Denial

by Jackie Kennedy

  No response.

  Celeste swallowed. Her own anxiety increasing, she tried again. “If you want me to go, I’ll leave. But only once I know you’re going to be okay.”

  No response.

  Her face pained and voice tight, Celeste leaned further into the door. “Amy, please. I need to know you’re going to be okay when I leave.”

  After a long silence, Amy responded. “No…I don’t have a problem.” Still struggling, she forced out. “I know what to do. I’ll get a bag, and breathe into it.” Celeste heard her suck air in deeply. “I’ll be fine…as soon as you leave.”

  Relief washed over Celeste. Leaning her head against the door, she responded gratefully, “Okay. I’m going downstairs to get my things, and then I’ll go.” She stroked the door. “It’ll take me just a few minutes, I promise.”

  “Just go…please.”

  Pushing off the door, Celeste made her way to the room she would have slept in. In the bedroom, she sat on the edge of the bed, holding her head, wondering why the hell she hadn’t seen this coming.

  Rubbing her temples, she exhaled slowly and remembered the golf day with Amy. She thought about how aware she was of her, and that something that passed between them when she tucked Amy’s label away.

  Celeste looked at her fingers aware on that day they had tingled for a long time afterward. Shaking her head, she blinked several times understanding she wouldn’t have seen it coming because since Felice’s death she hadn’t been thinking clearly.

  Standing, she looked at her watch, she didn’t want to leave Amy, but medical experience told her it was best. Picking up her hair band from the bedside cabinet, she caught her hair and tied it back. Realizing she was barefoot, she picked up her overnight bag, and hurriedly stuffed in items she had removed earlier. She threw it over her shoulder, and quickly made her way to the living room to retrieve her shoes.

  On the street, Celeste called a cab. Not wanting Amy to look out the window and see her hanging around, she gave an address two blocks down. Walking, her thoughts turned for the first time to Josh.

  “Josh!”

  Celeste’s hands covered her mouth. Stricken to the core, her heart thudded hard against her rib cage. Tonight’s events would directly impact her twin. The adrenaline coursing through her veins forced her to speed up. Oh my God! Her stomach churned. “Jesus, Josh,” she whispered. Her stomach lurched. “Sweet, beautiful, adorable Josh,” she muttered. Her stomach heaved. “How could I hurt him like this?” Her vision blurred when an image of her brother flashed through her mind.

  Halting, Celeste placed a trembling hand against the nearest wall and, unable to control her physical reaction, threw up.

  †

  Amy could hear a noise in the distance. It took a while, but finally, she realized a phone was ringing. Stirring, she looked at her watch, but couldn’t see it properly. Groaning, she squinted at the blurred numbers, which eventually came into a hazy focus and read seven thirty. She sat bolt upright, lurched forward, and frantically reached for the ringing phone.

  “Hullo,” a gruff voice said at the other end.

  “Hello, Mr. Dreyfuss,” Amy said, trying to hold back the panic in her voice as she realized that she had stood up her client. She ran a hand through her hair and pulled the bed sheets around her, then profusely apologized. She explained it was her bachelorette party the night before and it hadn’t ended as quickly as she hoped.

  To Amy’s relief, her client showed some sympathy, and was happy to discuss the salient points of the project.

  After the call ended, Amy stared blearily at the phone before slowly placing it back on its cradle. Sinking into the bed, she pulled the covers over her head and groaned. Throughout the entire conversation she was bombarded with flashbacks from the night before. To her utter humiliation, during the call, she knew for sure she had tutted in the all the wrong places. She was even sure she had said ‘shit’ once.

  Oh God, Amy thought, he probably thinks I have Tourette’s. She groaned in despair. Covering her eyes with her arms, she whispered, “What have I done?”

  The sun pouring in through her bedroom window, and in need of some air, Amy threw back the bed sheets and absorbed some of the sun’s energy. After a few minutes, she checked the time then forced herself out of bed. Heading for the shower, she hoped Maggie was back and organized for their trip.

  In the shower, Amy leaned against the tiled wall and let the water rain down on her.

  Unable to believe she had let last night happen, Amy groaned. That she had cheated on Josh was unbelievable. With a woman—her future sister-in-law—was incomprehensible. She groaned. She could not have been more shocked if someone was to tell her that her brain had been missing for the past twenty-four years.

  Feeling sick, Amy leaned her head against the wall. The now familiar feeling of panic welled up inside as she asked herself for the hundredth time, “How could you have let that happen?”

  Unable to answer the question, Amy finally accepted that she didn’t have an answer. Turning off the shower, she got out, toweled herself dry then quickly dressed. Brushing her hair, Amy froze when she heard a knock on the door. Her heart pounded when the door handle turned.

  “Amy?”

  It was Maggie.

  Sighing with relief, Amy quickly unlocked the door. Glad to see her cousin and needing some comfort, she pulled Maggie into her arms and hugged her tightly. “You look like hell,” she said, releasing her.

  “Thanks, I love you too.”

  “What time did you get in?”

  Apparently too hung over to ask why the door was locked, Maggie looked at her watch. “Errrmm, about now,” she said sheepishly. Groaning, she moved toward Amy’s bed. Lying back, she croaked, “What an awesome night!”

  “Are you organized?” Amy asked briskly, approaching her.

  Maggie peered through one eye and muttered, “I’m ready whenever you are, jellybean.”

  “I did all my packing yesterday.”

  Maggie sighed. “I thought I was to meet you at the airport?”

  Amy’s pulse quickened. “Aye, well change of plan.” Pulling Maggie up off the bed, she added, “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

  Amy groaned when she entered Maggie’s room. Her cousin was anything but organized. The room was chaos.

  Maggie flopped onto her bed.

  “Where is it?”

  “What?” Maggie’s muffled voice asked from under her pillow.

  “Your suitcase!”

  “Under the bed.”

  Finding it, Amy opened a couple of drawers, and threw whatever she could find into it. Aware the redhead was particular about what she wore, Amy knew Maggie was in for a shock when they got to Barbados.

  While helping Maggie get organized, Josh then Irene called. Amy struggled to speak. She kept each conversation brief, hoping they would think she was too excited about the trip to chat for long.

  “Are you ready?” Amy asked when the taxi arrived.

  Maggie nodded wearily.

  “Let’s go.”

  Soon they were at the airport. To Amy’s relief, when they arrived, her friends were all nursing serious hangovers, which meant they were too tired to give her much attention. It wasn’t until they were boarding the plane that Maggie finally remembered about Celeste staying over.

  “Did you get a chance to chat with twinnie last night?”

  Amy tensed. The color drained from her face.

  Frowning, Maggie looked at her. “I hope everything was all right? I know you’ve found her a wee bit awkward.”

  Amy looked down and muttered, “Everything was fine.”

  Maggie persisted. “Where was she this morning then?”

  Wanting to end the conversation, Amy replied, “She left early.” Leaving no room for Maggie to ask further questions, she called to her friend, Islay, who was preparing to sit in the seat across from her, and asked, much to her cousin’s confusion, if she would like to sit next to her.

&nbs
p; Chapter 10

  About to leave her room, the phone rang. Hesitating at the door, Amy let it ring a few times before picking it up. “Hello?” she answered cautiously.

  “Hi, honey.”

  Amy rubbed her forehead, relieved it was Josh. Closing her eyes, she exhaled slowly. Since that night, last week, Celeste had haunted her thoughts. On the one hand, she was relieved she was here in the Caribbean and out of reach, but on the other she desperately wanted to resolve it—whatever ‘it’ was with Celeste—and get back to her life. So far, there had been no communication.

  “Hi, Josh,” Amy replied, trying to clear her mind of images of Celeste.

  They briefly chatted about some issues Irene was having with the wedding arrangements then Amy said her goodbyes. Each time they spoke, guilt filled her, and left her throat as dry as a bone. Thankfully, her friends thought her distraction was just a bout of pre-wedding jitters, but Maggie was a different matter. She had picked up that something was wrong. Amy’s stomach lurched. Suddenly nauseous, she headed to the bathroom. When she eventually came out, Maggie was there.

  “That’s the third morning this week you’ve thrown up, isn’t it?”

  Wiping her mouth with a tissue, Amy nodded weakly.

  Maggie hugged her. “C’mon,” she said with a note of concern. “I think you should go for a wee nap.”

  Amy nodded, and headed for her bed.

  †

  “Wake up, jellybean.”

  Amy blearily opened her eyes.

  Maggie looked down at her.

  “What time is it?” Amy asked, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

  Maggie looked away at the alarm clock. “It’s let’s find out time.” Producing a package from her pocket, she rattled it.

  Amy squinted at the package. “What’s that?”

  Nudging Amy over, Maggie sat beside her. “A pregnancy test kit.”

  Color drained from Amy’s face. Groaning, she lay back down. Covering her eyes with her arms, she whispered, “Impossible. I’m always careful.”

  “Amy, you know you recently changed to a new pill because your body reacted badly to it,” Maggie said, gently removing Amy’s arms from her face.

  Amy’s voice grew huskier than normal. “I can’t be?”

  “Jellybean,” Maggie said softly, “you’ve been off the pill for two months.” Trying to make a joke of it she added, “I know you’re blonde, but is that really an excuse?”

  Tears welled in Amy’s eyes. “I’m just about to start my career. Having a baby right now is not part of the plan.”

  “Men,” Maggie said, stroking Amy’s hair. “Didn’t you tell him you like your eggs unfertilized?” She shook her head. “If Josh didn’t want to use protection, you should have put a staple through his nob.” She smiled. “He’d have got the message pretty quick that you weren’t ready for the pitter-patter of tiny feet.”

  “Look, Maggie,” Amy protested. “Do you think I’m daft or something? Believe me,” she said indignantly, “we used protection!”

  Maggie rattled the package. “Let’s see if it was effective then.” Raising her eyebrows, she said gently, “Don’t be scared.”

  Amy sniffed.

  “Jellybean,” Maggie said standing, “if you used protection then it’s highly unlikely you’re pregnant.” She held out her hands. “But, we need to be sure.”

  Amy threw the bed sheets back and took her cousin’s hands. “Maggie,” she said, standing on shaky legs. “I’m ninety-nine point nine percent sure I’m not!”

  “Then, it’ll do no harm to round it up to a hundred, will it.”

  Amy lowered her dark blond eyelashes.

  “Jellybean, one way or another you’ll find out. And it’s better now rather than later.” Handing Amy the pregnancy kit Maggie shooed her into the bathroom. Pulling the door closed, she leaned against it. “I’m here if you need me.”

  After a few minutes, Amy opened the door. Taking her hand, Maggie led her into the kitchen.

  “Well?”

  “I didn’t look,” Amy replied shakily. “Can we have a cup of tea first?”

  Nodding, Maggie sat Amy down at the breakfast bar before putting the kettle on.

  After her third cup, Maggie said, “You should go and check.”

  Amy nodded but didn’t move. “I just remembered something.”

  “What?”

  “A couple of weeks ago,” Amy replied eyes downcast. “We were out with friends, and Josh was up for celebrating…” Her voice trailed off.

  “And?”

  “And, we ordered champagne.”

  “How much did you have?”

  “I don’t know,” Amy shrugged. “There were four of us.”

  “And?”

  “And, I can’t really remember. But, I could’ve sworn that we used protection.” Amy rubbed her forehead. “But now, I’m not so sure.”

  “Hmmm.” Maggie looked at her cousin then nodded toward the bathroom.

  Amy didn’t move. The thought of being pregnant terrified her.

  Maggie nodded toward the bathroom again.

  Amy sighed. “Will you go?”

  Maggie looked at the blonde for a long moment then headed for the bathroom to retrieve the results. Returning, she gave Amy a sad little smile.

  Covering her mouth, Amy burst into tears.

  “Aww, c’mere,” Maggie said, holding out her arms. “It’ll be all right, jellybean.”

  Chapter 11

  “Mike, it’s Friday afternoon and I’m at the house. Just wondering where you are. Give me a call when you get this message.” Hanging up, Amy looked around and noted with a detailed eye the work still to be done. She shook her head, unable to believe that after all the hard work the contractor was now slacking off just when the house was in the final stage of the build.

  Amy wondered what to do, and decided to look the house over thoroughly. She wandered around the interior and thought about how tough this, her first real project, had been. The project was overbudget, and six weeks late, but given all of that she thought, taking an appreciative look at her designs, it was worth it.

  The blonde smiled when she heard a car coming up the drive. Thinking Mike hadn’t taken the afternoon off after all, she made her way out of the house and onto the front porch. When Amy got there she froze, and her heart almost leapt into her mouth when she recognized Celeste’s car.

  On her return from the Caribbean, a few weeks ago, Amy had mentally prepared herself, even psyched herself up for some sort of showdown, but to her surprise there was no contact whatsoever from the elusive Doctor Cameron. All she knew was what she had gleaned from Josh’s increasing complaints that Celeste was never around.

  As the weeks passed, with no word, Amy eventually rationalized her bizarre encounter with Celeste. Although she couldn’t fully explain why it happened, she had read somewhere a woman’s hormones tended to be all over the place when pregnant, which led to erratic behavior and mood swings. With some relief, Amy decided her encounter with Celeste was nothing more than a hormonal blip.

  Drawing in a breath, Amy watched Celeste get out of the car and look around. Accepting that a conversation with the brunette was long overdue, she unconsciously firmed her chin then squared her shoulders before making her way down the stairs.

  Approaching Celeste, Amy couldn’t help but admire her outfit. She wore a tight-fitting white shirt, which showed off her tanned complexion, and sleek black trousers. She’s so incredibly beautiful, Amy thought. Since their first meeting, she had admired Celeste’s style, particularly, the way she used a rich color palette to bring together fabric and textured clothing. No synthetics for this girl, Amy thought. Stopping in front of the brunette, she noticed her hair had been restyled. Normally longer, it was layered, and a few inches above her shoulders. Overall, Amy thought, she definitely has that French chic look nailed.

  †

  Closing the car door, Celeste was surprised by the rush of desire that swept through her when Amy stoppe
d in front of her. “Hi, Amy.”

  Amy frowned. “Hi. What brings you here?”

  Taking off her shades, Celeste looked at the blonde. She liked her style, and fully appreciated the sexiness of her look. Amy’s white T-shirt accentuated her full breasts and her boots and her jeans showed her shapely legs off to their maximum. Ignoring the sudden charged air between them, and fighting the urge to touch her, Celeste looked away. She took a moment before meeting Amy’s intense gaze. Slipping her shades on top of her head, she replied, “I know it’s…unexpected, but I spoke to Josh on the phone this afternoon, and he mentioned you were here and since I was in the neighborhood, he suggested that I stop by and see the house.” She looked toward the house. “This is quite spectacular, how about a tour?”

  Amy eyed Celeste. “Okay.”

  Celeste walked toward the house. At the top of the stairs, she stopped and looked back in surprise, Amy hadn’t moved more than a few steps. She gestured with her hand for her to follow.

  †

  Amy didn’t move when Celeste made her way toward the house. Instead, she watched her. She had always known Celeste was an exceptionally beautiful woman, but now she wasn’t just admiring the way she looked. Now, she realized, stomach knotting, she was responding to it.

  When Celeste looked back at her inquiringly, Amy smiled briefly. Swallowing hard, she followed.

  Amy showed Celeste around. Initially, she found it difficult to focus on anything other than the physical proximity of the brunette and how her body was reacting to her closeness, but as the tour continued, her enthusiasm, and Celeste’s easy manner, eased her tension.