Secrets & Admirers

by Allie York

  “It is not fine, I want grandkids, now take me in here and play nice with the girl I invited.” I rubbed the back of my head and went around to help her out. The new meds were helping a lot, but sometimes no amount of medication helped with her feet cooperating and I really didn’t want her falling.

  Archer’s was busy, especially the bar, but we got a private booth near the back. The winter Olympics were on every screen, but no one was paying attention, everyone was busy drinking and eating. The waitress took our orders and Ma made a comment about how cute the blond was. I truly hadn’t noticed. Ma talked more about her mystery library friend while I thought about how to properly confess my lies to Harriet. I didn’t pay a damn bit of attention to what Ma was saying while trying to plan an out for the terrible date planned by my mother. Burgers were delivered and Ma started on me again, asking what was keeping me from settling down, insisting that she didn’t really need my help, that I should go live my life. She was deluded.

  “Oh, over here, honey.” Ma threw her hand up and I turned to see who she was waving at. Our eyes locked and a groan escaped me. I thought she was going to trip over herself for a second, but a wicked smiled played across her face once she composed herself and I knew it was going to be fun. Ma scooted over and Harriet dropped next to her. “Harriet, this is my son, Briggs. Harriet comes and chats with me at the library every weekend.” Her hair was up in a twist and the black dress she was wearing flowed around her. She had even put on makeup. The light pink on her lips made me desperate to kiss them again, to pull the bottom one between my teeth and hear her breathy sigh. Thinking of those pink lips around my cock had me adjusting myself under the table.

  Harriet reached over the table, the wicked smile still on her face. “Nice to meet you, Briggs. You look really familiar, have we met?” Little tease.

  I shook her outstretched hand. “Surely not. I would remember meeting a woman as beautiful as you.” Two could play her game. Her cheeks tinged pink, and I felt her pulse pick up under my finger that lingered on her wrist.

  “Aren’t you a flirt?” Harriet winked at me and turned back to Ma. “Faye wasn’t exaggerating, her son is quite handsome. Aren’t there two, though?” Oh, she was begging for trouble. Ma explained that Beck was indisposed, but that Harriet was too good for an ass like him anyway. I agreed wholeheartedly with her statement. Despite being the inferior twin, she sure was singing my praises to Harriet. Little did Ma know that I had Harriet pressed against a door earlier, and my girl was singing praises of her own.

  “If Ma had only told me how gorgeous her library friend was, we could have met sooner.” Harriet laughed and rolled her eyes. She had no idea how serious I was.

  “Harri, come get drunk!” a girl wearing all black yelled from the bar, but came stalking over once she saw Harriet sitting with me. Her eyes narrowed on me as she approached. “Are you the guy?” The girl bumped me and sat next to me in the booth. I had seen her hanging around Jovie at the flea market.

  “Briggs, Faye, this is Cori. She works at The Dog House.” Cori shook my hand. “So, yes, he’s the guy.” That dinner with my mother was quickly becoming the most uncomfortable meal ever. Ma looked between the two girls, then at me. Ma was a smart woman, and I wanted to fall in a hole. Then my night got worse.

  “Sorry I’m late, I had to deal with something. Hello, Ladies.” Beck grabbed a chair and spun it to straddle it at the end of the table. Cori curled her nose and Harriet stiffened. Good girls. “Beck.” He trained his gaze and cocky grin on Cori. My stupid brother probably pegged Cori as the lesbian lover.

  “I’ll see ya at the table, Harri. Hurry up,” Cori excused herself, retreating back to the security of her friends, like I wished Harriet would. Harriet went to stand but Beck put a hand on her knee, keeping her still, and I stood fast enough to knock the table as she brushed his hand off. Drinks sloshed and silverware clattered. I wouldn’t sit by and watch Beck touch her again. Ma said my name when the table moved from my force, but I was entirely focused on killing the man touching her. Screw that, he was my brother. A growl rumbled through my chest and I didn’t give a fuck who heard it. Harriet was mine, and I was done watching my brother put his hands on her.

  “Faye, it was good to see you. I should get back to my table.” Harriet stood, slowly, watching my face carefully. I still hadn’t sat back down and my mother and brother were watching me on the verge of losing my shit. Harriet’s dark eyes stayed on mine as she tried to make her escape

  “Now wait,” Ma demanded, bringing us back to the moment, “what the hell is going on, because if I didn’t know better, I’d say you three know each other.” Shouts came from the bar and I tipped my head for her to leave. “Briggs?”

  “Yeah, Ma, we know Harriet.” I felt like a kid in trouble, like I got caught with my hand in the cookie jar. Surely Ma knew I didn’t flirt like that with women I didn’t know. Hell, I didn’t flirt at all.

  “How well do you know Harriet?” Beck stood and got in my face. I could smell the booze on him and his eyes were bloodshot. Fuck. He waited, but I shrugged, sitting back down. None of his damn business. Plus, he was drunk and possibly high, again. Harriet was watching with concern, obviously just figuring out how volatile the relationship with my brother was, how close we were coming to a blow up. Or maybe she was just realizing how serious I was about her, us. I moved my eyes, telling her it was fine to leave, but the woman just stood there.

  It wasn’t concern, it was anger flashing in her dark eyes. I had acted like an ass, like a fucking child at the flea market and my asshole status just kept getting better. I had a fighting chance with the woman of my dreams, the one I had pined over for weeks and was fucking it all up. I was no better in real life than I was as her pen pal. I denied her publicly like a jackass. Not anymore. I stood, shoving around my brother, and grabbed her arm gently. She smirked when I pulled her to me and planted a kiss on her mouth that was far too intimate for a restaurant. I heard other voices. I heard the whistle from her table, but when her arms came around my shoulders, none of it mattered. All that mattered was Harriet kissing me. I let her break the kiss, sliding her hands down my chest and looking up at me through her long lashes. That look nearly had me dragging her ass out of the restaurant.

  “Again!” one of her friends yelled across the rowdy room. I kissed her hand and pushed her off toward her table. I had to stand and watch her ass sway as she walked away. She would be getting a better apology later.

  “What the fuck, Briggs?” Beck’s breath hitting my neck as he growled in my ear made me smile. Would there be a fight? Probably. Would it be worth it? Definitely. He was drunk, jealous, and an asshole. And I had what he wanted. “Don’t shrug at me, either. What is wrong you? I’m your brother and you know I’ve been trying to get with that.” So suddenly, it mattered that we were related. It didn’t matter when he fucked my fiancé, or when I pulled his stupid ass from a burning car.

  “That—” I stepped in closer, invading his space, preparing to stand my ground for possibly the first time ever “—is a lady, not an object, and if you touch her again, your bruised ego will look like a dream come true because I will fucking kill you,” I ground the words out through clenched teeth. “Now, you’re drunk and I’m pissed. So sit and eat like a civilized human or get the fuck out.” He had pushed me over that limit and I was done with his bullshit. Done being in Beck’s shadow.

  “You two better sit yourselves down now. Both of you. Causing a scene and acting like children in public. I raised you both better.” Ma’s voice cut through the tension and I complied, moving back to my seat. Beck sat in his chair, spinning it to face us. Ma looked between us then to where my gaze was fixed. Harriet was staring back, ignoring Rae shoving another shot in her hand. I winked, letting her know everything was okay, and she smiled. “Did you hear me, Briggs?”

  “Sorry.”

  “I asked if you went after your brother’s girlfriend.” Beck looked cocky, but I laughed.

  “No, Ma. Harri
et turned him down more than once.” Time for my ego to take over, just once. “It’s not up for discussion anymore, though. She’s mine.”

  “Does she know about the gross shit on your chest?” Beck was out to push buttons and was doing a damn good job. Unfortunately for him, I was done with his crap, and not taking the bait.

  “She knows. Intimately.” I grinned. Beck stood up roughly from the table and stormed out. Thankfully, the place was busy and loud. We had caused enough of a scene without people staring at Beck as he left.

  Ma and I ate in silence for a while, picking at our food. I had the hardest time focusing on my plate instead of staring at my girl. My girl. That thought made me smile. I was never possessive with Penny, never felt that ownership, maybe if I had she would have been faithful. With Harriet, I wanted to own her, wanted her tied to me in every possible way. I wanted her in my arms every night and under me every chance I got. I wanted all her secrets, and I wanted to confess mine. I would have to do it soon; the next morning would have been ideal.

  “What has gotten into you?” Ma snatched a fry from my plate with a trembling hand, “You never act like that.” I broke under her gaze, and the words came falling out before I could think about stopping them, confessing every single thing about Harriet. I left out the intimate details, but I started with the notes and moved on to that day at the flea market. The longer I spilled, the more I realized that my world was going to come crumbling down. Harriet would not take kindly to being lied to, deceived. If the roles were reversed, I would be pissed. By the end of my really fucked up story, Ma’s mouth was hanging open and the disappointment in her face was painful.

  “Harriet is not going to like it, but you damn well are going to tell her. What would possess you to hide like that? And lie?” I shook my head, not answering. “Let me tell you something. You are going to tell her, but don’t you dare ruin her fun tonight. Tomorrow, you better man up and fix what you’ve done. If I find out you hurt that sweet girl, I swear, Briggs. Now, let’s get out of here and check on Beck. The idiot was drunk again and you made him storm out.” With that, Ma slid out of the booth and waited while I paid. The waitress was missing, so I tossed some cash down and started walking her out.

  Ma stopped at Harriet’s table, smiling at everyone, and patted Harriet on the arm. Harriet introduced her to Rae, Jovie, Cori, Erica, and Lydia. I stood by quietly, letting them chat and watching Harriet light up every time she smiled.

  “So, Briggs and Harriet.” Lydia bumped me with her hip and I glanced down to see her accusing smirk. Jacob had it made. Lydia was stunning with her red locks and growing baby bump. All my friends had it made. I just needed to fix the mess that was my own life so I could have a little of that joy.

  “Yeah, definitely me and Harriet.” I was talking to the redhead in front of me, but my eyes were locked on Harriet’s smile. My confession the next morning would have to be perfectly executed if I ever wanted to see that smile again. I pulled Harriet in for another quick kiss, promising to see her the next day, and walked Ma to the car.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Harriet

  The banging woke me up and kick-started my headache. Not being a drinker meant that a few shots had me struggling the morning after. I pushed Morticia off my chest and scrambled out of bed, not bothering to check my outfit. I threw the door back only to blink my eyes in disbelief. Beck was wearing a dress shirt, tie, and had his hands tucked behind his back. He looked me over and walked in without an invitation.

  “We need to talk.” He froze, looking around my apartment. “Uh, I wanted to apologize about last night and drop some rough news on you.” My mouth went dry. Rough news? My mind immediately went to Briggs. Is he okay? Is Faye all right? Beck sat on my futon and leaned his forearms on his knees. Then I noticed the notebooks in his hands. I swallowed the dryness in my mouth and the knot in my stomach tightened. “Do you want to change?” His eyes trailed the naked spans of my legs and I realized I was only wearing a shirt that barely even covered me. Leaving him in my living room, I walked to my room to put real clothes on.

  Beck was B and the thought made me nearly vomit, or it could have been the hangover. Either way, I was having trouble breathing. Like my lungs refused to cooperate. I put on jeans and a linen shirt before sitting in the wooden rocking chair across the room. I didn’t want to be near him. The idea made me sick considering I was very quickly falling for his brother, hard. Really hard. Like chest fluttering, lots of sex, losing my mind, and not sleeping kind of falling.

  “You’re him? The Universe is really fucking with me if it’s you.” I choked the word out, trying to figure out what it would mean for Briggs and me.

  “I’m not.” Beck leaned over, handing me the notebooks. “My brother is. Briggs is sick, Harriet.” He said it dead serious. “I just thought you should know if you’re going to sleep with him or whatever.” I flipped through the books. One had lists of H names, one had a log of the first couple of weeks I was in Tennessee, the last had something completely different.

  Fuck. I left Harriet’s after the most amazing sex I’ve ever had. No, that wasn’t just sex, it was something more. I have felt more in the last twenty-four hours than I have felt in a lifetime. She ignites something beautiful in me, something I never knew existed, but I used her. I used her to take what I needed. I used her to prove I could. Beck wanted her so I swooped in and took her. It’s sick really. I wanted her instantly but sinking myself into her fulfilled my quest of finally having something Beck didn’t. Then it became so much more. I want to love her, own her, spend the rest of my life taking care of her. But I’m a liar. I’ve lied and I can’t take it back, can’t fix it. Instead, I’ll revel in her and never tell her that I’m a stalker. That I’m sick and twisted and want to possess her.

  I didn’t read beyond that, I just shut the notebook and checked the time. I had to get ready and run to the bus. I would be late to The Dog House. “Uh, thank you, Beck. I need to get ready.” I kept the notebooks, opening the door for him. I didn’t want to see him, or anyone, really. I just wanted to crawl back in bed, nurse my hangover and wallow in how stupid I was.

  “Sorry I had to bear bad news, but at least you know now before you get in too deep.” Too late. Beck smiled, but it wasn’t an apologetic smile, it was conniving. The funny part was my lack of shock. I knew it was Briggs. I had known since the first time we met at lunch. I tried to deny it in my brain, but I knew, somewhere deep down, I knew it was him. I thanked Beck, watching him leave, and ran to get ready. I hadn’t made a list that morning and my headache was in full force. I had already penned a response in the notebook, telling him I was finished with him. But him was Briggs, the person I felt the instant connection with, that I wanted to wake up next to. The one I wanted to let myself love and care for. Briggs was the one I wanted to trust, but it all shattered with a handful of notes.

  I forgot to feed Morticia, forgot to lock my apartment, then forgot to grab the notebooks from the shelf. Between the bomb Beck dropped, my headache, and my lack of list, I was a mess. I wasn’t shocked, or even mad, but I was hurt. Hurt that he had lied to me, hurt that he felt the need to hide from me. Was it the scar? Was it his insecurities about Beck? Surely, he wasn’t that messed up and I just hadn’t noticed.

  I ran to the bus, barely making it before Sal closed the door. He gave me his perfected irritated glare, but I couldn’t even smile at him. I swiped my card and scanned the bus. No Briggs. I tried to hand Sal my notebooks, but he shook his head, grunting for me to sit. I plopped into my seat just in time for someone to bang on the glass bus door. Briggs climbed on, panting from the run, carrying a bouquet of wild flowers and a stack of notebooks. His face fell when he saw the notebooks in my hands.

  Briggs dropped next to me, keeping his eyes on his feet. “I was going to tell you. Today.” I shook my head, not that anyone was watching, but it was not the place for that conversation because I was going to cry no matter what he said, and hated crying. “Harriet.”
/>   “Not now.”

  He thrust the notebook at me. “Please, Harriet. I came home last night and my desk was completely torn apart. Beck met me in the hall telling me how fucked up I am, how you’d never forgive my lies. Maybe he was right, but I planned to tell you today anyway.” Briggs shook his head, rushing through his confession. “After dinner the other night, I just didn’t know how to tell you. You just kept making me sink deeper with you and I couldn’t think of a way to tell you. It’s fucked up, and I’m sorry, Harriet.”

  “Not now, Briggs.”

  “You can’t just ignore me, Harriet. If you can’t forgive me, fine, but at least talk to me about it. Please, Harriet.” I clenched my teeth, feeling the eyes on me as I approached my stop. He had skipped his. Without answering, I walked past him to get off the bus and headed to The Brew, tears stinging at my eyes. Briggs followed. “Harriet, just tell me to fuck off then, give me something. Tell me to leave you alone and I will, but say something.” I kept walking, feeling the belated anger welling. Briggs lied to me, used me, he used me to prove a point to his asshole brother. The same brother that threw him under the bus, again and again. He was really no better than Beck when it came down to it. I picked up the coffees waiting for us on the counter, tossed some money in the jar, and kept moving toward The Dog House, not letting him stop my trek. It was bad enough that I had forgotten my list that morning, but I wasn’t letting him make me forget to do anything else. Stress made my weird memory issues worse and I was definitely stressed.

  I balanced the notebooks and coffees on my arm to unlock the door. Briggs followed me in. I locked the door behind us and my mind went completely blank. I put the coffees on the counter and handed him the notebooks a little more roughly than necessary. The top one held my dear John note, and I wanted him to read it. He watched me struggle to remember what to do first. Dogs barked in the back, and the phone rang, but I couldn’t remember a damn thing. I dug in my bag, trying to find my book containing the list from the week before. It wasn’t there. Of course, I had forgotten that too. I groaned and stomped my foot, throwing a mini tantrum. Calm collected Harriet was gone.