by Lilian Darcy
You look great. He added, You always look great. She thanked him and he felt like a heel. Hed meant every word of the compliment, but he might not have said it if he wasnt trying to make up for the secret pond slime part of himself that she still hadnt guessed at.
He knew Stacey.
She would not be sitting in this vehicle with him tonight if she hadnt already made some kind of serious emotional commitment to their relationship, while he couldnt promise himself he had the inner capacity to take it beyond the end of next week, with the responsibilities it entailed.
Id love to stop somewhere for supper, she said. Somewhere quiet, with good service and great desserts.
He knew a place that fit the bill. Dad had taken him there the night after New Years a few weeks ago, along with Ryan and Scott, to celebrate his return to Portland. Theyd had a good evening, reestablishing connections and laughing at old jokes. He hadnt seen his father and stepmother since that evening, although theyd called each other a couple of times.
He knew theyd returned from their visit to his brother L. J. in New York, and intended to drop by their place soon, so he could mention his cousin Jillian, and the potluck dinner, and see how the subject went down. Did Dad still hold out any hope of a reconciliation with Uncle Terrence? Did he want one? Or was Jillian pushing for an unattainable and unwanted goal?
He found the restaurant without difficulty, and the place was as quiet as Stacey had wanted. They were shown directly to a corner table and given the extensive menu. A salad will be enough for me, Stacey decided. And the dessert menu afterward!
Jake convinced her to share a small carafe of white wine, also, and ordered a seafood appetizer for himself. He enjoyed watching her relax. Shed looked a little tight around the mouth earlier. As they waited for their order, she touched her hand to her hair then told him, Im going to freshen up a little. My hair is a birds nest, right?
The waiter grabbed a couple of feathers out of it while you werent looking. I didnt want to say anything.
She chuckled. You make me laugh.
Thats right, Stace, and I think I need to do it more often.
Even in the humor department, he realized, she used her wry, zany sense of comedy to make others laugh more frequently than she laughed herself. She gave far more than she ever took from anyone.
When she returned from the bathroom, her hair was restored to its usual sheen around her face and her shoulders looked looser. But when she sat down, he told her, You give too much, Stacey.
Seriously, the twenty-dollar gift certificate from the bookstore is fine. Ill give you one, too. I wont really do the labor and delivery story, I promise.
SeriouslyIm the one whos saying seriously now, okay?
She schooled her face into exaggerated listening mode. Yes, Dr. Logan.
Im just wondering what you do for you, thats all.
Oh, is this part of the rut thing? No, Jake, dont throw the napkin at me. I think Im okay, is what Im saying. She leaned forward, struggling to express her meaning. I know things are a little stressful sometimes, with Max and Ella. If youre talking about Wednesday night, yes, sometimes I have a bit of a meltdown, but a good nights sleep or a rented DVD gets me back on track again.
Its not enough.
Most parents of two-year-old twins dont get enough of a break. You get through it.
Let me spoil you. Can we do that? Every weekend when John has the twins, please, please let me spoil you, Stace, and take care of you a little bit?
Their wine arrived, and she smiled at him across the table with a quizzical expression on her face that said she wasnt quite sure what he was promising. Spoil her? When John had the twins? Take care of her? How?
He would have clarified the matter for her, only he realized that he didnt know what he was promising, either.
Chapter Eleven
J akes house was dark and silent when they entered via his garage. He flicked some switches to bring up the lights, and turned the heating higher. Mmm, it was a little chilly in here, Stacey realized. She gave an involuntary shiver.
The next moment, his arms wrapped around her. Need some warming up? he whispered.
You got a plan for that?
Well, there are a couple of nice, strong heating vents I like to stand over. Or He trailed off.
I think Ill take or.
Or is always good. Im especially good at it in a warm room. Or on a warm carpet. Or in a steaming hot shower. How long since youve been in a hot tub?
Uh, lets thinkTheyre not recommended for pregnant women.
You havent been pregnant for over two years.
Which means it must be over three years since Ive done that.
That long! You see?
She gave a helpless sigh. Youre right. I could do with some spoiling. But I think Ive forgotten how it happens.
It starts with you closing your eyes
Jake, you dont have to
Just let me do this, okay? he pushed a strand of hair back from her forehead, then leaned down to plant a soft kiss on her mouth. She felt his strength like a column of pure heat. I want to. We have the whole night.
The whole night. Oh, that sounds so good!
Close your eyes.
He brushed the tips of his fingers down her face and her lids instantly fell. She stood there, smiling helplessly as she waited. Keep them closed, he whispered. She felt the tantalizing brush of the ball of his thumb across her lower lip. Then he scooped her into his arms and carried her to the couch in his great room. Im going to put on some music and go fill the tub. Is there anything you want? Hot chocolate? Do you need a blanket?
Im fine.
Dont move until I tell you.
She heard the smoky voice of a female jazz singer coming through the surround-sound amplifiers, and could have believed herself in a nightclub, the sound quality was so good. Upstairs, she heard water begin to run, and her body relaxed as if Jake had already lowered her into the steaming water.
Note to self, she thought, take hot baths more often, after the twins are in bed.
Realistically, she knew it probably wouldnt happen. Twenty tiny distractions would fritter the time away and shed end up deciding it was too much trouble.
Only a few minuteslazy, dreamy minutesseemed to pass before Jake came back. Put your arms around my neck, he said.
Is it filled already?
Its close to full. It fills fast. And I think you dozed for a little while.
I think I did. I think Im still asleep. Youre only a dream.
Pinch me. I promise Im real.
If Im dreaming, Im supposed to pinch myself. Isnt that how it works?
So maybe Im the one whos dreaming. He nuzzled the top of her head, her temples and her cheek. He brushed her mouth with his lips but didnt seal the kiss. She was left drowsily wanting more, with the delicious scent of his skin and his soap in her nostrils.
Her eyes still closed, she felt him climb the stairs. Her body bounced slightly in his arms, but his breathing was only a fraction heavier than usual with the effort. In the bathroom, he placed her on her feet and she felt heat and steam before she finally opened her eyes to vision that blurred a little.
The water still gushed into the foaming spa, and the bathroom heater high on the wall radiated glowing warmth. The bath mat beneath her feet felt soft and thick. With smooth, unselfconscious movements, Jake began to undress and Stacey did the same. They took sly glances at each other, and smiled when they caught each other at it. Awake again? he asked.
Awaker by the second.
He took her hand and they stepped into the sunken spa together. It came to her thighs when she stood upright, and the water was so hot at first touch that her scalp tingled and the tiny hairs on her body stood on end. Jake sank back into the foam and pulled her down with him and she half floated, half lay in his arms, in no hurry and totally content.
How are we doing with this so far? he said softly.
So far? Is there more?
Only if you wan
t.
I want. Oh, I wantWere doing great.
She wound her arms around his neck and pressed her cheek against his, loving how right it felt, loving the blurred boundary between the tender warmth of the care between them and the powerful heat of the passion. There was no cutoff point. What she felt was seamlesslove and friendship and aching desire shading into each other like colors in a rainbow. It had never been this way with John.
If I lose this man
She pushed the thought away, ready to trade any pain and failure in the future for the bliss she felt now. Shed cross any of those bridges when she came to them, because denying herself now wouldnt lessen any hurt later on, not even a fraction. She kissed Jake, her movement instinctive and totally giving, her body pressing closer as he deepened the contact between their two mouths.
He pushed away from the spas edge, taking her with him, and they floated together in the middle of the hot, churning pool. She wrapped her legs around him and lay back against the water and he ran slippery, foam-covered hands up her body and over her breasts, teasing her nipples into throbbing life, cupping her fullness, pulling her close again to kiss and suckle her.
He was already fully aroused, nudging hard against her, making her hips rock with willful, impatient need so that she slid against him, back and forth in a slow, snaky rhythm, and drove him wild. Stop that if you want this to last more than a few minutes, he ground out.
So she pulled back and gripped him with her circled fingers, sliding them in the same pattern as her hips, back and forth, up and down, which drew another shuddering gasp. Definitely stop that!
You wont let me have any fun, Jake.
No, because this time its your turn first. With a cavemans rough haste, he picked her up and rolled her over the curved lip of the spa, onto the thick, clean toweling spread on the floor. It was warm from the radiant heater above and dried her skin almost instantly when Jake wrapped her in it and rubbed the fabric over her body, deliberately slow and teasing with every movement.
The heat dried his back, too. She felt his hot skin as she tried to pull him down to her, but he resisted. Not yet. Dont move.
She let out a sound of shocked pleasure and then a gasp as he kissed her center. She felt like a rag doll. Boneless. Muscles like whipped cream. Head swirling. Sensation flowing outward from her core like a flood tide.
But as her climax built and surged she needed him closer, wanted his weight and solid strength here in her arms where she could feel it. She reached for him, grabbing and begging and almost sobbing and he slid higher, trailing his mouth over the hot skin of her stomach and breasts, pressing his cheek against hersthat warm, precious fit of skin against skin once more.
Stacey
Now. Please, now. I need you inside me. She pushed her hips upward to meet him, and they locked together like magnets in one smooth slide that pierced her throbbing ache and turned it into utter fulfillment. He touched her feverishly, kissed her neck and her hair and finally her mouth, his thrusts harder and faster until she lost all sense of her bodys boundaries, and their cries mingled together.
Afterward, they lay there on the hot towel without moving, feeling the faint, rumbling vibration from the spa jets beneath their bodies like a massage. The air steamed, joining their bodies together with moisture.
We have the whole night, Jake finally said. We dont have to move for hours.
No The whole night. Like Jake, she wanted to keep saying it.
He didnt speak again for at least ten minutes. Or we could slide back into the spa
Mmm, that sounds good, too. She stretched lazily and they smiled at each other, and didnt make it into bed for another two hours.
Morning came slow and late.
With Jakes body spooned against her back, and his arm nestled over her hip, Stacey sensed the light growing stronger through her closed lids. She listened automatically for the sounds of the twins waking, then realized drowsily that they werent here, that she was at Jakes, and she could stay like this for as long as she wanted.
Half an hour later, Jake had other ideas.
His still-sleepy touch tickled her as he ran his hands over her side, her stomach, her hips, her breasts, and they ended up making love in a silly, giggly mood that contrasted totally with last nights intensity, but was in its own way just as good. If you couldnt laugh with a man, how could you ever live with him?
It was after nine by the time they went downstairs, Jake in silk pajama pants and a white T-shirt and Stacey in a borrowed toweling bathrobe that he insisted he never wore. It still smelled like him, though, because it had hung in his closet, and as she crossed the front panels over and belted the robe around her waist she felt as if she was wrapping herself in the very essence of him.
Wrapping herself in his love.
The word love hadnt been mentioned yet by either of them, but surely it was there in everything they said and did and felt. She was too content to feel the need to speak it out loud just yet.
I love you, Jake.
She would savor the words like a treat to look forward to.
Jake put coffee and toast on and pulled various ingredients from the refrigerator and the pantry. Stacey made scrambled eggs with sides of crispy bacon and grilled tomato. They ate lazily, but then she began to think seriously about Max and Ella and told him, Im going to call John, see how everything went overnight.
The announcement stopped his hand midair and he didnt pour the second coffee shed held out her cup to receive.
Should you? he asked, apparently picking his words with care. I mean, do you really have to? Wouldnt John call if there was anything to report?
Its not that I have to. I want to. I dont know if hed call. He knows Ill usually call him.
He nodded, although she couldnt tell if he was satisfied by her answer. He tilted the coffeepot and the stream of dark brown liquid hit the bottom of her cup with a trickling sound that seemed to emphasize his silence. Before she could ask for the cordless phone, he handed it to her. She keyed in Johns area code and number, aware that Jakes gaze was fixed on the unhesitating way her finger moved. Surely he wasnt surprised that she knew the number off by heart?
John? she said when her ex-husband picked up. Hi, its me.
They had a good night, you didnt have to check. As I say every time I have them and you call.
I know that, but I wanted to see how you were doing, too. Which I also say every time you have them and I call. Did Ella?
Nope. Stayed in her crib. So did Max. I took them to the mall and tired them out.
The mall? Last night?
Relax. We didnt stay until closing time. Just had ice cream and ran around and got in trouble for putting our hands in the fountain.
And today?
Ill think of something!
She resisted the temptation to come up with activity suggestions for him, and to ask what meals hed planned. Nor did she ask to speak to the twins themselves because it wasnt fair to John. They sometimes got a little unhappy hearing Mommys voice over the phone when she wasnt around. They were more used to it the other way around, when they were with her and Daddy called them at her place on a Saturday evening. If she disrupted what they were doing now, it could take him a while to get them settled again.
When she ended the call, she discovered that Jake was still paying close attention. Not his fault, since she could have taken the phone into another room to make the call if shed wanted privacy. Still, there was something about the way he had his face half-hidden behind the cup of coffee at his lipsa wariness or a disapproval he didnt want to show.
Stacey knew she would always prefer honesty from him.
Problem, Jake? she asked.
I just wonder why you had to do that.
Why I had to call John? She shrugged. Because Im overprotective.
Admitting to it doesnt excuse it, Stace.
True, but Im not sure why you have a problem with it. Shouldnt John be the one to complain?
From what I could
hear at this end, he did.
He doesnt think its necessary. But Im trying to support him, because I know how lonely
Are you? he cut in, standing impatiently. The legs of his chair grated on the floor as he pushed them back. No! I dont think that is what youre doing. Youre trying to micromanage his relationship with his kids. Thats how it comes across. With the major side effect that it intrudes on the first piece of real time weve had to ourselves since we began seeing each other. Isnt that just as important? No, more important, for once, than whether John managed the kids overnight without getting stressed.
Is that what this is really about? Having time to ourselves?
Yes, and its what it should be about! We have to meet each other halfway, Stacey!
What do you mean?
He turned to put his empty cup in the dishwasher. I dont want to fight about it.
She lifted her chin, aware of her own stubbornness as well as her fears. Neither do I, but I do want to clear it up.
He let out a sigh as he turned, took her hands and pulled her to her feet. He held her close. Maybe its time we talked about what were each looking for here.
Staceys heart gave a gigantic, painful thud and she felt as if someone had poured a bucket of hot water all over her. When she tried to make light of the situation, she almost choked on the words. Is this the start of one of those its-not-you-its-me announcements?
No. No! He kissed her, urgent and impatient at the same time, and she responded at once, because kissing him always felt like the most natural thing in the world. They were clumsy together, their timing all wrong. He missed her mouth. Their noses bumped. His hair tickled her cheek.
Finally, still flooded with a shaky relief that this wasnt his breakup announcement, she captured his face between her hands and made the kiss into the sweet one she needed, softening her mouth over his, letting him feel the delicate lap of her tongue.
Then whats the problem? she whispered, looking into the green depth of his eyes. Tell me what this is about, Jake.
I think we have some parameters to work out. Some details to trade with each other on how we see this.