Dice Mage: A GameLit Adventure

by Andrew Beymer

  It was one of those moments in life where he knew he was saying something stupid even as the thoughts formed in his head, but he couldn’t stop himself. No, he was pissed off and his mouth was moving faster than his brain, which was never good.

  Like it was a terrible idea to piss off the nice hot girl who’d just been nice enough to have that heated moment with him in the back of the now destroyed bakery. Fuck.

  Her glare was almost physical in its force. Like the tension was oozing off of her and he could feel the chill between them which had nothing to do with the rapidly dying air conditioning system in his car that hadn’t been able to actually keep the air cool since winter when it only had to let the cold air in.

  Then she softened just a bit. Not much, but just a little.

  “I’m sorry for getting snippy,” she said. “It’s been a night, but you don’t have to be a dick.”

  Mike took a deep breath. “You’re right. I’m sorry too. It’s been an intense night, and I don’t think it’s close to being over.”

  “So where the heck are we going?”

  “I’m taking you to game night,” Mike said.

  “Game night?”

  “Yup. Game night.”

  It sounded even more ridiculous with the way she said it, but it’s not like he could think of anything better to do. It’s not like he could think all that much at all considering everything that’d happened. His capacity for rational thought had sort of flown out the window the moment he found himself confronting a hulking armored werewolf in a back alley, and it hadn’t gotten better after talking to the toga goddess and facing down a crowd of the furry fuckers.

  “Um. So forgive me if I’m not thinking fourth dimensionally or something here, but shouldn’t we be going somewhere other than your game night?” she asked.

  Mike shrugged. “I know it’s an unconventional choice, but do you have any better ideas?”

  “I mean there are armored werewolf creatures that are attacking the campus village,” she said. “Seems to me that maybe we should be telling the authorities about that?”

  “Okay,” Mike said. “Pull out your phone and dial 911. Tell them there are giant armored werewolf creatures attacking the campus village. Maybe they’ll be nicer to you than they were to me when I was on the line with them.”

  Gwen had her phone out and she was in the process of opening up the actual phone portion when she looked up at him with the old side eye. She didn’t look pleased.

  “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” she said.

  “What can I say?” he said. “I ran that through my head a couple of times too, and no matter how many times I thought it through I couldn’t think up a situation where that didn’t end with them triangulating and sending a bunch of cops to take us in.”

  Gwen sighed. “So what happens when those things go on a rampage with all the drunk college kids partying down there?”

  As though on cue a booming voice hit them and nearly caused Mike to run off the road, though this time the voice was quieter.

  “The Horn of Undying Loyalty has been found!”

  Mike frowned. Looked behind him.

  “Is it just me or did that seem like it wasn’t as loud as the first couple we heard?”

  “Definitely not as loud,” she said. “And it seemed to be coming from that way.”

  She pointed behind them. Back towards campus.

  “Huh,” Mike said. “Maybe that voice doesn’t appear everywhere in the game when someone finds an artifact. Like maybe it’s just something that’s localized over where the thing was found, and we heard that last one because someone found it near the campus village?”

  “Maybe,” Gwen said. “If that’s the case then it means there are probably people finding that shit and we’ll have no idea what it was.”

  “Well we have the Sword of Destiny and the Horn of Undying Loyalty,” Mike said.

  Gwen pulled out her phone and tapped away at it. “Might as well keep a tally of what’s out there so we have a little bit of an idea of how many players are out there. Fuck. I can’t believe I’m actually going along with this. This is fucking crazy!

  “I know, and I don’t think there are going to be many places on campus that are all that safe tonight,” he said.

  “Good point,” Gwen said. “I hereby revise my sarcastic statement earlier. I’m totally fine with going to game night now.”

  “So glad to hear it,” Mike said.

  The only problem was he couldn’t be sure whether or not the guys, and one girl, at game night would be cool with him bringing someone new. Especially when he figured they’d be even less inclined than the cops to believe a word he said about what’d happened tonight.

  16

  Game Night

  “Okay, so before we go in you should know that these guys can be a little odd,” Mike said.

  He was interrupted by a fanfare and a booming voice in the distance. Off towards campus. It was far enough away that he couldn’t make out the words, but he knew that couldn’t mean anything good for him that another player had entered the game.

  Gwen arched an eyebrow and he tried not to think about how good she looked standing there casually arching an eyebrow. They were up on the second floor. Down below the parking lot was quiet.

  A little too quiet.

  Normally he wouldn’t have thought that quiet was all that odd. Only with everything that’d happened tonight he couldn’t help but jump at every shadow, and there were a lot in the few lights the landlords had put in the massive apartment complex.

  “Weird how?” she asked.

  “I mean think about your typical image of a person who plays a roleplaying game,” he said.

  “Okay,” she said. “Well we’re already getting away from my typical idea by being up here on the second floor.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  “Aren’t people like that supposed to spend most of their time in their parents’ basement? Being above the ground means they’re already bucking my traditional idea of the kind of person who plays these sorts of games.”

  She looked Mike up and down with a grin. “Though I have to say that you don’t really strike me as the gaming type either, while we’re on the subject.”

  Mike swallowed. There was a part of him that was tempted to say screw game night. He was already late, after all, and he got the feeling that bad things were going to happen to his character whether or not he wanted those bad things to happen.

  Not that his main concern was what was happening to his character. Not anymore. Not with all the craziness going down. That craziness told him bad things were going to happen to his friends whether or not he wanted those bad things, and so he needed to be near them to protect them.

  He needed to be among friends. There was strength in numbers if things really were going to shit. If there was one thing that made a game survivable it was partying up, and he couldn’t think of a group he’d rather be with if life was turning into a fucked up game than a bunch of dorks who spent their Friday nights playing a roleplaying game with pen, paper, and dice rather than going out to the clubs or house parties or anything else people were supposed to do for fun in college.

  “Just… Be ready for anything,” he said. “They might not be thrilled about me bringing someone to game night, and Doug might be a pain in the ass.”

  “Doug?” she asked. “That creepy guy from earlier?”

  “None other than,” Mike said. “Him and Ron.”

  “Who?”

  “The big guy,” he said.

  “Wonderful,” she said with an eye roll. “When were you planning on telling me that Doug guy was here?”

  “As late as possible,” Mike said. “I was afraid you wouldn’t agree if I told you he was in there, and I really am worried about my friends.”

  “Fair enough,” Gwen said. “Not that you’re out of the doghouse on this, and I swear if he hits on me…”

  Mike sighed. Looked to the door. Th
is was the moment of truth. The moment when he was about to find out just how willing his friends were to believe him. Not to mention how bad the damage was to his poor mage.

  He knocked once and the door flew open. It wasn’t Doug answering the door, at least, though from the way Lisa looked him up and down it might not be much better that she was the one answering the door.

  He was glad she didn’t have her bow and arrow with her. The last thing he needed was her giving him a ten count then pulling a Rickon Stark on him in the parking lot. Werewolves were bad enough without adding old deadshot to the mix, though he wouldn’t mind seeing her take aim at some of those bastards.

  “Took you long enough to get here,” she said. “What’s the holdup?”

  Mike’s eyes darted to Gwen. Lisa’s eyes went wide when she realized Mike wasn’t alone, then they narrowed as she realized he’d broken the sacred covenant and brought someone to game night without the express written consent of everyone in the group.

  “What’s she doing here?” she asked. “And why does she look familiar?”

  “Caffeine and Cookies,” Gwen said. “You always get the chocolate chip with a dash of cream in your black coffee.”

  “Whatever,” Lisa said. “Come inside. If Mike brought you then I trust he has a good reason for it.”

  The look she shot him said he’d better damn well have a good reason for bringing a stranger to game night, but at least she was nice enough not to question things while they were standing out in the hot night air.

  Gwen looked at the apartment entrance. Rapped her knuckles against the door a couple of times. It sounded very hollow and not at all sturdy.

  “Not sure if this was the best idea. If you think cheap construction like this is going to hold up against those things then you’re even crazier than I thought,” she said.

  “Better than going to the campus police station and eventually living through a reenactment of a scene straight out of Terminator,” Mike groused.

  “Maybe, but then again if the things go to a police station they’re not killing your friends.”

  Mike hadn’t thought of it that way. He also didn’t get a chance to fire off a response before Gwen stepped through the door all smiles. Everyone turned and looked at her, and their reactions were a study in their personalities.

  Ron smiled and held up some tacos he’d been putting together. His smile said he didn’t have a care in the world. Which Mike always figured was the kind of smile a person needed if they were going to have hobbies like flailing about with plastic swords and armor in the middle of campus.

  Caring about what other people thought about you wasn’t something that was conducive to lasting long in weird hobbies like that.

  Sean smiled and nodded. He didn’t talk much unless it was absolutely necessary.

  Mike turned to Doug. He’d been dreading this since the first moment he knew he was going to be running late. Doug sat at the card table in what passed for a dining room in Ron’s apartment, his face buried in character sheets.

  He looked up when the commotion in the apartment was enough to break through his concentration, and frowned. That was the sort of frown that said Doug had absolutely been contemplating every nasty thing Mike had been worrying about.

  “Hi Doug,” he said, trying to sound cheerful and knowing it wasn’t going to do much against the prick’s infamous asshole streak.

  Sometimes he wondered why they still let Doug run these games, but it always came down to who was willing to spend the time to do it.

  Ron had tried running a game once and quickly discovered that preparing a campaign ate into time he spent on other hobbies like flailing around with plastic swords or collecting a vast number of replica weapons that were on display on the walls. Sean had also tried it once upon a time, but his stoic nature wasn’t very conducive to a good game mastering experience.

  “You’re late,” Doug said. His eyes moved to Gwen and his frown deepened. Oh yeah. He recognized her from earlier. It’d be hard not to considering how he’d been creeping on her. “I presume this is the girl who gave you a ride over here after your car broke down? Whatever. You may go now.”

  He gave a little wave and went back to his character sheets. Well then. Clearly he’d decided ignoring Gwen was better than trying to creep on her again. The little prick.

  Gwen bristled at the casual way Doug dismissed her. She looked like she was about to launch herself across the room and rip him a new one. Or maybe rip one of the replica swords off the wall and relieve him of his manhood.

  The only thing that stopped her from doing some serious damage was Mike’s hand on her shoulder. Besides, he figured Doug might enjoy Gwen trying to relieve him of his manhood considering that would involve the first instance he was aware of that a woman tried to touch the bastard down there.

  “It’s not worth it,” he said. “Doug is an asshole, but we need help.”

  “I heard that,” Doug said. “Don’t think that just because we haven’t started I haven’t forgotten that you delayed game night. You’re going to be in serious trouble when we get started.”

  “Metagaming prick,” Mike muttered.

  He figured if he was already deep in the shit then he might as well enjoy mouthing off to Doug a little bit. It wasn’t something anyone got to do often for fear of having bad things happen to their characters.

  Mike was beyond caring about what happened to his character in the pen and paper game. He was far more worried about what would happen to his real ass in this new game he’d been thrust into, and trying to figure out how the hell he’d bring it up without his friends thinking he’d lost it.

  Doug lowered his glasses and hit Mike with a very sharp look.

  “You’re already very late,” he said. “If you know what’s good for you, you won’t antagonize the game master any more than you have to.”

  Mike rolled his eyes and moved to the kitchen to get some food. He always loved Ron’s tacos, and he figured it was worth stopping to enjoy them even if the world was going to shit around him.

  “So what’s the deal with the chick?” Ron asked, talking around a mouthful of beef and cheese and lettuce and seasoning. “She’s the one from earlier, right? The one Doug was creeping on?”

  Gwen looked at them and smiled a little half smile. There wasn’t much of a barrier between the kitchen and the living room where she stood looking more than a little nervous about her surroundings.

  He couldn’t blame her. The frosty reception was almost as bad as the giant werewolf in that back alley. Or the giant werewolves that’d killed that poor stoner dude looking to satisfy his munchies.

  Almost, but not quite. Despite being gamers, his friends did smell a lot better than those things, after all.

  “It’s a long story, and you’d have trouble believing it even if I told you,” Mike said.

  “Oh come on,” Ron said. “If you have a new girlfriend that’s fine. You could’ve asked us before you brought her, but it’s not like it’s a huge deal.”

  His voice got lower as he glanced into the living room. He was aware they could hear everything that was said here in the kitchen.

  “You could’ve given Lisa some advance warning though dude,” he said.

  Mike hit Ron with a sharp look.

  “You can cut that crap right now,” he said. “All of it. I swear. It only encourages Doug when you enforce his rules.”

  Ron held his hands up like he didn’t want to cause any trouble. Of course that caused a little bit of trouble for him because the taco he’d put together spilled its contents all over the floor. Not exactly the best food to suddenly move to a vertical orientation. Ron cursed and picked up some paper towel as Mike moved back into the living room and handed one of the tacos he’d just created to Gwen.

  “Here, have a bite of this,” he said.

  “What?” she asked, staring down at the thing as though it was made of glowing radioactive material and not the universal Tex-Mex deliciousness of torti
lla, ground beef, and cheese combined in a variety of delicious ways.

  “Trust me. Ron makes the best tacos, and you could use a bite to eat after everything that happened.”

  “Wait, what everything that happened?” Lisa asked.

  Mike looked around at everyone in the room. They were all looking at him expectantly. As though they were ready for a story.

  He sighed. Gwen shook her head. This was going to come out eventually, and he figured better to just get it over with than to keep walking on eggshells all night looking for the right moment to let his friends know he was losing it.

  17

  Safety?

  “Look, Gwen’s had a rough night,” Mike said. “Something attacked her in the alley behind her work and I was walking past when it happened.”

  He knew he was trying to Aes Sedai them there by providing a version of the truth, but he was still reluctant to just come out and use the “w” word. It was like every moment he delayed in getting around to telling them exactly what was happening was a moment he could enjoy the mundanity of game night and pretend nothing weird was going on out there.

  “So you called the cops and they took care of everything?” Doug said from his table, his tone communicating that he thought calling the cops and not doing anything else was a perfectly acceptable alternative to being late and ruining his game.

  He’d gone back to shuffling through his papers, but clearly he was listening and clearly he wasn’t above getting a little dig in. Mike wasn’t above retaliating though. With the night he was having he really didn’t mind letting Doug have it.

  “Fuck you Doug,” Mike said, flipping him the bird for good measure.

  Not that it mattered. Doug was already buried in his statistics and paperwork, and completely oblivious to the world around him. At least he appeared to be oblivious, but Mike had no doubt that between his ears he was plotting all the horrible things he was going to do to Mike’s mage when the game started.