True Identity (The Lost and Found series Book 1)

by Amanda Mackey

  “Oooh. Do you think he’s going to propose? And the bigger question is…will you say yes?”

  What? No! You can’t! He can’t! Wait. That means she’s not married. Yet.

  Even so, she’d be taken forever. The idea disturbed me way more than it should. I didn’t know Mac. She didn’t know me. We were strangers. So why did I hate the notion of her belonging to another?

  “He’s not proposing. He’s married to his job. I think it’s a guilt date.”

  That’s more like it. Nick did sound like a dick. Too busy for an angel like Mac. An outright douche. Undeserving of her. Happiness broke into my anxious thoughts.

  “Honey, take whatever you can get. Order the most expensive dish on the menu and bleed him dry.”

  Laughter. The kind that made my knees want to shudder and my insides go all gooey. I’d missed the sound. Her sound. The more of her I heard, the more I craved. She was enlivening me again. Bringing me back from the dead.

  “I just…never mind.”

  “Oh no. Not never mind. Spill it. You’ve started it and you need to finish it. You just what?”

  “Is it wrong to feel like we’re only friends? For the first time in months, he pulled me into him last night. An intimate gesture, and well…I didn’t feel anything. He’s a great guy and all. A workaholic, but that aside, he’s decent. I’m not sure what it is, and maybe I’m expecting too much but, I don’t think he’s enough anymore, you know? I want things to work, but at the same time, I don’t.”

  “Ah ha. I do know. Trust me. He’s not floating your boat. That’s why my ex and I broke up. It was mutual. We both knew it wasn’t going anywhere and we moved on. We’re happier apart.”

  Silence. I could almost hear Mac thinking. If I could move my mouth, I would be grinning like a fool. Being cited as unconscious and unhearing had its perks. It allowed me to be an audio voyeur.

  “I think for me, it’s the whole moving out and starting on my own thing. I’m not needy, but I’m not sure I want to live alone.”

  “Mac, you practically live alone all the time now. If Nick’s not working at the office, he’s working at home.” A noise like a cupboard opened and closed.

  “At least if he’s on his computer at the apartment, I know he’s there.” A loud sigh saddened me.

  “Then why don’t you move and advertise for a roommate?”

  “Seriously? I don’t think I could be bothered meeting and questioning a group of strangers, hoping I picked the right one.”

  “Well, you have to do something, because if you remain where you are, you’ll stagnate.”

  “I know you’re right. I think I’ve already done that.”

  “Speaking of stagnating, I’m out of here. After twelve hours of staring at Mr. Orgasm here, I’m beat.”

  The room filled up with Mac’s laughter again…it was a sound I could listen to forever. If I remained in my black coffin and only had that one thing, it would be enough to keep me going.

  Hearing one nurse leave, I knew I had Mac all to myself.

  “Did you miss me, Harley? Let’s have a look at you and see if there’s any change.”

  Damn straight I missed her. Like crazy. She may never know how much. Her nearness jolted through me without even a touch. I soaked in the sensation, already happier to have her all to myself. More than anything, I longed to hear her sing, but there was no way to communicate, so hope was all I had.

  The gentlest of touches sent my head into a tailspin. Featherlike and warm. My wrist was lifted and delicate fingers were clasped firmly around it. God. Her skin felt like the most expensive mink. I could have bathed in it. Encased myself in it. A scent of apple blossom had me wanting to bury my face into her and inhale the life-giving aroma into my cells. Another figment of my imagination? If I could smell, why couldn’t I move or wake up?

  “Pulse is normal. That’s great. We need to get you better so we can find out who you are.”

  I don’t care who I am. I only care about seeing you. Having you caress me some more.

  “It’s strange. Even though you probably can’t hear me or understand what I’m saying, I’m happy to be at work this morning. Glad you’re still here. That’s not to say I don’t want you to recover, because I do, more than anything…but just having you lying here is…comforting.”

  More. Tell me more. Don’t stop talking, Angel.

  I cursed the loss of her touch, which anchored me to some form of reality.

  “So, anyway, I’m a little nervous about my dinner tonight. I shouldn’t be, because I’ve been seeing the guy for two years. You’d think I’d be excited, right?”

  Go on…

  The silken fingers touched my forehead, causing the beeping to rocket. Panic sounded from Mac’s voice.

  “Shit.”

  Feet shuffled.

  “Doctor!”

  More scuffling as the apple blossom filled my senses again. “Are you waking? Can you hear me? Harley?”

  The gentle mink brushed up and down my arm soothingly. If I could damn well move, I’d latch onto her. My lifeline.

  Footsteps. Hurried. A door pushing open. “What is it, Nurse?”

  “The patient’s heart rate hit the roof. It’s still elevated. One sixty beats per minute.”

  A masculine smell engulfed me. Cologne or aftershave with notes of sanitizing solution. How did I even know what these smells were akin to with no memory? Maybe certain things—smells and sounds—were forever ingrained into us.

  “Could be a sign he’s waking. It is a normal function of a coma patient to react to certain things and bring on an increase in heartrate. Take some bloods and run them through the lab. We’ll see if there’s any change there.”

  “Thanks, Doctor.”

  Coma? How? Why? Clearly I wasn’t dead in heaven. More like a hospital on Earth. Sounds and smells carried a familiarity about them. I’d heard them before, but I couldn’t place where.

  “It’s time to take some blood, handsome, and then I need to change your fluids and check your wound.”

  She called me handsome? Did she say things like that to all her male patients? Still, the primal segment of my psyche was high-fiving her moniker. I hadn’t wondered about my appearance, but now that the seed had been planted, I couldn’t help but try to form an image in my mind. Being immobile, I was unable to lift my hand to map out my face.

  And should she be touching me so often? There were no complaints on my behalf. No. Just a blind observation. If anything, I never wanted her to let me go. I craved more of it.

  Further sensation began flowing into me as I felt a pushing and pulling on the back of my hand, amidst a slight sting. Definitely on Earth.

  “How about we prop you up a bit? You’ve been flat on your back too much. It’s time to sit up. I think a sponge bath is in order too, followed by some leg and arm rotations to get the blood flowing to your extremities. We can’t have that hulk of a body wasting away on us, can we?”

  Ha! She’d noticed me, all right. Regardless of whether she had a boyfriend, she was a female with eyes. It pleased me to no end that I was attractive to her, even though I had no clue as to what I looked like. Or Mac, for that matter. All I had was a pretend image in my mind of a golden-haired beauty with soft skin and kind blue eyes. Her voice had crafted the image lying behind my closed eyes. If or when I could see again, I wondered how accurate the picture in my mind would be.

  My body began rising into a more upright position, settling me at a sufficient angle, and then her hands were on me again, much to my delight.

  “I’m going to need to unhook your gown and pull it down to access your wound, so just bear with me while I put my arms around you.”

  Yep. That’s it. Do what you will. No complaints here. She crowded closer, raising me slightly off the bed while untying the knot at the back of my gown. I imagined if my eyes opened, I’d be flush with her breasts. Wouldn’t that be an awesome sight to wake up to? Apparently my mind still remembered what the female anatomy
was. Go figure.

  Cool air washed over my torso.

  “There. Now let’s get this bandage off and changed.”

  Take it all off. Strip me bare. I’m at your mercy.

  Would she be horrified to know my thoughts? Or would the part of her who needed something more from a man secretly cheer in glee? Not knowing myself as a man didn’t matter. I would adore this woman who had brought me back from the precipice of death. She deserved to be cherished.

  A small gasp had me wondering what she saw. Something gruesome? What lay under the bandage? A wound of some sort? Perhaps it had left me disfigured. Surely a nurse had seen the worst kinds of deformities. I couldn’t imagine my injury being too bad.

  Her velveteen touch returned, along with more pulling. I was fully present and not so much dangling in the unknown now. Each brush of her skin on mine elicited an internal shiver of the best kind.

  “The surgeon did a wonderful job. This should heal up like new. You were lucky to have one of the best reconstructive specialists in the state.”

  Yeah, yeah. Just keep touching me. That’s all I care about at this point. Contact with another. I’m lonely and I don’t like the feeling. That’s it, Angel. Keep your hands on my chest.

  “I sure wish you could talk and tell me what happened. Are you in danger? Are you the good or bad guy? Why would someone want to shoot you?”

  Wait! Shoot, you say? I’ve been shot? What the hell!

  A chill ravaged me. Her question repeated itself in my head. Why, or more to the point, who would want to shoot me? Things like this didn’t happen to normal people, did they? Did that mean I wasn’t normal? Just who in the hell had I become? A pimp? A drug lord?

  I can’t remember. Not anything. It’s like I’ve only just been born, and my life prior to hearing your voice doesn’t exist. You’re my only attachment to the world. A world I know nothing of. Without a memory I may as well have been transported to another planet.

  She began stroking me as she spoke. “I know one thing. Whoever you are, you take care of yourself. These muscles don’t just happen. This takes hours of work in a gym every day. Someone who looks as good as you must have someone. Girlfriend. Wife. Female friends.”

  My brain was tired and overworked from attempting to conjure up answers to her questions and assumptions. With her hands still resting on me, I comfortably drifted off, safe in the knowledge that she was by my side. The rest of it would have to wait. This time I welcomed the darkness.

  Chapter Six

  Mac

  Shame is what I should have felt. Should being the operative word. I loved touching the smooth, taut chest of my patient without his knowledge. If anyone chose to walk in at said moment they would see me checking his wound. Nurse duties. To me it was an indulgence. I couldn’t help my wandering hands with the feel of Harley’s ripped chest beckoning me.

  The temptation was too great. The man at my disposal fit the bill for the perfect specimen. His hairless torso felt warm and smooth. I imagined drizzling dark, melted chocolate over his pecs and down onto his eight pack, the brown, sweet treat getting stuck beneath the grooves, pooling in the hollows. Sweet heaven. I was in my four-walled room of sin. My lewd thoughts took hold and gripped me firmly.

  My breathing became stunted by my scandalous ministrations, nurses and doctors scurrying around beyond the thick white door. Wasn’t touch also good for coma patients? To let them know people were with them? To comfort?

  He had no one except me and the relief nurses. If any of his senses were still functioning, wouldn’t this be considered therapy?

  “You’re going to get me in all sorts of trouble, you know that, don’t you? How can someone who looks the way you do, end up shot in an alley with no identification? It doesn’t make sense.” Standing, I moved to the cabinet on the far wall to grab some gauze and tape to redress the stitched hole.

  Before I could return to the bed, my cell vibrated in my pocket. It didn’t often ring in the day, so I pulled it out and checked the screen. Nick. Hmm. That’s odd. He knew better than to call me at work.

  “Hey Nick.”

  “Hi honey. Listen, I hate to do this to you, but we’re going to have to take a rain check on our dinner tonight. I’m so sorry. An important client is in town and they’re only here for twenty-four hours, so I have to meet with them, but I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

  And there it went. The one night we had planned to go out to dinner had vanished into thin air. It seemed that we weren’t meant to be together. Not while Nick worked as if his life depended on it. I’d had enough. Spending another night in the apartment alone was almost like a prison sentence. My patience had worn very thin. I should have known better than to hope we could recapture feelings of old.

  “You’re kidding, right? I can’t believe that the one night we actually plan, you have to cancel.” Gazing at Harley, my stomach twisted in knots as I released a long, resigned sigh.

  “The client has only just called me. It’s very last minute. I know you’re disappointed. I am too. Why don’t you call one of your friends and she can take my place?”

  A friend? All my friends worked at the hospital. If they weren’t toiling odd hours, they were sleeping or enjoying time with their own spouses and partners who actually wanted to spend time with them.

  “Fine. Whatever. I’ll see you when I see you.”

  “Mac…”

  I disconnected before he could finish. Disappointment wasn’t what I was feeling. Anger and frustration were high on the list. Nothing would ever change. If I allowed myself to stay with Nick, I would keep getting the same thing. Nothing.

  Switching my cell off and returning it to my pocket, I stalked over to Harley in a huff.

  “Jesus Christ! I can’t believe him! One night out. That’s all! Is it so much to ask? A client breezes into town, expecting Nick to drop whatever he had planned, to discuss investments? Gah! Who do these clients think they are? People do have lives. And Nick, being the dedicated workaholic he is, couldn’t refuse. I’ll always be second on his list of priorities.”

  Babbling to Harley, I didn’t care if he could hear me or not as I unwrapped the gauze and placed it softly over his wound before adhering it with tape.

  Even if my feelings for Nick were borderline friendship, it still annoyed me to be stood up so many times. No one else would put up with living the way I had. Why should I?

  “I bet you wouldn’t treat your girl like that, would you?” Watching his face for any sign of change, admiring his sooty, thick lashes fanned out, I couldn’t help but balk at my life. What else did I have, apart from my job?

  With both parents off traveling the world while my father took his four weeks acquired annual leave from his job as an industrial machinery engineer and no siblings, I had no one. Mom and Dad weren’t due back for another three weeks and lived on the other side of town. They thought the sun shone out of Nick’s butt. Being an investment banker and all, they saw him as a good provider. That may be so, but if he couldn’t offer me any emotional connection or love on a regular basis, the relationship couldn’t survive too much longer.

  My friend-time consisted of lunch breaks at work with whoever occupied the staff cafeteria. My boyfriend time…non-existent. I’d been secretly admiring and touching a man I would never be able to have because he might not even wake up and could still turn out to be a criminal, pimp, or drug lord.

  “Looks like it’s going to be a long day. I’m not supposed to leave you alone, but I need a coffee. I’ll be right back. After that call from Nick, a large mug with three sugars should give me the kick I need.”

  Checking the heart monitor, I made to leave, but only got to the door when the beeping increased to a noticeable speed once more. I paused mid-stride and swung around, my eyes fixating on the EKG machine.

  Instinct had me grabbing my stethoscope and dashing to the bed, checking wires, etcetera, and then Harley’s heartbeat, which sprinted. Shit.

  I pressed my fingers
into his carotid artery, noticing how faint it felt due to its speed. Tachycardia for the second time. All ready to page the doctor again, I jumped back and sucked in a harsh breath. Harley’s eyes opened.

  Chapter Seven

  Mac

  Two arresting peepers blearily held my own. I could see his mouth move as he attempted to speak.

  Bending down, with my ear facing him, I barely heard a scratchy whispered, “Don’t leave me.”

  I tried to remain professional, but my brain asked all kinds of silent questions. One being, how had he known I’d been about to step out? He must have heard me. That would mean he’d listened to me babble on about Nick. Just how long had he been conscious?

  My body reacted to his breath on the side of my face by shivering. Pulling back, I made the mistake of finding his alluring, dark eyes. God. Now that I could see his eyes, it upped his hotness to a whole new level. For a long, drawn out moment, I took pause in their beautiful depths, enchanted with how they bedazzled me. I finally had the whole package presented to me and he took my breath away. His eyes brought him to life, as if he’d merely been a lump of flesh and bone before. For the first time in months, I became animated too. It was hard to describe how my insides rejoiced. My heart thundered. My stomach somersaulted and adrenalin ran a steady stream through my veins.

  A loud clang outside brought me back to my senses, realizing I’d been fangirling like a teenager.

  “Hi.” I settled myself and morphed into nurse mode, all the while unable to sway my eyes from his charcoal ones. “You’re awake. That’s awesome! I’ll be able to let the doctors know. You had us worried for a while, but it would appear you are going to be okay.”

  His mouth remained closed, he merely blinked at me.

  “Would you like a drink of water? You must be thirsty.”

  Not waiting on his response, I grabbed the pitcher of water I’d brought in for myself and poured a small amount into a paper cup.