Clarity (The Admiral's Elite Book 3)

by HK Savage

  The hand on her stomach slid up, his fingers sought the belt. A tremble quaked through him, his hand shook and he fumbled with the simple knot. Ryan, her steadfast, unshakable mate, trembled. For her.

  Mate?

  Terrifying. True. Gabrielle felt her heart twist. She whimpered.

  “Gabs, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

  Her eyes closed at the raw emotion shining in his. But what could she do to block the feelings coursing through her?Nothing.“What am I going to do when I lose you?” She whispered. “I don’t know that I can survive that again.”

  “Baby,” he wrapped the hand at her chest around the back of her neck, fingers gripping gently, “I told you I’ve got you. That means I’m gonna do everything in my power to be here for you, with you, to my last breath. It’s all any of us can do and I’m promising you.”

  His head withdrew from her space, her cheeks cooled from the loss of his heat and breath. Her eyes opened.

  “Let me love you, Gabrielle,” he spoke softly, laying his heart at her feet.

  Hers shattered.

  Hands unclenched, she reached for her robe’s belt and loosened the knot. Air cooled her body as the fabric fell open, exposing her to him.

  This will kill me.“Please,” she whispered.

  Not the usual rush to cover her with his mouth and body, Ryan’s lids lowered. His head tipped, as if in prayer, a silent thanks, before lifting again. When his eyes hit hers Gabrielle’s lungs seized. So much love shone there it humbled her. She didn’t deserve such devotion. For how may decades had thoughts of revenge and punishment driven her? For the moment she allowed herself a rare respite from internal angst and repeated her plea.

  “Please, Ryan.”

  Slow, deliberate, he touched his mouth to hers. A swipe of his tongue on her lower lip and she opened. Ryan’s hands eased inside the cloth to rest on her sides above her hips. At his touch she leaned into him bodily, wanting more. The backs of her hands traced up his chest then down, palms turned in. When she touched the bottom of his shirt she grasped the edges and lifted. Leaning back, she broke their connection to look askance.

  A flurry of movement and Ryan was naked. He took a half step, closing the few inches separating them. Gabrielle’s eyes took in all of this beautiful man and closed. She questioned her worthiness.

  “Don’t hide from me, baby.”

  Gabrielle shook her head and opened her eyes. “Not tonight.”

  Something shifted in his expression. “Never,” he growled.

  She didn’t argue. This was not the night to debate. She wanted only to feel. To let herself be loved. Hoping he would take her physical response as acquiescence, she reached for him.

  At her touch he groaned. Her hands slid up and wrapped around his shoulders. Her favorite part of the Marine physically, when they were intimate, was this. The way his wide shoulders towered over her, his arms wrapped around her. Enveloped her. Gabrielle, always the first to reject contact or any hint of vulnerability, adored the feeling of safety and protection his body offered. Most of the time she rejected it, punishing herself by riding him; not allowing herself that softness. Tonight she wanted it all. She wanted to feel every bit of the love he had to give.

  Frame softening, she melted into him and was rewarded with more. Hands slipped over her hips so his arms could wrap around, pull her in. One giant palm covered her ass, squeezing the firm flesh, pressing her against his ready body.

  Lowering her to the mattress, Ryan covered her. Every inch of her molded against him. Hands stroked, legs intertwined, bodies joined. Gabrielle arched as he filled her, his mouth on hers swallowed her sighs. Their lovemaking was slow, tender. She watched as he coveted her, saw herself through his eyes, knew he would never let anything touch her. Gabrielle felt precious. How she wished she could open her mouth and give him the words that would heal his soul as he was healing hers. But that last wall remained closed, rusted shut from years of disuse.

  Tears welled and slid into her hair. Another gentle press of his lips and he wiped his thumb first across one wet track then the other.

  “Shh, you’re safe with me, Gabs.” He knew she was struggling; felt her falling, and caught her. Ryan had her. He always had her.

  They made love several more times, bringing each other pleasure into the early morning hours, finally drifting off just before the sun rose. Another first, Gabrielle allowed her lover to touch her as they fell asleep. Not just touching, they lay with him on his back, her half covering his chest with an arm wrapped around his shoulder and leg slid between his.

  When she felt his breath even out, heard his great heart slow, Gabrielle pressed a kiss to his chest and, unable to say the words even to his sleeping self, she whispered what she was able.

  “Thank you.”Thank you for coming back to me. Thank you for making me feel special. Thank you for loving me.

  With her heart full and her body sated, Gabrielle fell asleep. She didn’t feel his arms tighten or his hand stroke her hair where it lay spread across his chest. Nor did she see his smile as he felt her unspoken confession ripple through him. More content than he’d been in a long time, he let oblivion take him.

  Chapter 18

  Michael’s fingers traced the ball of her shoulder, sensitive tips picking up the dips and shallow lines spiderwebbing her skin. To the average human, in the right light, some amount of the shiny silver trails were visible. But to him they were always there. The burns she’d suffered, the pain she’d endured for his team, for him, haunted him while at the same time filling him with pride and love for her. This small woman with her delicate features and youthful freckles could be mistaken for one much younger, yet by her heart and deeds, he remained in awe of her selflessness. She humbled him.

  Becca stirred and his hand stilled. Her body stretched, her back driving into him. Warmth from her too hot skin radiated through her thin clothing. Concern for her well being wrestled with his body’s natural response to her curves pressing against his less conflicted head. He’d betrayed her trust last night when he gave her a soda insisting the sugar would help with her recovery from the jump. What he’d added he could only hope would stem the tide of her destruction.

  “It’s taking more out of you.” He spoke plainly. There was no point dancing around the subject, no need to hide the obvious. Black knew Becca was getting worse.

  Leave her behind.Was it the admiral or his own thought that ran through his mind?

  The monster inside him railed in its cage. It would never release its hold on her. The very creature that tainted the blood that saved her and threatened to destroy her in the same pulse.

  Her response was thick with newly shaken sleep. “I know, but what can we do?”

  “Nothing.” The man and monster shredded his insides, both ready to kill for her but no visible enemy. Michael’s phone rang.

  He stirred and the device was on his ear. Their words were quiet, keeping the human in the dark. Michael understood at the leader of his team not all information was to be shared. It did not lessen the irritation that Black purposefully put him in a position to hide things from his woman right under her nose.

  As Black went on to share what his digging uncovered Michael zeroed in, all else fading away. Only vaguely was he aware of Becca’s nervous withdrawal and the gentle closing of the bathroom door followed by the sound of the shower. Black continued with his download, following up with instructions for his servant.

  When she came out Michael was standing on the far side of the room, the bed between them for her safety. His teeth were clamped tight, hands in his pockets; ready for her.

  “When were you going to tell me your father knew Senator Jordan?” he clipped, “They served together in Nam and they’re regular phone buddies. Hell, they have safe deposit boxes at the same bank.”

  Wet hair, combed back from her face, swept forward, clinging to her cheek unchecked as she stopped abruptly. “What?”

  Michael felt his lip curl. “Did he send you to us?”
One hand clenched hard enough his short nails cut into his palm. “Did he send you tome?”

  Her hand clutched at the top of her towel, pulse thrumming in her delicate throat. “They served at the same time, bumped into each other a few times is all Dad said. I didn’t know they still had contact.”

  “Fuck!” he roared, jerking his hands free to send one fist through the mattress. Springs squealed and cotton spewed up in a geyser of batting. “What were you thinking keeping that from us? Don’t you know Black could kill you for lying to him?” He felt his grip slipping, claws scraped up his spine as his beast sensed freedom. “Why would you keep that from me?” Searing thirst fueled by the fires of a monstrous rage burned his throat.

  “I didn’t lie.” Her voice was small, barely there.

  It didn’t matter, Michael was losing it. Months of pent up impotent frustration formed a key to unlock the steel tether keeping his vampire at bay. In a flash it was loose. The man faded in a blur of tight leathery skin stretching beneath his ribs, dark eyes surfacing, and then nothing.

  ***

  Silence. That wasn’t always a good thing. The room was dark and quiet. Michael did a mental assessment. His beast rustled but didn’t rise. No thirst beyond maybe a human desire for a glass of water. Physically, all seemed as it should be.

  Something was missing.

  Someonewas missing. He couldn’t smell the one he’d woken up with nearly every morning for months.

  Where was Becca?

  He’d lost it. With her so close. Flickers of tearing fabric and crumbling sheetrock danced through his memory. Becca’s face white with fear before she ran out the door. It was night. Headlights and illuminated monuments flying past as he tracked his mate. Her frantic fleeing. Horrific pain. The mere recollection had him rubbing at his temple. Ryan and Gabrielle escorting him back, an arm over a shoulder with him in the middle as if he’d had a few too many. Where had Becca gone? Was she okay?

  If she’s hurt, if I hurt her...He couldn’t even finish the thought, a very human fist of fear grabbed hold at the base of his spine and clamped on tight.

  Urgent to get to her, he sat up. And froze.

  The wrong female stood between him and the door, arms crossed and looking entirely unimpressed. It could have something to do with the dried blood at her hairline from something he was afraid he’d done.

  “Are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on?”

  “Where is Becca?” He turned to put boots to carpet, only vaguely registering the debris from what must have at one point been a bed, what now was an uneven pile of white fabric and bent metal springs. Nostrils flared, he scented for blood. Got nothing. Not just an absence of blood.He smelled nothing.

  “We had to restrain you. Your nose might have gotten in the way.”

  His hand went up, felt minor swelling but the cartilage was straight.

  “Ryan set it, said he felt bad wrecking that pretty face of yours.” Clear in what shewasn’tsaying, she would have left it in whatever jumbled state it had been in. Michael would have put money on who was responsible for the injury.

  “Becca?”

  Annoyance flashed behind narrowing amber eyes. “You’re like a broken record lately, you know that, Michael?”

  “Tell me where she is,” he ground out. Patience for others wasn’t a virtue in his human years, it certainly hadn’t improved with time or his transition.

  “She’s safe, no thanks to your tantrum. As to where, I’ll tell you that when I’m ready. I’ve had enough of you controlling the information, deciding who gets to know what.” Arms uncrossed and Gabrielle flowed with predatory smoothness into his space.

  Michael’s hackles rose. “You have a problem with how this unit is run, take it up with Admiral Black. Or talk to me later. But not now. Not on an op.”

  “Any op, Captain, or just this one?”

  His flinch was slight, but enough to tell Gabrielle she’d scored a hit. Anger flashed, almond shaped eyes narrowed, her lips drew tight across her teeth. If she’d been wolf, her hackles would have been up. Eyes closed for a beat, she took a breath and opened them. The words that came out of her mouth, shocked him.

  “I’m begging you, Michael.” No trace of the anger clearly coursing through her. “You’re trying to cover for a weak member of the unit, that makes us all weak.” Her arms uncrossed to fall to her sides as she took another step to him, imploring. “She’s good, Michael, none of us would argue any different. That’s why we’re worried about her.”

  Michael was tired. He’d been lying to everyone for so long. “I gave her my blood, after the fire.”

  “I know, you saved her life.” She spoke softly, a rare glimpse at the woman beneath the armor.

  He lowered his head to regard his hands. Hands capable of such destruction. Saving Becca had been the first good thing he’d done in so long, and now even that was turning against him. “It’s killing her.”

  Gabrielle went still.

  “I gave her so much of my blood she almost turned, would have if I’d have just bitten her and done the last of it.” In his mind’s eye he was there with her again. Desperation guiding him. Demanding Ryan bring him more blood to drink then turn around and make her drink from his wrist. Unconscious, near death, she hadn’t fought him. He hadn’t given her the choice. In that moment he hadn’t cared. Fear guided his actions, damn the consequences. He could live with her hatred for what he’d done, just as long as she lived. Now, months later, he was facing the same thing only there was nothing he could do. No trick. Changing her would make her mad, leaving her human would drive her insane if her body didn’t self-destruct first. Still what he was attempting was another hail mary, another deal with the devil.

  “I don’t know what I was thinking, just that I couldn’t watch her die. I couldn’t lose her.” He clasped his hands tight, letting his gaze come to hers, knowing what she would see there, not bothering to hide the raw pain tearing him apart. If any of them would understand, it was her. “I tried so hard to save her, Gabs.” His eyes burned, he didn’t care. Fuck it, let her see. No tension in his head, Black wasn’t controlling him for once. In this moment it was just him. A man talking to a woman who knew a loss that went so deep it changed who she was forever. Hot, wet, red tears rolled from his eyes unchecked. “I killed her, Gabs. I knew it would change her and I did it anyway. It was selfish and now I’m gonna lose her anyway because I ignored everything I knew.”

  “What, that humans are fragile?” She shrugged when he blinked in surprise. “You’ve said that for as long as I’ve known you.” She dipped her chin once. “And I agree with you. Humansare weak, they’re too breakable.” A small smile curved her full lips. “But that one is an exception. If you tell her I said anything I’ll deny it, but that human is as strong as any of us.” A thin shoulder lifted and fell. “Maybe not now, but she’s sure as shit proven herself. She belongs with us.” She made a face. “Definitely more than Kenneth ever could.”

  Michael managed a wry smile.

  “We’ve faced some tough odds, Captain. We’ll do what’s necessary to protect the unit.” Her hand fell on his shoulder, the unnatural head pouring into his reanimated flesh felt a lot like hope. Hope he desperately needed and dared not hold to.

  Pulling back, Gabrielle marched back to the door. “Come on, let’s show your girl we didn’t kill you when we put you in a timeout.”

  Michael snorted. “Like you could.”

  “Don’t try me again,” floated over her shoulder with more than a touch of an edge to it.

  “I won’t,” he muttered, touching his nose gingerly. In reality, he would take ten more broken bones before risking scaring Becca like that. He couldn’t lose control with her, especially with her decline.I won’t fail you again, love. It was a promise he would keep if it killed him.

  It damn well might.

  Chapter 19

  Michael shifted his arm around Becca’s waist, pulling her closer. He couldn’t get enough of the reassurance
of life her warmth against him provided. Breath moving in and out solidified for him she was alive, he hadn’t harmed her more than scaring the pants off her. When she screamed reinforcements came running, thank hell for supernatural hearing and thin walls. He hadn’t been able to let go of her since they brought him to Ryan’s room where the big wolf was playing protective big brother. Bruised big brother, Michael’s pride noted. The black eye was already greening and would disappear after he shifted to canine again, but it was still good to see he hadn’t been too easy to take down. Michael needed to feed to heal the bumps and scuffs from being subdued, but he wasn’t going to put the vampire out in front of Becca again so soon. If ever.