What Love Sounds Like

by Alissa Callen

  She wasn’t aware that Tilly had joined her until her warm hand slipped into hers. Mia fought to keep her sadness hidden. There was only one thing as distressing as watching Kade walk out the front door, saying good-bye to the child beside her.

  Still wearing her pirate eye-patch, Tilly waved a piece of paper under her nose. It took a long moment for Mia’s thoughts to focus and for her vision to clear.

  ‘What’s this? A treasure map?’ she managed.

  ‘No.’

  Mia took the paper folded in half like a card. She prised it open and began to read.

  Her world fell away.

  It was a birthday card. A card written in Tilly’s large, childish hand-writing that would have broken her heart if it wasn’t already strewn across the floor.

  ‘When is your uncle’s b–birthday?’ she asked.

  Tilly looked up at her with soft grey eyes. ‘Tomorrow.’

  Tomorrow.

  His quiet words from their late-night gelato tasting returned to haunt her.

  I remember how old I was because it was the first and last time I ever had a birthday cake.

  She glanced out the window where her car waited, ready for her to drive out through the gate. She had to leave. Every minute she remained at Berrilea increased the torment of not being part of the world of two people she loved more than life itself. She also needed to get going to avoid the kangaroos that would be out grazing beside the road at dusk.

  She stared at the card. Kade’s birthday. The man who’d been robbed of a childhood and who’d changed his life for his niece. The kind and honourable man who she could do one last thing for.

  She briefly closed her eyes. If she started now, she could make a cake with Tilly and still leave within the hour. Before her self-preservation could veto such a foolish plan, she took Tilly’s hand. ‘Let’s make a birthday cake. Right now.’

  Even before Mia finished speaking, Tilly pulled her toward the door. Once inside the kitchen, Mia went on auto-pilot. She forced her feet to move, her hands to function. She dressed Tilly in her chef hat and apron and donned her own green and pink striped apron. Tilly helped her assemble all the cooking utensils and ingredients they’d need.

  Every now and then Tilly’s constant chatter would cease and she’d peer at Mia’s face. On the outside Mia nodded, on the inside she wept. Part of her would always remain in the homely kitchen at Berrilea cooking with Tilly.

  Butter and eggs were mixed, flours sifted and milk added. She stirred the cake batter until her arm ached, until she was sure her tears wouldn’t fall in front of the little girl.

  ‘Righto, let’s have a taste,’ she said in a voice that hardly qualified as normal.

  ‘Okay,’ Tilly said, dipping her pink spatula into the bowl. She licked the mixture. Instead of her usual smile, she frowned.

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Tastes horrible.’

  ‘Let’s see.’ Mia scooped up a spoonful, tasted it and grimaced. ‘You’re right.’

  She glanced at the clock on the wall. It felt like they’d been in the kitchen for an hour but it’d only been ten minutes. Of all mornings, this was one time she needed her cake-making to go like clockwork.

  She again tasted the mixture coating the spoon. ‘It doesn’t taste very sweet. Did we put sugar in it?’

  ‘Don’t know.’

  Mia looked at the bench but Tilly had been extra efficient and already put all the ingredients away. ‘I was sure I put the sugar packet on the bench. Not to worry. We can still add some sugar.’

  ’I’ll get it,’ Tilly said. Mia watched as Tilly vanished into the huge walk-in pantry. Tilly was a perceptive four-year-old but she hadn’t appeared to notice Mia’s misery. And it wasn’t because of her acting ability. She glanced at the bowl of cake mixture. She was also sure she’d brought the sugar from the pantry. The packet had been almost empty and she remembered checking that it’d contained enough for what they needed. She looked in the direction Tilly had headed before pouring lemonade and cream into another mixing bowl half filled with flour. What was taking Tilly so long?

  Booted feet rung on the hallway floorboard and the kitchen door swung open. All questions about what Little Miss Tilly might be up to vanished. She slowly turned to face Kade.

  He stood an arm’s length away. His eyes storm-dark and face a resolute mask. Her nerves went into a free-fall. She’d been premature in thinking that Kade had accepted her decision to leave.

  She spoke first. ‘Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?’

  He wedged his hands deep into his jean pockets. ‘What’s there to say? A birthday’s just another day.’

  ‘No, it isn’t.’ She fought to keep her voice even and coherent. ‘It’s a special day.’

  His broad shoulders shrugged. ‘It’s just another space to mark off my calendar like it always has been.’

  ‘Well, tomorrow your birthday can be marked off as well as celebrated.’ She glanced at the pantry. ‘When Tilly returns with the sugar, you’ll have a cake as well as some scones to make it more than just another day.’

  ‘Scones.’ His gruff voice sounded like it’d had trouble leaving his throat.

  ‘Yes, I’m not sure if they’ll be exactly how your grandmother made them but this lemonade recipe still tastes delicious with jam and cream.’

  Something shifted behind his eyes, like the sun suddenly breaking through a dense cloud. He closed the distance between them, his arms encircling her as he untied the apron bow at her waist. All words of protest evaporated as he lifted the apron over her head. In that moment Kade truly resembled a fierce pirate that she’d no hope of evading.

  He tossed the apron onto the bench and took her hand in his.

  ‘I thought the pirate games were over.’ Her words might have been as frosty as she could make them but her fingers still curled around his as though they belonged there.

  He drew her toward the door. ‘They are.’

  Tilly magically reappeared, her hands empty of any sugar packet.

  ‘Hi, sweetheart,’ Kade said. ‘I’m going to have a talk with Mia. Mrs. Shepherd will be along soon to help you finish off your cooking.’

  Tilly nodded, her grey eyes anxious. Mia’s breath caught. She’d known all along something had been wrong and had been trying to do what she could to stop Mia leaving. But just as unmistakable as her worry was the set line of her small chin. A set line that was echoed in the bunched line of her uncle’s jaw. Before Mia could say anything to comfort Tilly, Kade led her through the doorway.

  Chapter Fourteen

  SCONES.

  A childhood treat he hadn’t eaten for decades. The answer that had eluded him as he’d paced up and down the hallway. It was as though his grandmother’s wise voice whispered in his head. All those years ago, on his last day at Berrilea with her they’d taken scones to share in the tree-house. And at the memory everything had fallen in place.

  He knew now where to go. What to do.

  When he’d carried the toy crate to Mia’s car it was as though he were removing all the colour and warmth from his and Tilly’s lives. His soul might have been as black as the darkest night, but a spark of determination had flared like a firework. It didn’t matter if fear paralysed him and emotions overwhelmed him, he wasn’t letting go of the one person he thought he’d never find.

  He’d returned to the music room determined to say the words that beat like a tattoo in his heart, only to see Mia and Tilly, hands clasped, walking toward the kitchen. Just before they’d disappeared from sight, Tilly had turned and held up her thumb to him in a victory sign. Tilly had done what he couldn’t. She’d found a way to keep Mia here a little longer. It was now up to him to ensure she stayed. Forever.

  Mia walked a little behind him in the hallway. Face pale and expression unreadable. His grip firmed on her hand that nestled so perfectly in his. She had to go with him. He didn’t know what he’d do should she refuse.

  How could he expect her to overcome her
deep fear and take a risk loving him if he didn’t do the same? Sure he’d allowed himself to feel but when it counted the most he’d backed away from his emotions. How could he expect Mia to trust him, to take a chance on him, if he didn’t do the same? She’d taught him to not fear the things he couldn’t control, Tilly’s arrival into his life, fun and laughter. And now he had to go a step further. He had to overcome the fear of not being able to control…himself. No matter how out-of-control his feelings might spiral. No matter if Mia rejected him. He had to tell her how he felt.

  He pushed open the front door and headed into the garden. A hot breeze played over him as they stepped off the veranda onto the sandstone path but the cold ball of fear in the pit of his stomach failed to thaw.

  ‘I thought I was supposed to be wearing jeans the next time you kidnapped me?’

  ‘Sorry, there’s been a change in plans.’

  ‘Will this change in plans take long? I do have my own plans to follow.’ Rebellion heated her tone.

  He quickened his pace. ‘Not if I have my way.’

  Mia increased her speed to match Kade’s. She knew if she planted her feet into the thick lawn and pulled at her hand he’d stop and release her. But she wanted to prolong the moment their bodies were connected and words didn’t again separate them. Sorrow welled. In under an hour she’d be gone.

  Silence cocooned them. Occasionally a sigh from the wind or the rustle of silver-tipped gum leaves would reach Mia’s ears. Otherwise her senses remained attuned to the determined man next to her. With every rose-covered arch they passed under, with every fragrant flower bed they walked by, the homestead receded into the distance behind them. And still Kade showed no sign of slowing. Soon he’d simply run out of garden.

  They reached the back garden fence. She looked past the wooden rails to where only spindly plants and a gnarled gum tree eked out a dusty existence. ‘We seem to have come to the end of the road.’

  ‘Not at all.’

  She gasped as he lifted her over the fence. She clung to his shoulders and gave in to the urge to let her fingers savour his strength. Her feet touched the ground. The heat of his hands left her waist.

  ‘Where to now?’ she asked, her breathing shallow.

  He vaulted over the fence to stand beside her. ‘Over there.’ He inclined his head.

  ‘There isn’t anything over there, just a tree.’

  ‘Exactly.’

  He motioned for her to precede him. She looked at the distant homestead, at the tree and finally at his hewn face. ‘You’ve five minutes to show me what you’ve dragged me out here to see.’

  ‘We’d better stop standing around, then.’ He gave a small bow. ‘Ladies first.’

  Head held high, she made her way over to the tree with Kade close behind. As she drew closer a rope ladder hanging from the branches came into view.

  She turned to him. ‘A tree house?’

  ‘Yes. My grandfather built the tree fort for my mother when she was a little girl.’

  She stared up at the tree fort sitting high in the branches. Planks of wood, grey with age, wrapped round the tree limbs with a finesse and expertise even she could recognise. Kade had brought her somewhere truly special. The childhood haunt of the mother he’d never known. ‘It’s a work of art,’ she said, tone hushed.

  ‘And of love.’

  Mia nodded. Emotion sealed her throat making speaking impossible. All his life Kade had been denied access to a family that would have cared for and nurtured him. How his grandmother’s heart would have broken when she had to send a nine-year-old Kade back to the city and his loveless life and then been prevented from seeing or contacting him again.

  She swallowed. ‘Did you ever meet your grandfather?’

  Kade shook his head. ‘He passed away before I visited. But my grandmother spoke of him often, so I feel as though I knew him a little.’

  ‘I’m sure it would have meant a lot to her to be able to share this part of your grandfather’s world with you.’

  Kade didn’t immediately answer. ‘I hope so. Now we’d better keep moving.’ He took hold of the ladder and stretched it tight. ‘I believe we’ve only three minutes left before you turn into a pumpkin.’

  ‘Pumpkin?’

  A brief smile played across his lips. ‘At the stroke of midnight didn’t Cinderella turn into a pumpkin?’

  ’One, the coach turned into the pumpkin, and two, I don’t happen to live in a fairytale.’ She raised a brow. ‘Does Tilly know you fell asleep when you watched Cinderella together?’

  He winked at her. ‘It’s our secret.’

  She rubbed at her upper arms as if chilled. She too had a secret. A secret she needed to take with her. Kade couldn’t know that she loved him.

  ‘In all seriousness, Kade, I have to get back.’ She turned to go. But the flash of pain across his face held her still like no word, or touch, could have.

  ‘This really won’t take long. You’ve walked all this way, why not come and see the view.’

  She sucked on her lower lip. ‘Are you sure it’s safe? It looks as though nobody’s been there for years.’

  ‘It’s safe.’ His voice thickened. ‘I’ve been a regular visitor.’

  She grasped the ladder rope with nervous hands. If she went up into the tree-house, it would be just her, Kade, and the knowledge that she’d soon leave. It was a bad, bad idea. She took a deep breath and placed a foot on the bottom ladder rung. But the sooner she did so, the sooner he’d realise that nothing had changed. She still couldn’t overcome her fear and take that final leap off the precipice.

  She placed her other foot onto the ladder and scrambled up until she could step onto the wooden platform. Kade was right behind her. His size dwarfed the child-sized enclosure as he too stepped onto the platform. A floorboard protested.

  She grabbed at the closest branch. ‘Are you sure this will take our weight?’

  Kade’s only reply was to pull up the ladder.

  She looked down at the ground that suddenly seemed a long way away. ‘I really do feel like I’m on a pirate ship, you know.’

  Kade laughed but the sound didn’t contain any mirth. He faced her, his neck muscles corded and his feet wide apart as through preparing for battle.

  For a fleeting moment a smile diluted the intensity of his expression. ‘You can let go of the tree, everything will be fine.’

  Her fingers proved reluctant to release their grasp from around the branch. There was something about Kade’s dogged stance that warned her things were going to be far from all right. She released the tree and looked over his shoulder to where the lush garden sprawled all the way to the homestead. ‘The view definitely is worth the hike.’

  ’I didn’t bring you here for the view.’ His serious words fell like autumn leaves into the gathering quiet. ‘I brought you here because it’s the only place I could think of where you couldn’t run from me. The only place…where I can’t run from you.’

  Her stomach lurched. He was right. The two of them were marooned up here with nowhere to go. There simply was nowhere to escape to.

  Kade’s eyes never left her face. He continued speaking, ‘I can’t expect you to take a chance if I don’t take one too.’

  She again reached for the safety of the sturdy tree beside her. She could have sworn the wooden platform tilted like a real ship.

  ‘Kade. Please. We’ve been over this already.’

  ‘It’s okay, I’m just as terrified as you are.’

  She blinked. ‘You? Terrified? Of what?’

  ‘Of losing you.’

  The rawness of his words told her he wasn’t simply telling her what she wanted to hear. Jack had been a master at playing upon her hopes and dreams. Never once had his glib promises been underscored by genuine emotion. But Kade meant every strained syllable he uttered. Her frantic hold on the tree wasn’t going to be enough to save her. No matter how hard she clung, it still felt as though the ground fell away beneath her.

  Her hand
slid off the branch to hover over her mouth. ‘Believe me. If I could, I’d stay.’

  ‘Then stay.’ He took a step toward her. ‘I will never abandon you.’

  She glanced at the folded ladder. Her only life-line lay closer to Kade’s feet than her own. ‘I’ve heard those words before.’

  ‘But not from me.’

  She’d drown in his haunted eyes if she didn’t keep her wits about her. ‘I have no faith in promises anymore.’ She took a step back. ‘Besides, aren’t you going off-plan? How do you know things will work, that you’ll never leave?’

  ‘I know because I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.’ He paused as though uncertain of how to continue, almost as though he wouldn’t be able to continue. ‘I know because of what I should have said in the music room. I know because…’ The supreme effort it took for him to keep speaking showed in every haggard line of his face. ‘I know because…I love you.’

  All sound faded until all she could hear was the pounding of her blood in her ears.

  ‘You love…me?’ Her heart slowed. ‘You really love me?’

  ‘Yes.’ His hand touched her cheek, his fingers cold upon her heated skin. ‘I know I’m not good at handling emotion or at knowing what to say or do.’ He looked at her with such desperation, such longing it was as though she was staring at her own reflection. ‘I seem to have done everything wrong in convincing you to trust me, let alone to stay with Tilly and me.’ His voice deepened to a hoarse rasp. ‘Just don’t leave. Just don’t give up on me.’

  She trembled. Not daring to breathe, or move, lest this moment shatter like crystal. She’d been wrong. So wrong. She’d thought there wasn’t anything Kade could do or say to keep her here. But there was. He’d taken the ultimate risk and revealed the depth of his feelings, even knowing she still might leave. He’d proven the integrity of his words. She wasn’t a means to an end like Jack had seen her. She wasn’t an unlovable failure like her father had believed her. She wasn’t a temporary distraction as she’d viewed herself.