Hello World

by Joanna Sellick

  Why do I care?

  I lean against the cooling glass of the club, my head starting to throb.

  I decide it must be the alcohol. There is no other explanation for this.

  Feeling ridiculous, I wrap my arms around me and start walking. I don’t own a car, or know how to drive, but there must be a bus or something around here. My feet choose the direction for me and I press my palm against my forehead as it starts to pulse a migraine.

  As I get further from the club, my head begins to clear and I feel my body learning to breathe again. Blake is just a guy, I chant. Blake is just a guy, get a grip.

  It’s then that I notice someone is following me and a shiver crawls over my skin.

  Someone lets out a low wolf-whistle behind me and I freeze all over again, slowly turning around and praying that it’s just Nathan trying to wind me up.

  It’s not Nathan.

  Instead, two guys start to approach me, both twice my size with beers in their hands, their jeans halfway down their hips and a drunken sway to their swagger. The taller one sniggers.

  ‘Hey girlie, does your mother know you’re out this late?’ he coos, his gaze travelling from my face downwards.

  Actually, my mother’s dead, so I guess she couldn’t care less, I think darkly as fear starts to sober me further, jumbling my insides.

  ‘Sorry fellas, I’m really not in the mood for this tonight,’ I say dryly, trying for a bored expression when really my mind is fizzling before me.

  I take a step back and rapidly try to remember what on earth I’m supposed to do. Scream and run? Yell fire? Curl into a foetal position and hope my prince charming comes striding in on a noble stead?

  ‘Aw, don’t be like that. We’re only after a little bit of fun,’ the second jeers, taking a few steps closer towards me.

  ‘Too bad really, she’s taken.’ A furious, male voice cuts through the panic clouding my mind and I look up to see Blake standing behind the two guys, the street lamps lighting him up from behind and casting his silhouette in light. Two other shapes linger behind him and as they come into focus I see Cole rolling up his sleeves and Nathan looking around with slight amusement. He winks at me and I narrow my eyes into daggers, sending them in his direction. His lips twitch upwards.

  ‘Huh,’ one of the guys muses. ‘You should keep her on a better leash, mate. You never know who’s walking around at night,’ he snickers again, making a move towards me.

  Now Nathan’s expression hardens, and he takes a step forward.

  ‘I swear to God-’ Blake threatens, crossing the space between him and the second guy in several effortless strides.

  ‘You’ll do what?’ the guy growls, cutting Blake off and marching forward to meet him.

  ‘I’ll ram my heel up where the sun don’t shine so fast you won’t be able to walk for years,’ a female voice snarls. Dixie appears beside Cole, her usually bubbly figure now rigid and ready for anything.

  She isn’t wearing high-heels exactly, but the heels of her heavy combat boots are enough to make the guys think twice.

  The second guy chuckles and sneers down at Blake before backing off and muttering to his mate something about me not being worth it after all.

  The five of us stay planted in our spots, not moving until the two men are out of sight.

  All I want to do is burst into tears.

  ‘Well… I think that’s the most exciting thing that’s happened all night,’ Dixie says at last.

  I just stare at her before turning around and walking away, adding humiliation to my list of things that have gone wrong tonight. Everything in me is shaking and I press my nails down hard into the palm of my hand to try and steady everything.

  Faintly, I hear the boys arguing before footsteps hurry up behind me. I manage to wipe at my eyes just before Blake dives in front of me, blocking my way.

  ‘Where on earth are you going?’ he asks desperately. At least he doesn’t have Charity’s lipstick imprint on him; that may have pushed me overboard. ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘Home,’ I say bluntly, ignoring the “are you okay?” part of it. ‘Turns out I’m not really feeling the party scene.’ I try to move around him but Blake mirrors my movements.

  ‘You’re going to walk?’ he retorts, folding his arms and raising an eyebrow. I just narrow my eyes at him and he puts his hands up in surrender. ‘Okay, okay. Look, what just happened in the club-’

  ‘Let me guess, you’re going to tell me it meant nothing, blah, blah, blah,’ I say coldly. ‘Well good for you, but it’s really none of my business. You wanted Charity’s attention, you got it. Congratulations.’ I finally manage to move past Blake but keep facing him, anger fuelling my little rant. ‘I hope the two of you are very happy together.’

  Feeling slightly better, I start to march away.

  ‘Neve?’ I hear Blake call after me.

  After an inner tug-of-war battle, I finally let myself turn around again.

  ‘What?’ I snap, only feeling a little guilty for yelling at the guy who has just saved my arse. Without warning, he crosses the space in several strides and grabs hold of my shoulders, pulling me close and crushing my lips against his.

  At first I stay frozen in shock against him. Then something in me crumbles and I wrap my arms around his neck, sinking against his muscular chest.

  This is the complete opposite to the kiss I had with Jay; there is no awkwardness, no hesitation, no feeling the need to giggle. When he finally lets me go I almost sway back in awe of what has just happened.

  ‘You’re freezing,’ he says softly, running a hand along my arms, rows of goose bumps visible. ‘I’ll make you a deal, come back to the club to get your jacket, or wait outside and I’ll fetch it, and then let me drive you home. Deal?’

  I nod numbly and follow him back. I decide to go back into the club, partly because of the cold outside and partly from fear that the two guys are still lurking around. Blake takes my hand and guides me through the crowds until we find our booth again and I pull my jacket back on, taking comfort in the familiar material.

  He leads me back down towards the bar and then comes to a stop.

  ‘Wait right here, I’ve just got to grab the car keys from Dixie,’ Blake says, and again I nod.

  The band is still playing their loud music but the end of the song comes to an abrupt stop as a figure beckons towards the lead singer. A few groans erupt around the club but the singer ignores them, kneeling down on the stage to listen to the person. The lead singer breaks into a smirk and nods, signalling to one of his managers and band members before returning to the microphone.

  ‘Okay, so I’ve just had a song request for the beautiful birthday girl,’ the lead singer grins mischievously. A spot light appears and finds Charity in the crowd. She blushes and then makes a big sort of ‘oh who, me?’ gesture. ‘And hey, the guy even wanted to sing it himself, so lets all welcome him to the stage, eh?’

  The figure the lead singer had been talking to is handed a mic and leaps up onto the stage. When the lights reveal him my jaw drops open.

  ‘Everyone having a good night?’ Blake yells into the mic, only to be rewarded by cheers from the crowd. Charity looks like she might faint with delight. ‘So, my friend bought me this album, and what can I say, this one song just reminds me of you, so…’ he trails off, and the band takes that as their cue to start playing.

  The music starts playing and I raise an eyebrow, the music intro familiar to me. It’s the intro to Paint You Wings, from the All Time Low album I’d bought him for Christmas.

  Blake finds me in the crowd and winks, bringing the mic up to his mouth.

  I’m not quite sure on all of the lyrics, but it certainly has something in there about Charity being a princess who isn’t worth saving, and a number of metaphors of how much of a general cow she can be.

  Quite the birthday present.

  Then he breaks into the chorus and I cast a glance over at Charity. It’s safe to say the smug grin has been well and tr
uly wiped off her face. Blake finishes the first chorus and while the short instrumental is playing, thrusts his fist triumphantly into the air.

  The club erupts into applause and I just stand there shaking my head in disbelief, my mouth still hanging open and my hand pressed over it. Blake does a last little salute before jumping back off the stage, other people high-fiving him or slapping him on the back.

  My eyebrow is still raised when Blake reaches me.

  ‘Shall we get going?’ he grins, holding out a hand.

  ‘I really think we should,’ I laugh, taking his hand. The two of us then get out of the club as fast as we possibly can, only stopping when we are out in the street and the club is no longer in sight. Then we collapse into laughter.

  ‘I cannot believe you just did that!’ I exclaim, struggling to find my breath. One look at Blake has me in hysterics again.

  ‘Hey, it was either that or Taylor Swift’s We are Never Ever, Ever, Getting Back Together.’

  ‘You’re an absolute arse, Blake Ellsworth,’ I state, although I can’t help the grin plastered on my face.

  Blake shrugs, his eyes glistening mischievously. ‘I’m sure it won’t affect her status in anyway, she’ll still be the Queen by the end of the night. Besides, I think it got my message across pretty well.’ Then he shuffles his feet uncomfortably. ‘Look Neve, seriously, in the club with Charity-’

  But I just place a finger of his lips to cut him off.

  ‘Nothing is going to happen with her again, right? Not even as a summer hook up?’ I raise an eyebrow hopefully. He shakes his head, my finger still preventing him from talking. ‘Then I think we should just put it all down to alcohol induced stress and forget about it. Sound good?’

  This time Blake breaks into a big grin and removes my finger from my lips so he can move in to kiss me again, and this time I don’t freeze up in shock. I allow myself to relax and let my fingers tangle in his hair, taking comfort in his strong yet gentle arms around me.

  Subconsciously, I realise I’m kissing someone, breaking down these walls I’ve built around myself, allowing myself to feel something other than pain. Allowing myself to be happy.

  And it doesn’t feel bad.

  It feels anything but.

  Yet even so, something in the pit of my stomach stirs uncomfortably and I know that if I’m going to go through with this, if I’m going to try and make whatever this is with Blake work, I have to come clean. I have to tell him everything. I have to truly let him in to my world.

  Mentally groaning to myself, I pull away and sigh, tugging on his shirt and averting my gaze.

  ‘Blake, before anything happens, there is some stuff I have to tell you.’

  ‘You’re not gunna tell you’re a lesbian or a man are you?’ Blake frowns, not dropping his arms away from me. I laugh and raise an eyebrow.

  ‘That’s happened before?’

  Blake’s cheeks blush ever so slightly.

  ‘More often than you would think, actually.’

  I shake my head, a small smile playing on my lips and lace my hand through his, pulling him towards a bench a little further down the street.

  I pull in a deep breath and take a few moments to put my thoughts into words before letting them tumble out in a jumble of sentences. I tell him everything; about Alex, about Kai and school, the text to everyone, my counselling sessions, even the argument with my Grandmother. Finally though, I tell him about how I really met Jay.

  Blake stays quiet as I talk, nodding along to show me he’s listening but not interrupting, squeezing my hand supportively when I start to choke up on words. But when I finish, he’s still silent, staring ahead of him and trying to take in everything I’ve just said.

  ‘Blake?’ I say softly after several more moments of silence pass over us.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ he says, finally looking at me. His voice is thick with emotion. ‘I had no idea… I should have realised something…’

  ‘Well, I’m quite good at hiding it,’ I laugh sadly. ‘But these past few weeks… you and Jay…’ I start, my eyes welling up. I move to sit on my knees on the bench, facing in his direction and take another deep breath. ‘You guys are something I never thought I would have. You two changed my world… but I get it if this is too much for you… if you want to get up and walk away right now I wouldn’t blame you…’ I trail off.

  Blake’s eyes widen and he shakes his head, turning to face me too. ‘Now why the hell would I want to do that?’ he says softly, tucking a piece of red hair behind my ear. Before I can answer he interrupts me. ‘Everyone has something they have to deal with, and everyone feels like they have to deal with it on their own, no matter how small or big. Now you tell me, after everything you’ve just said, how I have the option to just walk away? I’m not going anywhere, come here,’ he says, patting the space on the bench next to him.

  Silently, I crawl into his open arms and lean my head on his chest, squeezing my eyes shut to try and block off the water in my eyes.

  We sit like that for a moment before I sit up again and look up at him, only a small part of me wondering how much I must look like a panda by now.

  ‘Thank you,’ I say quietly. Blake smiles and wipes away the wet patches on my cheeks. Then he frowns slightly.

  ‘I do have one question though…’ he starts awkwardly. ‘You and Alex, did you guys ever, you know, date…?’

  I blink, the question taking me by surprise before bursting into laughter.

  ‘No, we never dated,’ I say, still laughing at the thought.

  An odd pang of something settles in my stomach at the thought but I try to push it away.

  ‘Alex means - meant - the world to me, but no, we never dated,’ I confirm. Blake relaxes slightly.

  ‘So you weren’t… you didn’t like him in that way…?’

  ‘No!’ I say, my cheeks blushing slightly.

  ‘That’s good to know,’ he grins. ‘So, can I kiss you now?’ he asks, raising an eyebrow. I smirk and move in closer in order to let our lips meet. As the rest of the world melts away, feelings of happiness and relief flood through me.

  And just the tiniest bit of guilt.

  CHAPTER 21

  ‘Okay, so I may be slightly hung over.’

  I cringe then as Jay’s laughter rattles through my skull, groaning before I rest my head on the dashboard. Other than a small pounding in my head though, I feel fine. I’m just waiting for the painkillers to set in.

  ‘Whatever,’ Jay smirks, nodding goodbye to Charlie, who is standing at the front door of the house, before pulling out of the street. ‘You’re sober enough to give me directions right?’

  I stick my tongue out at him.

  ‘Shut up, it’s just a headache, everybody gets those. As for the directions, I don’t know if I could point you in the right direction either way,’ I mutter, pulling out the map and squinting at it. ‘Where’s a boy scout when you need one?’

  ‘How do you know I’m not one?’ Jay winks. I snort.

  ‘Please, you have too much of an evil streak. Plus, I bet boy scouts don’t spend half their time killing zombies on games,’ I retort, rolling my eyes. Then I reach around my neck and pull off the long piece of string with the house key attached, laying it on the map. Jay glances at me with amused interest.

  ‘You’re still wearing it,’ he comments.

  I look from him to the key.

  ‘The key? Well yeah, otherwise I’ll lose it.’

  Jay smiles and shakes his head. ‘I meant the necklace I got you.’

  My gaze immediately drops to my collarbone, where the gold carousel necklace still hangs there. I smile fondly. ‘Yeah, I haven’t taken it off since Christmas.’

  ‘So, now that you tackled your first party last night, can I persuade you to come to Declan’s party next weekend?’ Jay asks slyly, changing the topic.

  I snort. ‘I dunno, two parties in two weeks? That sounds like the beginning of a social life to me,’ I say lightly, trying to hide the uneas
iness in my voice. Going to a party where I don’t know anyone is one thing, but going to one with everyone from school? I don’t know if I’m ready to cross that line yet.

  ‘It’ll be fine. It’s just a house party, no biggie,’ Jay urges. ‘And I’ll be right beside you the whole time.’

  ‘I’ll think about it,’ I tell him at last. Then I turn on the radio to signal an end to the topic. As always though, we can never decide on a radio station.

  The journey takes about an hour or so, and runs a lot smoother than the trip up to Hunstanton. It feels as though in no time at all, we are pulling into the little town of March.

  I say town, it’s more like a village, and reminds me a lot of the one we had to go searching for a mechanic in. At first it strikes me as an odd place for my parents to have lived, I swear Charlie mentioned once or twice that my Dad was a doctor at a large hospital in some city, but I guess he could have always commuted there and back.

  Mum though, being the artist that Charlie claimed her to be, would have found this spot perfect. It’s so picturesque, even in winter, with lines of pretty cottages and houses. Small shops litter the street, even a traditional sweet shop, and a towering church completes the scene. I can almost imagine her wandering around with sketchbook in hand, picking up inspiration.

  Before my imagination can run too far away with me, one shop in particular catches my attention and I tell Jay to pull over. Grinning, I get out of the car and cross the street, pushing through the white painted door, a little bell chiming as I do.

  Immediately, the smell of paint hits me and my smile widens. I’m standing in a little gallery, numerous watercolour and acrylic paintings hanging from the crowded walls. I hear the little bell chime again and suddenly Jay is beside me, looking in my direction with amusement.

  ‘Shut up,’ I tell him. It’s not my fault I get excited over these sorts of things. In awe, I take in the place, looking in detail at every piece of painting I can see.

  One wall, I notice, is covered with a range of drawings done by younger children, crude pictures of green fields and bright blue skies. Alongside that are some other pieces and I note that there is banner claiming the wall to be ‘the wall of fame.’ A leaflet for art classes is pinned in the middle of it.