by Lilian Darcy
The kids did. So did Stacey. Ten more minutes, she conceded.
You take with you, too.
Really? You have enough?
Valbona dismissed the question with an impatient gesture and poured them both another cup of coffee. I need to finish other dough, she said.
May I help?
Of course.
Youre nice, because you know Im going to ruin it.
Is okay. Dough is good, you cant ruin it. Only when you make dough, then is ruined.
Yeah, the one time I tried! Ill wait until you get to the easy part.
Stacey stood back and sipped her coffee, watching Valbona at work. The dough she had made was incredibly soft and elastic, and she stretched it in a paper-thin and almost translucent layer until it covered the entire rectangular surface of the table, which was covered in a plastic-lined cloth.
Valbona had learned the technique from her mother as a child in the isolated valley where she was born. Then, it had been part of Yugoslavia. Now it was a neglected and unsafe part of Serbia, which Valbona Demiri and her husband and three children had been forced to flee in 1999. They had come to the U.S.A. as refugees.
Theyd met Stacey when she and John had owned a house with a small mother-and-daughter apartment attached, and had rented it out to the Demiri family. The friendship was an unlikely one, on the surface. It managed to cross the communication barrier of Valbonas fractured English, and to ignore their vastly different backgrounds. Shared values and shared humor were the things that made it work.
You want to do spinach and cheese? Valbona asked.
Yes, and then see if I can roll the whole thing up the way you do.
Stacey took the bowl of freshly chopped spinach, yogurt and feta cheese that Valbona handed her and spooned it in a scattered pattern over the stretched-out dough. Then she lifted up one side of the tablecloth while Valbona lifted the other, and the sheet of dough miraculously rolled itself down the sloping cloth on each side to end up in a twin sausage shape right across the middle. There! I didnt mess it up!
Nice! Valbona rolled the sausage into a spiral, set it in a circular baking pan brushed with melted butter, and put it in the oven. Other one is ready, she said. She took it out and cut it into rough squares then set them on a platter. Is too hot for now.
Yes, I wont call them, yet.
The twins were playing in the basement of the Demiris small house with their middle daughter Zaida, who was almost thirteen and itching to be allowed to babysit. Valbona and her husband were conservative on this subject. Not until she was fourteen, they had decreed, and then only for people like Stacey, whom they knew well. Stacey understood their protective instincts, and knew shed probably share them when Max and Ella reached their teen yearsa point which still seemed unimaginably far in the future, although Valbona had promised her, Is like next week.
Next week? When it was more than ten years away? And when this week had seemed like half a year, because Jake still hadnt called?
Valbona handed Stacey a piece of hot pita on a plate and she bit into it without her usual appetite for the springy pastry and salty flavors. Should she tell Valbona how she was feeling? Her heart sank at the idea. It seemed too hard.
Sali Demiris courtship of his wife had lasted the traditional length of time in their cultureroughly thirty seconds, from what Stacey could work out. He had come to her familys house with some mutual friends who had told himtruthfullythat Valbona was very beautiful and an excellent housekeeper. The men had sat in the living area, and Valbona had come out from the kitchen bearing a platter of cakes she had made. Shed laid them on the table and returned to the kitchen, where the women sat. Salis friends had turned to him and asked, Well? while Valbona was similarly questioned in the kitchen.
Theyd both said yes.
The next time theyd met was at their wedding.
Theyd now been married for eighteen years, and though they sometimes yelled at each otheryou could pick up on yelling, even when it was in AlbanianStacey knew they were happy.
All of which added up to her feeling that she couldnt possibly be pathetic and spineless enough to wail to her friend, Why-y hasnt he ca-alled?
After another sip of coffee and a mouthful of pita, she did it anyhow. Valbona listened and nodded. He want to see how much you are upset, so he know how much you like him.
Stacey shook her head. I dont think he works that way.
You like him?
Yes.
And he like you?
IIm pretty sure.
Valbona shrugged. So he is busy, and soon he call.
There.
Simple.
Stacey hugged her friend. Youre good for me, Valbona.
Valbona shrugged again, and grinned. Is no expensive.
Stacey arrived home with the twins an hour later, after Max and Ella had been a little too helpful in the supermarket, to find the phone ringing. Picking up, she heard Johns familiar greeting.
Im in town overnight for a meeting, he said. Can I drop over and see you and the twins, since I cant take them this weekend?
Of course you can. If youd let me know, I could have planned something more interesting for dinner.
I was hoping to get home tonight, but we didnt finish so were having another session tomorrow. I couldnt have let you know any sooner. Dont worry about dinner. Ill eat whatever comes.
Soup and toasted cheese sandwiches?
Is fine.
Despite each eating a piece of pita at Valbonas, Max and Ella were both hungry. Stacey quickly took out a container of frozen homemade soup and thawed it in the microwave. While it circled around, she cut slices of cheese and tomato and buttered bread. John arrived just as shed transferred the beef-and-vegetable soup into a pot on the stove to heat through.
He gave her a quick hug, looking a little stressed. Hed had his dark hair cut since shed last seen him and the style was too severe and close-cropped for the shape of his head. Hair grew, she reminded herself. But it was no good. These little things about him always grated on her more than they should.
Mmm, smells good in here, he said. Where are the guys?
In front of the electronic babysitter, because theyre pooped. Theyve had a busy day. Just ask the shelf packers at the mini-mart.
John winced. You didnt strap them in the shopping cart?
The store was busy. There were no carts. She added, I tried bribing this woman fifty dollars to hand hers over, but she wouldnt. We practically had a sword fight with our bread sticks right there in the baked goods aisle.
Huh? Stacey! You shouldnt do things like that! And fifty dollars? Dont you think thats?
Joking, John.
He looked chastened. Sorry. Ha ha. Of course you were. Im still thinking about that meeting.
He did have a sense of humor, she knew. He just forgot to put it into gear sometimes. She watched him as he left the kitchen and went in search of the twins. Their whole marriage had been like thislike an alluring photo printed with the colors crooked, or a piano played fluently but badly out of tune. So close to being right, and yet so jarringly, hopelessly wrong.
The doorbell rang.
Still thinking about what had gone wrong between herself and John, she went to answer it, expecting a kid selling cookies for a sports team trip, or some other typical dinner-hour interruption.
Instead, Jake stood there, wearing hospital scrubs with a sweater and a leather jacket on top. Weirdly, it worked. Hi. I said Id call, but then I he shrugged came by, instead.
Thinking that next time she went into a relationship she would be sorely tempted to try Valbona and Salis bring-in-a-plate-of-cookies-and-say-yes-after-thirty-seconds approach, Stacey manufactured a bright smile. Great! Come in and meet John!
So this was John.
Instantly, Jake didnt like him. The man was
He studied the twins father covertly, looking for reasons to justify his unease. Dark hair, neat suit, gray eyes, competent build. Ella had a fistful of his trousers held tight in her hand, crumplin
g the fabric, and John didnt seem to mind.
Okay, at first impression there was nothing outwardly wrong with him, but still there was somehow an underlying sense that he was
Staceys ex-husband.
Face it, Jake. Thats the only reason you dont like him. Youre looking for logic and justification, but there isnt any. This is as primitive as two stags clashing antlers over the right to dominate the herd. Olympias a nice little city, he said to the man, taking bland small talk to new depths.
Sports would have been a better choice.
How bout those Huskies?
I like the job, John replied. But its one of those political things that doesnt recognize the existence of weekends. I really havent gotten to know the city. The tone was cool and distant, the glance flinty and skeptical.
John didnt like him, either, Jake could tell.
In fact John really, really didnt like him.
If Stacey and I keep seeing each other, Ill have to deal with this, he realized. Deal with my feelings, and his, because hes not going away. Hes the father of these kids, and I havent worked out how Im going to deal with them, yet, either. Ive stayed away from her for forty-eight hours longer than I wanted to, and nothing is any clearer.
His temples tightened, suddenly, and his stomach soured.
Hell, he shouldnt have come. He wouldnt have, if hed had any idea that John might be here.
His fault. If hed called Stacey as hed told her he would, it wouldnt have happened.
Dinners almost on the table, she chirped. Jake could see how tense she was. She turned to him and asked brightly, Will you stay? Theres plenty.
Uh, no, Im on call tonight, and I have a patient in labor. I may have to head back at any moment. Which he wouldnt have let get in the way if Stacey and the twins had been alone.
Both of them knew it. Their eyes met, and there was a flash of complicated understanding. Well, I might see you at the hospital tomorrow, then.
Yes. He planned to make sure of it, but wasnt prepared to say so in front of John.
How about a quick drink before you go? John suggested, taking both Jake and Stacey by surprise.
I dont drink when Im on call.
Doesnt have to be alcohol. Stacey?
I have juice or soda water, coffee, obviously, she listed obediently. Milk
He wants more of a chance to check me out, Jake understood. He said aloud, Ill take a juice.
Because two could play that game.
Stacey said they could hold dinner for a little if she gave the twins their soup. She switched on the gas fire, poured the drinks and Jake and John sat in front of it while she attempted to do the same in between checking on the progress of the soup into Max and Ellas mouths in the kitchen. Jake realized he should have suggested that they all sit in that cozy kitchen, and immediatelywith a spurt of satisfactionlabeled John inconsiderate because he hadnt done so.
Aha! Hes inconsiderate! Thats why theyre divorced!
Logan, you are not only pond slime, you are pathetic pond slime.
He decided to try harder. What was it that Dad had said about forgiveness in his second book? Act as if youve forgiven someone, even when you havent. If you act it well enough, then genuine forgiveness will eventually catch up. Dad had expressed it more fluentlyJake was no writerbut the basic argument was there.
He would act as if he liked John, and one day maybe he really would.
If he was still in Portland.
If he was still seeing Stacey.
If he wasnt, then hed never have to think about John Deroy again and none of this emotional complexity would matter.
The sense of instant freedom that came with this idea fought a bitter battle inside him with an even more powerful anticipation of loss. Leaving Staceys house a half hour later, he couldnt label the visit a success.
Stacey, do you have a minute? Jillian Logan stood in the doorway of Staceys office in the main hospital building.
Could you make do with forty-five seconds? Shed had a busy day so far, and if she didnt get a lunch break soon, the offerings still available at the staff cafeteria would not appeal.
Uh, well, since my minute was actually a euphemism for half an hour if were lucky Jillian made an apologetic face.
Whats the problem?
There were some files over at Childrens Connection that we never got straightened out after the problems three years ago.
And we never got straightened out is a euphemism for are still lost, right?
You never met Charlie Prescott. He was a piece of work. I suspect he destroyed as much as he could. Fortunately, weve replaced most of the lost information with duplicates from various files here at the hospital, but theres a particular adoptionI dont want to go into too many details in writing for reasons of patient confidentiality, so I didnt want to e-mail you about this. Theres a particular memo Im looking for, which may be somewhere in the system. Ill write down a couple of names which may help. If you have time.
Thats the only detail you can give?
Youve met a couple of the people involved. One of them is Lisa Sanders. The birth father of her baby is threatening to reenter the picture and challenge the validity of the adoption. She and the adoptive parentsBrian and Carriethey were at the potluck, tooare very concerned, and so am I. Lisa is the last person in the world who deserves something like this, and Brian and Carrie dont, either. If the threat comes to anything, its going to tear them apart.
She gave Stacey some more information and then hurried away to her next appointment, but although Stacey tried every search strategy she could think of and spent more time on the problem than she could afford, she couldnt find the relevant memo. She had just decided to abandon the search, giving a couple of final aggressive clicks to her mouse as she closed some files, when there came a light tap at her open office door and Jake entered.
Whats up? he said at once. He must have heard the frustrated sound shed made. In dark trousers and a lightly patterned shirt and tie, he looked gorgeous, competent, authoritative, familiarHer whole world shifted at the sight of him.
Nothing. She stood up, foolishly flustered by his unexpected appearance, after last night, when Johns presence had made everything so awkward. She didnt want to mention Lisa Sanderss problem, despite the association with the Logan family and Childrens Connection. I have issues with the hospital computer system.
I think you can get counseling for that now.
Her stomach rumbled, and she murmured wryly, Lunch would probably do.
You want me to ask you to lunch?
No, no. Is that what he thought? That she was hinting at an invitation? I just meant its after one-thirty, I spent longer on this computer search than I meant to and Im hungry. Its not your problem.
Relax, Stacey. His voice dropped. Thats actually why I came by. To take you to lunch, if you were free. We didnt get a chance to talk last night. He leaned a hand against the doorway, standing a little too close to be appropriate if anyone walked by. Stacey didnt careshe wanted him closer.
No. I was disappointed about that, too, she said.
Saturday already seemed too long ago.
Too many heartbeats. Too many complications. Too much time to think.
Stacey knew herself. She never took any relationship lightly. She was so determined to remain on good terms with John, for example, and was way more disappointed in her shallow connection with her sister than she liked to admit, even to herself. Shed only slept with Jake because she hoped for more, and if they ended up with nothing, the wounds would take a long time to heal. Going into the whole thing with her eyes open didnt give her the power she needed to shield her heart.
John seems like a decent guy, Jake said smoothly. I liked him.
No, you didnt! Neither of you could stand each other, she blurted out, then clapped her mouth shut and closed her eyes, horrified.
She opened them again almost at once, when Jake laughed softly, brushed his hand along her jaw and tapped the door shut with one Italian-loafe
r-clad foot. Okay, you got me, he said. Guilty as charged.
I shouldnt have said it.
Im glad you did. Theres no point in lying. I tried to like him, okay? I wanted to like him.
I dont think he wants to like you.
No. Well. Thats another issue. Something to work on.
Youre prepared to do that? To work on liking John?
Was that a beat of hesitation?
Lets not talk about this now, he said. Lets go to lunch. How much time do you have?
Oh, say, forty-five minutes, minus the forty-two minutes I spent digging around in the stupid computer.
Three minutes. Same here, my next appointment is at two. So were good to go.
She laughed and let go of all the negative, circular thoughts that had gone around and around in her head since Sunday. He was here beside her, in the same space, breathing the same air, smiling at her and clearly looking forward to lunch, and for the moment this was all that mattered.
At the cafeteria, she chose a salad and some juice, while Jake ordered a Mexican wrap and they found a relatively quiet corner table. He told her about his new bicycle, waxing poetic about the precision engineering. It satisfies me when something really works, when its been made with so much attention to the right detail. I know its only a bicycle, but
No, I know what you mean. Im guessing that you didnt buy the bargain model.
Uh, no.
I guess those things can run into hundreds of dollars. She knew Portland was considered an excellent place for cycling, but had never done any as an adult herself. Shed outgrown her last bicycle at the age of ten.
Again, no, Jake said. Try thousands.
Thousands? Wow! You have to show me this bicycle!
I will if you promise to wash your hands before you touch it.
There must be more to this sport than Id realized.
There is. I havent done any cycling since I was in Australia, and Im looking forward to getting back to it. Come to dinner tonight and you can see my new toy then. Again, she thought she detected the smallest hesitation before he added, Bring the twins. Dont get a sitter.
Are you sure you want the twins coming anywhere near your bicycle?
We might leave the bicycle display until theyre He stopped, then continued, I was going to say until theyre asleep, but maybe that doesnt work. You wouldnt want to have to bring their portable crib and then wake them up to go home. And I know the issue of staying over is awkward, too.