The Secret Ingredient

by Dianne Blacklock

  ‘Andie!’ she heard again as she slammed the door behind her. His voice was louder and clearer that time, the woman must have dismounted so that he could breathe. Andie headed straight for the stairwell, she had to keep moving, not give him the chance to catch up. She had an advantage; Ross was at least partly naked, so he’d have to do something about that before he could follow her. Andie didn’t want to be standing waiting for the lift when he did. She ran down the stairs, her legs trembling . . . God, don’t trip, she told herself. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she made it safely to the garage and over to her car. She jumped in and started the engine, pressing the remote for the garage door at the same time. It was trundling upward as she approached; she nosed the car closer till it was up and out of the way, before accelerating out of there so fast her tyres screeched. Her phone started to ring but she ignored it.

  Andie steered through the maze of cramped, claustrophobic streets, tears almost blinding her eyes. She wanted to get right away from here, she wanted to drive as fast as she was legally allowed. She finally made it out of the rabbit warren and onto New South Head Road. She could only do seventy, but she felt free. She didn’t know where she was going, she didn’t know where to go, she only knew she couldn’t go back to that apartment. Ever.

  She needed time to process . . . what exactly? The image loomed back into her mind’s eye. The woman seemed young . . . she might have been a prostitute for all Andie knew. Did that make it okay? Certainly not. Was it a one-off thing? Conveniently taking place on the very first night Andie was at work? Doubtful. So was it an affair? Was it serious? How long had it been going on? Why did he bring her into their home? Why was he having sex with her on their bed? Andie’s phone suddenly started to ring again, startling her. ‘Bastard!’ she yelled at it, before reaching over to turn it off.

  She had slowed down, she didn’t have much choice as the road narrowed, dipped down to the water’s edge for a while, and then meandered back up into suburbia. Andie wasn’t shaking any more, and she wasn’t crying. She felt drained, and achingly tired, but she kept driving. Until she realised she would soon come to a dead end at the HMAS Navy base at the south head of the harbour, and she would have to double back.

  Instead, she turned onto Old South Head Road feeling alone and bereft. She had nowhere to go; Jess was at work, and she couldn’t show up at Donna and Toby’s like this, Toby was likely to go storming off to find Ross and throttle him. She couldn’t even go to her dad, she didn’t want to upset him. Andie suddenly missed Brendan, like a sharp pain to the heart. Of course he’d have been as bad as Toby, they’d have probably formed a posse to go and punch Ross’s lights out. But she also knew Brendan would have felt it as deeply as she was feeling it, that’s how it was between them. He would have understood her pain and comforted her, and protected her, and made it all bearable somehow. But Brendan was gone, long gone, and Andie had never felt his loss so greatly.

  She just needed someone to pour it all out to without judgement, or opinion, so she could sort it out in her head. Because for some reason, more than anything, she felt ashamed. She hadn’t done anything wrong . . . had she? Still, it was shame she felt. Shame and embarrassment. And betrayal. At least that was valid.

  Betrayal. That was it.

  Andie didn’t know why the idea even crossed her mind, but as soon as it did, she seemed to go on automatic pilot all the way to Bellevue Hill. As she pulled into the street, it occurred to her that this was crazy. But something compelled her to keep driving, right up to the house, the house where she would find the only other person who could possibly understand what she was feeling right now.

  Andie cut the engine. She picked up her bag and stepped out of the car. The air was cooler now, and she was only wearing the T-shirt she’d had on under her chef’s jacket. Christ, that had happened tonight as well. It paled into insignificance now. Andie looked up at the house. Crazy or not, she was going in.

  The door opened a minute or so after she rang the bell. Joanna peered out. ‘Andie? What are you doing here? What’s happened?’

  ‘Have you ever seen her before, did you recognise her?’ Joanna was asking.

  Andie had blurted out the whole thing right there on the doorstep, and Joanna had promptly ushered her inside, sat her down, and poured them both a stiff drink. Andie had tossed hers back without even tasting it. Joanna refilled her glass, and she’d done the same again, anaesthetising the pain. So Joanna refilled it a third time, and Andie finally slowed down, taking just a few sips before she set it down on the coffee table in front of her.

  ‘I didn’t even really see her face,’ said Andie. ‘Just black hair swinging about, and those jiggly, pert little breasts.’ She sighed. ‘Twentysomething breasts, you know. I used to have those.’

  ‘You haven’t had children,’ said Joanna, ‘then you can talk.’

  ‘Gravity doesn’t discriminate, Joanna.’ She looked down at herself. ‘I used to have breasts that jiggled. Now they dangle.’

  Joanna considered her. ‘Andie, why are you dressed like that? Aren’t they chef’s pants?’

  She nodded. ‘I had a trial run at a restaurant this evening. Ross organised it. He obviously had ulterior motives.’

  ‘How did it go?’ Joanna asked. ‘At the restaurant?’

  She really didn’t want to talk about it. ‘Oh, okay . . . not so great. Okay.’ Oh God, could she be any more pathetic? ‘You must think I’m crazy showing up here like this.’

  Joanna shrugged. ‘We’ve all done crazy things at one time or another.’ She paused. ‘Do you remember that time I confronted you? Came to your flat . . . Your roommate – what was her name?’

  ‘Jess.’

  ‘She wanted to call the police, do you remember?’ She shook her head. ‘Madwoman in full flight. She really thought I was going to do damage to something, or someone, namely you.’

  ‘Well, you had every reason.’

  ‘I don’t know . . . My rage should have been directed at Ross, not you.’

  Andie thought about it. ‘But I get it, I do, Joanna. I feel so much anger right now towards that woman. I think if I’d been any closer I would have been tempted to slap her. And I don’t even know her. I know nothing about her. And I have no idea what she knows. Maybe she doesn’t even know he’s married?’

  ‘They were in your apartment, Andie,’ Joanna said plainly. ‘She knows.’

  Andie gave a heavy sigh. ‘And I knew Ross was married.’

  Joanna didn’t say anything.

  ‘He said the marriage was over, that you were just staying together for the sake of the kids . . .’ She stared out in front of her. ‘He said I gave him his life back, that he felt young again, excited about the future. Because of me,’ she emphasised. ‘I wonder if he’s saying the same things to this girl . . .’

  Andie looked over at Joanna then, her expression was grim. Oh shit. What was she saying?

  ‘I’m sorry, Joanna. I shouldn’t have come here, I shouldn’t have bothered you.’

  She didn’t respond. Andie picked up her glass and sculled the rest of her drink. She put it back on the coffee table as she got to her feet.

  ‘I’m going now,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry, this was wrong of me.’

  Joanna stirred then, looking up at her. ‘You can’t drive, Andie. You’ve just downed three of those in less than an hour.’

  ‘Oh . . .’ she hesitated. ‘It’s okay, I’ll get a cab.’

  ‘Where will you go?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Andie, ‘but that isn’t your problem, Joanna. You’ve been incredibly kind, really, way beyond the call. And now I’ll leave you be.’

  Joanna stood up. ‘Look, it’s getting late, we have a sofa bed in the study.’

  ‘No, I couldn’t —’

  ‘It’s no big deal, Andie,’ said Joanna.

  ‘It is, it is a big deal!’ she insisted, wide-eyed.

  ‘It’s not like I’m inviting you to move in. It’s just a bed for the night.’r />
  Andie took a breath. ‘Well . . . I don’t know. What about the kids?’

  ‘They’re both out, but if they were here they’d be insisting you stay, especially Brooke.’ Joanna paused. ‘I know how many times you drove out late at night and picked her up from parties and nightclubs when she’d had a bit too much and didn’t want me to know about it.’

  Andie opened her mouth to speak but Joanna held up her hand.

  ‘Brooke always confessed to me later,’ she said. ‘I was only glad she had someone she could call.’ Joanna walked over to the hall. ‘So I’ll get you some sheets, you can make up the sofa bed yourself if it makes you feel better.’ She looked back at Andie. ‘Well, are you coming?’

  Morning

  Andie blinked a few times, looking around. Where the hell was she? She didn’t know this place. She gave herself a minute, and everything started to flood back . . . the fiasco at the restaurant . . . running away . . . Suddenly the image of the woman and Ross came hurtling into her head like a meteor crashing through the atmosphere. She sat bolt upright, breathing hard. She was at Joanna’s, for godsakes! Had she lost her mind completely?

  She had to get out of here. She shimmied off the bed and crept over to the door. She could hear muffled voices. She didn’t even know the layout of Joanna’s house all that well; she had only ever stuck to the main living areas. Andie closed her eyes to recall last night. They went down a hall off the family room, stopped at a linen cupboard, Joanna handed her some sheets. There was a bathroom on the left, the study straight ahead. She was at the back of the house, and this room did not open directly onto the family room. So she could risk opening the door without being seen, try to work out who the voices belonged to, and plan her getaway.

  She turned the handle very slowly and inched the door open.

  ‘You have got to be kidding, Mum.’

  Andie’s heart sank. That was Lauren.

  ‘Seriously, what kind of a nutcase is she, showing up here? And then you let her stay?’

  ‘Lauren, don’t be like that, she had nowhere else to go.’

  ‘She has a home. That she shares with my father, in case you’d forgotten that little detail.’

  ‘Yeah, well, be that as it may, it wasn’t an option for her last night.’

  ‘What on earth happened?’

  Bugger. The whole sordid affair was about to become public knowledge.

  ‘It’s not my place to say,’ said Joanna. ‘It isn’t any of our business.’

  ‘She made it your business when she barged into your house and stayed the night.’

  ‘That’s the thing, she came to my house, Lauren.’ Joanna’s voice was calm but firm. ‘This actually doesn’t have anything to do with you, darling.’

  Andie closed the door again carefully. Wow, Joanna was shaping up to be quite the good stick. But Andie was still going to have to get past Lauren the guard dog to get out of here. Maybe she could just sit and wait it out. No, that was ridiculous, for all she knew, Lauren was here for the day. Andie picked up her bag off the floor and found her phone, checking the time. It was after eight already. Who was opening the shop today? Her brain was pretty scrambled, but she had a sickening feeling it was her. Bugger. She had no change of clothes, nothing, not even a toothbrush. Even her phone didn’t have much charge left. She did have a charger in her car, so that was something. She couldn’t risk going back to the apartment, she wasn’t ready to deal with Ross, nowhere near ready, she didn’t think she could even look at him without feeling sick. No, she needed to stay right away from him until she got her head together. Because Ross would have a story, and it would be persuasive. And Andie needed time to prepare herself for that.

  It occurred to her that it wasn’t even safe going to the shop. That was sure to be Ross’s first port of call this morning when she hadn’t returned to the apartment all night. Blast. Okay, think. Jess had worked a full shift last night so she’d likely still be asleep, Andie couldn’t expect her to leap out of bed to go and open the shop. She could try Donna, but that would depend on Max. She could start with her anyway. But first she needed to get out of here so she could make some calls.

  She’d slept in just her T-shirt, so she pulled on her chef’s pants that had been lying crumpled at the end of the bed. She looked like a wreck, which was probably appropriate. It would just confirm everything Lauren thought of her already, but that was the least of her worries right now. As quietly as she could manage, Andie stripped the bed and converted it back into a sofa. She could still hear voices, and the baby occasionally, so hopefully their attention was occupied elsewhere. Andie folded the sheets and left them in a neat pile – the only evidence that she’d been here at all. She pulled on her big chunky work shoes and gave her hair a quick brush. There was no mirror in here, so that would have to do. She grabbed her bag, pausing at the door to take a breath, before she opened it and walked determinedly up the hall to the family room.

  Joanna was standing in the kitchen, Lauren was sitting on a couch with Emily propped on her lap and Brooke was slumped beside them, bleary-eyed; she must have only just got up. The look on her face suggested she hadn’t been brought up to speed yet.

  ‘Hi everyone,’ Andie spoke up. ‘Um, I have to get going,’ she said, moving past the kitchen. She made eye contact with Joanna. ‘Thank you, so much.’

  Joanna nodded with a faint smile. ‘Take care, Andie.’

  ‘I will,’ she said. ‘I’ll see myself out. Bye,’ she called over her shoulder, not looking back at the girls, as she strode up to the front door. She could only imagine the conversation that was going to follow; Andie hoped she’d get a chance to explain it to Brooke herself sometime.

  She raced out to the car, jumped in and took off immediately, the dashboard beeping, insisting she put on her seatbelt. She drove around the block into the adjacent street and pulled over, cutting the engine. The beeping stopped. Andie rummaged in her bag for her phone and plugged it into the charger. There were several missed calls from Ross and some texts, but she wasn’t going to read them. What the hell could he say in a text message? Her hand was trembling as she deleted them all. Then she rang Donna.

  ‘Hi, Andie,’ she chirped a moment later.

  ‘Hi, Donna. Look, I have a favour to ask. I suppose you weren’t opening this morning?’ she thought to check first.

  ‘Oh, no, I don’t think so,’ she said. ‘Oh, was I? Oh no, I —’

  ‘No, it’s okay, Donna. I don’t think you were. But is there any chance you could?’

  ‘Oh . . .’

  ‘It’s okay, you’ve got Max?’

  ‘Well, yes, I didn’t think I was on today, so he doesn’t have child care.’

  Damn. ‘That’s okay.’

  ‘Is something wrong? Did someone call in sick?’

  ‘No, I think I was opening this morning,’ Andie assured her. ‘And something’s come up.’

  ‘Um, well, I could see if Toby’s mum’s available.’

  ‘Oh, I couldn’t ask you to —’

  ‘Come on, Andie, you’re always doing favours for me.’

  ‘Thanks, but I need someone to open, and you can’t organise Max and get there in enough time,’ she said. ‘And I wouldn’t expect you to,’ she added, over Donna’s protests.

  ‘Well,’ Donna said, ‘I seem to remember Steph is on today, maybe she can come in early?’

  Double damn. Of course, Friday was their busiest day, there needed to be at least two staff on, and a third from lunchtime . . . though that was probably Jess. Andie realised she didn’t want to be there at all today if she could help it. Ross could show up any time.

  ‘Listen, Donna, if I get on to Steph, do you think you could make it in later? I don’t mind what time, I don’t mind if you bring Max in with you for a while, till Toby’s mum can pick him up. Really, whatever’s easiest for you.’

  ‘Oh, sure, of course, I’ll sort something out,’ said Donna. ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘Yes, I’m fine,’ she lie
d. ‘I’ll call you later and let you know what’s happening.’

  She hung up the phone and scrolled down her contacts. She came to ‘Casual Steph’ and pressed Call. She had to list the casuals that way or she’d never remember them. She’d only worked with Steph a few times; Jess had recommended her, she was the sister of a friend as Andie recalled. Anyway, she seemed like a good kid, Andie hadn’t heard any complaints. Fortunately Steph answered almost straightaway in a bright, perky voice, and it didn’t sound as though she’d just woken up.

  ‘I hate to ask you this, Steph,’ said Andie, ‘but do you think you could open today . . . it doesn’t matter if you’re a little late.’

  ‘Oh, sure, that’s not a problem, except I don’t have keys.’

  Of course. ‘Where do you live again?’

  ‘Clovelly.’

  Well, at least that made it easier. ‘Look, I’m not far from you right now, I can drop keys around to you.’

  ‘Great,’ she said. ‘Actually, the only thing that’s going to hold me up is the buses. Seeing as you’re coming past, if you can drive me to the shop I’ll be able to open up on time.’

  ‘Good idea.’ It was the least she could do, but Andie really didn’t want to go anywhere near the shop. She took down Steph’s address and hung up. She sat for a moment contemplating her options. There might just be a way she could get this to work in her favour.

  Andie pranked Steph’s phone when she pulled up outside her apartment block, as they had arranged. Steph came running out soon after and jumped into the car.

  ‘Thanks for doing this,’ Andie said, pulling out from the kerb. ‘You’ve got me out of a real bind.’

  ‘No worries.’

  ‘Look, this might sound weird, but I’ve got this whole surprise thing planned for Ross.’

  ‘Aww, that’s so sweet,’ she said. ‘What’s the occasion?’

  Bugger, she hadn’t thought of one.

  ‘Well, it’s an anniversary . . . of sorts. Not of our wedding,’ she added quickly. ‘It’s just one of those silly ones. I don’t even think he’ll remember, but I wanted to do something special.’ It was a wonder she wasn’t choking on her words.