Denial

by Jackie Kennedy

  Picking up Ryan, Amy took him into the shade. He squirmed trying to get out of her hands, but she held him tight. Maggie approached as Amy applied sunscreen on his ears. Sitting down beside them she began telling Ryan that today he and his brother were sharing their birthday with at least nine million other people in the world.

  “Why are you telling him that?” Amy snapped. “This is his day. Who cares if nine million other people share it?” She stood. “Anyway, how do you expect him to understand that?”

  Maggie looked at her cousin in surprise. “Well,” she replied, “you’d be surprised how clever kids are. Did you know—”

  “For God’s sake, that’s enough!” Amy interrupted, her voice low.

  Maggie’s brow furrowed deeply, but she said nothing.

  Without another word Amy walked away from Maggie, took Ryan over to the side of the pool and put him into the arms of his father.

  Josh asked her to join them but Amy made an excuse, telling him that she needed something from the kitchen.

  Feeling annoyed, Amy marched into the kitchen, yanked open the fridge door and reached for a carton of juice. Closing it, she strode over to a cupboard, flung it open, reached for a glass and slammed it on the counter. Wanting to vent, she banged the carton down and looked around for something else that she could attack.

  Amy stopped. Breathing in deeply, she filled the glass and held it to her head. She closed her eyes and let the coolness bring her temper down. She sighed in frustration. Since her visit to Celeste’s apartment on Monday she’d been an emotional wreck.

  Opening her eyes, Amy watched Maggie through the window playing with the kids in the water. Immediately she felt guilty. She knew Maggie would be upset. She shouldn’t have barked at her like that, but this whole thing with Celeste was driving her crazy. She sipped her juice. Unbidden, her eyes trailed over to Celeste, who was sitting on her lounger talking to Sophie.

  A few days ago, Amy received a package. Thankfully, it was clearly marked private and confidential and sealed. Otherwise, Wendy would have had her sticky little mitts on it. When Amy opened it, she found a key to Celeste’s apartment with a note attached to it; a quote from the poet William Blake: ‘Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.’

  Amy’s blood had boiled. She immediately ripped it up and threw it in the trashcan along with the key.

  Rubbing the glass down her cheek, Amy looked Celeste over. Immediately she felt a strong tug of desire. Ashamed, she turned her back on the window. Putting down her glass, she tightened her ponytail and thought about the trip here this morning.

  †

  When they arrived, Josh got out and let the boys and pups out of the Jeep. Amy fought the urge to get into the driver’s seat and drive like a bat out of hell to get out of there. Reluctantly she got out when Fraser and Camille rushed out of the house calling out their welcome.

  To Amy’s surprise, Sophie approached and gave her a hug.

  Hugging her back, Amy saw Celeste’s bare feet first. Her eyes slowly moved up to her cutoffs and widened when the slinky red bikini top came into view. Her heart raced and raw desire tugged at her. Why, does she have to look so hot, dammit?

  Amy pulled out of Sophie’s arms, terrified that her sister-in-law would feel her heart thudding.

  Celeste smiled warmly. “Hi, Amy,” she said casually. She gave Josh a hug then picked up Christopher and tickled his stomach.

  Christopher squealed with delight.

  Amy’s eyes narrowed.

  When Alex came out of the house, Amy smiled. Over the last few years, she had gotten to know him and really enjoyed his company.

  Alex hugged her tightly.

  Pleased, Amy hugged him back then caught her breath as it suddenly hit her that Alex knew. Withdrawing slowly from the hug, she looked at him apprehensively and tried to read him. She couldn’t. Instead, trusting her instinct, she whispered, “I’m glad you’re here.”

  Alex smiled and taking her hand, squeezed it reassuringly.

  Once they unpacked and were settled, Celeste asked if the boys wanted to go for a swim. They squealed and instinctively looked at Amy to make sure it was all right. She laughed at how excited they were. “Okay, let’s go and get you both changed.” She looked at Celeste and warily told her, “They’ll be two minutes.”

  Amy took the boys to their room to change them.

  Ryan wasn’t happy.

  “Mom,” he protested. “No! Don’t want to!” He pulled at an inflatable armband that Amy was putting on.

  “You know, Ryan,” Amy said patiently, “I don’t think your aunt Celeste will take you swimming without them.” She began to slide the armband off. “But if you don’t want to wear them, I can just tell her that you’ll go swimming another time.”

  Ryan’s face fell. He quickly conceded, “Okay.”

  Amy smiled, knowing that there would have been a battle of wills if she had insisted, but at the mere mention of his aunt Celeste, he gave in. She stopped smiling, suddenly reminded that Celeste’s influence wasn’t just with the boys.

  †

  “Are you okay, Amy?” Camille asked, interrupting Amy’s thoughts.

  Amy looked at her mother-in-law in surprise. “Yes, I’m fine.”

  “Good,” Camille replied as she removed a bottle of chardonnay from the fridge.

  Amy watched her take two glasses from the shelf.

  “It is just that you seem a little on edge,” Camille said, pouring wine. “I noticed that you have not been able to settle at all today.”

  “Oh…yes, I suppose I have been a little preoccupied.” Amy tried to think of an excuse. “It’s hectic at work and sometimes it’s hard to unwind if you’ve had a busy week. By tomorrow I’ll be fine.”

  Camille held out a glass. “Here, have this. It will help you unwind, no?”

  Smiling, Amy accepted the glass.

  “If there is anything that you want to discuss, please talk to me,” Camille said softly. “I am concerned that you can’t unwind because of problems at work. Sometimes it helps to unburden oneself.”

  “Oh, Camille,” Amy replied reassuringly. “It’s nothing, you know.” She sipped her wine. “I’m sorry if I’ve worried you. I didn’t intend to spoil your day.”

  Camille reached out and touched Amy’s cheek. “No, my darling, you do the opposite. You bring happiness here always.” She smiled. “That is why I noticed that you are not your normal self. Just take care. There must always be a balance, hmmm?”

  Amy nodded. “I’ll try.”

  Amy went outside and started clearing up.

  “Chéri, you have done enough,” Camille said, following her.

  Amy, needing time to breathe, insisted she clear up.

  Camille took hold of the twins’ hands. “Right boys, your mama needs some quiet time, so let us get you into the bath and to bed.”

  “Oh no, grand-mère. No!” The boys cried out in unison.

  “Let me give you a hand,” Alex said, picking up some glasses.

  Amy smiled, happy to accept his offer.

  Halfway through tidying up, the sound of a motorbike filtered through. Sean must have arrived. Amy decided to give Maggie and Sean a little time together before going out to welcome him.

  Amy smiled when she heard Camille shout for her boys to come back. She laughed, not surprised that the little toe-rags had escaped the clutches of their grand-mère. Since discovering that Sean owned a motorbike store, the boys adored him.

  Amy stopped laughing when Celeste entered the kitchen. Her heart started to pound.

  Celeste opened the fridge door and took some beers out.

  Trying to ignore her, Amy filled the dishwasher then set the cycle.

  “Do you need a hand,” Celeste asked, closing the fridge door.

  Taken aback by the suggestiveness in her voice, Amy looked at Celeste, then at Alex to see if he had noticed. She saw Alex give Celeste a withering look. Amy bowed her head. It was evident t
hat he knew exactly what was going on.

  Celeste repeated her question, but Amy didn’t respond. Instead, about to make her excuses and leave, she hesitated when Sophie entered the kitchen. Sighing with relief, she leaned on the worktop and asked Sophie how her book was coming along.

  Sophie grimaced as she fished out a cigarette from her pack. “Everything is fine, but I’ve hit a problem with some of the characters. I’ve used all my favorite methods of killing in my previous books.” Placing the cigarette in her mouth, she patted her jacket pockets. “Normally, my characters die horrifically, one by one.”

  Amy watched the cigarette bounce up and down as Sophie spoke.

  “I need to decide whether or not to wipe out an entire family,” Sophie said, chewing the end of the cigarette.

  Amy paled when Sophie explained some of the ways that her characters might die. Listening, she wondered if Sophie’s therapy sessions were actually doing her any good.

  Celeste interrupted. “Do you need a hand, Amy?”

  Amy shook her head and asked Sophie, “Have you met Maggie’s boyfriend yet?”

  Amy froze when Celeste put both hands on her waist and, leaning forward, allowed the whole of her upper body to press into her. Her mouth touched her ear. “Do you mind moving so that I can get the bottle opener from the drawer?”

  Stunned, Amy moved away quickly. “No, of course not.”

  Embarrassed, and trying to hide her anger, Amy quickly muttered that she was going to greet Sean before hastily retreating from the kitchen.

  After Amy left, Sophie looked at her sister for a long moment. “Cel, can you check to see if there is a lighter in the drawer?”

  Celeste found a box of matches and gave them to Sophie, who headed through the patio doors.

  “Oh, my God!”

  “Don’t start, Alex.”

  “What do you think you were doing there?”

  Celeste didn’t answer.

  “For Chrissake, Celeste, that was a bit suggestive!” He shook his head. “Why did you do that in front of Sophie and me?”

  Opening the beers, Celeste passed Alex one. She took a mouthful. Swallowing, she looked at Alex. “Because Sophie knows that I’m interested in Amy.”

  Alex spat out his beer. Wiping his hand over his mouth, he stared at Celeste. “Good God, the plot thickens.” He shook his head. “Hon, one thing I can guarantee; if you keep it up, she won’t be the only one!”

  Celeste swallowed some more beer.

  Sighing, Alex took a cloth and cleaned up his mess. “Seriously, Celeste, what has happened to you?”

  “Look, Alex,” Celeste replied, sounding tired. “If this was an impulsive notion, of course I would fight it. If this were something I could ignore, then of course I would ignore it. I’m neither impulsive nor blasé about what is happening here.”

  “But you’re still prepared to take a huge risk?” Alex asked sounding confused.

  “Alex it is more of a risk if we do nothing about it,” Celeste replied with frustration. “Amy feels this…attraction…as much as I do. It has been there for years. I—” Abruptly, she stopped talking and looked at him.

  To his astonishment, a look of utter helplessness crossed his friend’s face.

  “Yes,” Celeste finished. “The answer is yes.” She added bleakly, “Yes, I’m prepared to take the risk.”

  Startled by the aching pain in Celeste’s eyes, Alex blinked a few times. He groaned inwardly, finally accepting what he had known all along. Shit! She’s not smitten; she’s over the cliff in love.

  Alex pulled Celeste into his arms and hugged her. He started to speak, wanting to tell Celeste that this was wrong, that she needed to stop this, but he stopped. He had watched Amy for much of the day and whenever she thought Celeste wasn’t looking, she watched her. After today, he knew the feelings weren’t one way.

  “I know it’s hard, sweetie. But you’re right, she’s definitely attracted to you.” Alex held her shoulders and looked at her. “I can see it in her eyes, in the way she watches you.” He whispered, “But be careful, Celeste. For God’s sake, be careful.”

  Camille popped her head through the patio doors. “Come, you two. “We have a guest.”

  Taking Celeste’s hand, Alex led the way out to the driveway.

  After the introductions, Alex watched Josh slip his arms around Amy’s waist and hug her tightly as he spoke to Sean. He noted, not for the first time, that they were an exceptionally good-looking couple.

  Alex hated this. Over the years he had come to really like Amy. God knows what she’s going through right now. He looked at Josh. He had always had a soft spot for him. More than a soft spot when he was a teenager, he admitted. He watched them, aware that they looked every inch the perfect couple. He looked at Celeste. His heart sank. Her face was darkening at the sight of Josh and Amy in a loving embrace. What a fucking mess!

  Chapter 28

  The next morning, Amy and Maggie headed off to the golf course. They teed off a half hour after the boys and Celeste. The boys had asked Celeste to join them, to make it a foursome.

  This morning, Amy had gotten up early, keen to get away and be with Maggie for a couple of hours. She still felt bad for her emotional outburst yesterday. Maggie meant the world to her, and although she couldn’t bring herself to tell her the truth, she was going to do her damndest to make sure that she didn’t pull her cousin into this emotional roller-coaster ride. She was going to do her best to resolve this…thing…with Celeste.

  Maggie was about to take her shot and trying to distract her, Amy teased, “Are you sure Sean’s tadger is as big as you say?”

  “Shhh,” Maggie replied as she lined up to take her shot.

  Amy breathed air deeply into her lungs. It was a beautiful Sunday morning. She smiled, remembering how Maggie, during the first four holes, had tried to find out what was going on with her, and what was wrong with her yesterday. Thankfully, she tenaciously stuck to her mood being down to nothing more than having too much work.

  Once Amy allayed Maggie’s fears, they chatted easily. At every opportunity, when she wasn’t teasing Maggie, Amy encouraged her to talk about Sean, which wasn’t difficult given that he was her current pet subject.

  As the round progressed, Amy felt the tension leave her for the first time in weeks. She loved being with Maggie and, more than anything, loved the sense of balance her cousin brought to her world.

  †

  That afternoon, Maggie decided to ride back to Sarasota with Sean on his new bike. They sneaked away during the boys’ afternoon nap.

  When the couple said they were leaving, Amy, restless, itched to go too. She was desperate for this weekend to end. Already, she had packed everything into the Jeep, in readiness for their journey home, but she was forced to wait until Josh’s parents returned from their afternoon walk with the dogs.

  Finishing her second cup of coffee, Amy looked out to the patio. For forty minutes Josh and Celeste had been playing the same game of chess. When Celeste stayed with them for those few weeks, she and Josh played chess regularly. Amy smiled faintly as she watched Alex. He was sitting close to Celeste, flicking through a magazine. She could see that he was completely bored but still he waited patiently for the game to finish.

  Amy looked at Josh then at her watch then tapped her foot lightly. “C’mon,” she said under her breath. It had been at least five minutes, she noted, as she looked at her watch, since Josh had made his move. “C’mon,” she whispered. “Hurry up and make your move, Celeste.”

  Desperately wanting Camille and Fraser to return to allow them go home, Amy moved through the open patio doors and approached her husband. “Josh, I think we should call your—”

  “Shhh,” Josh said. “This is a crucial move.”

  Silenced, Amy stood beside him.

  Josh smiled up at her and, pulling her close, put his arm around her waist. Amy stiffened.

  Celeste looked at Josh, then at Amy. “I have to be in New York next weekend,”
she said. “I’m giving a lecture on feeding centers that MSF run in Darfur.” She lifted her eyebrows. “And I noticed that there is an art exhibition by Julie Shelton Smith.” She smiled at Amy. “Josh told me some time ago that she’s one of your favorite artists. I thought you might like to join me?”

  The unexpected invitation left Amy struggling for something to say.

  Josh piped up, “That sounds like a great idea, Celeste. It’s only recently that she’s been spending more time in her studio.” He looked up at Amy. “Maybe it’ll give you a little inspiration!” he added enthusiastically, “I think it’s a great idea, honey. How about you?”

  Amy hesitated. Annoyed that Josh was unwittingly being duped, she struggled for a reason not to go. She looked at Josh then Celeste. “I’d like to think about it.” With no intention of accepting, she added, “I’ll need to look at my schedule.”

  “Oh come on, Amy.” Josh tightened his hold on Amy’s waist. “You’ll really enjoy it, and I can manage the boys for a weekend.”

  Josh surprised Amy by placing a light kiss on her T-shirted stomach.

  Amy watched Celeste frown.

  “Surely, Amy, you wouldn’t want to miss an opportunity to see your favorite artist?” Celeste said.

  “Maybe next time,” Amy replied, eyeing her coldly.

  “No, I insist,” Josh said. “A weekend break is exactly what you need. You’ve been working far too hard over the last few weeks.” Sounding concerned, he added, “You need some time out. You need some retail therapy. You can go shopping. Let your hair down. Catch up on girl chat.”

  Amy was aware that Josh couldn’t understand why there was tension between her and Celeste. Wanting some form of reconciliation between them, he would see the trip as an ideal opportunity for them to spend some time together and get to know each other ‘properly.’