betraying Annie’s trust the way I did. Even though my plan is still to expose her, I want to expose her because she gives me what I need, not because I steal it. Would Darla be disappointed in me for snooping? I could go to work tomorrow and tell them I’m back from vacation. I’d have to explain that the story didn’t work out and leave Darla alone for three months. I’m guessing she’d probably never look at me the same way again. She’d know I gave up. Or failed. I’m not sure which is worse.

  Or I could beg Annie for another chance. Jumping up from my seat, a burst of adrenaline surges through me. It could be a sugar high, but I’m going with it. Dressed in my sweats and a T-shirt, I slide on my flats and grab my keys. I’ll make this right one way or another.

  “Annie, please let me in. I know it’s late, but I can’t stand how we left things.”

  I bang on her door and ring her doorbell over and over again. The dog barking is loud and obnoxious. She has to hear me, assuming she’s home. After my fourth and final attempt, I decide to try again in the morning. I’ll have to think of something better to say. As the barking door chime comes to an end, I take two steps off her porch.

  A clicking bolt and a loud squeak catches my attention. “Who let the dogs out?” she sings before barking and dancing around.

  My mouth hits the floor.

  “You know that song?” she asks, laughing. “Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!”

  She pushes on the door hard to open it fully, almost stumbling out the door with a bottle of Scotch clutched in her hand.

  “Annie? Are you okay?”

  “Child, I’m divine.” She takes a swig out of her bottle and waves me to follow her as she goes back inside.

  “What the ever loving fuck?” I mumble as I enter.

  Annie laughs as she trips over nothing. She takes another sip from her bottle. It’s half empty. “Damn cat,” she says, looking from left to right as if she tripped over him. I glance around and Stupid is curled up in a ball on a chair in the corner.

  “Have you been drinking?” I ask, shocked.

  “Oh, child, you is smart! What gave it away? The fact I’m holding a bottle of booze or that I drank it in front of you?”

  I guess I was stating the obvious. I’m just surprised. Maybe I should be happy drunk Annie let me in the house. Never mind she’s still mean. “Is this what you do at night?”

  “No, just tonight.”

  My gut churns. “I’m sorry, Annie. I didn’t mean to upset you. I feel awful that I made you drink.”

  “You?” She laughs. “You think this is because of you?” She shakes her head and takes another drink before looking at the ceiling. “You hear that, Bobby? She thinks I give a shit!”

  “Bobby?” I question.

  “Jossssillynn,” she begins, slurring my name, “this is Bobby!”

  There’s clearly no one in the room and now I’m feeling concerned for her sanity. “Annie, maybe you should sit down.”

  I reach out for her right before she sits backward into a chair that isn’t there. She falls backward on the floor and begins to laugh. She never spills a drop of Scotch.

  “Holy shit!” I bend down to help her up.

  “You said sit. You trying to kill me?”

  I help her onto the couch and she takes another drink.

  “Annie, can I have that bottle?”

  She clutches it to her chest. “Get your own!”

  “I don’t want to drink it. I think maybe you’ve had enough for tonight.”

  She stares into my eyes and then looks at the bottle briefly before handing it to me. “Yeah, I guess I did enough remembering. It tastes like piss anyway. I don’t know why he liked it so much.”

  “Who?” I take the bottle from her hands.

  “Bobby. He lovvvved his Scotch. He used to have a drink every night after we left work. He said it’s what helped him be so romantic. I think he was born that way. You can try to teach a man how to treat a lady, but sometimes, that shit is genetic. His daddy was a charmer and, boy oh boy, did Bobby know how to woo me.” She smiles brightly.

  I sit down on the floor next to her and crisscross my legs.

  “You and he dated?”

  “Oh, we did more than date. We worked together writing greeting cards. People used to say Bobby and I were magic. I can tell you this. I felt magic in my crotch every time he looked at me.”

  I wince just a little before turning away to smile. She’s something else. “You worked at a greeting card company?” I guess that explains the cards I found in her desk drawer. She’s a wealth of information tonight.

  “Yessiree, Bob. I was a poet and Bobby was my muse. He said I was his too. We used to sit on his front porch and sip lemonade at night comin’ up with ideas for cards. Boss loved us. He said we were the money. Ah, those were the days.”

  Her smile slowly fades. She takes the bottle of Scotch out of my hand, takes one more swig, and then gives it back to me.

  “We dated for years. Snuck a kiss here and there. Maybe even touched a little. Things were different back then. We didn’t go flaunting our titties and screwing everything in sight. Sex was for marriage. We shoulda waited.”

  “You didn’t?” I ask, almost excited to hear something about her life.

  “Bobby had a bulge in his pants for me.” She grabs at her crotch. “You know how you can sometimes see it when a man moves? How you watch for a glimpse of it? Well, Bobby had a ding dong dinner that was fit for a deep love channel.”

  I chuckle.

  “His pecker was long and thick. Oh, oh, oh . . . I knew it was gonna be a mind-blowin’ orgasm. Now it’s not like I hadn’t fingered myself, but a dick does the trick. Know what I mean?” she asks as she elbows me.

  “Yeah. Thanks for the visual.” I cringe.

  “But ooh, I wanted that hard rocket in my space museum.”

  I snort.

  “When he asked me to marry him, I was ready to give it all away.”

  My eyes open wide. “Marry him?”

  She smiles and leans forward. “He asked my daddy and everything. My daddy was a hard man. He didn’t show emotion. But Bobby told me he thought he was gonna cry when Bobby asked for my hand. My daddy loved me even though he ain’t never said it. He didn’t have to. I knew.”

  She stares off into the distance and I think about my own father for a moment. I love him to pieces. He’s quiet too, but that’s mostly because my mom never lets him speak.

  “Bobby told me he had a card he was working on and wanted my thoughts. He asked me to read it out loud. It was beautiful. It was all the things a girl wants to hear a man say. How she makes it hard for him to breathe. How he can’t stop looking at her. How she’s the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up and his last thought before he closes his eyes. How she makes him feel like he could take on the world as long as she was by his side. It was lovely. When I moved the card he was on one knee. He said the words back to me and asked me if I’d be his.”

  My heart flutters in my chest. I wonder what that kind of love must feel like.

  “So what happened?”

  “I fucked him, that’s what happened.”

  “That night?” My eyes bulge anew.

  “No . . . right befor
e the wedding. The night before. I couldn’t wait for that chunk of a man.”

  “Okay . . .”

  “Oh, child, it was more than okay. That man’s cock was a rooster. I made him cock a doodle do like he was high on feed and the sun was just startin’ to rise!”

  “Again . . . thanks for the visual,” I say with a laugh.

  “He sucked and bucked me like I was a doe and he had a game record to break.”

  She’s quiet for a while after that. She shakes her head. “Well, time for bed.” She tries to stand and falls back into the couch. “Maybe I should sleep here.”

  She curls into a ball. I pull the blanket from behind her and cover her.

  “Annie?”

  “What?” she whispers as she closes her eyes.

  “What happened to Bobby?”

  “I told you. I fucked him.”

  I snicker. “Yeah, I got that. But how did he . . . die? He is dead, right?”

  Her eye cracks open. “My pooty is strong. It’s a weapon. I gave that man a heart attack. Now I make sure to only screw men who’re younger than me.” She smiles and closes her eyes. “Night, Bobby. Happy woulda been anniversary.”

  I kneel down next to her and stare at Angry Annie. It’s the most she’s ever told me. I should have asked about reviews while she was so talkative. Staring down at the bottle, I take a swig and toast the sky. The pieces of Annie are starting to fall into place.

  I HAVE TO DROP off some papers for Claus at work before I go to Annie’s and since I have some extra time, I decide to make a cupcake run. I half-considered getting something greasy for Annie since I’m sure she has a hangover, but I feel like cake today. Maybe my sister’s cake can convince her that the bakery is amazing. Jorgie makes the very best of everything.

  The bakery isn’t open yet, but I’m hoping she’ll see me and let me in before everyone else. I lean my head against the glass to look inside. The lights are off in the main room, but a glow from the back tells me she’s there, as usual.

  I’m just about to tap on the glass, when she walks out from the store room. I wave my hands in the air around my head, but she doesn’t see me. She’s smiling brightly and glancing over her shoulder. She says something and laughs.