Dice Mage: A GameLit Adventure

by Andrew Beymer

  "Oh no," Doug said, his voice taking on a mocking tone that mirrored Ron’s from earlier. "I'm not going to meta-game. I wouldn't want anyone accusing me of anything like that!"

  "How about this," Gwen said. "Everybody is still in this dungeon thing, right?"

  "Well yes," Doug said.

  "And they're going to have to travel out and take the time to go and meet me, right?" she continued

  "Yes," Doug said, still sounding a little annoyed that someone was daring to question him. He was used to his word being the law in this game.

  "Then how about this," Gwen asked. "We’ll take it as assumed that they made it out of this dungeon in one piece since they’ve already cleared it, and I’m waiting for them outside. How's that sound?"

  Doug opened his mouth. If Mike knew his friend at all, for certain very stretched definitions of the word "friend," then Doug was about to tell Gwen exactly where she could take her idea and shove it.

  Only he didn’t.

  Maybe there was something about the way Gwen was looking at him. Something about the way she cradled an unloaded shotgun like it was her baby. Something that said she wasn't to be fucked with tonight. Maybe it was simply a good old-fashioned geeky fear of a pretty girl that got him to shut up.

  Whatever it was, he looked down and muttered something under his breath.

  "What was that?" Gwen asked. "I didn't quite catch it."

  "I said that was fine," Doug muttered.

  Only it was an ominous muttering. A kind of muttering Mike had heard before. A muttering that never meant anything good for the party. Doug might be pretending to go along with Gwen’s plan, but he didn't mean anything good for them. Mike figured he was going to double cross them at the first opportunity.

  "Well that's fine that we're fine," Gwen said.

  “Fine,” Doug said. “You all step out of the dungeon that you made it out of just fine because you’ve already cleared it, and promptly run into a buzzsaw trap you didn’t trip on your first run through that decapitates…”

  He trailed off at the steady glare from Gwen. A glare that was made all the more intimidating by the combination of her hotness and the casual way she held that gun between her legs. Even unloaded it was intimidating.

  "There's nothing waiting for them," he muttered. “I don’t want to have that old argument about whether or not someone’s head can survive after it’s been separated from their body anyway.”

  “Oh come on,” Mike said. “You’re back on this again?”

  “What’s he talking about?” Gwen asked.

  “It’s an old argument we’ve been having forever at this game table,” Lisa said. “Doug doesn’t think a person could live after being disconnected from their body, and he won’t listen to reason even though we’ve come up with examples where that’s totally happened.”

  “Questionable sources that are all ancient,” Doug said. “You’re not going to convince me that a head can live after it’s been chopped off of someone’s body. I don’t care what some French dude from hundreds of years ago says!”

  “But there’s still blood and all the neurons are firing for a little while before they give up the ghost,” Sean said. “Everything you’re saying is stupid.”

  “No, you’re the idiot,” Doug said.

  “Okay. What if someone is cut in half?” Ron asked.

  “Yeah, then there’d still be blood pumping to the head for a short while,” Mike said. “Long enough for someone to realize they’re having a really bad day, at least.”

  Gwen looked around the table with an unreadable expression. Mike was suddenly aware that this might not be the best conversation topic considering what’d happened to her earlier, but he also knew it was far too late to stop. Once this argument got rolling at this game table it didn’t stop, and it didn’t take much to spark it.

  “Not possible,” Doug said.

  “But people are chopped in half by stuff like car accidents and work accidents all the time and there are stories of them staying alive long enough to realize how fucked they are,” Lisa said. “Now you’re just being an asshole.”

  “Can we please get back to the game?” Doug asked, clipping off every word as he said it. Then he smiled. “I wouldn’t want you to miss your big meeting with your friend.”

  Mike would’ve put good money on there being couple of particularly nasty monsters lying in wait for them. They might’ve even run into them in the dungeon if Gwen hadn't called Doug out on his bullshit. Mike was more than happy to make it out of the dungeon unmolested though. He was also more than happy to make it out of that conversation that’d obviously been upsetting Gwen.

  “Whatever,” Ron growled.

  “Let’s get back on track,” Sean said.

  “Agreed,” Lisa said.

  They all looked at Mike. He was tempted to tell them they needed to grab as many replica weapons as they could carry from the walls and make a run for it, but something about their glares kept his mouth shut.

  “Whatever,” he growled.

  "Fine," Doug snapped. "You're all outside the dungeon and nothing attacked you or chopped off your heads or bisected you killing you immediately in the process. I hope you're happy."

  "Not really," Ron said. "We've been working through that dungeon for the better part of a month now. We’re supposed to be happy you cut us off from all the goodies right when things were really getting good?"

  "I guess you'll never know whether or not there were goodies in there, will you?" Doug asked. "Not unless you want to come back with some dynamite and pick axes."

  "Let's just get a move on," Mike said.

  He was struck with the profound sense that if they did wind up going back into that dungeon they’d find some of those surprises they’d just skipped over to meet Gwen, whether or not Gwen glared at Doug from across the table.

  “Whatever," Doug said. "You're out of the dungeon and you've failed your quest to save the townspeople."

  19

  Guess Who’s Coming to Game Night

  "What was that quest?" Gwen asked.

  "It's none of your business since you're not part of the party yet," Doug said.

  "Fine," Gwen said, hitting him with a too sweet smile.

  Watching the two of them going back and forth was something to behold. It’d been so long since someone dared to stand up to Doug that Mike had forgotten what it looked like.

  "So is this where I get introduced to the group?" Gwen asked. “As soon as I’m part of the party it becomes my business, right?”

  "I suppose so," Doug said. "It's sloppy, but whatever. Sloppy seems to be the name of the game tonight."

  If Gwen had any opinion on his snark she kept it to herself. She merely compressed her lips to a thin line and shook her head.

  "Fine," she said. "So I'm just walking through this forest when I see the party?"

  “Sure,” Doug said. “What the fuck ever. Does anything matter now?”

  “And you’re going to tell me about that quest now?” she asked.

  “All in good time,” Doug said. “I might let you meet the party faster than usual, but don’t push me.”

  Gwen paused, then grinned. When she spoke again she was breathless. As though she'd been running.

  "Oh thank goodness!" she said.

  Perhaps it was a touch melodramatic, but it got the point across. Besides. It was pretty rare that someone who was brand-new to the game really got into the whole role-playing aspect of a role-playing game. In Mike’s experience most were so busy worrying about their stats and treating it like a video game that they didn’t stop to enjoy themselves which was the whole damn point of pen and paper.

  "Excuse me my lady," Ron said. "But is something wrong?"

  Gwen paused. Clearly she'd wanted to make a dramatic entrance, but hadn't stopped to give much thought to what might necessitate that dramatic entrance.

  "Um, I suppose not," she said. "I was simply going for a walk through the forest when…"

&
nbsp; "Please roll your dice," Doug said, sounding even more satisfied than before.

  "What does that mean?" Gwen asked.

  “It means the game master told you to roll your dice so you roll,” Doug snapped.

  “Now listen here you creepy shit…” Gwen started, but Lisa cut her off.

  "It means there's something around here we should be able to hear or see or something, but we have to roll to see whether or not we can hear it or see it," Lisa said, turning to glare at Doug. “Like if I want to use my bow and arrow then I have to roll the dice, which believe me is a lot more complicated than just firing one in real life but whatever. Usually a good game master would tell us what we’re checking for, but Doug likes to leave us in suspense.”

  "That’s silly," Gwen said. “You either hear something or you don’t, right?”

  Lisa shrugged. "It's the way the game is played. Live by the dice, die by the dice."

  "Whatever, geek," Mike said with a snort.

  "Watch yourself," Lisa said, though there was a smile that took some of the bite out of it.

  They rolled. Sean had the correct modifiers while the rest of them had cotton stuffed in their ears, or maybe linen considering the game was a medieval high fantasy setting, because Doug sighed and groused.

  He walked over and leaned down to whisper in Sean’s ear. Which was enough to get Sean to jump up from his seat and back away.

  “I’ve told you how I feel about that shit man,” Sean said.

  “Come on,” Doug said with a growl. “If you’re the only one who didn’t fail your listen check that means you’re the only one who can hear what’s out there.”

  “Just tell everyone and fucking assume I told them already,” Sean said. “I don’t need you nuzzling my ear.”

  “Whatever,” Doug said, returning to his seat and crossing his arms. "You hear a twig snap in the distance."

  "Can I do a Knowledge of the Wilds check?" Mike asked.

  "You don't even have Knowledge of the Wilds," Doug said.

  "I can still roll the dice," Mike said.

  Doug rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

  "What's he doing?" Gwen whispered, leaning in close to Lisa but talking loud enough that she could clearly be heard by everyone at the table.

  "Everything in the game is associated with a die roll," Lisa said. "So every time you want to use an ability you have to roll to see if you pass the ability check, which is a number you have to get equal to or higher than if you want to complete an action. How well you succeed or how horribly you fail depends on how high or low the die roll is."

  Gwen’s nose wrinkled up as though she smelled something particularly nasty.

  "I'm starting to understand why videogames are so popular. It must be a pain in the ass to do all of this math stuff on your own," she said.

  "It's not as difficult as you might think," Sean said. “But it does get time-consuming. Video games are definitely faster."

  "And inferior!" Ron roared, throwing his hands out and taking in the whole table. "There's nothing compared to the kind of graphics that can be generated by the human mind! It's always been that way!"

  "Could we please cut down the table talk?" Doug snapped.

  "Right," Mike said. He rolled his D20 without thinking, and it was only after it left his hand that he realized how stupid that was considering everything that’d happened so far tonight.

  He hadn't thought of that when he tossed the thing. Tossing the die had been a reflex action, and it hadn't occurred to him that the last time he’d tossed that die it’d resulted in a spectacular explosion.

  He didn't want to think about what might’ve happened if he’d accidentally fried one of his friends by tossing a potentially lethal die that proceeded to fireball their ass.

  "You fail your check," Doug said. "Of course."

  "Everybody keep your eyes peeled," Ron said, turning to Gwen. "Are you quite sure you weren't followed out here by something?"

  "I don't know," she said. "Like I said, I was just going for a stroll through the woods and…"

  They all stopped. A strange noise rose just at the edge of hearing. It started as a low rumble, then turned to something straight out of an elaborate theme park dark ride.

  "What was that?" Gwen asked, looking around in a panic that carried all the terror of what had happened earlier. She also held her double barrel up and glanced to the kitchen where the ammo waited.

  Mike couldn't blame her considering what they'd escaped earlier. He had a moment of panic himself where he thought those things had found them. Even after no werewolves appeared in the door he wondered if they’d managed to catch up and were lurking outside and waiting to bust down the door.

  "Damn it Doug," Ron said. "What did I tell you about connecting to my speaker system?"

  "What?" Doug said, a touch defensive. "You can't prove that your sub getting blown out was a result of anything I did!"

  "Except for the part where it was totally you using that stupid roar you grabbed off of the Internet and piped through my speakers to add atmosphere. I know that was you! I already told you this last time. My speakers aren’t designed to handle that kind of stuff being blasted at full volume man."

  "Whatever," Doug said. "It wasn't me."

  "And that better go right on not being you if you know what's good for you," Ron said. “The bluetooth is not a toy!”

  "Okay, okay!" Doug said. "I swear that…"

  "Now who's table talking?" Lisa asked, a very self-satisfied smirk on her face.

  "Could we please drop this?" Doug asked. "We have a game to play here, and if you all know what's good for you…"

  "What?" Ron asked. "Are you going to destroy more of my home theater equipment?"

  "I told you that wasn't me making those noises!" Doug said.

  "Whatever. Back to the game," Ron said, turning to everyone else. "I think there's something lurking out there. I'm not sure if it was chasing after our friend here or what, but I have a feeling we don't want to be around when whatever it is gets here."

  Mike was starting to get the unsettling feeling that Ron could be talking about real life and not what was happening in the game. He glanced at the door and wondered if he saw the faintest hint of a shadow out there through the window.

  "I agree," Sean said. "But what are we going to do?"

  "Excuse me for a moment," Doug said, reaching for something beneath the table.

  That was good for some gasps from the girls. Mike didn’t want to think about what was going on down there, for that matter.

  "What now?" Ron asked.

  He never got his answer. The apartment was pierced with the sound of a mournful howl that chilled Mike's spine while at the same time making his balls retreat up into his body.

  There was something wrong with the location on that howl. It was distinctly coming from the opposite end of the room by the door. Not from the TV where it should be if it was coming from Ron's out of the box surround sound system.

  Besides. Ron might go on about how wonderful that surround sound system was, but everyone knew he'd gotten it on clearance from Best Buy. It's not like it was the latest and greatest in sound technology. Just late and great enough that it sounded good in an apartment where he wasn't able to crank it up on the regular without risking pissing off the neighbors.

  It was a miracle the thing even had a bluetooth connection. That’s how old it was when he got it on clearance.

  "Okay, what the hell Doug?" Ron growled.

  Mike shot a glance to Gwen. She'd gone as white as a ghost. She had a pretty good idea what was going on out there.

  "Ron," Mike said, hellbent on making them listen no matter what it took. "I think now might be a good time for us to make our way to your back door."

  "What are you talking about?" Ron said. "Doug might be a dick, but that's no reason to stop the game."

  "Yeah, but what's lurking out there is a pretty good reason to stop game night," Gwen said, a note of panic coming to her voice
.

  She still held the shotgun in a white-knuckled grip, but that panic in her voice said she’d decided a shotgun wasn’t going to be enough if there were more of those things out there hunting them down.

  "Okay," Doug said. "I don't know what the hell is going on here, but I do know I definitely didn't make that sound effect. It didn't even come from the speakers!"

  “That came from outside,” Ron said. “I’ll just go out there and…”

  “No!” Mike and Gwen said at the same time.

  Ron arched an eyebrow at them, halfway from getting off of his chair.

  “I swear. We need to get the hell out of here now,” Mike said. “This isn’t a fucking joke.”

  “Right,” Ron said. “This isn’t funny at all. I don’t know what you did to get that howl to come out there, but you’re taking this too far.”

  "Ron’s right. This isn't funny guys," Lisa said.

  "I agree it's not funny," Gwen said. "I'm sorry, but I don't like the idea of being hunted down by the same assholes who…"

  Gwen was interrupted by a loud rattling at the front windows, followed by the door rattling like something out there was about to knock it off its hinges.

  “What the fuck?” Ron shouted.

  “I think we maybe should’ve believed Mike,” Lisa said, her voice so quiet that she could barely be heard over the rattling and growling.

  “Would you get this lame joke over with and stop interrupting my game?" Doug asked. "Because I have a big surprise planned."

  "Shut up Doug," Mike said. “I’m totally serious. I ran into a werewolf attacking Gwen and managed to save her by…”

  "I swear. That's it," Doug said. "Your party is about to be attacked by…"

  “Mike, why am I seeing a bunch of stuff on my feeds about an explosion in the village suddenly popping up?” Lisa asked, staring at her phone that wasn’t supposed to be out at any point during game night. “And why were there a bunch of corpses ripped to pieces down there.”

  “Because that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all night! We were attacked by…"

  “An explosion?” Sean asked, his voice showing uncharacteristic emotion. “You were in an explosion?”