by Lilian Darcy
Ill get a sitter, if I can.
He said cautiously, Maybe thats best.
Stacey felt a little eddy of apprehension. She and Jake had slipped so easily into their old familiarity with each other, but it was an illusion in many ways. Seventeen years had gone by. They were different people now. She was a parent, with a divorce under her belt, and there were only a handful of life events that could change a person as much as motherhood and a failed marriage. She had to remember how new and untested this all was, and how many pitfalls could lie ahead.
Suddenly, she didnt know if seeing Jake was a courageous act on her part, or the most foolish thing shed ever done.
Chapter Nine
S tacey got a sitter.
But when she called Jake to tell him so, she sounded a little prickly and stilted, and he said quickly, Im sorry, would this whole idea have worked better if wed made it your place, instead? Do you want to change the plan?
Its fine. Im leaving to pick her up in five minutes.
That soon? he asked, without thinking, as if he was calling into question the efficiency of her arrangements.
His heart sank when she felt compelled to explain, Shes not my regular girl, but a friend of hers. Shes great, but she lives farther away and has no transport. By the time I load the kids in the car, drive to her place, get back here, get the twins settled with her, get out to youYou told me seven, right?
Im sorry. Make it later if you want.
Its fine. Dont expect me on the dot, though. Unexpected things happen.
You must only have gotten home about half an hour ago.
Twenty minutes. But everythings under control. More or less. Sudden crying in the background punctuated her statement.
Jake cursed his own thoughtlessness and didnt know if a third apology would help. Hed envisaged a simple, easy evening. No dressing up, no frantic schedule, no pressure. Theyd both worked all day. Instead, hed apparently imposed a complicated timetable on Stacey, with all sorts of unnecessary driving and disruption to the twins routine.
How could he have gotten so far out of his depth? He felt as if twelve years of college-level education, financial security, world travel and success in a demanding profession had left him less equipped to handle the complexities of Staceys existence than he had been seventeen years ago.
He offered, Would it help if I picked the sitter up?
Jake, I deal with these kinds of arrangements all the time. Its in place. Lets leave it. Justyou knowgive me something to eat thats not kid food, okay?
He laughed, Ill refreeze the fish fingers, then, and ditch the mac-and-cheese.
She arrived at twenty after seven, with her hair freshly brushed and lip gloss glistening on her mouth. She wore a soft kind of top with a V-neck in a pattern of warm swirly floral colors, and figure-hugging black trousers with a smear of mint-green toothpaste on the butt.
She obviously didnt know about the toothpaste, and Jake decided not to tell her.
Hed already made enough mistakes for one evening.
Hopefully the food wouldnt be one of them, however. If the catering firm didnt show with the four gourmet courses hed ordered over the phone, then it was really true that money couldnt buy everything because they were expensive!
Worth it.
Worth every cent.
They sat in his sleek, never-used dining room at Staceys request and lingered over lobster ravioli, goat cheese salad, steak with pepper sauce and grilled vegetables and chocolate truffle cake. She pointed her fork at him during dessert and spoke with a thick, shiny bead of chocolate on her lower lip. I cannot tell you how much better this is than mac-and-cheese!
He wanted to lick the bead of chocolate away, and wondered if they could skip coffee and go straight to sex instead. After a covert glance at his watch a few seconds later, he wondered if theyd have time to get to sex at all. It was already well after nine, and when he considered the logistics of her return journey, and dropping the sitter home
Will you leave the kids on their own while you run the sitter back to her place? he blurted out, and watched her face drop in horror.
On their own? Ill put her in a cab!
Right. Of course.
On their own, Jake?
I thoughtTheyre asleep, you wouldnt want to wake them up.
It gives me chills even thinking about it. She shook her head.
I wasnt thinking. Of course you couldnt leave them alone. But that must mean even a trip to the store for milk
becomes a military exercise, and not something that can be attempted after bathtime, she finished for him, with exaggerated patience. Welcome to the world of the single parent.
He wished theyd never trespassed onto the subject. It forced him to think about all the issues he hadnt yet seriously addressed. What was it theyd said to each other last Tuesday night? That their relationship had gone up a couple of notches from amicable? He knew what had to come nextwhat had to come soon if they were going to keep seeing each other. He had to decide how much he was prepared to give, and what compromises he was prepared to make.
And he had to find out how much Stacey would consider enough, and whether she would walk away if he couldnt give it all.
Not tonight, his body said. She hadnt yet licked that bead of chocolate from her lip, and his glance kept arrowing toward it while he remembered the feel of her mouth, the taste of her, the sounds she made when they kissed. He wasnt going to get sidetracked by a difficult emotional confrontation tonight.
Admit it, Loganyoure still pond scum, and youre still scared.
A helpless prisoner of his own need, he half stood in his chair and leaned across the table toward her. Something is driving me nuts right now, he muttered. You have chocolate on your lower lip.
Oh. She began to lift her finger and her lips parted. He saw the tip of her tongue, but before she could lick her lower lip, his mouth closed over hers with the chocolate still in place and he tasted it, tasted the sweetness of the sugar and cocoa butter and cream in both their mouths and never wanted the kiss to end.
I have a confession, Logan, I just cant handle threesomes, Stacey murmured against Jakes mouth. This table is getting in the way.
How about with it under us, instead of between us?
She laughed. Then it would be a tensome, with all those dirty dishes.
He let her go. The breaking of contact almost hurt, she wanted him back so much. He came around to her and pulled the tablecloth to one side on the way, taking the dishes with it. There. Enough space now?
He couldnt be planning to lift her onto the
He was. He splayed his hands around her upper thighs, and with one efficient crunch of his stomach muscles hed hoisted her onto the slippery smooth surface of the polished rosewood. Jake
Wrap your legs around me. She wrapped her arms around his neck, instead. I said legs, he growled.
Jake
You want this.
So help her, she did, and she possessed as little patience as he had. She felt herself start to shake. The trembling was like an adrenaline rush after a scare, or a sugar hit after a morning on the run with no time to eat. The need was so physical, the hunger so great.
She buried her face in the fabric of his shirt and inhaled his smell like an addictive drug. The dense strength of his body captivated her hands. She ran them across his back, exploring him, claiming him, learning every nuance of his shape off by heart.
He ran his hands down her inner thighs, parting them so that she could do as hed asked and imprison him with her legs. His touch was intimate and sure. Then he pressed his body forward and she felt the hard nudge of his arousal. Our clothes, she gasped.
Well get to that at our own good speed.
She loved what he promised with the wordsthat there was time to experience this to the full. She kissed him again, pressing her cheek to his, then turning her face, sliding her mouth across his warm skin, finding moisture and readiness. Shed never known such arousing, sensual kisses. He engulfed her
mouth, couldnt get deep enough, mimicking with his tongue the more intimate thrusting they both craved.
When he finally tried to peel her top up over her head, he moved a little clumsily, but that was good, too. They both laughed, and gave up the attempt for a moment as they kissed some more. Let me do it, she whispered.
Only if I can watch.
She pulled off her top, unfastened her bra, watched him strip with the same wicked, boyish eagerness that she remembered in him at eighteen. His grin, his open impatience, his rough movements. She began to work on her trousers and he lifted her from the table and ordered, Now, shimmy. The fabric slid over her hips as she rocked them, and dropped to the floor.
They came together again, skin to skin. He touched her breasts, as if hed forgotten what breasts were, his hands cupping and caressing, his mouth hot. She felt herself soften and swell even more, every inch of her skin sensitized, aware of itself, full of wanting, ready to burst. Her breasts felt bigger and heavier, her nipples throbbed, her mouth tingled and burned.
He trailed kisses up to her neck, brushed his hands lightly over her nipples, cupped her breasts again, driving her crazy with need.
I want to feel you, she gasped.
Now?
Yes. Please.
You dont want?
Not this time. I just want you. Inside me.
She could feel him shakingnot with the adrenaline-rush weakness shed felt herself earlier but with the vibrating tension of a coiled spring. He was taut all over, so smooth, so warm. She brushed her hand across his groin, felt the instant whiplash of his response and gripped him, loving the way her fingers slipped up and down over the stretched satin skin.
She could have kept going, deliciously distracted by the shape and feel of him, but he nudged her hand aside and sheathed himself with a couple of efficient movements, then turned back to her and anchored his hands on her shoulders.
She wrapped herself tight around him, her calves cushioned against the muscular backs of his thighs, and he pushed to fill her in one long, aching, shuddering stroke. He slid his hands beneath her bottom to lift her a little, to make them fit still closer, then he pulled back and pushed again, even deeper. She gasped at the sensation, and could barely breathe. He filled her completelydifferent and yet almost a part of her.
She felt pressure and aching and tingling and the world went dizzy. The whole universe turned around this single axis of his body and hers, locked together. She couldnt keep her eyes open, just kissed him wildly and blindly, deeper and deeper, as their rhythm climbed higher. She heard him groan out her name then let her own cries spill out with no holding back.
Her climax shattered around her seconds before his, and the shudders of his release brought a second even stronger wave breaking hard over the first, crashing through her like a surge of ocean crashing on the shore. It was so powerful that it left her without the ability to speak or move for a long time. All she could do was breathe in deep gasps that tore in and out of her like pressured steam.
Jake stood motionless, holding her. Even when hed eased out of her he didnt let go, just stayed, keeping her warm and balanced on the tableon the table, for hecks sake, the one his professional decorator had picked, without a thought in her head as to what its first use would be.
He spoke before Stacey was ready for the day-to-day reality of words. The weekend isnt good for me. She could feel his voice vibrating in his chest, against her still-sensitized breasts.
He sounded as if hed had to struggle to be so rational, and she wanted to tell him, You dont have to be. Say sweet, silly things to me that no one else will ever hear. Say nothing. We dont need this.
No? she managed out loud, instead.
I have three scheduled C-sections tomorrow. He began to pull away, and turned his head, looking for his clothes. So theyll all need monitoring over
Jake? she cut in. She hugged her arms around herself, feeling suddenly cold, still perched on the polished surface of the elegant table. She slid her feet to the floor, where the soft pile of the rug welcomed her toes.
Mmm?
I dont think Im ready for an obstetric discussion just yet. She watched as he picked up his underwear and jeans.
Holding them in front of his body, he looked at her. Its getting late, Stace. I know you dont want to keep the sitter for too long. Im trying to he waved a vague hand help you get home fast.
I dont need to get home that fast.
Okay. Well work things out in a minute, then.
I mean, I appreciate
Its okay.
Her heart sank. This was beginning to sound like one of her conversations with John. Interruptions and misunderstandings, apologies and missed connections. I just wanted you to hold me for longer, thats all, she said.
He muttered something under his breath, dropped his jeans and reached her in less than a second. They hugged desperately, like lovers about to be parted by war. Stace, he muttered in her ear, I dont know what Im doing with this sometimes. Im trying to get it right. Can you cut me some slack?
Of course.
I want to see you on the weekend, and I dont think its going to happen, and thats burning me up. Im trying to work something out.
Its going to burn me up, too. You burn me up. Always.
Next week? Evenings? Im free for most of them.
So am I. Although she questioned the word free, after shed stopped speaking. Free but wiped, usually. Craving adult conversation but struggling to string two words together if a friend called to talk. Toys not tidied away. Laundry to fold.
She felt wiped, now, and realized that Jake was right about the lateness of the hour. She had to get home and call a cab for Brittany, fill in permission notes for Max and Ella because the day-care center was going on a field trip tomorrow. Thats right, she was supposed to provide a packed morning snack for them to take, also.
Monday night? she said, because even four days felt like too long.
She suddenly felt a little scared about how much shed already begun to count on this. Shed begun to count on the secret joy of thinking about him, because sometimes with toddler twins your thoughts were the only thing you really had to yourself. Shed begun to count on the anticipation of seeing him again.
Shed simply begun to count on him, to trust him and feel safe with him.
So fast.
How had it happened so fast? Was it only because of the emotional past theyd shared? Because of what hed said about saying Annas name, and because hed apologized for pushing Stacey away?
Monday would be great, he said.
He made a second attempt at getting dressed, and this time she didnt stop him but gathered her own clothes and put them on with fingers that still felt more ready for sensual touching than for this practical task.
My place, this time, she suggested.
When does John have Max and Ella next?
Eight days from now.
Does he always drive down to collect them?
We take turns. Im driving them north, this time, and hell bring them home Sunday afternoon.
So if I came up with you, I could help with the driving and wed have the whole weekend.
Oh, wow, that sounds good! Except that I usually leave pretty early, sometimes at three, so that I can settle the twins in at Johns by the time he gets home from work. Ill work Wednesday and Thursday next week instead of Thursday and Friday, so we can leave direct from home. But you probably cant get away until later. She pressed her fingers to her temples, trying to get her head around all the complications, the decisions and arrangements that had to be made.
I can try to switch my hours around, he offered. But I cant promise. Would it be terrible if we had to leave after five?
No. It would not be terrible. Because she would be with him.
Chapter Ten
R eady? said Jake at the door of Staceys house, after their initial greeting. Theyd smiled at each other, but they hadnt kissed and Stacey was a little shocked at how much she craved the reassura
nce of just one touch, just one moment.
He was half an hour late and she had already been packed and waiting with the twins ten minutes early, so, yes, she was well and truly ready, but she suspected he had probably moved mountains to make himself free by the middle of a Friday afternoon, so she simply nodded and turned to call the twins.
She had put on one of The Wiggles music DVDs to entertain them while they waited, and could hear them happily yelling, Wake up, Jeff! in the other room. As usual, they were totally caught up in the recorded action, as Purple Wiggle Jeff once again fell asleep over his keyboard.
This is their gear? Jake asked, indicating the large overnight bag and crammed diaper bag sitting in the front hall. Ill take the bags to the car and then shift their car seats, if you can unlock your car for me, while you bring the kids out.
We could have gone in my car and kept the seats where they were. I should have thought.
Well, I do like my car
As well he might, since it was a very expensive and almost brand-new SUV. With the possibility of snow in the forecast farther north, Stacey didnt push the idea of leaving the car seats where they were, and was privately glad that theyd be traveling in such a sturdy, reliable vehicle.
Theyd seen each other twice this week. Monday night and Wednesday, both times at her place. It just seemed to make more sense to do it this way. Her regular sitter was still out of action, first with a sprained ankle and now a winter flu virus. She didnt like to get a sitter too often during the week, anyhow, especially if shed been at work and the twins hadnt seen her all day.
Both evenings had beenmixed.
She had to admit it, as she went through to turn off the DVD. The twins werent happy about saying goodbye to The Wiggles, so she told them cheerfully, Well bring it with us to watch on the weekend with Daddy, which nipped their protests in the bud.