Fifteen Bones

by R. J. Morgan

“Someone farted out an actual dead person,” Bash said. He mimed kicking Sean to the floor.

  “Me?” Sean mouthed, his arms flying all over the place. “If it was me, I’d admit it. I’d take credit for that stealth bomber. It was like the fucking Blitz in there.”

  “Well, it wasn’t me,” Bash said, “because I know for a scientific fact that I don’t eat actual gangrene.”

  “Whoever it was needs to say,” Clarissa said, “because they need actual medical attention. I’m deadly serious. Am I going blind? Kane? Am I blind now?”

  I moved to the window and looked down into the quad, flanked by estates and half obscured by trees. “Why have those bins moved?”

  “So the runners can go out of view of the security cameras,” Sean said, coming over. “That’s were Darscall deals from.”

  “Say nuttin’, Sean, innit,” Kane said. “You wanna get us killed? God!”

  “What? It’s only him.” Sean jabbed his thumb in my direction. “It’s like telling a boil-in-the-bag cod.”

  “Darscall deals at the school?” I asked.

  “Yeah, and his lot.”

  “Why the school?” I said.

  “Prime real estate, innit,” Sean said. “Free at night, no workin’ CCTV and plenty of parking spaces. It’s what they’re fighting over.”

  “Let’s get going,” Kane said. “We’re bait here. Old Wikileaks over there can tell you everything on the way.”

  In the corner, a tiny green light appeared. I recognized it from the back of the camera we used to use to film our sketches. Someone was filming the quad.

  I didn’t say anything. I just wanted to find Robin.

  Clarissa tiptoed to the door and nodded an all-clear. We glanced down the corridor. The change was dramatic. Shadows flitted at the windows and the corridors melted to darkness. I pulled up my collar. “It looks like an asylum.”

  “It used to be an asylum,” Kane said, behind me. I looked at him in surprise. “They used to have all the crazies here,” he said slowly, his hand trailing the wall as we walked the long corridor. “They had Big Nate Shrapnel, Eddie Breadknife, Mad Knock Hattie. The lot. Mad Knock Hattie had a mouth full of gold teeth. She would pounce on anyone who crossed her path and bite their cheek clean off the bone. The asylum workers had to carry cattle prods. The only warning you got was this knock. Knock knock knock…” Kane knocked the wall. “She had this nervous tic in her arm. It would jitter, so you could just hear this knock, knock, knock … knock, knock, knock as she walked along in the dark and—”

  “RAH!” Clarissa jumped at me from behind.

  “MUM!” I screamed and the others fell about laughing.

  I slapped my hand to my chest and bent double. When I was sure my heart hadn’t snuffed out, I laughed with them. I laughed and pushed Kane, who was so giddy he stumbled into the wall.

  Clarissa edged down the corridor to the mouth of the stairs and looked down. She put her ear to the wall and waved for us to follow.

  We giggled with nerves as we ran the corridor towards the principal’s office. We checked the reception was clear and I opened the office door with a safety pin.

  It worked. “Oooh!” they said.

  We stopped giggling and went to work. Clarissa rifled through the files on the desk. Bash took the phone. Kane hacked into the computer. Sean just stood around and mouthed off.

  I picked up a paperclip and used it to unlock the filing cabinets.

  “That’s what I’m sayin’!” Clarissa said as the lock popped.

  I put my ear to the metal. I didn’t need to, but I thought it would look quite cool.

  “They should teach that in Life Skills,” Sean said, “better than buttering eggs.”

  Bash motioned to us to be quiet. “Robin Carter,” he said into the phone. He waited. “Castle Rise High School, yes… Our number identifier? Doesn’t it come up on your phone? Yes … unidentified teenaged girls … or in the morgue … OK, thank you.” He hung up. “Well, she ain’t in the hospital … or the morgue. Not in Wandsworth, anyway. Shall I call King’s?”

  “Yeah,” Kane said as the computer beeped to life. He opened the principal’s email and found the address of Robin’s social worker. He turned to Bash. “I’ll be years trying to write this.”

  “Step aside,” Bash said, taking the chair. “To whom it may concern,” he said, with a broad smile. He pursed his lips while he typed and we all laughed. “To whom it may concern. We are anxious to know the whereabouts of Robin Carter, a minor under your charge. She has not been to school in a number of months and we have reason to fear for her safety. We therefore request a home visit, and copy of her files in order to coordinate our efforts to ensure this child is safe and has every opportunity to return to school. Yours most faithfully, Mrs Anderson, Principal, et cetera.” Bash gave a decisive nod. “Then we block this email address from this account, we cc a ghost account, blind cc all of us, so when she hits Reply All, we get the response and it’s deleted from this computer.”

  Silence.

  “I don’t get it,” Sean said.

  “Bash, you’re a genius.” Kane said.

  “Yes, relatively,” Bash said.

  They laughed, but I was distracted by the files in a section labelled “At Risk”. Sean was in there. Darscall had a huge file. So did Robin. So did I.

  I lifted out a section marked MEADOW GORGE. I folded it and put it in my pocket. The sight of a section marked ACCIDENT & EMERGENCY INCIDENT made me feel sick. That’s all it was, an “incident”. I took that one out too. I left the expulsions there. A letter from my old school started, “Please be aware…” I screwed it up with quick fury. I threw it in the bin. Three points.

  “I can’t get this to work,” Kane said, standing over the photocopier. “Four-number PIN. I’ve done all the obvious ones.”

  “Try 1988,” Bash said. “It’s the year half the teachers here were born.”

  Kane tried it and the machine beeped to life. “Bash for Prime Minister.”

  “Nah,” Bash said, “that boy don’t get paid enough.”

  “You know who don’t get paid enough?” Kane said. “Clarissa’s dad.”

  We all laughed.

  Clarissa squealed, “Sean!”

  Sean had his arse out, ready to press on to the principal’s chair.

  “Sean! Stop it!”

  “Oh, go on, just gently.”

  “No!” Clarissa cried, before breaking into laughter.

  “Just one cheek.”

  “No cheeks, Sean.” Kane started to laugh. “Oh my days, he’s doing it!”

  Clarissa and Kane had their hands to each other’s backs. I wasn’t laughing. I wondered why I didn’t find it funny.

  “Let’s go to the pool,” Kane said.

  “Yes!” said the others.

  My stomach plunged. “No,” I said, “we have to get out of here before they chain the doors.”

  “True say,” Clarissa said.

  Kane handed me Robin’s photocopied file and we left the principal’s office. I felt deflated. We hadn’t achieved anything. I trailed behind the others, their faces lit by their phones. “Wait!” I said, my voice bouncing down the corridor. “Those texts!” They turned to look at me. “Those texts the school sends when you’re away. We can text everyone’s parents.”

  Bash nodded, his eyes wide. “Brilliant.”

  “Come on.” I ran back to the office. “We could start a revolution!”

  I waited by the computer as they bundled back in the office. A strange warmth rushed over me. Their faces were bright and brimming with laughter. “Kane,” I said, “get on to the messenger and see if we can send a mass text.”

  Kane sat down and jiggled the mouse. “What? ’Cos I’m Asian I should know how the computer works?”

  They all smiled. Another in-joke.


  “Asian?” Sean said.

  “Are you Asian?” Bash said.

  “Aren’t you an Egyptian albino?” Clarissa said.

  “Isn’t he Puerto Rican?” Bash said. “Puerto Rican but with that Michael Jackson disease.”

  “I thought you was a robot designed to confuse racists,” Sean said. “What are you, Kane?” he bellowed, and the others laughed.

  “Oooh, look at this,” Kane said, waving them off. “How do you work out how to…”

  Bash went over to the screen to help him but Kane had worked it out before he got there.

  “Right,” Bash said, “we do this, then we run like hell.”

  “Safe,” Kane said, rubbing his hands together.

  “They should do this anyway,” Clarissa said with a shrug. “Get her picture off SIMS and put that on there as well.”

  Bash scrolled through the database and shook his head. “It’s got to be illegal to have all this information on us.”

  “Yeah, I’ve seen the Head of Year sitting with police going through everyone’s pictures,” Clarissa said.

  Kane kissed his teeth. “They’ll want our fingerprints next.”

  “We’re getting that soon,” Bash said. “They’ve already got it in schools round here. Electronic registration. They say it’s to make registration easier, but how difficult is it?”

  “Nah, nah way,” Sean said. “They ain’t getting my fingerprints on file.”

  “You could try not doing anything illegal,” Clarissa said.

  “Says you, trespassing,” Kane said.

  “True story,” Clarissa said.

  They smiled at each other.

  Bastards.

  Bash spoke aloud as he typed: “EMERGENCY. Missing child, fifteen, please call with any information. Answers to Robin—”

  “Answers to?” Kane said. “She ain’t a spaniel.”

  “Fair point.” Bash turned to me. “What’s your number?”

  I swallowed. “I haven’t got a phone.”

  “What?” they cried as if I told them I didn’t have a soul.

  “Are you five?” Clarissa said.

  “Are you a ghost?” Sean said.

  “Here, have one of mine.” Kane handed me a smartphone.

  I looked at the galactic handset. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, yeah, have it.”

  Bash took the phone and typed in the number. He paused. “Are we really doing this?”

  “Do it,” Kane said.

  Bash looked at me. “If we do this, we’re exposing her. Everyone will know who she is. She can’t hide any more. She might be in danger, and if so, this could save her. But she might be hiding. She might be underground. She might be on a job. If she is doing any of those things, this will ruin her.”

  I looked at Bash, then Kane, then Clarissa. Their faces told me that this was my decision. I needed something, something away from this madness to reassure myself that I wasn’t overreacting.

  “And you’d be involved, Jake,” Kane said. “You have to be careful.”

  I thought of her pushing me to the pavement outside King’s Cross. It was her version of Mad Knock Hattie. She was just trying to scare me.

  “She really is in trouble,” I said. “Besides, what choice do we have? And everybody should be … involved. Everybody. I’m not going to be like those people on the bus who just sit there while you’re getting … whatever.”

  They nodded. I hated that they understood all that.

  “Four thousand three hundred picture texts,” Bash said. “Hope they ain’t on Pay As You Go. Soon as we send this, the teachers will know what we’ve done.”

  “Right, ready?” Bash clicked the mouse. His finger hovered over the Enter key.

  “Get ready to run like riots,” Sean said.

  “Shut up, Sean.”

  “Shut up, Sean.”

  “Shut up, Sean. You never rioted. You went down Wimbledon and bought those hi-tops. Shut up.”

  “I never!” Sean said.

  “Sean! Your mum was with you! You bought them in TK Maxx, you massive tart.”

  They all piled in and Sean relented.

  “Ready?” Bash said.

  “I’m gunna do a stress poo,” Sean said.

  “Ready?”

  “Yes! God!”

  Oh, my rabbit heart.

  Bash pulled on his sleeve, wiped his prints from the mouse, stood, checked we were all ready, clicked enter with his knuckle, and yelled, “Run!”

  We bolted out of the office, along the corridor and down the stairs to the double doors. Kane got there first and threw himself on to the bars to open them. The doors opened a sliver, then hit something hard. Kane grabbed his shoulder and seethed in pain. “Shit!”

  On the ground was the shadow of thick chains binding the doors from the outside.

  “We’re trapped rats!” Bash said.

  We ran to the other door, slammed against it, and hit chains.

  “Help!” Sean cried.

  “Shut up, Sean!” Kane yelled.

  They growled, hit at the walls, grabbed at their hair and swore, pacing the short walk between the corridor walls. I looked at the lock. I was embarrassed that I still carried Kane’s permanent marker with me. I took it out of my pocket and bit out the ink pad. I eased the casing through the gap in the door.

  “I can’t believe you can get your arms through that gap, fam,” Clarissa said.

  Kane was smiling up one side of his mouth.

  “Thin as wages,” I said, using Robin’s joke.

  The face of the lock was too far away and my thin hands dropped the pen. I cursed. I lay on the cold floor and tried to reach it. But it was useless. From the floor I could see the padlock. Louisiana Yale. The kind they use in prisons.

  “Can’t,” I said, “even if I could get an angle on it, I’d need my tools.”

  “Tools?”

  “Yeah.” I shrugged. “Rake keys, calipers, all that stuff.”

  “Where did you learn how to pick locks?” Kane said. He sounded concerned, which was strange, because people almost always sounded impressed when they asked that. The only other person who had been concerned was kind Doctor Kahn, but she was concerned about everything.

  “Vauxhall,” I said. No one laughed. “Uh, my mum had me learn because she’s a property developer. It’s a legitimate skill. People make a living out of it.”

  “Yeah,” Kane said softly behind my back and I could tell he’d just exchanged a glance with Clarissa.

  “We need bolt-cutters,” Sean said.

  “Bolt-cutters?” I said. “That’s a round section, boron-iron chain.”

  “A round what what?” Sean said.

  “A … it … it just means it’s impossible to cut. No one could cut it. Even if we had bolt-cutters, which we don’t, you couldn’t get purchase on it, because it’s round, and even if you could get purchase, you couldn’t cut through the iron. They can’t be frozen and smashed either. Impossible.”

  “How do you know all this shit?” Kane started, but he was drowned out by their panic.

  “Oh, God.” Clarissa held up her phone. “We’ve just announced to everyone that we’ve broken in here.”

  “OK, everyone, think,” Kane said, and we all paused.

  “We’re gunna die,” Clarissa said.

  “All right, everyone calm down,” Kane said.

  I wondered about suggesting that we hide out in the stock cupboard until morning, but my mouth wouldn’t move.

  “We could batter the door off its hinges,” Sean said.

  “With what?” Bash said. “Someone will know we’ve been here. And we’ll break our shoulders … and arms … and spines.”

  “Could we cut it somehow?” Kane said.

  “It’s
iron,” I said again.

  “No, the door, I mean.”

  “It’s a fire door. Insulated,” I said. “They must’ve fitted it after—”

  “Listen to this door-shagger,” Sean said angrily. “Why do you know so much about doors? Are you married to one?” He paused. “We could burn it down.”

  “Yeah,” Clarissa said, folding her arms, “that’s exactly what we need to do when we’re locked in a building, Sean. Set fire to it!” She shook her head. “How are you still alive? How do you cross the street? You mug!”

  “All right, I was only saying. Keep your wig on.”

  “Wig?” Clarissa smacked Sean’s head and he ducked.

  Kane started kicking the door with impressive might but it was no contest with the lock.

  “God Almighty, it’s like the Avengers if the Avengers were shit,” Kane said, kicking the door. “Two minutes and we’ve turned on each other.”

  We laughed and calmed.

  Sean scratched his bottom lip in thought.

  “While Einstein over there has a think,” Bash said, “we need to talk about smashing a window and getting out of here.”

  “The windows are reinforced plastic,” I said.

  “SHUT UP, JAKE!” Sean screamed.

  “He’s only sayin’,” Clarissa said. “Ain’t his fault.”

  “It’s all his fault!” Sean cried. “He’s moist, fam. He’d get us killed given half the chance. He’s like the Grim Reaper. Look at him!”

  “Calm down, will you,” Kane said, holding Sean back as he gunned for me.

  “We could call the caretaker,” Sean said. “We don’t all have to get in trouble. I’ll say it was me. I slept here once. I’m on CPR.”

  My mind reeled. What was CPR? That thing you do when someone has a heart attack?

  “We’re not letting you do that, Sean,” Kane said.

  “Speakforyourself,” Clarissa said. “Knock yourself out, Sean.”

  “No,” I said, “if anyone has to take the blame for this, I will.”

  “No, you won’t,” Kane said.

  Sean slapped his hands together. “I’ll go chemistry, get some acid and we’ll burn through the lock.”

  “God, Sean,” Clarissa snapped, “it’s like you’re five.”