‘Alright, Sherlock, shouldn’t you be sulking somewhere anyway? Isn’t that what teenagers do?’
I roll my eyes. ‘You watch too much TV. And don’t talk to me about stereotypes; you’re like a walking thirty-year-old version of those US comedy characters,’ I quip. ‘If you still lived with Grandma you’d be Howard from The Big Bang theory.’
‘I’m only thirty when I’m at home. When I’m at the club I’m twenty-five,’ Charlie informs me.
‘Twenty-five is pushing it a bit don’t you think?’ The comment earns me a handful of popcorn in the face. Then we burst into laughter and I hit Charlie with one of the sofa cushions.
‘Oh shush, we’re missing the movie!’ Charlie chastises, making a dramatic motion of watching the TV intently. I smile to myself.
‘Charlie?’
‘Yeah?’
‘I know I don’t say it enough, but thanks. For everything.’
He looks up in bewilderment before his lips settle into a soft smile. ‘Don’t mention it, Kiddo.’
I smile back and we just settle into watching the soppy movie in comfortable silence.
The next morning I fall into my usual routine, grabbing a piece of toast before heading out of the door and cycling to school. I have a free first period so find myself in the library. I shouldn’t have been surprised when Jay pops into the seat opposite me.
‘So, I spent the whole of last night figuring out how to go about this,’ he grins, referring to his new life mission. ‘And then I thought, hey, spontaneous road trip.’ He leans back in triumph, resting his hands behind his head as if he owned the place.
‘Uh-huh,’ I respond doubtfully, ‘where to exactly?’
‘Red, you really need to listen more. It’s spontaneous. We could go anywhere, wherever you like. We pack a bag, set off tomorrow morning and get back Sunday evening.’ Jay smirks.
I raise an eyebrow. ‘Need I remind you, I don’t know you, yet you’re asking me to go on a road trip the weekend after we first meet? For all I know, you could be a crazy axe-murderer,’ I point out, grinning.
‘Crazy, quite possibly. But the axe-murderer thing? Not my style. On the plus side, I’m one sexy piece of ass, so if worst comes to worst you’ll be safe in the knowledge that you’ll have a pretty face to gaze upon in your last moments,’ he reasons, sending me a dazzling smile.
‘You do realise that referring to yourself as ‘sexy,’ really doesn’t make you sexy?’ I smirk, shaking my head.
‘Ouch, Red,’ he whistles, putting his hand to his heart and feigning heartbreak. ‘Well, since you’re in such an awful mood I shall go and join the rest of society and try to mend my bleeding heart. But seriously, road trip this weekend; in or out?’
I peer up at him for a moment just to make sure he is deadly serious about this. His green eyes are glistening in excitement and I half want to say, ‘screw this, let’s leave right now.’ But I don’t.
‘I’ll talk to Charlie,’ I tell him. He grins before disappearing off to the rest of society, as he put it.
As I watch him leave I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. I mean, taking off for a weekend away with a strange boy I met a few nights ago sounds ridiculous, not too mention crazy and stupid. If I had parents I’m certain they would ground me on the spot. And how the hell am I going to persuade Charlie this was a good idea? Then again, Nadine had been nagging at me to meet new people. I wonder if this is what she had in mind.
I grimace at the thought of my counsellor and the knowledge that come Tuesday, I’m going to have to explain this all to her.
Having a counsellor is as normal to me as having Charlie as my only family; it’s something I have grown up with. Having no parents can really mess up a kid.
It used to affect me a lot more than it does now. I used to scream and cry at Charlie, demanding to know where my parents were or what he had done with them. I had blamed him, shouted at him and even lashed out at him a few times.
As I grew older the pain that their absence caused started to diffuse until it became just a numb feeling I kept pressed down along with everything else. I came to accept that crying and screaming over it wouldn’t make any difference, it wouldn’t bring them back. Nothing would.
Slowly I started to see that Charlie was trying to protect me and look after me rather than keeping me any sort of prisoner, keeping me deliberately away from my parents. Things happen; it was just another thing I had to deal with.
Eventually my sessions started to sizzle and I began walking on my own two feet, but then Alex died and I felt like I had been thrown back several years, back into the body of a child who couldn’t comprehend what was happening in her world. That’s when I ended up with Nadine.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull myself out of my thoughts, staring down at the screen.
So that’s it, now you’ve found someone else you think you can forget about Alex? Wow, I didn’t believe you were that much of a stupid bitch.
I finish reading and my head immediately snaps up, surveying the heads in the library. A few people have their phones out, but they are either lying on the desk or belong to those annoying year sevens.
Shaking my head, I slot my phone back into my pocket and rest my elbows on the table, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose.
‘Shut up,’ I mutter.
I breathe deeply. I’m turning over a new leaf, I not going to respond to my tormentor anymore. I’m turning over a new leaf.
I groan out loud, ignoring the few odd stares I get, when my phone buzzes for the second time.
You can ignore me all you like, Neve, but it won’t change a thing. It won’t change what you did, what you should have done or what you didn’t do. You think you can be happy? Don’t kid yourself, you’re pathetic.
The words sink into me like a bullet and I drop my phone on the table. They’re right. Who am I kidding? I can’t turn over a new leaf. My past will always be haunting me and besides, I don’t deserve any of it. I don’t deserve the happiness that I have deprived Alex of.
‘On second thoughts, the rest of society isn’t looking so great,’ Jay announces, appearing out of nowhere and sliding back into his seat as if he had never left. Then he notices my expression and frowns. ‘Neve, are you okay?’
I try for a smile, gazing at this strange boy in front of me who is so ready to just show me the world. To put in all this effort for a girl he’d only just met.
‘I just…’ I start, trailing off as I try to find the right words. ‘I just think this whole thing is a bad idea. You don’t know a thing about me and I think that if you did you wouldn’t want to get caught up in my crap. Maybe it’s better if we just forget about the whole thing.’
He stares for a moment in deep thought, the cheerful smirk gone. Jay shifts in his chair before speaking again.
‘I just want to help, I can’t let you…’ he trails off, something catching in his throat. ‘M-my aunt, she’s going to die soon, she doesn’t get a choice in that. Maybe my reasons are selfish, but I can’t stand by and watch someone who actually has a choice make the wrong one. I can’t move on without knowing I haven’t tried to help you-’
‘I’m not a charity project,’ I interject softly, my eyes beginning to tear up.
‘I never said you were.’ He replies sadly. ‘But the girl I saw on the bridge that night? That wasn’t someone who made a conscious decision to be up there. That was the look of a girl, who didn’t necessarily want to be rescued, but just wanted to be shown that she mattered. Because that girl on the bridge, she does matter. I understand if I can’t help you, that you don’t want me to. But know this, you do matter, Neve, no matter what happened before, or what anyone tells you. I just want to be able to show you that.’ Then he collects his books and silently leaves the library.
I watch him leave with disbelieving eyes.
Then I slam my head against the table.
Damnit, why do I have to screw everything up? Swearing endlessly at myself, I mak
e it through the day, although I don’t see Jay again. Finally, I reach home. Charlie looks as if he’s only gotten in himself and is lazing about on the sofa, flicking through the channels while his only suit begins to crease.
‘Do you do anything else other than watch TV?’ I ask sceptically, dumping my bag in the hall and collapsing on the sofa beside him.
‘I work,’ he replies, pointing at his suit but not taking his eyes off the TV. I roll my eyes and build up the courage to let the next words roll off my tongue.
‘Charlie? Can I go away this weekend, with a friend?’ I say in a rush. He looks at me with surprise before shrugging.
‘Sure why not, it will be good for you to get out. Where exactly?’
‘Just on a road trip, we’ll only be a few hours away at the most,’ I inform him. I don’t even know the answer to the question myself.
‘Okay, as long you keep in contact and let me know what’s going on,’ Charlie reasons. ‘Since when did you socialise anyway? And I’ll need her parent’s contact details.’
Ah, Charlie thinks my mysterious friend is a girl.
‘I have… acquaintances…’ I mumble. ‘They’re new in town which is why you won’t know them. And she is actually a… erm… he…’
Now Charlie looks away from the screen. He frowns uneasily and turns the TV off.
‘I feel as if I should say no here…’
‘Charlie!’ I whine, pouting.
‘Let me get this straight; you want to go on a road trip with someone I’m assuming you haven’t known for very long. Who is also a guy,’ he says slowly.
‘Please Charlie. He isn’t an axe-murderer, I’ve checked,’ I add light-heartedly.
‘This isn’t a joke, Neve,’ Charlie chastises. ‘I could get in serious trouble with Nadine if anything goes wrong, I know what guys his age are like.’
‘Nothing is going to happen! And you’re scared of Nadine?’ I smirk, folding my arms curiously.
‘She’s a scary lady,’ he shrugs. ‘Besides, what would your father say?’ he frowns.
‘My father would say no, but you aren’t my father, you’re my cool uncle.’ I grin, my most dazzling smile plastered on my lips. Charlie still looks torn so I decide to go in for the guilt-trip. ‘Please Charlie, Jay’s my first friend since Alex died. And from a psychological point of view, denying me this could set me back years to a point I might never be able to make friends again because of this underlying fear you’ll never be able to accept them and-’
‘Okay!’ Charlie laughs, cutting off my little fictional psychology rant. ‘Okay you can go, but that is the last time you guilt trip me into anything. And I want continual updates throughout the weekend and if anything happens-’
‘I’ll call you,’ I smile, finishing his sentence for him. ‘Thank you.’ I grin and then plant a kiss on his cheek before running up to my room. I sit on my bed and pull out my phone.
Charlie gave me the ‘OK.’ So, if you’re still up for it, I’m in.
I send up a silent prayer before I send the text and lie restlessly on my bed. What if Jay doesn’t reply and I’ve screwed this up for good? God, I’m an idiot sometimes.
I’m still not sure if going away with him for a weekend is a good idea, but the more dominant side of me just doesn’t seem to care. What I’d said to Charlie is true; I haven’t had a friend since Alex died, except maybe Al at the coffee shop. I can’t lose Jay now, I just can’t.
My room is fairly small and cramped because I just leave everything lying around rather than putting anything away, so instead of pacing around I just wriggle about on my mattress until at last my phones beeps.
I breathe out a huge sigh of relief at the reply.
Knew you couldn’t resist me, Red. Pick you up tomorrow at nine.
CHAPTER 6
‘Are you sure about this?’ Charlie asks me for the hundredth time the next morning.
‘Honestly, no,’ I reply absently, finding my toothbrush and other supplies and stuffing them into my backpack. ‘But if I don’t do it I’ll regret it and I have enough things to regret already, so just chill okay? I’ll be fine, I promise,’ I remind him.
I had decided to travel light, just a spare change of clothes, my pyjamas, the essentials and my drawing things. They all just about fit into my backpack. As for what I’m wearing, I’m simply in leggings, military boots and a baggy t-shirt with a jacket and coat over the top. My cream, woolly hat sits comfortably on my head.
A car honks outside and I take that as my cue to exit, grabbing my stuff before waving goodbye to Charlie and taking the steps two at a time. Then the doorbell rings and I reach it before Charlie can even try.
Jay stands on the other side, hands deep in his pockets, waiting impatiently.
‘Go, go, go,’ I order, spinning him around and pushing him forward before Charlie can talk to him. Unfortunately, I’m too slow.
‘You must be Jay,’ Charlie announces loudly, standing in the doorway with his arms folded, trying to look as threatening as possible. If I wasn’t currently dying of embarrassment, I would probably be laughing.
Jay winks at me before turning around and meeting him with an outstretched hand.
‘Jay Ellsworth, sir,’ Jay smiles charmingly. Ellsworth. Why does that name ring a bell?
Charlie looks at the out-stretched hand with distaste before ignoring it. Then, to my horror, he pulls out a walnut and a nutcracker from his pocket and turns the nut around in his hand. I’m pretty sure Charlie doesn’t even like nuts.
‘Is that your car?’ Charlie asks instead, nodding over to the silver Audi currently residing by side of the road.
Jay drops his hand and follows Charlie’s line of gaze before answering. ‘Actually, it’s my dad’s, sir. I’m borrowing it for the weekend.’
‘Uh huh. And what does he do?’ Charlie asks, his voice giving nothing away. I pinch the bridge of my nose and shake my head, not that either of them notice.
‘He’s just gotten the job as Head of Local Police,’ Jay tells him.
Charlie nods again before popping the walnut into the nutcracker. ‘So I assume you fully understand me when I tell you that if you do not look after Neve, the consequences may not be in your favour.’ Then Charlie crushes the nut in half before smiling up at Jay.
‘I understand, sir. Rest assured, I will take the greatest care,’ Jay says sincerely. Although he doesn’t show it, Charlie seems satisfied and nods.
‘I’ll see you on Sunday,’ he says, crushing the remains of the nut’s shell in his hand before shutting the door. Jay turns around to look at me with amusement and I duck my head and pop the boot open so I can drop my back pack in there.
‘I’m going to kill him,’ I mutter, my cheeks still burning as I slide into the passenger seat. Jay laughs.
‘Aw, he’s only looking out for you,’
‘He didn’t have to whip out the nutcracker to do that,’ I point out. ‘Now drive before I go back in there and show him where he can shove his nutcracker.’
‘Where to?’ Jay asks, trying to suppress another laugh at my rage and pulling out a map.
I think for a moment. ‘The sea.’
When I was younger, Charlie and I had gone a couple of times, but that had been years ago. It’s somewhere I have always wanted to return to, just to sit by and watch the tide.
‘Sounds good,’ Jay grins, pulling out of my little street.
Now, seeing as neither of us know how to get to the nearest beach, we are relying on the map and various signposts to get us to the little seaside town of Hunstanton, a regular tourist attraction for those visiting the UK or even the Brits themselves who would go down for the day to visit the beach.
I can’t read a map and since Jay is driving, he’s pretty useless too, so what should have been a two hour drive easily escalated into a three hour one. Needless to say, we took many a detour.
But finally we emerge from cityscapes into country roads until blocks of old fashioned, Victorian houses and cottages c
ome into view. The best thing about traipsing down to the beach during the middle of winter is that the place is basically deserted, although it isn’t hard to imagine the place bustling with people in the summer.
I can almost see the families crowding the walkway and beach; little kids running around, collecting shells and sand to hand to their bemused parents. I remember seeing lots of families last time I was here, children winding up their parents. Those sorts of things used to send jealously coursing through me but it doesn’t now. Actually, I often find it amusing to watch everyone else, wondering what their own stories are.
We make our way past the various rides of the amusement park and down to the beach, climbing over the railings and dropping from the ledge onto the damp sand. I stand in awe of the view.
‘It’s beautiful,’ I whisper to myself, looking out at the sea. It seems to just stretch on forever.
‘Come on,’ Jay announces, a mischievous look in his eye. ‘Race you!’ he challenges before setting off at a sprint. I laugh at him before breaking into a run of my own. Since my bag is still in the car, I have nothing to weigh me down so I run like a little kid, waving my arms around madly and laughing as I go.
Happily, the beach is as deserted as the rest of Hunstanton so I don’t run the risk of falling into anyone, although the odd dog walker does give us a funny look as we fly by. A dog even starts running along with us, only spurring us on faster.
I like to think that I’m fit, given all the cycling I do, yet my ability to sprint is pushed further as I reach Jay and we both give it all we have, trying to outrun each other.
We come to a screeching stop at the edge of the water. Or rather, he does.
My feet betray me and instead of stopping I end up running into the water, shrieking as the cold freezes my toes and I jump back out again only to find Jay buckled over with laughter.
‘And that’s why we don’t go into the water in the middle of December,’ he scoffs, being no help at all.
‘Shut up and help me will you!’ I yell through my own grin, removing my wet shoes and socks. They sink into the damp sand beneath me and I decide that probably wasn’t the best thing to do. ‘Ew.’
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