Seasons of the Heart

by Susette Williams

  “I’ll put it in the back of my truck.” He grinned remembering their first encounter. “Ever hear of geocaching?”

  “Yes,” she texted. “Have you? You do realize it involves hiking with a mix of hide and seek?”

  “I have no intentions of letting you out of my sight.” Marc typed. “Thought it might be something we can try together if you’re up to it.”

  “Me?” Kelly included a smiley emoticon. “You can’t lose me that easily.”

  “Good!” Marc texted her that he’d call her later and they would discuss the details. Hopefully Nick could supply the answers since he suggested it in the first place.

  ♥ ♥ ♥

  As they followed the GPS to a park, along a trail, and over a fence to look for their first find, Kelly delighted in watching the excitement on Marc’s face. He reminded her of a small child trying to hunt for a hidden treasure. “I pictured you playing cops and robbers more than pirates when you were little.”

  Marc grinned. “You didn’t find many damsels in distress playing cops and robbers.”

  “Ah.” Now she understood. “You weren’t into putting away bad guys, you wanted to rescue women, or people in need. Which is probably why you ended up as a firefighter.”

  His laughter was rich and hearty. “Actually, it’s more of the family business.”

  “There are more of you?” She giggled. While it was a scary profession, it was admirable. It warmed her heart to think of how close his family must be to continue such a noble family tradition.

  “Yes.” His expression sobered. “My father is retiring this year. My brothers were all firefighters as well.”

  She picked up on his undertone. “Were? What happened?”

  “My oldest brother, Matthew, died three years ago saving a family and their baby.”

  “I’m sorry.” She squeezed his hand and he glanced at her, the faraway look in his eyes focusing on her.

  “It’s okay.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek as they kept walking. “It’s one of the hazards of the job. Because of his braveness, three people are alive today.”

  “What about your other brothers? How many do you have?”

  “There were four of us. I also have a sister who is a nurse.” Marc paused, noting the GPS had signaled they were in the vicinity of their first find. “While we hunt around for our treasure, why don’t you tell me what made you want to pursue a degree in early childhood development? Are you planning to teach?”

  “I want to work in family services,” Kelly said. “Too many children seem to be endangered and I want to help kids be safe and find good homes.”

  “That’s very commendable and actually crosses my profession.” Marc leaned against a large tree and drew her to him. “A couple months back a meth lab exploded. Family services had to come and remove the two children from the scene because their parents were arrested. It wasn’t a pretty sight.” He sighed, gently brushing a strand of her hair from her face. “Your job can be heartbreaking at times, but it is also rewarding knowing you are helping children to have a chance.”

  Kelly nodded, not using the opportunity to share with him about her past. She didn’t want him to think of her as damaged, but sometime soon, she needed to tell him.

  Her gaze wandered upward toward something green in the knobby hole in the tree. “I think I found it?”

  “Found what?” He turned his head to follow her gaze, then moved to grab it.

  Having him hold her in his arms was more pleasant, but the distraction gave her a reprieve from feeling compelled to share more right now.

  Marc held what looked like a plastic green pencil box. He opened it, revealing a notebook and pencil.

  Kelly took the notebook and began thumbing through it. “Wow, there are people from as far as Alaska who have been here.”

  “Wonder if they came in the winter, when there was snow?” Marc teased. “Then it would feel like home to them.”

  She loved his good-naturedness because he always made her smile or laugh. That was a commodity she didn’t have when she was growing up.

  Chapter Six

  Meeting Marc’s family held an underlying expectation, a sign that he thought her significant enough to introduce to them. His family’s Christian roots obviously went back a while if their names were any indication.

  Kelly was glad Marc’s mother allowed her to help prepare lunch Sunday after church while the guys played touch football. Marc’s sister-in-law helped in the kitchen, while his sister, Sarah kept busy in the living room, playing with their two small children. Sarah had a noticeable baby bump that Kelly envied.

  “Do you come from a large family, Kelly?” Marc’s mother glanced over her shoulder while she pulled a pan of brownies from the oven.

  “No, not really.” She didn’t want to bring up the foster home since she’d only been in foster care a little over a year, and the time she’d spent there had been recovering from cervical cancer. Kelly didn’t want people feeling sorry for her. Life was what it was—you dealt with whatever you were given, or whatever you’d been forced to endure. God’s grace was sufficient to heal all wounds, emotional and physical. Kelly opted to change the conversation. “If you don’t mind my asking, Mrs. Stevenson, I’m curious about your sons’ names. How come Marc isn’t spelled like it is in the Bible?”

  “Please, call me Ruth.” She set the pan of brownies down on the potholders on the counter and turned to face her. “It’s actually a funny story.”

  “Now I’m curious.” Luke’s fiancée, Lori, looked up from her task of setting the table. “I don’t think I’ve heard this story.”

  “Marc was our third child, so my labor went pretty quickly.” Ruth’s eyes widened as she smiled while recounting her story. “By the time we got a sitter and made it to the hospital, he was ready to meet the world. We both had agreed on giving him the Biblical name, Mark. However, my husband was so anxious with everything going on, he told them the spelling for the lead singer of T. Rex, Marc Bolan.” She chuckled and glanced toward the guys as they came in from the backyard. “It wasn’t until his birth certificate came in the mail that we realized the error.”

  “Hey, Marc, Mom’s telling your girlfriend about you being a mistake.” Luke playfully pushed Marc’s shoulder, causing him to stumble sideways slightly.

  “Ha, ha.” Marc rolled his eyes. “That never gets old.”

  “Just think,” John said, “if the two of you get married and have a boy, you can name him Remark.”

  His brothers laughed.

  Kelly’s heart sank. “I can’t have children.”

  Silence filled the room. They all stared at her. Sarah had come into the room during the conversation. She looked down at her protruding belly, and back at Kelly.

  “I’m sorry.” Sarah came over and hugged her. “It can’t be easy seeing me this way.”

  “You get accustomed to it after a while and you start to think about your options.” Kelly forced a smile. It did hurt to know she would never carry a child inside her womb, but she was happy for Sarah. It wasn’t her fault Kelly couldn’t have children. “I’d like to adopt one day.”

  “That’s sweet, dear.” Ruth hugged her too. “Why don’t you boys get washed up so we can eat before the food gets cold?”

  The room couldn’t have cleared any quicker if she’d told them the baseball game just started.

  ♥ ♥ ♥

  Over lunch, when they went to join hands to pray before the meal, Marc hesitated. At least it felt that way to Kelly. Maybe she’d read too much into his actions. Later, the men reverted to the living room to watch the game on TV while the women cleaned up. Something seemed a bit wrong with this picture, but Kelly didn’t comment. She already knew from the conversation amongst the others that this was tradition.

  When the women finished cleaning up, Sarah laid the children down for a nap, allowing them enough peace and quiet to play a card game at the table. Kelly wished she could spend more time interacting with Marc. Was h
e upset with her? He hadn’t made a gesture to even touch her when he walked past her to head to the living room. In the hour-and-a-half since they’d gone to watch TV, John was the only one who’d come in the kitchen to retrieve drinks for the guys, which seemed odd, since he didn’t have a girlfriend or wife in the kitchen to check on. Maybe he drew the shortest straw and got stuck with the task since he was the youngest?

  Marc was quiet on the drive back to her apartment. When she could take the silence no more, she turned in her seat to look at him. “Did I do something to upset you?”

  “No.” He frowned. “Yes. No. I don’t know.”

  She blinked several times, not sure what to think.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you couldn’t have children?” His shoulders scrunched up as his face skewed into an angry glare. He glanced at her momentarily, then focused his attention back on the road, not before she saw pain flash in his eyes.

  “It’s not like it is something easy to talk about.” Her voice raised, but at the moment, she didn’t care. “You don’t generally just throw out, hey, by the way, I can’t have children.”

  “Really?” He looked at her incredulously and gripped the steering wheel tight enough to make his knuckles whiten. “That sure seems to be what you did today, and in front of my entire family without even breaking the news to me first?”

  “Is that what you’re upset about?” Kelly asked. “That I didn’t tell you before them? I wanted to, trust me.”

  “Are you even sure you planned on telling me before we got married?”

  She opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it. His words resonated in her head. Kelly didn’t know what to say. “Married? We haven’t dated that long. I’m not sure that’s something that entered either of our minds.”

  “Dating is for marriage.” Marc leaned his arm on the car door and rubbed his temple. “At least it should be.”

  It touched her that Marc was old-fashioned. In an ideal world, people would only date with that intent. But that wasn’t how it usually happened. She was touched that he could actually see himself married to her. She never envisioned anyone truly wanting her. Maybe that’s why she was always hesitant to share her past. She didn’t want to scare men away, and especially not Marc. “I would have told you before then, so you’d understand what I was going through.”

  “What you were going through?”

  She wished he’d stop flashing her angry glares.

  “You’re not the only one who has to deal with not having children,” Marc ground out. “Whoever you marry will have to be willing to forego having children as well.”

  “There’s always adoptions, so it’s not like we couldn’t have children.”

  “And what if a man wants his own children?” He pulled into her apartment parking lot.

  She hadn’t realized how close they had been to her home. She’d almost prefer they finish this conversation while he drove. Then he couldn’t continue to glare at her angrily. Did it bother him that much that he wouldn’t be able to have his own children? He seemed so good with children at the home. “Are you telling me you couldn’t find it in your heart to love one of the children, like Annie, from the children’s home?”

  “You’ve seen my niece and nephew, and my sister is due to have another baby in a few months,” Marc said. “I want that.”

  “So do I, but we don’t always get what we want in life.” Kelly wanted to cry or scream out in pain. She couldn’t change the past and she held little control over her future. By the way Marc had responded, she doubted she would see him again. Unless it was at church. She took a deep breath to steady her emotions. “We don’t always have control over what happens in our lives, all we can do is live with what we’re given. Life doesn’t come with guarantees. Even you could get killed in a fire. You’d leave your wife a widow. That’s a fact of life as well, and whoever you marry is going to have to learn to live with that fear.”

  His silence spoke volumes.

  Kelly climbed out of his truck. Her goodbye was barely audible. Once she safely reached the confines of her apartment, she threw herself across the couch and cried.

  Chapter Seven

  Marc was in an irritable and depressed mood all week. He didn’t look forward to meeting Katie and Wade for a late lunch on Thursday before they went to try on tuxedos. Weddings were not something he wanted to think about, especially since the prospect of marrying the woman he was smitten with went up in smoke.

  He wanted to pray about it, but he was too angry at God. Just when Marc thought he’d finally found the one, all hopes and dreams of a happily ever after were vaporized. How could God be so cruel?

  Katie and Wade were already seated and looking at a menu when he came into the restaurant. They were smiling and laughing as they talked. An image of brown eyes and soft, pink lips filled his thoughts. Marc still couldn’t get the taste of Kelly’s lips to stop haunting him. She felt so right in his arms, beneath his touch. He wanted to caress her, wrap his fingers in her hair as he drew her to him in a mind numbing kiss—a kiss he would never taste again.

  Wade looked up and saw him. He motioned for Marc to join them. While his shoes felt like they were filled with lead as he trudged toward the table, Marc forced a smile. This was a time of celebration for his friends. The least he could do was pretend to be cheerful for their sake.

  When Marc reached the table, Wade stood and shook his hand, motioning toward an empty chair. “Have a seat.”

  Marc sat and picked up his menu, thankful to have something to distract him from conversation. If they asked how he was, he’d be forced to lie.

  When the waitress came, Wade and Katie settled on a salad and sharing a pizza. Marc chose rigatoni a la carbonara and a small side salad. You couldn’t go wrong with anything that had bacon. Of course, he had thought he couldn’t go wrong with Kelly either.

  “Why the frown?” Wade asked. “Missing the new girlfriend?”

  “How’d you know?” Marc didn’t recall telling Wade about Kelly, but she had been the only thing on his mind lately.

  “Nick told us last week,” Katie said.

  A frown creased Wade’s brow. “By the expression on your face, I’m guessing things aren’t working out?”

  Marc shook his head and sighed. “No, and the worst part is I took her home to meet my family last weekend. Now I’ll never hear the end of it.”

  “They didn’t like her?” Katie’s eyes were soft.

  He knew Katie only wanted to help, but it was too soon to talk about. Yet, like a conveyor belt, his mouth spewed out his problems and how she’d failed to tell him that she couldn’t have children. “I feel like she wanted to trap me.”

  “Kelly’s a friend of mine and she’s not like that.” Katie glared at him. “You just don’t go around telling people, hey, guess what…” Katie rolled her eyes, gesturing with her hands in the air. “…my father and uncle abused me. I didn’t know how to deal with it and ended up sleeping around, not knowing what love truly was until I became a Christian. But it’s okay, God redeemed me and now I’m changed. However, the whole sordid ordeal caused me to get cervical cancer and now I can’t have children.” Katie leaned her arms on the table and looked at him pointedly. “Is that what you wanted her to tell you?”

  Marc’s jaw dropped. He didn’t know what to say.

  Wade touched Katie’s arm. “Remember, we’re in a public place.”

  She took a deep breath and nodded. “I’m sorry, Marc, but the reality is, it happened to Kelly. It’s something she has to process and deal with and you just don’t dump something like that on a guy you like, and she liked you a lot from what I could tell when I talked to her.”

  What could he say? Kelly endured a lot that he didn’t know about. “I know women dream of getting married one day. I always dreamed of having sons.”

  “You can still find a surrogate or even adopt children.” Katie’s tone had softened toward him. “I always admired Kelly for wanting to work with children who
were growing up in bad situations because she doesn’t want to see them suffer like she did.” Katie reached over and touched his hand. “If you don’t give her a chance, you’ll be missing out on getting to know a really great woman who has such inner strength and doesn’t give up, plus she has a heart for God and for others.”

  Something Marc’s father once told him came to mind, “Don’t marry the woman you can live with. Marry the one you can’t live without.”

  Could he live without Kelly?

  Chapter Eight

  Working at the children’s home not only helped fill Kelly’s empty void, it gave her a sense of meaning and purpose. She watched over Annie and a couple of other girls as she helped them with their homework.

  “I’m done,” Annie announced. “Is that firefighter coming over today?”

  “Marc?” Kelly was bewildered. “Why would he come over?”

  “Aren’t you both going out together?” Annie’s eyes narrowed.

  Kelly shook her head. “Not any more.”

  “You still didn’t give me his number,” Annie reminded her for the umpteenth time. “I can call him and tell him how good you are with children. Then you both can get married and adopt me.”

  Her heart melted, even though a twinge of sadness gripped her. She hugged Annie. “I wish it was that easy.”

  “Can I go play now?” Annie asked.

  Kelly nodded, afraid to trust her own voice. She hated seeing the disappointment in Annie’s eyes. The child deserved a good home. She wished she was able to give it to her.

  Annie gathered her books and left the table.

  “Can I go, too?” Mattie asked, her pencil poised above the paper.

  “Is your homework done?” Kelly tried not to smile at her fallen look. She couldn’t blame the young girl for trying. “Hurry up and finish. Then you can go play.”

  Less than ten minutes later, Mattie announced she was done. She quickly gathered her things and left the table. Kelly’s gaze followed as Mattie scurried away. She noticed Annie squatting on the stairs, holding Kee Kee. Her free arm poked through the railing on the stairs, motioning for Mattie. Did she really want to know what that girl was up to? She needed to help with dinner so she could head home and do her own homework.