Denial

by Jackie Kennedy

  Eventually, to Amy’s relief, Susan pressed digits on her phone then turned and walked away from them.

  Watching her, Amy realized that Susan hadn’t stopped talking in hours. She must be on crack cocaine to be as hyper as that! Amy folded her arms. She looked at Celeste and felt her temper rise dangerously close to the surface. She couldn’t believe she was going to have to spend another minute with Susan never mind a whole evening, and God only knows what Ritchie was going to be like.

  “I’m sorry. It was too awkward to say no,” Celeste said.

  Looking down at her feet shoes, Amy decided to play it cool. She shrugged.

  “Are you okay with them joining us?” Celeste asked.

  No, goddamit! “It’s not a problem,” Amy said.

  Celeste gave Amy a look.

  Amy blushed, knowing Celeste knew she wasn’t being honest.

  “Well, I guess it’s good it’s not the two of us tonight,” Celeste said. She reached out to stroke Amy’s face then dropped her hand. “That would be far too intimate. And, intimacy is not part of the arrangement. Is it?”

  Amy didn’t respond. Instead, she watched Susan waving madly for their attention.

  Celeste nodded when Susan gave them the thumbs-up.

  Dreading the next few hours, Amy closed her eyes.

  Turning her back on Susan and positioning herself in front of Amy, Celeste said quietly, “Saddle your broomstick, Amy. Tonight, you’re in for one helluva ride!”

  Amy stared at Celeste. This might not have been a deliberate act of sabotage, but it clearly suited the brunette who was obviously still hurting from her comments last night. She frowned and thought two can play this game.

  Checking over Celeste’s shoulder, Amy could see Susan was still on her cell phone. Too annoyed to worry about the passing crowd, she lifted her hand and stroked Celeste’s cheek, then ran it down her throat and over the lapel of her jacket. She moved her hand back up then down Celeste’s throat until she reached the gentle swell of her breasts and, for the first time that day, feeling calm, she smiled flirtatiously.

  Pleased, Amy watched Celeste’s pupils dilate and her skin color deepen. “Oh, I don’t think it’ll be all that bad,” she replied throatily as she ran a finger over Celeste’s bottom lip.

  Celeste’s eyes widened.

  Amy moved closer to Celeste. Lifting her head she whispered in her ear, “You’ll just owe me,” she said then bit her earlobe.

  Celeste yelped.

  Amy tilted her head and batted her eyelashes innocently, then fixed a smile for Susan who was rushing toward them.

  †

  That night, unbelievably, things got worse. There was no doubt Susan and Ritchie were a double act. Ritchie, if it were possible, chatted even more than his girlfriend. After the introductions, the couple spent most of their time squabbling for airtime.

  Amy didn’t utter more than a few words the whole evening.

  At the show, Ritchie positioned himself next to her and, to Amy’s frustration, revealed little bits of the story line during the performance. After the show, she couldn’t believe it when Celeste invited the couple back to the hotel for a nightcap. It was after midnight when they left.

  Alone, they rode the elevator in silence. When it stopped at their floor, Celeste got out first and walked briskly ahead. Amy followed a few steps behind.

  Feeling shell-shocked, Amy rested her head against the door of her room. Suddenly aware Celeste was speaking, she lifted her tired head. Apologizing, she asked Celeste to repeat what she had just said.

  “I have a headache. I think it’s best that we get some rest,” Celeste repeated. Sliding her key in the door, she added, “It’s been a busy weekend, and I have a few errands to run before we leave tomorrow afternoon.”

  Surprised, Amy watched Celeste unlock her door quickly and enter without a backward glance.

  †

  Throwing off the covers, Amy tried to stop thinking about what had happened. She forced herself to clear her mind and focus on getting some sleep. After a few minutes, like a wayward child, she kicked her legs out. Regardless of how angry she was with Celeste, right now, if she walked into the room…into her bed…she would forgive her anything.

  Staring at the connecting door, Amy willed Celeste to walk through. Several times, she got out of bed and made her way to the door only to lose her nerve and turn back.

  †

  Unable to sleep, Celeste tossed in her bed. Restless, she thought over the events of the day. Meeting Susan was unexpected and had brought a reminder of the life she had before Amy consumed it. Tonight, she had needed some distance from the blonde. If she was truthful, she was still smarting from the comment from the previous night.

  Unwilling to explore why she was feeling so put out, Celeste closed her eyes. She groaned when Laura flashed into her mind. She hated this part. Every time she got involved, which was rare, the relationship seemed to move faster than she ever wanted it to. She hadn’t thought about Laura that much since coming home, but this morning when she checked her e-mail, there was one from her, detailing that she would be traveling from Sudan to attend a conference in Boston next month and wanted to spend time together.

  Celeste felt ashamed. She knew Laura didn’t understand her cooling off. Although she hadn’t said as much, she could tell by her e-mail that she was hurting.

  Since her marriage ended, Celeste had intentionally never been seriously involved. She had hoped the time apart would cool things between them, but now realized that Laura was in much deeper than she had thought. She needed to make it clear that it was over, and soon.

  Trying to settle, Celeste punched her pillows into shape. Throwing her head on them, she forced her eyes closed. Immediately, an image of Amy lying next door, naked, flashed. No matter how she tried to change it, the image was always of Amy, naked and enticing.

  Determined that she wasn’t going anywhere tonight, Celeste clenched her jaw and pulled the covers around her. But, after what felt like hours, she turned and looked at the clock, it had barely moved. Her determination crumbled.

  Unable to stay in bed any longer, Celeste threw back the covers, and headed for the connecting door. There was some natural light filtering through when she opened it. Her eyes adjusting, she swallowed when she saw Amy lying on her back with the covers off, naked and asleep.

  Groaning inwardly, Celeste told herself that if she had any willpower she would turn and leave. Needing some sleep, she justified, as she slipped through the door that she would just lay beside Amy.

  Slipping into the empty side of the bed, Celeste lay still. She thought about turning her back, but somehow couldn’t. Instead, she closed her eyes, and let Amy’s breathing lull her to sleep.

  Within minutes, Celeste’s eyes flew open when, still asleep, Amy’s hand rested on her inner thigh. Groaning at the razor sharp heat the light touch generated, Celeste felt the fight leave her. Sitting up, she slipped her T-shirt off.

  Slowly, Amy opened her eyes and whispered, “Celeste?”

  Celeste smiled. She loved the sultry quality of Amy’s voice. The seductive huskiness and Scottish burr. She lightly kissed Amy’s lips. “Hi,” she said.

  Still sleepy, Amy whispered, “My stomach flipped just then when you kissed me.” Looking at Celeste, she said in surprise, “I’ve never had that before.” Amy held eye contact for a long moment. “I missed you.”

  Catching her breath, Celeste’s stomach clenched.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about Laura,” Amy asked.

  Celeste sighed. “I didn’t tell you because it’s nothing.”

  “Do you have feelings for her?”

  Celeste whispered. “Some.” She frowned. “But not enough.”

  “Have you had many lovers?” Amy asked. “Women lovers I mean?”

  “A few.”

  “Felice?”

  Celeste nodded.

  “Where did she fit in?”

  “My first.”

  “Oh,” Am
y said. “That explains a lot.”

  “What?”

  “Your openness that night.”

  “The night in your apartment?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

  Amy nodded. “I know. Neither did I.”

  Celeste stroked Amy’s face.

  “Is that really why you stayed away for so long?” Amy asked.

  “I should have come home earlier.”

  “But you didn’t, because you thought this might happen?”

  Celeste nodded. “But I hoped it wouldn’t.”

  “What are we doing?” Amy asked. “You’re involved. I’m married, and we’re doing this.” She shook her head. “What does that make us?”

  “Confused,” Celeste offered. Smiling slightly, she kissed the tip of Amy’s nose.

  Amy laughed. “Okay, agreed,” she said, looking at Celeste. “Confused is definitely where I’m at.”

  “But I know now that, when it comes to you, I’m not confused,” Celeste said, looking at Amy intently.

  Amy frowned. “But when it comes to you, I am.”

  Celeste pressed a finger against Amy’s lips when she formed another question.

  Amy raised her eyebrows and looked at Celeste inquiringly.

  Wanting to change the subject Celeste said, “I think Susan and Ritchie really like you.”

  Slowly, Amy removed Celeste’s finger from her lips. “No kidding. Why did you want to spend so much time with them?” she asked, frowning.

  “It wasn’t deliberate Amy. It was really good to see her, and out in the field Susan is a great antidote to the grim day-to-day situations we face. I genuinely have a soft spot for her.”

  “But she laughs like a hyena, for God’s sake,” Amy said, her face showing annoyance and amusement at the same time.

  “I know,” Celeste replied. “But the qualities that you might find…unappealing are the same qualities that often get many of our team through the day.” She brushed her fingers over Amy’s chest. “Susan is larger than life, and I love her for that.”

  “I guess so.” Amy said.

  Celeste smiled at Amy’s petulant lip. She did feel slightly guilty that Amy had struggled through the evening. She had built a friendship with the couple separately, but meeting them as a duo for the first time would drive anyone crazy.

  “Is it enough to accept that the chance of it happening again is highly unlikely?”

  Amy looked at Celeste. A strange, almost wistful, expression crossed her face. She nodded.

  “Did you enjoy the exhibition today?”

  Amy shrugged. “I couldn’t really focus.”

  Celeste nodded. She knew Amy struggled to focus at the gallery. The few times that the artwork had absorbed her, Celeste watched her, adoring what she saw. She recalled Amy’s outfit: a light cashmere V-neck sweater that showed the swell of her breasts beautifully. With her washed-out jeans and her hair down, Amy carried that look of sophisticated casualness that only artisans and the city chic get away with.

  Celeste whispered, “At the gallery, you looked beautiful.”

  Surprise, then pleasure, filled Amy as she looked at Celeste.

  “More than once I had to stop myself from wrapping my arms around you. I loved it when a piece of work intrigued you,” Celeste said, brushing her lips over Amy’s. “Do you know, you have a little habit when something catches your attention?”

  “No,” Amy said. “What do I do?”

  “Well, you tuck your hair behind your ears, fold your arms and tilt your head, just so,” Celeste tilted her own head to show Amy. “Then you’d catch your bottom lip as you fully absorb the canvas.”

  Amy looked at Celeste. Eyelids heavy, she whispered, “Kiss me.”

  Amy uttered a groan of pleasure when Celeste’s naked body moved on top of hers and her knees urged her thighs apart. She eagerly opened and spread them wide, wrapping her legs around Celeste, giving her complete access.

  The feel of Amy was exquisite. Celeste wanted to savor this—being here, caught, watching this beautiful woman give herself freely. Looking deeply into her eyes, she felt a deep connection. Taking Amy’s hands, she brought them to the edge of the bed. Pinning her down and keeping eye contact, she pushed her hips into her.

  Amy gasped and tried to capture Celeste’s mouth. But each time, Celeste teasingly pulled away. Eventually, she let out a low moan of frustration. “Stop teasing, Celeste. I need you to kiss me really, really badly!”

  When Celeste didn’t answer, Amy struggled to break free of her grip, but Celeste held her. Enjoying her struggles, she continued to pull away each time Amy tried to kiss her.

  “Kiss me, Celeste…please.”

  “Not yet.”

  Celeste’s eyebrows rose when she felt Amy’s wetness begin to cover her lower abdomen. She whispered seductively, “You’re a hungry little tiger, aren’t you?”

  Amy growled, then whispered, “Hungry isn’t the word I have in mind. Try craving.” Her eyes narrowed. “I’m craving you. I need a fix. I need you, Celeste.” Groaning, Amy’s head fell back. Her lashes fluttered closed. She finished, almost unwillingly, “I need you.”

  For the second time, Celeste’s stomach clenched.

  Frustrated, Amy pleaded. “Please…I need to taste you.” Her hips surged. “I’ve needed you like this all day.”

  Wanting to cherish the feel of Amy trembling underneath her, Celeste slowly put her lips to Amy’s and lightly kissed her.

  Impatient, Amy pushed her tongue into Celeste’s mouth. Groaning, Celeste kissed her deeply.

  Moaning, Amy’s hips undulated eagerly.

  Not wanting Amy to come quickly, Celeste stilled and broke the kiss.

  Amy groaned into Celeste’s throat. “Don’t stop.”

  “Shhh.”

  Amy’s head dropped back, closing her eyes, a sigh escaped.

  Celeste watched Amy, adoring her. She waited for Amy’s breathing to quiet, for her body to still, before catching her lips again.

  Gently, Celeste began thrusting her hips as she explored Amy’s mouth fully.

  Amy pulled her mouth away. “Bite…me,” she said, gasping between words.

  No longer able to resist, Celeste placed a hand between Amy’s thighs and touched her clit. She kissed down her neck, and at the base, bit hard.

  Amy bucked underneath, heels digging into the bed. Crying out, she shuddered long and hard as she climaxed.

  Celeste couldn’t help but be amazed at how quickly Amy reached orgasm, and how intense they tended to be. Breathing heavily, she slowed her movements as Amy stilled. The strength of Amy’s orgasm filled her with a sense of elation. She loved the feeling of being here, in bed, with the woman she adored. It felt as if this was her rightful place.

  Celeste didn’t want it to be over so soon, but she couldn’t hold off any longer. Urgently, she placed Amy’s hand between her thighs and, closing her eyes, moved against her.

  Feeling the first twinges of her orgasm, Celeste opened her eyes to look at Amy. A strong image of Josh making love to Amy pierced her. A shock wave hit her when she realized that this is how incredible Josh must feel. As her mind grappled with the thought, a new emotion ran through her, one of raw naked resentment.

  Celeste’s stomach churned as jealousy rode through her body just as her orgasm pushed through. She had no choice but to ride with it. Afterward, breathing heavily, she collapsed on top of Amy.

  Chapter 34

  Amy struggled to release her trapped hand. Wrapping her arms around Celeste, she smiled, surprised by how much she loved the feel of Celeste on top of her, and loved the film of hard-earned sweat between them. “God, that was incredible,” she said, nuzzling her neck.

  Listening to Celeste gulp for air, Amy’s groin clenched as she replayed Celeste building to orgasm. “That was amazing,” she said, stroking Celeste’s hair, unable to believe how quickly her own desire was building again. After a moment, Amy frowned. Sensing somethin
g was wrong, she asked, “Are you okay?”

  Lifting her head, Celeste frowned. “I…”

  To Amy’s complete surprise, Celeste began to cry. Shocked, she put her arms around her comfortingly and held her tight.

  Stroking Celeste’s hair until she quieted, Amy lifted her face and kissed her gently. “Sleep with me,” she said tenderly. “I want to hold you tonight.”

  Nodding, Celeste slid off Amy and lay on her back.

  Turning on her side, Amy wondered why she was so upset. Reaching out to stroke Celeste’s cheek, fascinated, she watched her take control of her emotions.

  Eventually, Amy whispered, “When was the last time you cried?”

  Wiping the tears, Celeste laughed, and sounding slightly self-conscious, answered, “When I first started with MSF, I cried all the time.” She smiled weakly. “I used to cry out of frustration, in anger, in empathy at the situations people, often with no control, found themselves in, but the last time,” she said looking at Amy, “was with you.”

  Amy kissed Celeste tenderly. “Why did you join MSF?”

  Celeste looked at Amy. “I wanted to help.” She turned her head and fell silent.

  Amy whispered, “Look at me.”

  Celeste looked at Amy.

  “Tell me.”

  “I joined MSF because when I was eight years old, I watched some TV documentary on international relief.” She looked at Amy. “It was as if a light went on in my head and I thought, that’s it, that’s what I want to do.”

  Amy smiled when Celeste laughed. “That year, I plagued my parents for a doctor’s uniform, a hospital play set and everything medical, but, like all kids, soon something else caught my attention and I hung up the stethoscope, so to speak.”

  Celeste turned fully to face Amy.

  Amy smiled, enjoying Celeste confiding in her. “But you went to medical school?”

  “Yeah,” Celeste revealed. “I guess the seed was sewn. It wasn’t until I left med school, intending to work that…” She stopped talking and focused on Amy’s lips. Cupping her face, she rubbed her thumb seductively over Amy’s bottom lip.