Chasing Shadows

by Liana Hakes-Rucker

  "Meegan!" It’s a female voice.

  I turn. Huh. Francis, Ralph, Carol and Sergio are standing half way down the platform. Francis, who looks voluptuous in a red knit wrap, comes sashaying across the platform. "You look good." I say when she's close enough to hear me.

  "Thanks. What's up?"

  I shrug. "Nothing, this is Schuyler." Schuyler smiles and extends a hand.

  "Francis. Nice to meet you."

  "You too." He says. The other three are on their way over to us.

  "So, where you headed?" Francis asks.

  "My apartment."

  She gives me this look. "I heard you at Qasim's the other night."

  I feel my face turn red. "Yeah." I smile. Francis eyes Schuyler.

  "I'm not her boyfriend." Schuyler blurts.

  Francis smiles. "Good to know."

  Ralph reaches us, and wraps his arms around Francis. "I'm Ralph. Nice to meet you."

  "Schuyler." Schuyler says.

  Sergio and Carol stand with us, and now we form a circle. Carol's many piercings shine like tinsel in the lights. "We're headed to a party." She says.

  Sergio grins. "Wanna come? I'll buy the Heineken."

  I smile. "I'll try to keep my clothes on this time..." I look at Schuyler. "If you want to go."

  He grins. "So if I don't want to go, you won't try and keep your clothes on?"

  "Shit."

  Francis laughs merrily. "You should come. It'll be fun."

  "Qasim gonna be there?" I ask, and now wish I hadn't. Did that sound needy?

  Francis smiles with approval, and rubs Ralph's bald head. "I'll call him." She takes a few steps away and pulls out her phone. Well hell. I'm not sure I want Qasim and Schuyler to meet. I straighten my spine. It’s not like it’s a big deal. Schuyler doesn't like me that way. Beside's we haven't even decided if we're going. I look up at Schuyler. He's smiling.

  "You want to?" I ask quietly.

  "Sure. Sounds fun."

  Sergio gives a wry smile. "That's because the word 'party' always sounds fun but whether it is or not..." He doesn't finish. Carol lights up a cigarette which naturally reminds me that I want one too.

  I dig in my bag and open a fresh pack. Sergio makes a show of looking in my bag while it’s open. "What?"

  "Trying to see if you brought a costume change." He grins and Carol laughs. He laugh is pretty. Sergio turns to Schuyler. "Last time Meegan showed up in this purple dress..."

  "A dress?" Schuyler looks at me in disbelief.

  I shrug. "Fin made me wear it."

  Sergio continues. "I guess it was chafing or something, because just before she left with Qasim she pulls out this whole other set of clothes and just changes right there. We think Qasim fell in love on the spot."

  I bury my head in Schuyler's shoulder. "Whatever." I mutter. See? This is why I almost never mix social groups.

  Schuyler throws his arm around me. "We're definitely going."

  Now Francis rejoins the group. "Qasim's gonna try and come, but he says he has to work early tomorrow so he can't stay long."

  "Where is it?" I ask.

  "8609 Glenwood Street."

  My face goes all shock weird. "That's my house!"

  "Really?" Francis says. "Sergio's friend, what's his name?"

  "John."

  Francis nods. "Yeah. John in 3A, is having it."

  Huh. "Well... Holy shit. I think that's my neighbor."

  Carol smirks. "You think, but you don't know?"

  I shrug. "Why would I know?"

  "He lives right there. You've never seen him in the hall or anything?"

  I'm feeling defensive now. "I use my back door. I've never seen him... maybe I've seen him. I don't know. I've heard him that's for sure."

  Carol smiles. "X-box."

  I roll my eyes. "Thud, thud, explosion, thud, thud, thud." Carol laughs. Was that funny?

  Sergio nods. "We play on X-box live all the time."

  "All the fucking time. I'm glad we're going." I say to Schuyler. "I bet his music's much better with treble."

  Sergio looks serious. "He's into music."

  Ralph cuts in. "I've probably been there when you were home asleep."

  "Just a paper wall away." I nod. "Think, if I were a friendly person, we might have all already known each other.”

  Schuyler makes a serious face. "It’s really too bad you're such a..."

  "Watch it." I jab his ribs. He laughs. The El arrives. We pile in and Francis turns to me.

  "So how long have you two been friends?"

  My eyes go wide like I'm looking for the answer. "You know, the night I came to band practice?" She nods. "Next night."

  "So, not long then." Francis says.

  I sigh. "Feels like a lifetime ago."

  "Thanks." Schuyler says.

  I laugh and rub his back. "You know what I meant." Just now, behind Schuyler, I see a shimmer. Well, so much for not seeming crazy. I watch as the shimmer becomes a pearly gray shadow which slides over and rests on my upper arm. Well Hello, I think at it. I bite my lip and almost make an 'ah' of pleasure, as its soft chill settles in through my jacket and shirt. I tingle as it slithers around my appendage. Why does this feel so good? With a sharp inhale I turn my attention back to the group.

  Schuyler, Francis and Carol are discussing something potentially funny, but their words are far away. Sergio is looking out the window, but Ralph, Ralph is looking right at me. After a beat his gaze moves to my arm and then back to my face. What is that look? I step over to him as the El jostles us about.

  "What do you see?" I whisper.

  Ralph meets my eyes, turns pale and steps away from me. Well... That was rude. I lean on one of the vertical poles and think about it. See? See why I’m bad in social settings? The shade slithers under my clothes and I feel it wrapping its cool, foggy, self around my stomach. I put my hand where it rests. I love how it feels. It’s like Jell-O and water balloons, extremely comforting for reasons I can’t articulate. Slowly, I realize that Schuyler is staring at me. There’s a question in his eyes, so I smile at him. I look over the others. They’re engaged in a lively conversation about something that requires Sergio to use big hand gestures. Ralph has his back to me. I wonder what he saw. Did he see you? I think at the shade. It ripples across my abdomen. Is he afraid of you? I’m cooing at it mentally. Schuyler reaches over and grabs my hand, pulling me back to the group. I guess I have to try and be social. Good luck self.

  The rest of the ride is a haze for me. I laugh when Schuyler laughs, and no one looks at me funny so I suppose it goes okay. Ralph seems to be sweating, and he won’t make eye contact with me. For some reason this makes me feel powerful. Guess it’s my mean streak. We exit at Thorndale and begin the long walk down residential streets to my place. Its weird going around to the front door. I’m not sure if I should let them ring the buzzer, or just key us in. When we get to my front stoop, Sergio looks at me expectantly, so I open the door for us and lead the way to the third floor landing. There are only two doors. I point at the one that’s not mine. Music is pouring through it into the tiny green hallway. Francis steps up to knock. I look at Schuyler, but he’s eyeing my door. This makes me smile. The shade tickles me as it moves up to park right between my boobs. I inhale deeply.

  A big dark headed man answers the door. His eyes are wide. “I didn’t hear the buzzer." He says over the music.

  Sergio smiles. “We brought your neighbor.” He gestures to me.

  I stick out my hand. “Meegan, nice to meet you.”

  “Hi. I’m John.”

  Schuyler shakes his hand next. “Schuyler.” he says.

  “Nice to meet you. Come on in.” The big guy steps back and I get my first look at his apartment. It takes a sec to register because I have to look around gaggles of people. Holy cow! It’s a lot bigger than mine. Real estate envy overtakes me for a moment, as I check out his meandering spread. We enter in a living room that’s painted blue. The only thing on the wall is a huge iron cl
ock. There’s a giant flat screen, two couches and a love seat. Beyond, I see an office and past that a white kitchen. “Bathroom’s off the office.” John says. “Drinks are in the kitchen. You can put your coats on the bed.” He leads us right to a huge bedroom with a king sized bed.

  “Damn.” I say. “Your place is like three times the size of mine.”

  He nods. “So’s the rent I’d imagine.”

  I nod back, my envy ebbing in the face of practicality. “Yeah probably.”

  Schuyler puts his hand on my back while everybody’s dumping their coats. “You keeping you’re jacket on?”

  I shrug. “I thought I’d drop my stuff at my place since we’re right here.” I look up at John. “I’m going to set my stuff in my apartment. I’ll be right back.”

  He looks at me. “Can I see it?”

  “My place?”

  He nods.

  “After a few drinks maybe. It’s kind of a mess.”

  John shrugs and smiles at me. “I’m glad you came. I was wondering if I was ever going to meet you.”

  I grin sheepishly. “Yeah. It’s nice to put a face with the series of noises.”

  He laughs. “So what were you up to tonight?”

  My eyebrows rise. “Nothing.”

  “Okay.” He laughs again and walks away.

  That was weird. I grab Schuyler’s hand and pull him back to the door. We exit into the hall and I dig out my keys. I open the front door I never use and flip on the light to the foyer. “Let’s just dump our stuff. I’ll show you my place after we’ve had a few.”

  Schuyler smiles. “Okay.” All said, it’s less than a two minute stop off before we rejoin the partiers. Back in John’s place we bee line for the kitchen, where it seems a liquor store has coughed up its contents onto his counters. Every surface is littered with bottles and ice and plastic cups.

  Sergio nudges me. “Need me to make a Heineken run?”

  I smile. “Nah. With all these options I’m sure I can work something out.”

  He grins. “I’ll have John turn up the heat for you.”

  “Whatever. If I feel like stripping down I’m sure I can make it the three feet to my own place first.”

  “Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say, we hope not.” and with that Sergio turns and is lost in the throngs of trendy looking people. I’m kind of glad I got changed at Schuyler’s because the clothes Lupa bought me are quite a bit newer and more nicely cut than my own. I’m wearing a long sleeved blue V-neck t-shirt where the V tries to introduce you to my breasts, and I’ve got on another pair of those nice-ass jeans in a dark wash.

  Schuyler turns to me. “What should I get you?”

  I grin. “Something sweet.”

  He scans the counters. “Peach Schnapps and cream soda.”

  “Awesome.” As I’m watching him weave through the strangers, I feel a set of hands slide along my waist easing under my shirt. I jump and turn. “Qasim!”

  He smiles down at me and I am lost in the beautiful contrast of super white teeth against caramel skin. He’s got his hair tied back and I’ve never seen it this way. Makes his cheeks look angular and inviting. I reach my right hand up and cup his face in my palm. His smile melts into something even better. This is so nice. Qasim leans down and our lips lock. His are salty and slippery. I slide my hand behind his neck. The noises of the party fade and blend into a happy cacophony. His breath on my face is soothing. I feel his hands grab onto my lower back and pull me closer. God this is sweet. A dark shape looms near and blocks the light. I feel a tap on my shoulder. Reluctantly I pull back from Qasim to look. It’s Schuyler. He has my drink. There’s a smile on his face that doesn’t reach his eyes.

  “Hey.” He says. “I’m Schuyler.” I reach out and get my drink.

  “Qasim.” Qasim extends his hand. “Nice to meet you.” He’s grinning from ear to ear.

  “I’ve heard nothing about you.” Schuyler says with forced joviality.

  Qasim nods. “Same here. She’s not the best sharer of information.” His hand reaches down to my ass. It irks me to be talked about, so I open my mouth to speak but what do I say? See? This is why I didn’t want them to meet.

  “So, Francis said you work early tomorrow. What do you do?” Schuyler asks, still going for polite.

  “Chemical engineer at Milltech. I just came from work actually.” Qasim spreads his arm a little referring to his clothes. He’s got on another white button down and khakis. They make him look skinny and otherworldly.

  Schuyler nods. “That’s my dad’s company.” He smiles.

  Qasim’s eyes open wide. “Schuyler Mills.” He looks at me. “You didn’t tell me you knew the Mills.”

  I blink. “I don’t ‘know the Mills’. I know Schuyler.”

  Schuyler grins. “Don’t worry. I’m the crazy brother, nothing to do with the company.” His self depreciation triggers something, and without thinking about it, I reach out and take his arm. Qasim goes rigid beside me. I eye him. He’s looking at my hand on Schuyler’s arm. Well fuck. So I open my throat and knock back my drink. If it’s strong I can’t tell because it’s so sweet. I finish it in one effort. There, that’ll help. When I’m done, I take a big breath and let out a burp that I think is amazing. Now they’re both looking at me. I giggle.

  “I’m getting another drink. Qasim, you chill. Schuyler’s my friend. He’s not going anywhere. Schuyler you also chill, just because.” I turn my back on both of them and search the counter for the peach schnapps. It’s taking me a while. There are so many bottles. Ah, fuck it. I grab some whiskey and dump about an inch worth into my cup. Now I need Coke. I scan the counter... Sprite? Okay. So I dump some Sprite in. I taste it. “Uck.” Gotta fix that, so I pick up another bottle, peppermint liquor... Shit, can’t be worse. I fill the cup to the rim and stir with my finger. I take a sip, still ghastly but now it’s refreshingly ghastly. I drink a bit more. I turn to look for my tall friends. They’re on the other side of the kitchen laughing about something. It’s disconcerting but preferable to the pissing contest that I thought was starting. I take another swig. It’s starting to taste like tea. The gray shade from before slinks down and twines itself around my thigh.

  “I’d forgotten you dude.” I whisper. I need a cigarette. Where is John’s porch? I begin a leisurely stroll through the apartment to find John. I hear a deep booming laugh from the living room. I follow it, bobbing and weaving through an office full of people. I bump some guy. “Excuse me, sir.” I chirp.

  He turns and smiles. “Hi.” He’s shorter than me, but he has a nice face, an Irish face. I take another gulp of my tea.

  “Hi. I’m Meegan.” I’ve never been with a short dude. Maybe I should just tell both tall dudes to date each other and try a leprechaun on for size. I giggle. Flash: naked Qasim up against naked Schuyler... I get a chill.

  “I’m Kelly.” The short guy says.

  “No way!” I gasp. “I could be Kelly! Hey is there a porch here, Kelly? Because I need a smoke.”

  The short guy with the nice face smiles. “Sure, sweetie, back this way.” He puts his hand on my back and guides me towards the kitchen.

  “Cool.” When we get to the kitchen, Qasim is still there but Schuyler is gone. “Hey, honey.” I say. “This is, Kelly. He’s showing me where the porch is.”

  Qasim nods. “I’ve got it, Kelly, thanks.”

  “You’re pretty nice, Kelly. Do you know Qasim?”

  Kelly smiles. “Yup.”

  Qasim puts his arm on my shoulder and guides me to a door I hadn’t noticed. He opens it and I step through onto a little wooden deck similar to my own. It’s crowded out here. There are lots of smokers. I reach for my jacket pocket but end up grabbing my boob. I’m not wearing my jacket. I take another swig. Damn this tea is tasty.

  “I forgot my cigarettes.” I sigh mournfully. “They’re at my house.”

  Qasim strokes my hair. “Shouldn’t they be in your jacket?”

  I nod. “They are. My jacket’s
at my house.”

  “You came here without a jacket?”

  I look at him blankly. “I live next door.”

  His eyes pop open. “Which building?”

  “This one. I’m the other third floor apartment. Hey, you wanna see?”

  Qasim grins. “Sure.”

  “Cool. Let’s go get my Camels. Where’s Schuyler?”

  Qasim shrugs. “He was talking to some chick last I saw.”

  My eyes grow wide. “Really? Was she cute? Bitch had better be cute. Schuyler deserves a totally cute, totally nice, Catholic girl with huge fucking titties!”

  Qasim laughs loud. “How are you drunk already?”

  I shrug. “I haven’t had a drink since the night we met. What was that, a month ago?”

  Qasim kisses my neck. “Not even two weeks ago.” He whispers in my ear.

  “Jesus!” I cry. “Am I that easy? Fuck! Next time tell me it’s been years.” I wrap my arm firmly around his hips. “I had no idea I’d be near alcohol tonight. Maybe I’m Irish or something.”

  He laughs some more. “No. I think the Irish can hold their liquor better than you.”

  “Whatever. I never puke, so I hold it just fine. Goddamn I need a smoke.” And just like that a cigarette appears in front of my face. I look up. It’s Schuyler. “Oh thank you.” I say taking it and lighting up. “That’s better.”

  Schuyler’s smiling at me. Qasim’s looking at him. “You smoke the same brand?” He squeaks. I like his squeakiness. I want to make him squeak really loud. I grab his ass but he doesn’t make a sound.

  Schuyler shakes his head. “No. I keep some on hand for moments like these.”

  Awe, is that the sweetest thing ever or what? I reach up and scratch his head. Qasim sighs. Am I making an ass of myself? “What time is it?”

  Both men check their watches. “9:30” Qasim says. Schuyler nods.

  “Damn it’s early.” I reply.

  “Not for me.” Qasim says. “I have to be up at 6 tomorrow.”

  “Oh, honey, I’m sorry.”

  He looks down at me sweetly. “I just came to say hi. I should go, though. You’ll be alright?”