Hello World

by Joanna Sellick

  I look down and smile. There is no message, just eleven digits signed with nothing more than the letter ‘J.’

  CHAPTER 4

  After leaving the shop I tucked the napkin into my back pocket and started cycling home. The streets are quieter near my house, so I don’t have to listen to the hustle and bustle of everyone else but I put my music on anyway. I hate silence.

  The winter has drawn in quickly, so although it’s only around seven-ish, darkness has descended, the only source of light reflecting off the pale moon or flickering from the dodgy street-lamps.

  Caught up in my own thoughts, picturing the sketch of Jay residing in my backpack and wondering how to finish it off, I don’t notice when someone clutches the front of my bike, causing me to come to definitive stop.

  I yelp as I’m pushed forward by the force of it and raise my eyes to meet Martin Barricks; sixth-form drop out and general arsehole.

  ‘Evening, Nevie-Evie,’ Martin coos shoving the front of my bike. He has his haul of usual goons with him, sniggering away behind him. Martin is tall, at least six foot with a, lets say, rather large structure. His breath stinks of cigarettes and alcohol.

  He seems to be drunk and I wrinkle my nose in disgust when he breathes in my face. I mean seriously, who gets drunk at seven o’clock on a Thursday evening?

  ‘Get out of my way,’ I say firmly, gripping the handles tightly. The boys all hoot at my defiance.

  Someone hooks their arms under my armpits and yanks me off of my bike, dropping me to the floor. I grit my teeth against the pain, clutching my right hand that has just collided with the pavement, certain I have just lost a layer of skin.

  ‘I don’t think I like your attitude,’ Martin slurs, a beer can in his hand.

  ‘Hey Marty, I could do with a new bike,’ his friend Ben jeers, patting the handlebars victoriously.

  ‘Get the hell away from that!’ I shout, pulling myself up and striding towards them. Martin laughs, squeezing the beer can and tossing it to one side before clicking his knuckles. Ben discards my bike, sending it clattering down to the ground as he and the rest of the boys huddle around Martin.

  ‘Oh yeah? And how do you propose on making us do that?’ he sniggers. ‘Where’s that back-up boy of yours… what was his name again?’ he saunters, tapping his brain exaggeratedly, deliberating dragging out this game.

  ‘Alex wasn’t it?’ Ben adds unhelpfully.

  My heart clenches so tightly it hurts.

  The group continue to descend on me and I take a step back, fear beginning to squeeze at my throat as if I’m not already choking on that name.

  ‘Oh yeah, Alex. That’s right,’ Marty smirks, folding his arms. ‘What happened to your friend, Alex?’

  I take another step back, digging my nails into the palms of my hands in order to hiding their shaking. I feel my eyes begin to heat up as tears begin to well and I pray for them not to spill. I just can’t start crying in front of him.

  Martin knows exactly what happened to Alex. Everyone does.

  ‘Oh, wait. He died!’ Marty comically slaps his forehead and the other boys all burst into identical, cruel laughs.

  The burning in my chest increases and I can’t help it as a tear escapes my eye. I tremble backwards, almost tripping but regaining my balance quickly. I try to take deep breaths but they come out shaky, as if my breathing has been cut off.

  ‘Yo, Marty. Lay off, mate,’ one of the boys in the back reasons.

  No one speaks out loud about Alex, especially to me. People actually respected Alex, which is why so few people ever brought it up in front of me; they didn’t want to talk shit about a dead guy they actually liked. Obviously Martin isn’t one of those people.

  ‘Shut up,’ Martin snaps to the boy, who obliges. Then he turns back to me and notices the few tears that were staining my cheeks. ‘Look at this, boys, Nevie-Evie is crying. Why don’t you go run back to your Mummy? Oh wait…’ he snickers, fist-bumping Ben.

  ‘Alright boys, leave the girl alone.’ An unfamiliar voice pierces through the deafly silence. I don’t turn to look at the stranger, I’m too dumbstruck to do anything but keep my eyes locked on Martin.

  ‘Yeah, or what?’ Martin challenges, readying himself for a fight.

  ‘Or you might not like what’s coming,’ the stranger answers darkly.

  Ben’s face suddenly pales. ‘Dude, that’s Blake Ellsworth. I don’t want no trouble, man.’

  ‘So what? I ain’t scared of some prissy boy,’ Martin shrugs.

  ‘Whatever, I ain’t getting involved,’ Ben announces, putting his hands up in surrender and backing off. ‘I’m outta here.’

  Some of the other boys mumble noises of agreement until Martin decides that suddenly he isn’t as tough without his back up. Instead, Martin swears and stalks off, slapping Ben over the head as they go.

  I stand there in shock, staring after the boy’s disappearing shadows.

  A hand rests on my shoulder and I jump.

  ‘Are you okay?’ the stranger asks, his eyes filled with obvious concern. I shrink out of his touch and look around dumbly.

  ‘I err… I’m fine,’ I say in a rush, raking a shaking hand through my hair. I walk away from him and stumble to pick up my bike.

  ‘You don’t look it,’ the boy argues, jumping in front of me. I fumble to remember the name Ben had mentioned.

  ‘Look… Blake… Thank you for what you did, but I’m honestly fine. I just want to go home now,’ I try, plastering a smile on my face, pushing past him.

  Blake lets me past but doesn’t seem happy about it. ‘Want me to walk you home?’

  ‘No!’ I shout over my shoulder, keeping my eyes in front of me.

  ‘And you’ll go straight home?’

  ‘Yes!’ I mutter, darting around the corner before he can reply.

  I carry on around the corner and power walk, pulling my bike alongside me a few more streets until I drop my bike and fall to the ground, crawling across to the curb and drawing my knees up.

  Then for some strange reason, I pull out the crumpled napkin and punch the number into my phone. The dialling sound rings twice and for a moment I think he isn’t going to pick up before Jay’s voice sounds through the speaker.

  ‘Hey, Jay. Its Neve,’ I sniff, trying to keep my voice steady and natural sounding.

  ‘Hey, Red,’ he replies happily before noting the odd pitch to my voice. So much for keeping it natural sounding. ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘Can you meet me, please?’ I ask in a rush, biting my lip nervously. ‘I… need someone…’

  ‘I’ll be right there, I’ve just finished work. Where are you? I’ll come and get you.’

  An odd relief passes through me and I look around for any sort of landmark. ‘Andrew Street, opposite Mr. Chips.’

  ‘Okay, I know where that is. Hold on till I get there, ‘kay?’

  I nod and hang up before dropping my phone down next to me and bursting into tears, crying heavily into my knees.

  Everything inside me feels like jelly. Burning jelly. I have just been torn apart all over again. I miss Alex so, so much. God I miss him.

  I keep my nails pressed against my palms, the familiar gesture calming me until all my emotions are nothing but numbness. Distantly I hear a car pull up on the other side of the street.

  ‘Neve?’ I hear Jay call, looking up as he rushes over and crouches beside me. If my voice on the phone or the disorderly state of me sitting on the curb hadn’t given anything away, then something in my face tells him that things are certainly not alright.

  Wordlessly, he pulls me into a hug and I start crying helplessly on his shoulder. He strokes my hair and rocks me slightly, whispering calming things in my ear that I hardly hear. I’m just crying into this stranger’s shoulder and it doesn’t feel wrong. It feels safe.

  When I’ve pulled myself together enough, I pull away and wipe the tears away from my eyes.

  ‘Sorry,’ I apologise, my voice sounding wet after the crying. ‘
You must think I’m such a state, crying on the curb like this.’ I try to laugh but it just ends up sounding as fake as Katie Price’s boobs.

  ‘Not at all,’ Jay says softly. Then he catches my hand, noticing its grazed state. The blood has dried at least. ‘What happened?’ he asks, his expression darkening.

  I carefully pull my hand away and clasp it together with my other hand, running my fingers over each other nervously.

  ‘I ran into some boys that used to go to our school. They stopped my bike and pulled me off it, started taunting me,’ I shrug. I sneak at glance at Jay who is waiting patiently, as if he knows that isn’t the whole story.

  Quietly, I debate with myself whether to tell him about Alex. But then I decide that he’ll find out anyway, the whole year knows. If it came from me then maybe there would less chance of me losing him, because even though we have only just met, fear of losing the only person who has talked to me properly, treated me nicely in months, is making a nest in the pit of my stomach.

  ‘I had this friend,’ I start quietly. I have never had to explain this to anyone before; other people have always done the explaining for me. ‘I had this friend called Alex. He died a few months ago. That’s what the boys were taunting me about.’

  Jay looks away and then down at the ground, his throat working. ‘What happened?’

  I bite my lip and look at the ground too. ‘I got myself meddled in with something I shouldn’t have. Alex found out what had happened and went to do something about it. That same night, he was murdered. The police found him the next day lying in the middle of some street. He’d taken a blow to the head. And it was my fault, if I hadn’t gotten involved…’ I trail off, my eyes welling up again. That was the truth… vaguely. Jay didn’t need to know the absolute truth, every detail leading up to what happened. And with what I’d just told him, Jay will never speak to me again anyway.

  I cast another glance at Jay but he is just staring ahead, trying to process everything I’ve just told him. I dig my nails into my palms again and close my eyes.

  Then finally, he speaks.

  ‘Neve, can I ask you something?’

  My mind swims with possible questions; why didn’t you save him? Why did you let it happen? Why did you get him involved?

  Bile starts to form at the back of my throat as panic rises in the form of vomit that this is it, he would ask one last question and then be out of here. Too scared to speak, I clamp my lips shut and just nod.

  ‘What were you really doing on the bridge the other night? The night we first met?’

  The question startles me and I turn around to face him, as he is watching me, and scrutinise his expression. Does he just want juicy details that he can spread around school?

  My gut tells me no. So does his expression.

  It isn’t one of eager anticipation to hear the latest gossip. It isn’t one of sympathy either, the sort that read ‘oh that poor girl, lets just lock her away so she doesn’t hurt her poor little self’. It’s a look that almost says he’s scared for me, scared of what I could have done. It’s genuine concern.

  Instead of answering, I stand up.

  ‘I have something I want to show you.’ I grab my bike and start wheeling it over to his car, waiting patiently until he stands up too. Jay takes the bike and puts it in the boot of the Ford without another word. I murmur directions and turns until we come to a small country road out of town where I tell him to pull up.

  Getting out, I begin trekking up the back of a huge hill, not needing to look behind me in order to know that Jay is right there. As we reach the top of the hill the view of our little town emerges, but it looks fairly small from up here. Darkness surrounds the place but the lights of the houses and various buildings light the view up like thousands of little fireflies.

  It’s calm, peaceful up here and feels safe. It reminds me of Alex.

  I lie down in the grass, waiting for Jay to do the same.

  ‘Me and Alex used to come up here all the time,’ I say quietly, wrapping my arms around me against the winter chill. Now I come up here on very rare occasions to think if I can’t clear my mind sketching.

  ‘It’s beautiful,’ Jay says, looking up at the starry sky above us. I nod, taking a deep breath.

  ‘The truth is I don’t know why I was on that bridge that night. One minute I was visiting Alex’s grave and the next I was being pulled down by this complete stranger. That hurt by the way.’ I smile slightly and look sideways at him. ‘But the truth is I don’t know if we would be having this conversation if you hadn’t stopped me. So… thanks.’

  He smiles back and looks back up at the sky again, silence falling over us.

  ‘Your friend Alex, was his murderer ever caught?’ Jay asks absently.

  ‘No’ I frown. ‘But it wasn’t hard to work out who had done-’

  ‘But then you can’t know for certain.’ He cuts me off, looking at me again. ‘Anything could have happened that night, a mugging gone wrong or something, you can’t blame yourself. And you say that Alex was trying to help you out? He was being a good friend, I’m sure he would have done anything to keep you safe. What would he say if he could see you now?’

  I snort. ‘He would say I was being ridiculous, but-’

  ‘Well then.’ He smiles. Then jay pauses before asking his next question. ‘Do you ever feel like… going back to the bridge?’

  I know what he’s trying to ask; do I feel suicidal again?

  I sigh. ‘It wasn’t a decision I made last time, it just sort of happened,’ I point out. ‘I just guess it got to a point where life just didn’t seem like an option anymore. I have nothing to stay here for,’ I say bitterly.

  Jay nods in understanding before a smile spreads across his lips and he jumps up.

  ‘You have everything to live for, don’t ever doubt that,’ he tells me, holding out a hand for me to use to pull myself up. ‘And I, Jay, will make it my life’s mission to show you, Red, that. I’m going to show you how to live again,’ he says determinedly as I get up. I regard him with amusement.

  ‘I feel as if I should burst into song, A Whole New World or something,’ I utter sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

  ‘Well if you are, don’t sing that. If you take the magic carpet away its just sex,’ he points out. I look at him incredulously for more of an explanation. ‘Unbelievable sights… Indescribable feelings… soaring, tumbling, freewheeling-’

  ‘Okay, okay. Childhood ruined,’ I laugh, putting my hands up in surrender. I walk up to the edge of the hill and look down at the view. A moment of comfortable silence passes us again as I think over his words.

  ‘Neve, the reason we moved wasn’t for the change of scenery. I-’ Jay admits suddenly, frowning at himself as if arguing inside his head with his thoughts. Then he sighs and shakes his head. ‘My aunt is ill, she doesn’t have long so Mum wanted to come down to see her, you know? I probably should have said something earlier instead of using that excuse but I…I…’ he struggles, trying to put his thoughts into words.

  ‘I understand,’ I say softly, because I do. Sometimes, you just don’t want people to know you are hurting. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Cancer,’ he says quietly. ‘Brain tumour,’ he adds, tapping his forehead.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I say truthfully. He nods and looks past me, over the town and somewhere far away from here.

  ‘Have you ever wondered about what will happen after you die? I want to do something in my life that people will remember, something that says I was here. I don’t want to just be another face, you know?’ he says randomly.

  I shrug. ‘I’ve never really though about it, I can’t think of anything good that I’ll be remembered for. But you’ve already done something amazing; you’ve decided to be friends with me,’ I say dryly. ‘So I would say you’re already part way there.’

  Jay smiles back at me and wraps an arm around me.

  ‘So, Red, ready to be shown the world again?’ he grins.

  ‘
Can’t wait’ I chuckle.

  And the strange thing is, I really can’t.

  CHAPTER 5

  Jay drives me home and I drag my bike inside, leaning it against the wall in the hallway, smiling to myself. We live in a small but cosy two bedroom house squashed beside two other two bedroom houses in a long line of two bedroom houses. I like it though because the house never feels empty and it isn’t a heap of a dump like most orphans or troubled-kid clichés live in.

  Having said that, it isn’t Beverly Hills either; especially when Charlie forgets to clean.

  I hear the TV going in the living room so I swing around the doorway to find Charlie lounging on the sofa, half a cold pizza lying in its box and a bowl of popcorn on his lap. I sometimes forget that Charlie is still young; his life hasn’t really started either.

  ‘What are we watching?’ I announce cheerily, plopping down on the opposite end of the sofa. I start to demolish the last of the pizza while Charlie regards me curiously.

  Normally when I get in, I go straight upstairs without a word, so I don’t take offence at Charlie’s surprise that I’m starting a conversation. Or even making an appearance for that matter.

  He mumbles the title under his breath, but I’ve already guessed it and I grin as Colin Firth jumps into a lake. Anyone alive knows the scene from Love Actually. I raise my eyebrow questioningly.

  Charlie turns red and tries to hide under his thick, brown, curly hair. I guess you could say Charlie is cute; he has a boyish face and chocolate browns eyes that women seem to melt over, although he never seems to get past the first date.

  ‘I guess it didn’t work out with Lisa then?’ I smirk.

  ‘She talked too much,’ Charlie shrugs, popping a piece of popcorn in his mouth. ‘And just to make myself clear, I was watching Insidious but that finished and then this came on and I left the remote over there so…’

  ‘You were too lazy to get up and grab the remote yet you managed to find the energy to get up and make popcorn?’ I enquire. The popcorn is warm and obviously still fresh. Charlie frowns.