True Identity (The Lost and Found series Book 1)

by Amanda Mackey

  Her pulse erratically raced like mine. Needing more of me on her, I bent and took her neck in a flurry of lips, teeth, and tongue, nipping at the erogenous zone below her ear.

  “Aargh.” The long shaft of her neck held taut, her face angling away so I had full rights. A hint of perfume lit the taste buds under my tongue as I absorbed it into me. A fine wine couldn’t be this good.

  Two delicate hands dug into my biceps, bordering on pain, but I welcomed it. I hadn’t felt more alive since I’d awoken with no history.

  Dragging a shapely leg up to my hip, I kneaded her ass cheek, pulling her pelvis in line with mine.

  “You feel so damn good, Angel,” I purred into her ear, working her lobe with my swollen lips.

  She simpered once and then her hands left my arms to forcefully thrust into my chest. “Harley. Stop! I mean it. I can’t do this!”

  Growling, I slammed a hand into the wall, arching my neck back to find her face. The glazed, disoriented look had been replaced with determination.

  Everything in me screamed out to ignore her and move in for the kill. If only I hadn’t looked into her eyes and viewed the questions written there. Damn. Her pulse throbbed. My lips were tingling.

  I watched her shut down and put her wall of restraint up as she fought for control and much needed breath. I’d affected her without a doubt, but the moment of intense lust had passed for her.

  Willing my darkness to fade out, I pushed off the wall and skulked away, down the hall to the bathroom. Slamming the door, I turned and rammed my head into the wood a few times to gain some clarity.

  I needed to reel in my hunger and settle down before I slammed my fist into the mirror above the sink.

  Jesus! What happened to me? Who the hell had I turned into? A hothead with no morals. Part of me felt like a dick for overstepping my boundaries with Mac, but the other part sat on a mountain of disappointment and rejection.

  A small piece of my psyche spoke to me. It informed me I wasn’t used to being denied anything. I liked to be in control. A leader. One who gave orders. With Mac, I didn’t have that. I careened from a high altitude with no safety net or parachute.

  Switching the water on in the shower, I stripped and let the pounding spray knock some sense into me. I stayed rent free in my nurse’s home. It would be in my best interest if I contained myself. At least until she gave me the green light to proceed further.

  I hated the void in my head that wasn’t providing me with any answers about my nature. It was like being a fully programmed and charged computer but a virus had wiped the hard-drive. I had a recycle bin to retrieve information but I couldn’t access it willingly.

  The cold water did the trick. My frustration had receded to a niggle as remorse swept in. I shouldn’t have stormed away from Mac. She didn’t deserve that. I owed her everything. Lathering myself up before rinsing and drying off, I knew what I needed to do.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Mac

  Downing the rest of the wine in the bottle after regretfully wrenching myself away from Harley’s hot clutches, my libido began calming down. I’d done the right thing by disengaging completely. Now, fully clothed again and without him in the same room, the tension had eased.

  I wasn’t ready to jump into bed with a practical stranger, regardless of how much my body cussed me right now. Or regardless of how honest it felt. I’d regret it in the morning. My emotions were all over the place after Nick stormed out and my place had been trashed. A night of heated passion with my John Doe wasn’t going to change those two things.

  Hearing the water switch off, I took the empty wine bottle to the trash bin in the kitchen and quietly padded down the hallway to my room, not bothering to switch the light on or change. Climbing under the covers, I faced the window and closed my eyes, knowing sleep would elude me for at least a couple of hours, but I was hopeful nonetheless.

  My rationality had kicked in, and thank God it had, or I’d be writhing against the wall, totally lost to him, instead of cowering under the covers listening for any sign of his anger.

  Ugh. Most women wouldn’t think twice about which side of the equation to choose. One look at the bulk of the man drying off in my bathroom and they’d be throwing themselves at him. Begging for his attention.

  The bathroom door opened. Harley’s feet shuffled softly on the floor for a few steps, stopped for a beat, and then began until he neared. Had he been considering sleeping in the spare room? I didn’t blame him.

  Leaving the bedroom door ajar, he pulled back the covers and climbed in beside me, wriggling restlessly before stilling. My breathing had slowed at the mountain of warmth beside me, even with the air laced with tension. While earlier had been purely sexual, the new layer sheathed around us held buckets of discomfort.

  “You awake?” he asked with a rumble.

  “Mmm.”

  “I apologize about earlier. I got carried away.”

  “I did too. I’m sorry. With all that has happened, I can’t cross that line just now.”

  “I know. It won’t happen again.”

  I wanted it to happen again. Just not tonight, and maybe not even tomorrow. I liked the thought of him wanting me in that way. I hadn’t felt needed by a man in such a long time.

  Silence ensued for a good five minutes before I spoke, hoping he hadn’t fallen asleep.

  “Harley?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Maybe I want it to happen. Just not yet.”

  The bed dipped as he moved and then I felt a partition of heat at my back. Thick legs tucked into mine, and his chiseled arm bracketed me against his chest from behind.

  Squeezing my eyes tightly, I forced in air, wondering if he’d heard what I just said.

  “Sleep, Angel.”

  He wouldn’t let any harm come to me, regardless of what had happened earlier. Having him swathed around me, all brawn and protectiveness, heart a running tempo, I truly felt safe.

  I slept.

  ***

  “Mmm. Trudy…”

  What? My brain had a hard time keeping up with my eyes as they opened to a voice. The only understandable words uttered were a woman’s name. Harley no longer cocooned me, so I turned to find out more.

  Eyes closed, head thrown back a little on the pillow, the hulk of a man lay flat on his back, covers thrown off to his waist. His lips were parted as if preparing for more dialogue.

  Clearly in the middle of a dream, I became alert, hoping he might reveal some more about his past that we could use to find out his identity.

  “Nice. Hahaha. You’re funny.”

  Did people actually laugh out loud while sleep-talking? It would appear so. Making a mental note of the name “Trudy,” I waited for him to continue, but with a sigh, his head lolled to the side and he became silent again.

  I now had a million thoughts running through my head and no way to slow them down. A twinge of unease sat low in my gut, twisting stronger at the significance of hearing a woman’s name coming from his mouth while sleeping.

  It could be totally innocent, but something about the way he’d groaned it out had me believing that his reverie wasn’t so run-of-the-mill.

  Thank goodness it would be Sunday tomorrow. Getting up for work early after broken sleep would hinder my ability as a nurse. I didn’t do well on my feet all day after burning the midnight oil.

  Listening to Harley begin to snore didn’t help matters. Turning away from him onto my side, I fluffed my pillow and closed my eyes, hoping to drift off on a wave of fatigue…hope being the operative word. Sleep eluded me.

  I could be lying next to a married man. What if I’d kissed someone’s husband? There might be a woman out there going insane with worry over the disappearance of the father of her children.

  The whole situation sucked. Imagine if she lived nearby, not knowing her man slept in another woman’s bed a few blocks away.

  If Harley passed her on the street, he wouldn’t even recognize her.

  My bad habits
included overthinking. He may not even be taken. The fact that he dreamt about a Trudy could simply be a case of a girl from his past, long gone.

  Still, now that the seed had been planted in my head, it began to take root and grow.

  At three a.m., I must have finally given in to the crushing fatigue. When I roused, the sun attempted to pierce through the curtains the next morning.

  I could tell Harley wasn’t beside me without even looking. He had a presence I could sense.

  The sheets were tousled, with a slight indent in the mattress where his form had been. From the bedroom I couldn’t hear any sounds.

  Rising and throwing a robe on, I groggily padded out into the living room to find it vacant, but the smell of coffee hit me hard, alerting me to Harley’s whereabouts.

  As if sensing me enter the kitchen, he asked, “Coffee?” His naked back buckled under his taut skin. The back of his head rose as he stood gazing out the rectangular window above the sink. He wasn’t admiring the view because it consisted of other apartment complexes bunched together in the area, their roofs a palette of different shades of the same color brown.

  “Thanks. That would be great.”

  Should I bring up Trudy in the hope he’d remember his dream? And more importantly should I prepare myself for the information he might offer?

  Pondering on the idea, I sat at the table and waited for him to pour my drink and hand it to me.

  He didn’t sit opposite me, but walked back over to the adjacent counter and leaned against it, facing me, both hands gripping the edges.

  “Sleep okay?” His scratchy, deep voice caused me to shiver.

  “I tossed and turned a fair bit. You?” I fished for answers.

  “Like a baby.”

  Sipping my drink, I let my eyes drop to the table. My mouth moved of its own accord. “Remember anything about your past while sleeping?”

  Out of my peripheral vision, I saw he stiffened further.

  “Why do you ask?”

  Chancing a peek up, I found his gaze pensive. His brown irises narrowed as his pupils grew.

  Inhaling deeply through my nose, I came out and said it. “You said a woman’s name. Trudy.”

  Pushing off the counter, he grabbed the back of his neck and paced in front of the table. His teeth ground hard together.

  “I…I knew her. Well. It wasn’t much, but we were at a beach. Playing around. Chasing each other. She laughed, flicking water up at me as we rang along the edge. I caught her and picked her up. Carried her in deeper and dunked her real good. She came up still laughing. And then…”

  I hadn’t moved. Hanging onto every word. Needing to hear it but not wanting to.

  “What happened next?”

  “We were kissing.” He stopped with his back to me, breathing hard.

  Internally cursing him for saying the words, I tried to act nonchalant. “Do you think it was recent?” A sliver of jealousy wove its way through my toughened heart. It only lasted a moment but it made me feel as if I swam in a sea of uncertainty.

  He dipped his head back and stared at the ceiling. “I guess. But it could have been an old memory. An old girlfriend.”

  True. Funny that he should have that as one of his initial memories though.

  “Sometimes we dream of people we haven’t even met and yet they are familiar to us. Could it have been a case of just a random girl?”

  Perhaps hope gave me one final push before I lost it completely. I had no right to garner that hope. I wasn’t his to lay claim to. When he eventually got back to his old life, I’d merely be the woman who took him in and helped him when no one else had. Maybe even a friend.

  I didn’t like that the word friend brought a further ache to my chest.

  Sipping the rest of my coffee, I wasn’t sure what else to say. Harley’s drink was going cold.

  “I knew her. I remember her long blonde hair blowing in the sea breeze, sticking to her face. Her large blue eyes, deeper than the ocean we stood at. I can’t explain how absolute the memory is.”

  He stopped and faced me as if realizing his mistake. “Mac…I’m sorry. I don’t need to be telling you this.”

  “I asked.” I wish I hadn’t. He genuinely had feelings for the woman. Anyone could see it. The milk from my coffee began curdling in my gut.

  He stared at me for a beat too long before changing the subject, briskly.

  “What are you doing today?”

  “What?”

  “Today? Do you have plans?”

  “Ah, just some washing. Apart from that, not much.”

  “Feel like spending the day doing something? With me?”

  “Are you sure that’s wise, considering someone wants you dead? We’ll be open targets.”

  Pondering the truth of my words, he replied, “We’ll go somewhere with lots of people. No one would be silly enough to make a move with loads of witnesses. Plus, I have a feeling if it came down to it, I’d be able to protect you.”

  Witnessing his hostility upon entering my ransacked apartment, I didn’t doubt him, and I needed to get out in the fresh air. “Oookay. What did you have in mind?”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Harley

  Being cooped up like a caged animal had my head about to implode. The risk of taking Mac out sounded in my head like a gong, but I knew I could protect her against any asshole attempting to use her to get to me. We both needed a day out to chill and get our minds off everything.

  “So,” I prompted. “Where do you want to go?” Considering I had no clue where anything was, I would leave the driving up to her and the choosing of a location.

  With a smile and a twinkle in her eye, Mac replied, “Summer Festival is on. Let’s go into town and see what’s happening. Plenty of people around to act as a shield.”

  “Awesome. Get changed and meet me at the front door in ten minutes.”

  I put on a pair of Nick’s runners that were a size too small but would have to do, and some more sweats and a tee. I needed to get some clothes of my own, but with no money available, I didn’t like to rely on Mac for my expenses, even though she’d offered. I had already encroached on her life without being a burden financially too.

  Mac appeared from the hallway with her hair tied up in a ponytail and attire similar to mine, except she wore a white singlet top, showing off her slender neck and shoulders. It brought all sorts of lewd images to mind, testing my willpower as she brushed past me with a smirk on her face, opening the front door.

  “Ready?” she called over her shoulder.

  “Always,” I huffed out, not necessarily referring to us leaving the apartment.

  She shot back, “Even though you fill out Nick’s sweats better than he did, we still need to get you some clothes of your own.”

  Adjusting my crotch, I kept my eyes away from her tight ass and breathed in the fresh air as we walked to her car.

  The short ten minute drive into town failed to jog any memories, which disappointed me a little. I thought something might stir up an emotion or reflex, but by the time we pulled into a parking spot not too far from the center of Ann Arbor, not a thing had registered.

  “You okay?” queried Mac with a furrowed brow.

  “Yeah. I hoped I might remember something, but it’s all good. Let’s just focus on today. I’d like to forget about everything else going on.”

  Switching the ignition off, Mac exited, followed by me a moment later.

  Being a Sunday, the streets were busy, and even more so because of the festival.

  “We’ll have to walk a few blocks. I hope you don’t mind. This is the closest we’ll get.” A sign read, ‘McKinley Towne Center.’

  “Actually, a walk in the sun sounds great.”

  “I heard there’s a circus. Do you want to check that out first?”

  Her voice sang with excitement, and she had a bounce in her step as we began our walk. Mac appeared almost childlike.

  “I’d love to see a circus.” I really would. It sound
ed like something we could both lose ourselves in. And God knew, I needed that. After dreaming of a cute blonde woman kissing me and then having Mac swaying her hips beside me, I definitely needed a distraction.

  We ventured down East Washington Street until we spotted the large white turreted tent in Burns Park.

  Mac turned to me and gifted me with one of her brilliant cheek-splitting grins, which I couldn’t help but return. The atmosphere increased threefold as we approached to purchase tickets, me suddenly realizing I’d be further in debt to her.

  “It costs money. How about we just walk around and look at other things?”

  Her look told me there would be no arguing. “Are you crazy? You don’t want to see the circus?”

  “I didn’t say I didn’t want to. It’s just…”

  Cutting me off, she held up a hand. “Stop. If it’s about money, forget it. In the years I’ve been working and living with Nick, it’s not like I ever went anywhere to spend it. Believe me when I say, I have some saved up.”

  “Still…”

  “Shut it, Harley. We’re going.” With that she grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to the ticket stand, where she purchased two tickets.

  Her determination brooked no argument, so I conceded.

  The inside appeared bigger than the outside as we checked our tickets and found our seats. People of all ages lined the bench seats. The smell of hotdogs and cotton candy filled the air and I couldn’t help but soak it all in. Excited children fidgeted, clearly anxious for the show to get underway.

  We waited for another fifteen minutes before the presenter came out and introduced the one-man show.

  Mac clapped and cheered, totally into it, causing me to beam at her enthusiasm. I could watch her all day rather than the circus, but because she had spent money on my ticket, I turned my gaze to the center ring.

  The lone guy did all his own stunts and acrobatics. Clearly super-talented. He had everyone on the edge of their seats, even me.

  I could feel Mac staring at me. She smirked when I turned to her.