Jay sighs. ‘You’re hopeless,’ he laughs. Then, just to make things worse, he scoops me up into his arms and starts walking back up the beach.
‘Let me down!’ I order, wriggling under his grip, holding on tight to my shoes and socks. I’ve already been humiliated enough today, don’t I deserve a break?
Jay ignores me, grinning, and I have to endure the long trek back up to the concrete ramp before he finally lowers me. I slap his arm.
‘What was that for?’ he asks, cradling his elbow, mock hurt obvious in his voice.
‘For being a jer-’
But I don’t get to finish that thought because Jay then decides to pick me up in a fireman’s lift. Bloody brilliant.
‘Sorry, what was that?’ he chimes happily.
‘Jay Ellsworth, put me down!’ I squeal, slamming on his back as he walks.
‘Sorry, I can’t hear you,’ he answers, beginning to whistle instead. I give up on fighting and just let him carry me. An elderly couple sharing a sandwich on a bench stare at me. I wave back.
At least Jay has sort of good intentions, and drags me over to the car which gives me a chance to change into some spare socks and swap my boots for my converse before we set out again.
We grab some lunch and walk along the pier, Jay nattering on about London and how different it is from here.
‘Do you miss it?’ I ask, tucking into a burger. Jay ponders over the question for a moment.
‘London, no. But I miss the people there, its gunna be hard to keep in touch since they’re so far away but we’ll manage,’ he laughs. ‘My brother though, he was not happy about leaving. He’s on his gap year now and claims he will severely miss the clubs and general nightlife.’
‘Do you have many siblings?’ I continue.
‘One older brother and an older sister, I’m the baby of the family. My sister lives in New York but hopefully she’s coming over to visit soon.’
‘Nice,’ I say, impressed. Living in London was one thing, but I wonder what it would be like to live in New York. I’ve only ever lived in a small town. ‘What does she do?’
‘She’s a journalist for one of the big newspapers there, but it means she’s busy all the time,’ he replies wistfully. ‘Hey, what’s with the twenty-questions anyway?’
‘Well, you know lots about me, so now it’s your turn,’ I point out.
‘I don’t know much about you,’ he argues. ‘I don’t know your music taste, for instance.’
‘Anything with a fast beat,’ I grin. ‘You?’
‘How much would you judge me if I said Justin Bieber and One Direction?’
‘I would leave.’
We continue firing random questions at each other and falling into conversations about favourite music, thankfully not Justin Bieber and One Direction, and favourite all time films. Jay even admits that he hates scary movies but watches them anyway just so his brother can’t tease him about it.
I start talking about my passion for art and how I use it as my own form of escapism. I natter on about a number of my favourite artists and Jay nods along, making appropriate noises even though I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know who half the people I’m talking about are.
‘I do have one very important question,’ I announce as we make our way down to the amusement park. ‘What is your actual name?’
‘Ah’ Jay smirks, tapping nose. ‘That is for me to know, and you to find out. Now, I fancy a go on these rides, got the stomach for it, Red?’
‘Childs play,’ I snort. We pay for our tickets and meander round, arguing over which ride to go on first and which ones to avoid. Jay persuades me to join him on the baby rollercoaster which goes about ten miles an hour around a tiny track which turns out to be strangely entertaining and we pose dramatically every time we go past one of those cameras that takes pictures of you on the ride, half the time pulling some awkward face because you’re going downwards on a large drop.
As pay back for the baby rollercoaster, I deny him any pleas of going on the water rides. The memory of my soaked boots is enough to keep me firm on that decision.
As we pass the little market stalls and tents with goods on offer my eyes land on a delicate gold necklace with a small carousel charm attached. Enchanted, I pick it up and admire it. To anyone else it would probably look like a tacky piece of jewellery, what with the cheesy charm, but I want something to remember this day by.
‘You like?’ The vender enthuses, eyeing me up like an eagle about to pounce, as venders usually do.
‘How much?’ I grin.
‘Twenty.’ My grin falls. I’m sure that would be in the budget for most girls at my school, but I simply don’t have that much money to spend. Begrudgingly, I place the necklace back in its hold. ‘Sorry, I don’t have enough.’
‘Luckily, I do,’ Jay chirps, digging into his wallet.
‘Hell no,’ I scold. ‘You’ve done enough,’ I laugh.
‘For you, seventeen pounds!’ The vender cries.
‘That sounds very reasonable,’ Jay agrees.
‘We’re not interested, but thank you very much,’ I tell the man as I push Jay away from the stall.
We spend the rest of the day milling around, even visiting the aquarium at some point, finally heading up to the cliffs and looking over the sea as the sun sets.
‘If I could freeze this moment, I would,’ I say softly as we watch the sun fall, bright oranges and purples being projected across the sky and then reflecting off the water.
It soon falls dark though and Jay goes in search of blankets and a camping lamp so we can stay out on the cliff without freezing our butts off. A campfire would have been nice but it’s probably illegal so we settle for a portable camping heater. Jay really has thought of everything.
Whilst Jay looks for somewhere to get food, I curl up close to the heater and pull out my sketchbook, flipping it over to the page I had started the other day. Jay’s half-drawn face smiles up at me.
It’s almost done, just missing the final tweaks. Not one to leave something unfinished, I complete the last fine details and shading until I’m finally happy with it.
‘How do chips sound for dinner? Hey, is that-’
‘Nope!’ I squeak, slamming shut my sketchbook, not having heard Jay approach.
‘That was totally my face!’ Jay argues, putting down the food and trying to wrestle the sketchbook from my hands. I bat him away and he finally gives up, rolling back on his heels.
‘Pretty please?’ he begs, clasping his hands together and trying for the puppy dog look. I narrow my eyes at him; he’s holding the food prisoner in exchange for my sketchbook.
‘Fine, but no laughing,’ I say, swapping the pad for a bag of fish and chips.
Jay studies it for a moment before his lips quirk into a smile. ‘You even got my best side,’ he grins, pulling an exaggerated model-type pose. ‘Red, this is really good. Like, seriously good.’
Instead of giving my sketchbook back he proceeds to carry on flicking through it. ‘You want to be an artist?’
I shrug. ‘I don’t know what I want to do, I’ve never really thought about it.’
‘At all?’ Jay asks, looking up at me. ‘What about plans for after sixth form? University?’
‘Nope.’ I shrug again.
‘Maybe you should take an art course?’ Jay muses, going back to the book in his hand. ‘College or whatever. Or just go straight on to Uni.’
I ponder over his suggestion for a moment. It’s true, I’ve never really thought about it, but then after Alex died I hadn’t really thought about my future at all.
A memory comes to mind and Jay looks up questioningly as I laugh out loud.
‘I remember one time, we were camping in Alex’s garden. We had a fire going and everything. I think we were playing catch in the dark, and Alex wasn’t paying attention to where he was standing. The next thing I remember is Alex running around the garden screaming because his shoe had caught fire. We weren’t allowed campfires again af
ter that,’ I laugh fondly.
‘He seems like a good guy,’ Jay smiles softly.
‘Yeah, he was,’ I smile. He really was.
CHAPTER 7
Crashing in the car is not the most comfortable thing in the world, but I can hardly complain too much, I have claimed the whole back row of seats after all. Although, I did fail to get any sleep thanks to Jay’s constant complaints about how uncomfy the front seats of the car are.
He didn’t take my suggestion to sleeping in the boot, well!
I get up, blinking a few times before my head clears and rummage around for the car keys so I can unlock the doors and crawl out. Despite feeling achy from the uncomfortable night’s sleep, I actually feel okay. Really okay.
Jay is still fast asleep so I shut the car door softly and head out for a stroll, making my way over to the cliffs again. It’s still fairly early so I pass no one, which is probably for the best since I dread to think what I look like. Unfortunately, the crisp morning has brought a bitter, December chill, so I wrap my coat more tightly around me.
The sight from the top of the cliffs is indescribable. A flock of birds are flying overhead, dancing among the clouds and diving through the sky. Morning fog is still visible and drapes over the calm sea like a thin blanket. A few sailboats are out too, and I curse myself for not taking my sketchbook out of the car with me.
Almost perfect, I think longingly.
I close my eyes and focus very carefully on what I want more than anything in the world. It’s almost as if I can feel Alex’s presence beside me. The light sound of his breathing fills my ears. The familiar smell of his spice-scented aftershave fills my nose, warming me.
‘Well, it’s not Florida,’ he would snort. I peel my eyes open and raise an eyebrow at the embodiment of my best friend that my imagination has created. Alex is wearing his favourite “lazy clothes” as he liked to call them; an old red, band T-shirt and a loose pair of jeans that have never fitted him properly, his sandy hair in its usual, messy style.
‘It’s still beautiful though,’ I argue back. Alex simply shrugs.
‘Remember when we said we’d travel the world together?’ Alex replies wistfully, still gazing across the landscape. ‘Then we’d see some beautiful sights. This is nothing compared to what is out there.’
‘Yet you’d still find a way to be sceptical about it,’ I point out, laughing. As much as he tried, it took a lot for Alex to be impressed by something because he always thought there was something better just within his grasp. He was a dreamer and sceptic all at the same time.
Except in music. In music, he found beauty in every note.
‘I miss you,’ I say quietly to my imagination. Alex looks as if he wants to take my hand or hold me tightly, but even my own mind isn’t strong enough to conjure that level of intimacy. Instead, he sighs sadly to himself.
‘I miss you too,’ he whispers, his voice catching. Even though I know on some level that Alex isn’t really here, that Alex isn’t saying these things, the notion still relaxes me. ‘Neve, you need to stop blaming yourself.’
‘I can’t.’ I shake my head. ‘If I had done something sooner… told someone…’
‘We both know I wouldn’t have let you,’ Alex laughs dryly. ‘This one is on me. Or maybe it’s not on either of us at all,’ he muses. I shake my head stubbornly, a tear rolling down my cheek as I close my eyes.
‘Neve, I lo-’
But the echo of his voice is carried away with the wind, and when I open my eyes again Alex is gone, leaving me alone once more.
I hug my knees, trying to swallow the thick lump that has formed in the back of my throat. I often ponder over whether, if he was here, Alex would blame me for what happened or not.
I like to think that he wouldn’t, purely on the basis that if our roles were reversed, I could never blame him for anything that happened. But maybe that is just wishful thinking.
Deciding I have spent enough time out here, and that Jay may get worried if he wakes up to find me missing, I say one last goodbye to the magnificent view and trek back to the car, feeling slightly numb.
I reach it just in time to see Jay’s head pop up in the window. He looks around with confusion before registering where he is and running a hand through his wild hair, which currently looks like a bird’s nest. I smile, happy in the knowledge that I’m not the only one who looks a mess.
He rolls down the window as I approach.
‘Where have you been?’ he asks sleepily, rubbing at his eyes. It’s adorable really.
‘A morning walk. I’m rating a coffee, how about you?’
‘Sounds like a good idea,’ he mumbles. ‘Five more minutes.’ Then Jay falls back and curls up again, ready to fall back to sleep.
I finally manage to drag Jay away from his blanket and I take my spare clothes, changing in the toilets and layering on the deodorant since I won’t get to shower until tonight. I splash cold water onto my face and neck, washing my arms as far up to the elbows. I brush my teeth and apply a layer of make-up, feeling refreshed at last and give my hair one last once over before we go in search of coffee and breakfast.
We find a sweet little restaurant that serves a whopping fry up and down our coffees, taking two more to go before returning to the car.
‘Where to next?’ Jay asks again, looking a lot more alive now that he has had his morning coffee.
I think for a moment but come up with nothing in particular. ‘Just drive,’ I instruct. We cheerily wave goodbye to the beach, which only has us in fits of laughter before hitting the roads. We decide to stay away from the main roads to avoid traffic jams and just go wherever the country roads take us.
We keep the radio on after battling over which radio station to tune it to and I start drawing, sketching out the views roughly before they disappear from memory. Our conversation is easy, but if we ever do fall into silence, it’s of the comfortable variety.
I have no idea which direction we are driving in but I hope it’s in the direction of home because all of a sudden the car makes a jerking noise and comes to a very slow top.
‘Jay, what was that?’ I ask slowly, raising an eyebrow.
‘Erm…’ Jay trails off, not wanting to say the words ‘I don’t know.’
To make matters worse, it starts to rain.
Jay jumps out of the car and pops the bonnet open. Small puffs of smoke appear. I groan and go to join him.
‘It’s just as I suspected,’ Jay announces. ‘It’s buggered.’
‘But it looks so new and unbreakable,’ I whine, running a hand along the bonnet.
‘Our luck is just terrible,’ he mutters, holding out his phone. Then he groans out loud too. ‘Typical, no signal. Man, I miss London.’
I check my own mobile and sure enough, I have zero signal bars flickering up at me.
‘Now what?’ I ask, wrapping my arms around me and jumping up and down to keep myself warm.
‘We go in search of a mechanic? Or signal?’ Jay shrugs. I roll my eyes and trudge over to the side of the road, grinning when a small village comes into view at the bottom of the huge hill we are on.
‘Somewhere like there?’ I suggest, pointing to our potential saviours.
‘Looks like it, now help me push this.’
We heave, pull and push the car to the side of the road before grabbing our coats and making a start down the hill. The rain is getting heavier now and I can tell my hair is drenched and ruined.
‘Race you?’ Jay raises his eyebrows, challenging me again. This time I decline.
‘Are you crazy?’ I laugh.
‘Chicken!’ he calls out, breaking into a jog and slopping around in the muddy fields. The joke ends up on him though, because he doesn’t watch his step and trips, falling down heavily into the mud. Except he doesn’t stop there, and continues sliding and rolling down the hill, yelping as he goes.
‘Jay!’ I yell, although end up bursting into fits of laughter at the top of the hill, my belly and cheeks achin
g from the motion before I start making my way hurriedly down to meet him, careful not to fall into the same fate.
Jay comes to a rolling stop and lies there, dumbstruck in the mud. Even when I’m down at the bottom I can’t stop laughing, my eyes beginning to well up at the hilarious sight.
‘Ow.’ He groans and face-palms for his idiocy, then holds a hand out.
‘Help me up?’ he begs. I deliberate whether to leave him there or not before offering him a hand up.
Note to self; never be nice when it comes to Jay Ellsworth.
Instead of pulling himself up, he yanks me down with him and I have to send my palms flying out in front of me to stop myself face planting the mud. My palms sink into the wet ground and Jay pushes me sideways so I fall completely into it.
‘Ew,’ I squeal, cringing when Jay throws a handful of wet dirt at me. I get revenge by picking out my own handful of dirt and we proceed to attack each other before we end up both lying on the ground in fits of laughter. The rain is so thick now, a curtain of falling water blurs everywhere you look.
‘Weren’t we on some sort of mission?’ Jay sits up, trying to flick some of the mud off of himself.
‘The mechanic!’ I remind him. This time we both manage to get up and slip and slide down to the outskirts of the village. We find the nearest shop and pile into it, the shop assistants and customers all looking with bewilderment at these two kids, muddy and soaked through.
‘Hi, can anyone direct us to the nearest garage?’ Jay asks politely, clearing his throat before hand.
The shop assistant gives us directions and we finally find what we are looking for. We explain where our car is and they agree to tow us back home. Jay gives them his address and pays them handsomely.
‘You guys don’t happen to have a shower here do you?’ I venture, only to be met with amused smiles and silence. ‘Worth a try,’ I shrug, although I do manage to dive into the loos and scrub away some of the dirt from my arms and face.
We get back up to the hill and the mechanics do their thing, claiming that ‘the engine is bust,’ in Jay’s words. We ride in the cab of the pick up truck as we’re towed away, and I notice as Jay fidgets around next to me, a pained expression on his face.
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