True Identity (The Lost and Found series Book 1)

by Amanda Mackey

  “What are you saying?” My voice rose an octave, on keel with Nick’s. Could he be jealous? Did he really notice Harley when most times he failed to see me?

  “I’m saying, you don’t just bring a random dude home to live with us and expect me to be okay with it.”

  His anger fueled my own. Hissing between my teeth, attempting to keep Harley from hearing, I seethed, “Maybe if we actually spoke, I would have asked you first. I never see you. I’m practically living on my own. Even when you are home, I’m alone. I’m doing the right thing and I’m sorry you don’t agree with me.”

  His eyes flashed and his jaw knotted. “I’m done having this conversation with you. I work hard for us. I’ve told you this.”

  “There is no us if I never see you!” Tears were forming but I didn’t want to let him see them.

  Nick turned, storming into the closet, pulling out a bag and throwing it on the bed.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “I’m packing for my trip tomorrow. I’ll stay at Jason’s tonight. I expect our guest to be gone by the time I return.”

  “I can’t believe how unreasonable you’re being.”

  He huffed as he walked backwards and forwards from the closet to his bag, throwing things in and then stalking to the bathroom to collect his personal items.

  “Why do you have to stay at Jason’s tonight?” I couldn’t believe it. I’d always been home at nights, waiting around for him to finish work, eating dinner by myself because he’d had to stay back. Falling asleep on my own so many nights I’d lost count, and this one thing I felt I needed to do and he was carrying on like a child.

  I didn’t attempt to stop him. Perhaps we really were strangers. Shutting the bedroom door, I strode down the hallway to find Harley had switched on the television, thankfully. He’d also put the tank on.

  He looked up at me when I moved to sit on the couch. “Everything okay?”

  Shaking my head, I whispered, “He’s leaving.”

  Harley sat up straighter, “As in leaving, leaving?”

  “I don’t know. He’s going to stay with a friend tonight. Tomorrow is his business trip. He wants you gone when he gets back on Wednesday.” I knew Harley wouldn’t be ready to leave by then, so I may as well face facts that my relationship with Nick resembled a pile of rubble.

  Harley scooted closer until his meaty thigh touched mine and he placed an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side in a gesture of comfort. “I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. I’ll leave.”

  “No!” I shot back. “It’s not your fault. This situation has been brewing for a while. It’s only come to a head tonight. Please. Don’t go. You have nowhere else.” Being alone would not be good for me.

  His nearness helped quell my hurt and anger, the large arm providing a barrier to Nick’s hostility.

  Hearing the bedroom door slam, I pulled away from Harley and shifted to the end of the couch. Nick appeared, bag in hand.

  He uttered not a word and didn’t glance our way as he stormed to the front door, opening it and throwing it shut behind him. Seconds later, he tore out of the driveway.

  Burying my face in my hands, I let the tears show themselves. The craziness of the past week had taken its toll, and more to the point, the harsh reality being that I believed my relationship with Nick was unsalvageable.

  “Hey. It’s gonna be okay.” He pulled me gently into his oversized chest and embraced me in a bear hug. “Shh. I got you.” Letting my guard down, I sobbed into his shirt, or rather, Nick’s shirt, angry that my relationship had reached this point. In the past I’d been too clouded by routine to see things clearly. It wasn’t until Harley’s arrival that I’d begun to question things…namely, my feelings for Nick. Sometimes familiarity proved safer than stepping into the unknown. I also felt disappointed in myself for putting up with something less than I deserved. My friends had tried to warn me but I had never listened. Nick’s screeching tires shook some sense into me.

  I became all too aware of Harley’s thumping heart beneath my tear-stained cheek and his rigid muscles bunching under his shirt. He had an air of danger about him that both frightened and tempted me.

  Sniffling out the rest of my melancholy, I pulled myself together and inched away, strangely saddened that I couldn’t remain ensconced within his shield.

  He swept the pads of both thumbs under my eyes in a gentle arc to wipe away any residual tears. I focused on the emotion playing out across his face. Distress played out over his features.

  “Better?” he asked with a choppy voice.

  “Mmm hmm.” This time he caught me in his web of heat. I had to mentally remind myself to breathe.

  “I’m sorry about Nick,” he crooned.

  I wondered if he meant it. He’d already voiced his opinion about me being able to do better.

  “Are you?” I didn’t mean it in a hostile way but more to garner the truth.

  Breaking his hold on me, he looked down to his lap. “I won’t lie to you. The guy doesn’t know what he has in front of his nose. He literally chose his job over you and for that, I’m not sorry of the outcome. But I am sorry you’re hurting.”

  “I guess sometimes it takes other people to wake you from whatever relationship coma you’ve been in.” Did he pick up on my innuendo?

  His sculpted lips elevated at the corners but didn’t progress into a full smile. “And who might those other people be?” His eyes traveled all over my face, resting on my mouth. Puffs of breath wafted over my skin. My blood sizzled. He was too close and yet not close enough. The chemistry between us morphed into its own entity, and try as I might, I couldn’t fight it.

  Before I could take my next breath, a large hand gripped the back of my neck, drawing me forward and onto his mouth. The softness of the kiss took me by surprise. I expected it to mirror the rest of his tough exterior.

  He led and I followed, happy to dance to his tune. Clutching his head, I pulled him in harder, wanting more but unable to pinpoint what more was. A rumble transferred from his throat into mine, his hand on my neck, massaging the area beneath my skull. His other hand came to rest at the base of my spine. We were so close, I could feel him hard and ready at my groin.

  Like a warning bell chiming in my subconscious, I drew myself away from his clutches, heaving from near delirium.

  “We can’t. It’s not right. Nick’s just gone. We haven’t actually broken up yet.” Even though in my heart, I knew I couldn’t go back to the way things had been, jumping into a kiss with Harley bordered on cheating. Damn my rational side. I’d never been kissed so thoroughly. My body craved more, but I had to put a stop to my hormones taking over.

  I couldn’t look at him. His breathing sounded louder than mine.

  Standing and racing down the hallway to my bedroom, I shut the door and slid down onto the carpet, wondering what the hell I’d just done. I wasn’t the type of woman to succumb to someone so easily. My boyfriend had literally only shut the door before I locked tonsils with Harley. Having him in my home when the energy surrounding him called to me like a double shot caramel latte could prove to be my biggest challenge.

  Dragging in a few deep breaths, I rose and changed into my sleep shorts and tank, climbing into bed, needing the oblivion of sleep to knock me out.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Harley

  I kissed Mac. The word kiss didn’t seem enough to describe what we’d shared. How could you put into syllables a moment whereby the world around you disintegrated and you were left with nothing but the sensation of your five senses on overload? Touch. Taste. Smell. Hear. See. All working together in perfect harmony until you became only those five things. Even now without her in the same room, she lingered.

  Christ! Had I taken advantage of her vulnerability? What must she think of me?

  Was she upset? Should I go to her? Perhaps I need to give her time.

  Forcing my body upright, I strode to the bathroom, needing a shower to help douse the flames licki
ng my loins.

  Before I reached it, I hovered outside the room opposite, wondering if I should check on her. Did she hate me? My hand moved to knock, but at the last minute, I dropped it and shuffled into the bathroom. I’d give her some space for now, but I needed to apologize. She brought me into her home to help me find out my identity. I owed her a huge amount of respect and a great deal of restraint.

  When I finished washing myself, I wrapped a towel around my hips and moved to the spare room, noticing it’s sparseness but happy for some privacy. The double bed with taupe sheets and a chocolate, furry blanket folded across the end, beckoned me. I prayed nightmares wouldn’t find me tonight before I settled under the cool sheets on my back, closing my eyes and resting my hands on my stomach.

  Danger lurked. My highly tuned senses told me as much but my body disobeyed. The soldier in me, the part that never backed down, turned the corner into the dank, dimly lit alley. I’d exited The Avenue nightclub in pursuit of a suspected terrorist. Tipped off from my superiors about an alleged bomb planted within the establishment, my sole focus was set on a suspicious dude who’d entered with a rucksack and exited without it.

  After ordering the club to immediately evacuate, I pursued a person of interest. My Glock rested firm in my hand, safety off. Garbage perfumed the air from the overflowing dumpster against the wall of the club as I stealthily stalked deeper into the long, narrow passage. My skin prickled as my grip on my weapon tightened. The warnings to flee grew stronger the further I became entrenched in the haggard channel. A noise to my right had me spinning and aiming, my finger on the trigger. My stance mimicked that of a warrior, poised and ready for battle.

  A plump rat scurried out from a stack of crates piled up like a haphazard skyscraper. Breathing out and only letting my guard down minutely, my head detonated with pain before darkness seized me.

  My arms and legs thrashed about, something hindered my limbs as I fought off the nightmare. Unlike the first memory, this time I’d been the prey.

  Hands fumbled at my shoulders, but a killer instinct drove me. Fight or die. My arm burst free of its restraint, lashing out.

  “Ugh,” my attacker grunted. Not manly but more feminine. “Harley! Stop! Wake up!”

  Where had I heard that voice before?

  Brightness flashed, causing me to open my eyes, transporting me to a different reality. One where I wasn’t being attacked. Swiftly sitting up as best as I could, I noticed my sheets were a tangled mess around me.

  Upon further inspection, I realized Mac stood just out of arms reach, a horrified look on her face and blood dripping from her lip.

  Full awareness hit me with icy clarity.

  I’d hit her. Shit! Shit!

  “Angel! I hurt you.” Swinging my legs over the bed, I moved to stand, but she shuffled backwards in fear.

  I deserved the fright holding her body rigid. Seeing her face drawn and her eyes panicked kicked me through the goalpost of remorse.

  “I’m sorry…your lip. I didn’t mean to.” Stumbling over my words, my heart felt like it dangled from a meat hook. I noticed her eyes were now huge and not stuck on my face, but rather my groin. Peering down, I forgot I went to bed naked.

  “Damn,” I spat, sitting back down and covering myself with a sheet.

  “It’s all right. You were asleep.” Even in fear, she played down what had happened, making me feel shitty. I wasn’t sure to what degree my anger could escalate, but with absolute clarity, I knew I would never intentionally hurt her.

  “No!” I demanded. “It’s not all right. Come over here and let me take a look. You’re safe. I promise.” My outstretched hand wasn’t enough to placate her.

  She studied me with indecision. Her face had paled and her arms were folded tightly across her torso.

  Shakily, she asked, “Another memory?”

  Frowning, I nodded. “I think I know what happened to me.”

  That had her taking a step forward. “Really?”

  “I got shot in an alley, right?”

  “That’s the information we were given by the paramedics and police.”

  “I remember looking for a guy there. A criminal.” Giving her a sincere, apologetic smile, I stood and attempted to close the gap between us, pulling the sheet around my middle.

  “I’ll be back in a minute. I need to take care of my lip.” She turned and quickly strode from the room to the bathroom, where I could hear her opening the cabinet and turning on the faucet, effectively ignoring my admission.

  I hated myself for hurting her. I’d rather harm myself than bring any pain to Mac. She’d been nothing but nice to me and didn’t deserve my wrath, even if it occurred without my knowledge. Just what had my life consisted of? After two intense, disturbing dreams, it became clear that I hadn’t lived an average life. Returning to the end of the bed, I sat and waited for her.

  When Mac returned, she carried the clothes I’d shed in the bathroom. I’d left them on the floor, mindlessly.

  She threw them on the bed, silently demanding I put them on. Not wanting to argue, I dressed and patted beside me.

  “Please. Sit. You want to help me piece together who I am? Well, this new information might lead to that.”

  Casting a fleeting look toward her, I noticed her moving forward. The bed dipped as she sat on the edge, but she came no further.

  Happy with that, I retold her my dream, leaving out nothing. She remained quiet throughout, consistently focused on me.

  When I finished, I waited.

  Silence ensued for a minute or so, and then she spoke. “What if we went back to the alley? It may trigger a memory. Something you’ve missed. Are you sure you didn’t see your attacker?”

  “Positive. He came at me from behind and must have hit me over the head with an object, hence the amnesia. He obviously put a bullet in my chest to finish me off. Luckily, I don’t remember that part.”

  “But you remember the guy in the club? Could he be the one who knocked you out?”

  It sounded plausible. Perhaps the police could draw up an identikit image. Since it would be Saturday tomorrow, we could both go to the station and fill out a report.

  “We’ll go into town first thing and tell them everything I remember. It’s not much, but it’s a start.”

  Reaching for Mac’s hand, I entwined my fingers with hers, noticing how small it felt. “Thank you. For everything. I don’t think I would have made it if not for you. You’re too kind.”

  She softened and squeezed my hand, sending tingles into my wrist and up my arm. “You’re welcome. I want to see you as the person you’ve always been.”

  My mind battled with the thought. “What if you don’t like that person? What if he’s not good?”

  Turning to fully face me, she placated me with her stunning eyes, which crinkled at the corners. “But nothing will change with your memory. Amnesia doesn’t turn you into someone else. Not inside. You already are a good man. Just one without a past.”

  She didn’t grasp the full volume of my meaning but I kept quiet. One step at a time.

  Mac moved to get up, but I held her hand fast. “No. I couldn’t get you to stay in the hospital, but I’m begging you here and now. Please don’t leave me. I don’t want to fall asleep alone.”

  I couldn’t read her expression. She’d carefully masked her emotions. Instead, she leveled me with a watchful stare as if thinking hard of her answer.

  Finally, she exhaled loudly. “Fine. Just for tonight, and no funny business. You keep to your side and I’ll keep to mine. Deal?”

  “Deal.” My smile broke free and my shoulders slumped with relief. Just her presence alleviated my brittle nerves. Having her beside me would do. For now.

  Climbing back under the covers, I lay on my back, my peripheral vision allowing me a glimpse of her long, bare legs as she climbed in beside me, settling on her side away from me.

  Rolling over, I faced her, keeping enough space between us for her to feel safe. For the first time sinc
e waking up in hospital, my fear of the dark vanished as I breathed in her scent while drifting off.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Mac

  Had I left the heating on last night? My temperature resembled molten lava. And had I grabbed the life-sized teddy bear Nick had given me when we’d first started going out? I remember seeing it sitting in its usual corner of the room last night. My limbs were tangled around something large with a soft covering. Definitely not fur, though.

  Prying one eye open, awareness found me in a millisecond. Slivers of light seeped in from the edges of the pale blue curtain, allowing my sight to take in the scene. My head lay nestled in the crook of Harley’s arm, which draped around me protectively, and one of my legs had wedged between his with my foot locked under his ankle.

  Sucking in air, I became keenly aware of a rigid bulge at my knee. Shit. Had he awoken? I couldn’t look. Listening to his breathing, I found it to be slow and regular, as if in sleep. If I moved I would stir him, but I couldn’t remain with his morning wood nudging me.

  After falling asleep last night, Harley had remained quiet. No further nightmares. A good sign. But when had I turned over and wrapped myself around him? I didn’t even do that with Nick.

  Nick hadn’t woken up hard like Harley since we first became an item. He had always risen before me to get to the office early. The longer I remained clinging to this beast of a man, the more screwed I’d become. I needed space.

  Lifting my head, I eyed his profile. Lips slightly parted, lashes brushed out across his lower lids. Spiky hair, sticking up at odd angles. Nothing feminine about him. Definitely all male.

  Very gently, I lifted my arm from across his torso, carefully observing his eyes to make sure they remained closed. Disentangling my leg would be tricky. I twisted it to cause the least amount of movement possible and pulled it free. Harley’s breathing remained steady.