Fated to be Mine

by Larson, Jodie

  Kara raises her head, tilting it to the side. “No? Who did then?”

  “Well, there’s a story behind that. You’ll laugh about it I’m sure.”

  I go into the whole embarrassing story, not leaving any part out. She sits there, almost stoic and listens as I talk about Michael and the coincidence that he works in this building. The smile on her face slips slightly.

  “Tell me more about this Michael guy.”

  I shrug my shoulders. “He’s nice, good looking, and kind. I guess I never really gave any thought to it. He’s just a stranger, well, acquaintance now I suppose.”

  There’s a tapping noise echoing through the quiet office and I realize it’s coming from Kara. She only taps her pen when she’s deep in thought, but I can’t figure out what it is about my story that has her mind in overdrive.

  “Have you heard from Andrew today?” she asks.

  And there’s the reason for her curiosity of Michael. My face is indifferent as I nod my head, unsure of how I feel about hearing from him today. Part of me is elated. The other part of me is scared and upset.

  “He sent me a few text messages. There’s really nothing more to say to him, especially since I won’t be working on the account anymore. So we have no chance or need to ever see each other again.”

  Kara leans over the desk and holds me in a stare. “But you want to.”

  Images of Andrew assault my mind as I picture his beautiful face and body, smiling and laughing as we walk the streets of London. My most favorite memory of that trip. Well, one of them.

  “I do, but I don’t.”

  “Do you love him?”

  I sigh. “What does it matter? What’s done is done. I’m here, he’s over there. A relationship between the two of us is impossible, regardless of what I may or may not be currently feeling for him.”

  “That’s bullshit and you know it. I can see it written all over your face. You try your best to hide it, but you fail miserably every time. You are head over heels in love with that man and nothing should ever stand in your way. If you’ve found love, then you need to grab hold of it with two hands and don’t let anyone or anything take it away from you.”

  Kara should know. Her love for Chris is one she has to hide, but it doesn’t stop them from being together. I don’t want a relationship like that. I don’t want to hide in the shadows and steal time to be with him. I want a relationship that’s out in the open, where we can go anywhere and do anything anytime we wanted. But if Andrew is there and I am here it’s impossible.

  “Look, no offense, but I’m still not quite ready to dive into what if situations where Andrew is involved.” I stand and turn toward the door. A look of sadness crosses Kara’s face as she nods her head dejectedly.

  “Oh, by the way, my dad is throwing a birthday party for Sharon on Friday night at the Millennium. Will you come with me as my guest? You know I hate going to these things alone.” She checks her calendar and then nods her head.

  “I’ve got Friday free and clear so it shouldn’t be a problem. Formal affair again I’m assuming?” Kara knows from the last party she went to that my dad goes all out for Sharon because it’s what she expects.

  I nod my head and sigh. “Yeah, he’s making Natasha set up an appointment at some boutique to get me clothes, you know, so I don’t embarrass him further.”

  Kara shakes her head. “Your dad frustrates me sometimes.”

  I stand in the doorway and sadly laugh. “Try being his daughter.” I wave to her as I walk back to my desk.

  My head is swimming at everything that’s happened over the course of the day so far. A new position, an embarrassing meeting with a random stranger, and then Andrew finally making contact with me. The last little bit has me reaching for my phone, anxious to see if he’s messaged back, even though I have yet to reply to his last two messages.

  Tessa, please. I miss you and I need to speak with you. Just give me five minutes of your time. ~A~

  This is exhausting, fighting my feelings for him. I want to reach through my phone and hold him, kiss him, feel his body touching mine. This last message seems sad, tortured even. And I love him too much to hurt him further. But Andrew must understand it just wouldn’t work. There are too many things stacked against us, the largest being our jobs. Still, I find myself texting him back, unable to resist his pull any longer.

  Andrew, it’s not going to work. We’re from two different worlds. You don’t need to explain anything to me. Really. We had fun and I’ll cherish those memories forever. ~T~

  A part of me wants to slap myself for not going to him while the other part is striving for self-preservation. I can’t live in my dreams, knowing they’ll never come true. But there has to be a purpose to all of this. Why would he be pursuing me, knowing it’s an impossible dream?

  Within minutes, my phone beeps in response.

  Apparently I do need to explain. I believe there has been a misunderstanding and it must be rectified. There is something between us Tessa and you know it. Please don’t shut me out yet. ~A~

  There is something between us. I cannot deny that, even though I try. My mind cannot let go of our time spent together because it truly was the happiest time of my life. The way Andrew would touch me, hold me, make love to me … all of it. No one has ever looked at me with such adoration before. No one has made me their world in that short a time. It still seems impossible all this transpired over the course of a week. Such an insignificant amount of time. A blink of an eye in the grand scheme of life. But that one week changed my life and I know it’s largely in part to the man whose heart I’m breaking.

  Andrew, there’s nothing to explain. This is hard enough as it is. It’s just not going to work. You’ll find someone else and move on, someone who lives in London and can see you every day and give you more than I ever could. I just want you to be happy. ~T~

  I won’t survive without you and no one will ever take your place. You are the one who makes me happy. I am not done with you. I told you, I am yours and you are mine. ~A~

  I read the text over and over again, slowly letting the words seep back into my shattered heart. I remember him saying those words to me before. Words which hold so much hope for a future that still hangs right in front of my eyes. Could we actually work? Is it possible?

  Kara emails me, asking me to move all her files into her drive so she can access them before I move into my new position. A position I’m still walking in the clouds about. But those same clouds carry me to Andrew and my heart hurts again. Deep down I know I don’t want to move on from Andrew because I do still love him with every fiber of my being. But can we go back? Can we make this work between us? Too many questions float in the air as I buckle down, focusing on the task at hand instead of the tall, dark-haired British man who has me rethinking everything I thought was true.

  HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO rushed that you’ve forgotten things in the most obvious places? Spent hours searching for something that was actually right in your hands? Or have you ever been trapped in your car door because you’re too distracted by your thoughts? Then realize you shut the door when your coat wasn’t fully out and now you can’t reach the lock to open the door?

  So here I stand with my coat stuck in the locked car door, unable to access the handle because my ass is pressed tightly against said door. And heaven forbid my car should be new enough to have a fancy key fob where I could just press a button to unlock the door and free myself. Not that it would help right now anyway with my keys out of reach on the ground. No, instead I get to sit here looking like a fool, waiting patiently for someone else to enter the nearly empty parking garage and be my hero. Is this how my day is going to go? If this is any indication, I’m calling in sick now.

  And just as I’m fumbling for my phone, on the verge of tears, I hear the soft laugh of a man approaching me. Oh no. Please don’t let it be some crazed lunatic who wants to lock me in his basement, keeping me in a hole and telling me put lotion on my skin or I’ll get the hose
again.

  The soft footsteps grow closer and a gentle hand is placed on my shoulder. “Need some help there?” His smooth voice falls over me and I instantly sag backward.

  “Oh, Michael, thank God you’re here. Could you help me? I’ve managed to trap my jacket in the door and I can’t reach the lock.”

  “Of course. Where are your keys?”

  I point to the ground about a foot away and he starts laughing again.

  “Don’t laugh! I’m embarrassed enough as it is. They accidentally fell to the ground when I realized I was stuck.”

  He bends down smoothly and retrieves the missing keys. I attempt to move to the side but with my position right in front of the handle it’s going to be difficult to find the lock.

  Michael smiles, leaning close to me. “Just hold still. I’m going to try and find the lock this way.” His arms snake around my waist, his hands feeling for the door, which in turn also moves against my back and body. He presses further into me and I close my eyes at his closeness. He smells good, fresh and clean shaven, like linen that’s been hanging out in the sun to dry or what I would imagine rain smells like if it had a scent. And he’s close, so close. Close enough that if I just lean over a few inches our lips would be pressed together.

  I hear the key slip into the lock, his hand turning the mechanism, involuntarily pressing it against my ass. A tingle runs up my spine at the contact. It’s been five days since anyone has made that kind of contact with me. Well, okay, not that kind of contact but it’s been five days since a man has been anywhere close to me, just as Michael is now.

  The door handle is lifted up and I’m freed from my prison, thankful that no one observed my distress, outside of Michael.

  “There you go, little damsel in distress,” he laughs.

  I don’t step away as I look into his deep brown eyes, feeling my mouth go dry by just looking at him. He leans closer and I brace myself for a kiss, feeling the heavy lids of my eyes start to close until the jingling of my keys in front of my face breaks me of my trance. Oh God, could I make any more of a fool of myself in front of this man?

  “Thank you. This wasn’t exactly how I pictured running into you again.”

  I lock my car, this time making sure my jacket is free and clear of the door. When I turn to face Michael, his lips have curled up into an arresting smile.

  “So you’ve thought about running into me again is what you’re saying.”

  Why can’t I control the words escaping my mouth? Did my filter permanently take a vacation or just decide to stop working altogether when faced with drop dead gorgeous males? If there were ever a time for one of the plagues of Egypt to happen, now would be as good a time as any. I’d take a swarm of locusts over standing here making a complete ass of myself any day of the week.

  “I … um … well … that is …”

  Great. And now, apparently, I can’t speak either. If he doesn’t take off running, I’d be surprised. And Chris wants to give me a promotion? Hell, I can’t even speak coherently in mildly stressful situations. I need a drink and I don’t care if it’s not even eight in the morning yet.

  He’s leaning into me, barely a breath between us. My breathing picks up slightly at his nearness and I watch his eyes travel over my features before locking onto my lips. Mine do the same and without realizing it, I lick my dry lips. Michael clears his throat, breaking his stare and shakes his head before offering me his arm to escort me out of the garage.

  He wasn’t going to kiss you. Get a hold of yourself. Seriously, that drink?

  “Well, now that you’re free from your car I better make sure you get safely to work. I wouldn’t want you getting stuck anywhere else.”

  I laugh nervously as we cross the street, letting him hold open the door for me as we enter the lobby of our building. His hand rests gently on my lower back as he ushers me into the elevator, guiding me close to him as people begin to file in with us. But he keeps me to his front near the panel of buttons. He must remember my elevator rides all too well since I never actually told him about my prior predicaments.

  We don’t talk on the ride up, which is good because the only way I’d be able to hear him is if he whispered directly into my ear. And I don’t think my body would be up for that right now. It’d be too intimate and confusing to my already swimming head.

  As I approach my floor, Michael squeezes my side slightly, drawing my attention to him. He smiles down at me and looks nervous for some reason.

  “Tessa, would you like to meet me for coffee tomorrow morning?” His eyes sparkle in the fluorescent lights of the elevator as the cheesy music swirls around us. I pause, giving it a moment of serious thought. Michael is a good guy and we have this easy rapport between us, making it seem as if I could talk to him about anything without feeling embarrassed about it. And I can always use another friend.

  “Sure, coffee sounds good. You let me know where and when.”

  “How about seven o’clock at the Caribou Coffee place on the corner?” He still looks nervous, a slight blush crawling across his cheeks. It’s kind of cute in a way.

  I smile. “Sounds perfect. I’ll see you then.” Michael lightly grabs my hand, squeezing it before I walk through the open doors to my office. I turn back to look at him as the doors close and he gifts me with his perfectly white smile.

  As I turn the corner, making note that this is now two days in a row I have arrived on time to work, I hear Kara call out to me as I pass her office. I backtrack slightly, peeking my head through the open doorway. She smiles and holds a finger up to me.

  “One second.” She presses the receiver of the phone into the palm of her hand. “Hey, are you available for lunch today?” I nod. “Perfect. Does noon work for you?” she asks in a hushed voice.

  “Noon is good for me.”

  “Awesome. I’m in meetings again all morning so I’ll come get you when I’m done.” She uncovers the phone and resumes her conversation, never breaking stride. Someday I hope to be a tenth of the businesswoman she is.

  I’ve just unpacked my things at my desk when Kara bounds into my cube, grabbing her perch on the corner of my desk.

  “Change of plans. You’re coming with me to my meetings this morning. I am in desperate need of your far-more-superior-than-mine note taking skills. And besides, you’re technically still my assistant so I’m utilizing my boss-like power over you.”

  It’s hard to take someone seriously when they say things like that and swing their legs back and forth like a six-year-old. I swivel in my chair, placing my hands on the armrests and laugh.

  “Seriously, you need to cut back on your coffee intake in the mornings.”

  She shoves my shoulder and laughs. “No, you need to drink more. It’s not right to only have one cup of coffee a day. It’s sacrilege and makes people all crazy-like.”

  “Says the woman who’s swinging her legs at my desk and talking like she’s on fire.”

  Kara laughs and waves her hand in a dismissing manner. “Pfft. Whatever.”

  “Well, tomorrow I’ll definitely be getting my recommended caffeine intake. Michael saved me this morning when I got stuck in my car door. Then he invited me to coffee tomorrow morning.”

  The smile falls from her face instantly. Why is she not happy about this? She’s always been one to tell me to get out there, break out, find someone and date. Well, I really don’t have plans to date Michael, but there’s nothing wrong with two people enjoying a cup of coffee together, right?

  “So you’re going on a date tomorrow morning?”

  “It’s not a date. It’s just coffee with a friend before work.”

  She’s forcing a smile at me, feigning happiness. She may be good at a lot of things, but I still know how to read her. And right now she’s not happy about this little development.

  “No, I mean, yeah, that’s awesome. Super! I guess I’m just surprised you’re meeting up with Michael again.”

  My brow furrows at her statement. “Why is it surpri
sing? I mean he’s cute and friendly. We get along well; at least I think we do. So far, all I’ve managed to do is make an ass of myself in front of him. Besides, aren’t you always the one who says I need to put myself out there more?”

  There’s a pause while she thinks of her answer. A stray lock of blond hair falls onto her forehead and she brushes it aside. “No, it’s not that. Yes, I’m happy you’re putting yourself out there. I’m glad. I’ve only been asking you to do it for the past four years. It’s just … what about Andrew?”

  Why does it always come back to this? I shake my head and sigh. “What about him? Kara, it’s over, never going to work. He has someone else who apparently wants him and who lives in London. He doesn’t want me, at least not in the way that I want him.”

  Kara just stares at me, narrowing her eyes slightly. “Are you sure about that?”

  Am I sure about anything? Hell no. My mind is a jumbled mess and any moment it’ll scatter the contents across the floor. That stupid text message comes back to haunt me. Andrew says he misses me. Why would he miss me if he didn’t want me? He also told me I am his and he is mine. But honestly what does that mean anyway? I rub my temples, trying to ward off an impending headache.

  “No, I’m not sure about anything. The only thing I’m sure of is I’m hurting inside and it’s excruciating sometimes. I still cry myself to sleep at night because I can’t get him out of my mind. But I need to move on, stop living in the dream that Andrew and I will ride off happily into the sunset.”

  Kara stands and grips my shoulders. “Tessa, I love you. You know I do. But please, for once in your life, listen to me. You’re following your brain in this situation and normally it wouldn’t let you down. Just don’t silence your heart, because it also knows what’s best for you.

  “Do you know how long I fought my feelings for Chris? Years. And it sucks I wasted all that time fighting them because he is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Yes, we fight. Yes, I’ve gone weeks without speaking to him outside of work because of something stupid we’ve said to each other. But at the end of it all, we belong together. He’s the only man who has ever made me feel so alive and so helpless at the same time.”