Warrior's Moon A Love Story

by Jaclyn Hawkes

  Mordecai only nodded and looked out across the backs of the horses at something Peyton couldn’t see. At length, he turned back and said, “Someday, in the next life, I hope to see them again. Some of the old writings teach of families that last beyond this life. I hope and pray they are right. We’ve always tried to live worthy if it is so. And I have to believe. Otherwise, I would lose sight of the whole point of this existence.”

  After a few more thoughtful moments, Mordecai turned back to him. “Treasure her, Peyton. She is of infinite worth. Treasure her. Nothing can make being an honorable man more important or come more easily than a woman of character. She can strengthen you in every part of your life. She will help you rise to your God-given potential. And remember there are no guarantees. Life is short sometimes. Don’t take it for granted.”

  “No. I won’t.”

  “Do you still wish me to speak to the king concerning your becoming a squire? It will mean leaving her for a time to train and leaving her again every time you’re called away to battle. The leaving is hard. I’ll promise you that. Although, the honor and the pay was some consolation. Not enough. But some.”

  “Then why did you do it, Mordecai?”

  “Because it was the right thing to do.”

  Peyton nodded solemnly. “Speak to the king. I will speak to Chantaya.”

  SSSS

  Peyton had dropped her off unquestionably happy, so Chantaya was once again at a loss as to why he was now unquestionably troubled as he picked her back up to walk her home. Whatever could have happened in the short four hour interim? The notion that he was having serious second thoughts about her made her feel slightly ill just at the idea.

  She looked up into his face as he helped her on with her cloak, but all he did was give her a sad, half smile and then wrap his arm and his own cloak about her shoulders as they ventured out into the dark.

  Still a touch self conscious about their earlier conversation, she walked beside him in silence as she worked to muster her courage to ask him if he’d changed his mind. They were clear past his home and almost to hers before she finally ventured there. “What is it, Peyton? Does the thought of someday wedding me make you as troubled as you look? Have you changed your mind then?”

  He gave one small humorless laugh and shook his head and then bent it to kiss her hair again much as he had those two nights before. “I will never change my mind about wanting to be the love of your life, Chantaya Kincraig. That has been set in stone for a decade and more now.”

  At his answer, she stopped and turned to look up at him in the moonlight. “What then, Pey? What is it that keeps stealing your sweet smile? If it is in my power, you shall have it returned to you.”

  He looked down into her eyes and even in the dark she could see the devotion that shone there. Then, he looked away and said, “Mordecai wishes to request of the king that I become a squire to one of his knights.”

  For a moment, she considered that and all it entailed and then said, “But I don’t understand. You should be thrilled. ‘Tis a great and rare honor. ‘Tis what you’ve dreamed of. Why does that trouble you?”

  “Because I shall have to leave you for a time to train. I don’t know how long. And then I shall be a warrior, Chantaya. A willing one. Our king is a rare and good steward. But warriors sometimes don’t come home to their wives. And their children. Sometimes they give their lives. Sometimes they come home horribly scarred and wounded. ‘Tis a risk we would both have to accept.”

  She gave a gentle shake of her head. “Did we not accept that risk years ago, Peyton when first we realized how very extraordinarily talented you were at everything Mordecai began to teach you? Did we not accept that risk when first we came to realize his presence here was no coincidence? Did we not accept that risk when we came to understand that the forces of evil will always be fighting to take away the rights and powers of those who strive to do what is right?”

  She reached up and tenderly touched his cheek. “I accepted that risk before I even understood that I will adore you always, Peyton. And I was proud of you. Now, knowing the man you are and the responsibility you are willing to shoulder for God and country, I’m honored to associate with you. Someday becoming the wife who will stay home with your children and pray for you is a greater honor still.”

  She shook her head again. “This decision is yours to make Peyton Wolfgar, but I will stand behind you in whatever it is you believe you should do. Whether you stay or go.”

  He looked into her eyes for another long moment and then pulled her close again and rested his chin on top of her head. For several minutes he just held her like that as they both thought through the significance of what could happen. Finally, he said, “It might be truly hard sometimes, Chani.”

  Struggling to swallow the lump that had risen in her throat at the thought of being without him for a time or even losing him permanently, she nodded. “I know.”

  After a pause, he asked, “You’re sure?”

  “I am.”

  He pulled back so he could look at her again and she raised her tear bright eyes to meet his. Giving her another sad smile, he said, “I love you, Chantaya.”

  “And I love you, Sir Peyton.”

  He leaned his chin against her forehead and said softly, “You must. God help us.” After another moment of quiet embrace, he took her hand and turned to lead her the rest of the way home. They had journeyed far in the course of one short day.

  SSSS

  Mordecai left the next day and was gone for three during which Peyton and Chantaya cared for his old horse Wallace and prayed the horse wouldn’t breathe his last breath on their watch. They’d slipped from childhood friends into an unusual relationship of hidden, but committed young love remarkably seamlessly. They hadn’t even told Tristan, and in public they acted the same as they always did, but with each other, there was no doubt in either of their heads and hearts about the nature of their relationship. Nothing more had been said about when they would marry, but the fact that they eventually would had become sure. It was indescribably comforting to Chantaya to know what her fate would eventually be.

  Once, as they were walking home from Mordecai’s, Chantaya asked him, “Why did you never speak to me of our future? Before that day I went into the village?”

  “Because you’re only fifteen. I thought it would be another year before we would speak of such things.”

  “But you could have at least let me know a portion of the direction of your heart.”

  He rounded on her where she walked beside him. “I show you a portion of the direction of my heart every day of your life, Chani. Don’t you see that?”

  She nodded. “I do. But still, a girl could die of wondering without some kind of hint at your thoughts and feelings.”

  He took her hand and pulled her back to walking down the path. “And a couple could die of loneliness if a girl’s mother found out I was more than her childhood friend. I don’t doubt that as soon as your mother realizes my intentions, she’ll put a stop to our endless freedom together. And I can’t blame her. Knowing someday I shall be your husband makes me wish you were older.”

  “I shall grow older while you are training, Peyton. How long do you think it will be before they shall want you?”

  “I’ve no notion. I desire to go, but still, I hope it’s not straight away. I just got to truly dream of our sure future together. I’d like to enjoy that for awhile. How long do you think it will be before you grow older enough?”

  She smiled shyly. “You’re the one who says I’m not old enough now, Peyton. Perhaps circumstances themselves will dictate what the timeline of our lives becomes. Our Father’s hand is in all of this. We’ll live on His schedule. Perhaps all of this is why thou art come to the kingdom at such a time as this. Like Esther, in the old stories of the Jews. Perhaps even I have been sent for such a time as this. How long will you be in training before they let you become a knight?”

  He shrugged. “I’ve no notion of that eit
her. I guess that will depend on how well Mordecai has already taught me and how great their need of new men is. I shall do as I am requested and then come back for you as soon as I can.”

  For a time they walked in silence, both of them caught up in their own thoughts until finally, Chantaya asked, “How far is the king’s castle from here, Pey?”

  “Three hours ride east. Maybe four. I’m not entirely sure. Why?”

  “I just wondered about how far you would be from me.”

  “I will always be in your heart, Chani. And the same moon will rise and set over me near the castle as will rise and set over you in your cottage. And I’ll come when I can. I swear it.”

  She pulled him to a stop and when he turned to her, she said, “Do. Do come to me when you can, Peyton. Because I probably won’t be able to come to you.” She looked down while she made sure she could speak without her voice cracking and then faced him again. “I will miss you, Peyton. And I’ll always be praying for you.”

  “And I for you.”

  SSSS

  Two nights later, Peyton showed up more than an hour early to pick her up from cooking in the tavern and he came into the kitchen and started right in helping her to wash the dishes. She could tell something was wrong, but Mrs. Bealle was in and out and she couldn’t question what was on his mind until they were walking hand in hand back down the path to their homes. Actually, once they were walking, she didn’t ask, knowing he would tell her when he was ready. When he finally did, it knocked her whole world out of kilter.

  He pulled her to a stop in the darkest part of the trees between their homes, taking hold of both of her hands and she could almost feel his despair before he even said anything. For a second they just stood silently, hand in hand, while she waited, but then he dropped her hands and hugged her so tightly she nearly couldn’t catch her breath. Against her hair, he whispered, “I’m leaving at first light in the morning.”

  Then she truly couldn’t catch her breath. First light! The despair she’d been able to feel from him threatened to freeze her solid in her tracks and she had to actively concentrate on breathing in and then breathing out. Tomorrow. How in the world could she tell him goodbye so soon? And for how long?

  Finally, she pulled her thoughts together and realized the last thing he needed right now was for her to go completely to pieces on him at this news. He already had the pressure of packing and going to a strange place to face new experiences. Of leaving family and friends and home. Right now, what he needed from her was to help him forget the sad parts of this and to look forward to the adventure part of it with excitement and hope.

  Literally willing her voice to obey her mind, she said, “So soon? Mordecai got back tonight?” He nodded and she went on, “This is quite sudden, Pey, but maybe that’s a good thing. It won’t give us time to get upset about you going. Do you know where you’re to be yet?”

  “A knight encampment near the castle in Valais. I’m to be working with Sir Kendall Bosken. Mordecai says he’s a powerful knight and an honorable man and that I can learn a great deal from him and advance quickly. Mordecai trained him himself almost twenty years ago.”

  She pushed her feelings aside, laid both hands on his chest, summoned all the excitement she could find and said, “How excellent for you, Sir Peyton! One trained by Mordecai himself! I think I’ve heard the men in the tavern speak of this Sir Kendall. He’s reputed to be a brilliant soldier. One of the King’s First Guard. Surely this will mean you’ll be among great men and have many opportunities to help King Dougal. I’m thrilled for you! ‘Tis better even than we hoped, is it not?”

  “Indeed. Except for leaving you tomorrow. I thought I’d have more time with you.”

  For a second, her enthusiasm wilted and she nodded. “Yes. I can’t even think on it yet, so let’s don’t. Let’s be happy for you. ‘Tis such an honor and a rare opportunity! Let’s remember that always. What does your grandmother say? Will she be completely disgusted?”

  “Strangely, no. She must have finally come to terms with the fact that my father should have gone when he had the chance, because all she did was hug me and cry and tell me she was proud of me.”

  “Which is exactly as it should be. And just what I’m going to do. And your mother and my mother and probably near forty other girls in the village. I can quite imagine it.”

  “Don’t let’s talk about others or leaving. We have such a short time. Let us enjoy it.”

  “Keep walking as we’re enjoying our time. My mother is going to begin worrying if I don’t return soon. She’s going to miss you nearly as much as your own mother will.”

  “I’ve asked Tristan and Father to watch over the two of you in my stead. They’ll do all the things for you and your mother I won’t be able to for a time.”

  There were some things Tristan and Willem couldn’t do, like fill the gaping hole that had just been ripped in Chantaya’s life, but she knew she couldn’t say that. Instead, she asked, “What do you need me to do to help you get ready?”

  He shook his head. “Not a thing except to be with me. Let us tell your mother you’ve returned home safely, and that I’m leaving in the morning, and then, would you stay on the porch and talk to me? I know it’s late, but I can’t leave you yet.”

  ‘Twas everything Chantaya could do to paste on the merest semblance of a smile as she came into the cottage, greeted her mother and explained about Peyton’s leaving. Her mother must have understood how she was struggling to stay cheerful, because her mother had the same false smile as she exclaimed over his good fortune and abrupt departure, hugged Peyton goodbye and then discreetly went into the other room to go to bed.

  Instead of going back out to the porch, they pulled the big bench from near the entry close to the fire and the two of them piled onto it. Peyton leaned back into the corner of it and gathered Chantaya against his chest and they sat staring into the flames and then into each other’s eyes, wondering how to even start to say goodbye to each other. It had been almost twelve years that they had been together everyday and even though they both truly felt it was for the best, it still felt overwhelming. It might have been a trifle easier if they’d both known how long it would be before they would see each other again.

  They spoke of everyday things at first and then of hopes and dreams and fears and aspirations and all manner of things that young people in love speak of, and although they were both exhausted, neither was willing to call an end to this last chance to be together. When she finally did break down and openly cry about how far away he’d be, Peyton reminded her that they could write to each other and it was a lifeline they both latched onto and clutched to their hearts. It may take weeks to get messages back and forth, but at least they would be able to try to contact one another when they were apart.

  ‘Twas deep in the night before Peyton finally brought up leaving. ‘Twas even later still when he sighed and helped her up from the bench in the near darkness before the last coals of the fire. On rising, he pulled her into a close, gentle hug. This was it and they both knew it. There would be a final goodbye at dawn when he and Mordecai rode away, but tonight was their last time of any import.

  The hug lasted and lasted and they held on tighter until at length, he gave a low sound that was almost a groan and Chantaya looked up into his tired face and gave him an exhausted, sad smile. Without hesitation, she stood on tip toe and gently kissed him, wiped at the single tear that overflowed her eyes and then reached to kiss him again. This time, as she did, he gathered her to him almost too tightly and kissed her with all the emotion they’d been trying to channel during the whole of this evening. ‘Twas a kiss of friendship and devotion and need, and even of fear and desperation and heartache. All of it concentrated in this first true kiss of passion and when he finally pulled away with a soft sigh, neither of them wanted it to end yet.

  Another single tear escaped her eyes and he closed his own eyes and ran a hand raggedly through his hair and then took her hand and led her to the c
ottage door. There, she stood before him with her head bowed and wondered if it would be any easier if he just didn’t leave until that last minute at first light, or even if this should be their final goodbye. She didn’t think she could actually do this, now that it was right down to it.

  He gently lifted her chin with a calloused hand and looked at her as if he was trying to memorize every small detail of her face and then smiled a hint of a smile, kissed her temple just where a tendril of hair caressed it and quietly stepped out the door into the night. She watched him disappear into the dark, looked up at the moon that would indeed rise over both of them, even apart as they’d be and then slowly closed the heavy wooden door, shot the bolt and tried to cry silently as she banked the fire and climbed the loft ladder to bed. She hadn’t realized just what this separation was going to feel like. In truth, she may have tried to change his mind if she had. Dropping to her knees, she began to pray through her tears. God was going to have to help her get through this. That was the only way.

  SSSS

  Appearing through the heavy mist of morning on the charger that breathed plumes of steam out with every breath, Peyton looked like a warrior. Mordecai rode beside him on Bartok and both horses seemed to sense the import of this day and pranced along, heads held high and tails flowing out behind them as they materialized out of the blackness of the forest. Chantaya had been sitting on the porch step, waiting, struggling not to let the emotions of this morning overwhelm her and as the two soldiers approached, she prayed one more time to be able to tell him goodbye without dissolving into tears. He needed this from her. He deserved this from her. Always, she had been able to lean on him. This morning, she would be strong enough that he could lean on her for once.

  He pulled up in front of her and dismounted, tossing Mordecai his reins and Isabella opened the door at the sounds of the approaching riders to come out onto the small porch as well. Chantaya stood and Isabella put her arm round Chantaya’s waist and gave her a squeeze as Peyton came forward. He leaned to give Isabella a short hug first, and then moved to Chantaya. For a long moment, he simply looked into her eyes and then seemed to swallow her up in his arms. She focused on how good it felt and storing that away in her memory and not on the fact that he was riding away from her for who knew how long.