My Mother's Keeper

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My Mother's Keeper Page 10

by Evelyn Guy


  their classmates, Alice. She sat behind her in

  English Comp, and was always amazed at how she

  could take over a conversation. It didn’t matter

  who was talking, even the teacher, Alice seemed to

  selfishly monopolize the conversation. Everyone

  tried to avoid her for that reason, but she never

  seemed to realize that.

  “Hi, Christine. Richard, are you helping

  Christine with her assignment? I could use some

  help, too. Let me get my work out and you can

  check it and see if it is what Mrs. Jamison wants.” Alice seemed oblivious to the frustration both

  Richard and Christine were showing. She pulled

  her paper out, plunking it down on the table

  between them.

  “Alice, Christine and I were working on my

  paper. We need to finish before class. Can’t you

  get someone else to read your paper? We are

  about out of time. I am not the one to do it,

  anyway. Christine is helping me with mine.” Alice

  looked at Christine with open disbelief.

  “Christine? Helping you? No! I don’t believe

  it.” Alice had a shrill, strident voice that grated on

  people’s nerves. She was not at all aware that

  everyone dreaded seeing her approach. She

  thought everyone was her friend. She was so

  socially unaware that she didn’t realize she was

  insulting. “I thought maybe you had to help her.

  Oh, well, I am not going to worry about it. I am

  glad to have your help. Thanks for offering.” Alice

  didn’t seem to realize that Richard hadn’t offered

  anything.

  “We’re going to be late to class. We have to

  leave. Thanks for your help, Christine. Maybe

  later today we can finish it up, if you have time.” “Sure, that will be fine.”

  “Oh, when are you guys getting together? I can meet with you and we can all critique each other’s work.” Alice didn’t seem to notice that Richard and Christine weren’t welcoming her into

  their group.

  “I’m not sure, yet,” Richard said, obviously

  being evasive. At least, to Christine it was obvious

  he was trying to avoid her. But Alice didn’t seem to

  notice.

  “Well, just let me know and I will meet with

  you all.”

  After class, Richard and Christine managed to

  avoid Alice and slip unnoticed to Christine’s car.

  They made arrangements to meet later that night.

  They planned to meet at the library at seven

  o’clock and critique each others work. Christine let

  Richard know she would appreciate his feedback

  as well. Thankfully, they were able to avoid letting

  Alice know their plans. She was busy talking to

  some of their classmates.

  Christine told her mother her plans when she

  got home. “I am so glad you have another date. I

  have been so worried about you since you and

  Allen broke up. That boy was just not right for you.

  I am glad you found someone else. Is he nice? Is

  he as nice as Allen was?”

  “Mother, it is not a date. We are meeting to go

  over some work for school. But, yes he is nice. He

  is probably nicer than Allen, but I don’t know him

  that well yet. We are just getting together to work

  on some class work. Don’t get your hopes up.

  Don’t make more of it than it is.”

  “I’m not. I am just interested. I just want to

  know if he is going to hurt you like Allen did. I am

  still angry at him for what he did to you.” Christine

  had finally shared what had happened, though she

  had been careful to downplay the significance of

  her mother’s illness on their break up. She just let

  her know they had found out they were

  incompatible, and that he couldn’t tolerate illness.

  She didn’t share that he was scared about the

  particular illness they were dealing with.

  “Richard and I are just classmates. We are

  getting together to help each other. There is

  nothing romantic about it.” Not yet, Christine

  thought to herself. For some reason, the thought of

  becoming romantically involved with Richard gave

  her a special thrill. She must be crazy to think

  about getting involved with another boy. She had

  learned the hard way that boys couldn’t be

  depended on. What if Richard felt the same way

  as Allen? What if all boys did? She would never

  get married if they did. She would just have to plan

  her life without a man in it, then if someone came

  along she would be pleasantly surprised. She had

  fleeting thoughts of telling Richard about her

  mother, but they weren’t dating, so she decided

  against it. She didn’t want him to think she was

  assuming a relationship when none was there. But,

  if they went out again or if they went out in any way

  beside just to study together, she would tell him

  immediately.She would not make the mistake of

  letting things go like she did before.

  Christine and Richard worked for a couple of

  hours on refining their pieces of writing. It wasn’t

  like work at all to Christine, and Richard seemed to

  enjoy working on his as well. He really was a good

  writer, but didn’t have much confidence in his ability

  to write. He mentioned that a teacher he once had

  told him writing was not his strong point. He had

  been self-conscious about it ever since, he told her.

  She really tried to praise him and build up his

  confidence.

  “What have you got planned for Saturday

  night?” Richard suddenly asked her, breaking a

  silence that had developed as each worked over

  their own revisions.

  “I don’t really have any plans at this time,”

  Christine answered, her heart doing a flip flops.

  She was excited to think that he may be going to

  ask her out on a real date.

  “Want to take in a movie and dinner? I don’t

  know what is playing, but with twelve screens,

  there is bound to be something we would like to

  see.”

  “Sure.” Christine suddenly became tonguetied. She really needed to be very candid with

  Richard, but didn’t know how to approach it. They

  hadn’t really dated yet, but Christine had promised

  herself she would tell her next date before their

  very first date. How could she tell him, though?

  And, would telling him seal her fate, losing him to

  her forever?

  “Uh, Richard. I don’t know how to tell you this, but there is something you need to know before we ever date the first time. Uh, I . . . ” Christine couldn’t think how to get started to tell him. How do you tell someone that you are tainted,

  damaged property?

  “What is it, Christine? What do you need to

  tell me?” Richard looked intently into her eyes,

  stopping everything and leaning forward toward

  her. She just melted. She felt weak and didn’t

  know if she could continue or not. But, she had to.

  She just had to tell him. She could see it would be

  so easy to really care for him,
and she didn’t think

  she could stand losing another significant person in

  her life. She just had to go ahead and tell him. “There is something about me, and about my

  family, that you should know if we are going to

  date. It won’t affect you unless we get serious

  about each other, but I want you to know before

  that happens. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think we

  are getting serious about each other yet. But, I do

  want you to know this anyway.”

  “I could see us getting serious,” Richard

  interrupted, giving her a look that just melted her

  heart.

  “Let me tell you. Just listen. This is so hard to

  do.”

  “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I will

  be quiet and listen. Tell me whatever it is, though I

  can’t imagine it being so serious.” He just didn’t

  know, Christine thought.

  “There is something in my family that you should know. Something that may affect your desire to get to know me better. You may want to run far from me when I tell you.” Christine knew she was stalling, but she really didn’t know how to

  get started.

  “Okay, I’m game. What, do you have a

  criminal in your family? So what. Doesn’t affect

  us.”

  “No, not that. My mother is ill. Her illness is

  very devastating. It could be heredity. I could get

  it, and so could any children I have. If you don’t

  want to have anything else to do with me, I will

  understand. Really I will. Just tell me and I will

  leave right now. You don’t have to explain or

  anything. Just let me know you don’t want me

  around and I will disappear.” Christine realized she

  was rambling so she wouldn’t have to face the

  moment that Richard rejected her. If she kept

  talking, he wouldn’t have the chance to tell her he

  wanted nothing to do with her.

  “Hey, slow down. Listen to me.” Richard took

  her hand in his, and lay his forehead against her.

  He spoke very intimately to her. Only the two of

  them could hear what he had to say. “Christine, I

  have not known you for very long. But, I know that

  I am starting to care for you very much. You are a

  special person. Your persona sends out positive

  vibes to me. I can really get to care for you a lot, to

  maybe love you, given time. We need to get to

  know each other better. But, when I care for

  someone, when I love them, then whatever affects them affects me as well. Whatever is your problem is my problem. Nothing can come between me and the person I love. If you are that person, after we get to know each other, if we decide we love each other, then nothing in the world can change that. Not illness, not skeletons in the closet, nothing at

  all. Do you understand what I am staying?” “Yes, but I am not sure you will still think that

  way. Let me tell you what is wrong with my

  mother, my father, and maybe even me.”

  “There is nothing wrong with you. You are

  perfect the way you are. But, tell me anyway.” “My mother has a condition known as

  schizophrenia. It is a mental illness, incurable, but

  not contagious.” Thus, Christine began the

  account much as she had done with Allen. She

  was very nervous the whole time, fidgeting,

  stuttering, and basically struggling to recount her

  story. “So,” she finished, I don’t blame you if you

  never want to see me again. I will understand.”

  Still, she thought, it will hurt me deeply.

  “Christine, I can’t believe you would think I

  would let such a thing as a mental illness affect the

  way I feel about you. I mean, mental illness is

  supposed to be so much better understood now

  than the past. I don’t think anyone would think

  badly of you in these current days and times.” “Some people do,” Christine said, not letting

  on about what happened between her and Allen.

  “You do understand there is a hereditary element in

  mental illnesses, don’t you? And, do you understand that both my mother and father have a mental illness? Not the same one. But, they both are mentally ill. I could show up with either or both illnesses at any time. In fact, sometimes I think I

  have bipolar like my dad.”

  “I understand all that, and I accept the risks.

  When a person loves another, it doesn’t matter

  what happens to them, they love them anyway. If I

  make a commitment to you, it will be a lifetime one,

  through thick and thin. Whatever you face, I will

  face. We will face it together.”

  What he said sounded so sweet, and he was

  so earnest, that Christine couldn’t help but tear up.

  One small tear slid down the side of her cheek.

  Richard wiped it off, then kissed his finger and

  touched it to the side of her face where the tear

  had been.

  “Let’s worry about other things, okay? Let’s

  just move on to getting to know each other, and let

  come what may. We need to focus first on passing

  this English Comp course. You are better at it than

  I am. I am having to really work to get my grades

  up. Let’s focus on that, okay?”

  Over the next few months, Richard and

  Christine became very close. They spent most all

  of their free time together. Richard often came to

  Christine’s house to study. He finally stopped

  making the pretense of coming to study and just

  came to visit with her and her mother. Christine

  didn’t believe it would have been possible for her

  mother to have been closer to Richard than Allen, but she was. She really grew to like Richard, and Richard seemed to respect her. He often asked her advice on a tie color or something. He talked to her like one adult to another. Her mother

  reveled in the attention.

  “Mom, have you been taking your medicine

  lately?” Christine asked one evening. Her mother

  had been pacing and mumbling for a couple of

  hours. Nothing she could do would settle her

  down.

  “Mom, sit down. Come on. Talk to me.” Her

  mother continued to pace and to be seemingly

  unaware that Christine was talking to her. Richard was coming by at any time. Christine

  didn’t want him to find her mother like this. He

  seemed accepting of her mother’s condition, but he

  had never seen her like this. He had witnessed

  some of her mother’s quirkiness when she forgot

  her medicine for a while, but he always talked her

  into starting back on her medicine, and she didn’t

  get very bad at all.

  He had not seen her like this. He would

  probably leave and never come back when he saw

  what schizophrenia could periodically do to her

  mother. She couldn’t let him see her like this.

  Maybe she could get her mother to go take a nap.

  She often stayed in her room and took long naps

  when she wasn’t doing well. Maybe she would

  sleep the whole time Richard was here. Then, she

  would work with her to get her to take her medicine

  again.

  She had been so busy, and so interested in

  spending time with Richard that she had neglected<
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  to make sure her mother took her medicine. She

  had been really good about taking it lately, but still

  had to be reminded some times. Christine hadn’t

  paid any attention in a long time to whether her

  mother had taken her medicine or not. She was

  way too interested in her dating and making a good

  impression on Richard. Maybe it was best if she

  didn’t date, and just took care of her mother. She

  could feel herself slipping back into that codependent relationship again. She hated it. But,

  someone had to look out for her mother. She was

  the only one available. They had no one else. Christine was trying to calm her mother and

  get her into the bedroom for a nap as well as

  coaxing her to take her medicine. The phone rang.

  She ran to get it, and her mother came back out of

  the bedroom. The doorbell rang. It must be

  Richard! Ms. Mabry was on the phone. She put

  her on hold to get the door. All the time she was

  trying to talk her mother into waiting on her in the

  bedroom while she got her medicine.

  “Hi!” Richard said, giving Christine a quick

  peck on the lips. He seemed unaware of her

  frustration.

  “Richard,” she said, breathlessly. “Come in.

  Mother is a little upset. I am trying to get her

  settled for a nap. Ms. Mabry is on the phone.

  Could you pick it up and tell her I’ll call back. I’ll

  just see to mother.” She rushed off to coax her mother back into her room. Richard stood and surveyed the scene for a moment, then went to get the phone. Christine finally got her mother to go into her room, and even got her to swallow her pills. She was trying to get her settled into bed

  when Ms. Mabry walked into the room.

  “Honey, you let me take care of this. Go on

  with the plans you and Richard made. You’re

  going to a play, I think he said.” Ms. Mabry bustled

  around, tucking her mother in and clucking to her

  like a mother hen. Christine’s mother loved that

  kind of attention. She immediately settled down

  and began to dose off. It was obvious she had not

  slept well the night before. In fact, when Christine

  thought about it, she remembered hearing her

  mother up in the kitchen for the past couple of

  nights. She hadn’t thought anything of it, assuming

  she was getting a snack. Now, she realized her

  mother had been in that sleepless phase of her

  illness. That often happened when she first got off

  her medicine for a period of time.

 

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