An Honorable Man

by Margaret Watson

  “I wasn’t sure if I was more angry or more humiliated. Ever since then, I’ve refused to get involved with anyone even remotely connected with my job.” She turned to him. “That’s why I said it was wrong. Because I was breaking my own rule. Not because of you.”

  Honesty made him force the words out. “Maybe it’s wrong because of me, too. You should be careful, Julia. I can hurt you far too easily.”

  She gazed at him with trust in her eyes and he could barely stand to watch. “You won’t hurt me, Luke. I know that.”

  “Not on purpose. But I don’t have a sterling record when it comes to relationships. And I haven’t given a damn about anyone or anything for the past two years. Those aren’t very good odds.”

  “I’ll take them. I think they’re better than you give yourself credit for.”

  Closing his eyes, he rolled away from her and sat up. “You’re making me into someone I’m not and seeing things that aren’t there. Don’t you have any self-preservation instincts at all?”

  “I guess not.” She didn’t sound too upset at the idea. “Don’t you have anything good to say about yourself?”

  He opened his eyes to find her sitting up next to him, the sheet clutched above her breasts. “Yeah. I’m a real good bastard.”

  A look flashed in her eyes momentarily, then they softened. If he didn’t know better he’d think she was angry. But not at him, he realized as she smiled at him, slowly and seductively. “There are a few other things you’re good at, Lucas McKinley. Do you want me to demonstrate a couple of them?”

  He forgot the look in her eyes as heat flared in his groin and he felt himself hardening again. “Be my guest. I’m all…ears.”

  “Okay, we’ll start with them.” She leaned over and bit down delicately on his earlobe. All the blood in his body pooled just below his waist. Groaning, he reached for her, but she backed away and grinned at him.

  “We’re just beginning, remember? There are a few other things I have in mind.”

  “Am I allowed to make suggestions?” He shifted his hand so that it rested on her thigh, and when he felt her muscles quiver under his fingers a blast of desire hardened his whole body.

  She tilted her head as if considering. “I liked your suggestions earlier. Go ahead.”

  He pulled her close and murmured some sexy words into her ear, inhaling the faint scent of her soap that rose from her heated skin. He felt her tremble in response, and tried to pull her down onto his body.

  She braced herself above him and pressed her knees into his ribs. “We have a long way to go before that,” she said, leaning over him so that her breasts just brushed his chest. “A long way. And in the meantime…”

  Her tongue swirled around one of his nipples, and he thought he would explode. But every time he tried to grab her, she just laughed and slipped away to torture him with her mouth somewhere else. By the time he rose up on his elbow and leaned over her, unable to wait another second, she was as breathless and aroused as he was.

  When he slipped into her, she cried out his name and convulsed around him. He tried to hold on, to prolong the pleasure for her, but he couldn’t contain himself. The next instant the waves of ecstasy overwhelmed him, and he stiffened in her arms. He barely had enough energy to roll over and pull her on top of him. The last coherent thought he had before sleep overtook him was how right she felt, curled into him. He felt like a drowning man who’d just been handed a precious lifeline.

  Luke slowly opened his eyes, reluctant to wake up. He was nestled in softness, surrounded by the scent of Julia Carleton, and he didn’t want the dream to end. But the light filtering tthrough the geometric pattern on the window curtains burned his eyes, and he struggled to shake off the hangover of sleep.

  Trying to throw back the covers of the bed, he realized his dream had been real. Sinking back into the too-soft mattress, he looked at Julia, snuggled next to him. Her leg had slipped between his legs, and his arm was tucked around her chest, lightly cupping one rosy-tipped breast. As he watched the regular rise and fall of her chest, slow and steady in sleep, he remembered everything that had happened the night before.

  Unconsciously he pulled her closer to him as his blood surged in response. In the cold light of day, maybe making love with Julia had been a mistake, but his body sure didn’t think so. In fact, his body was shouting for an encore.

  Carefully he tried to disentangle himself from her. If he could get out of bed and into the shower before she woke up, he had a much better chance of pulling off the casual approach. As he tried to slide to the edge of the bed, she stretched and rolled over, opening her eyes and smiling lazily at him.

  In the early morning light her eyes were the deep green of the sea and just as magnetic, pulling him closer almost against his will. “Good morning,” she murmured in a low, husky voice.

  As if it had a will of its own, his hand reached out to touch her face. “Good morning to you. How did you sleep?”

  She sat up in bed, pulling the sheet up to cover her breasts. “I had a wonderful night. How about you?”

  Her smile was full of satisfaction, and he closed his eyes to block the sight of her. How could he have asked such a stupid question, one guaranteed to provoke a discussion of the night before? It was the one thing he didn’t want to talk about.

  “Great,” he answered, his voice too hearty. “I was just going to take a shower.”

  He practically sprinted for the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and leaning against it. Turning on the tap with a vicious twist of his wrist, he stepped under the stinging-cold needles of spray and felt the guilt sluice over him along with the water.

  He had been happy last night. He had made love with another woman, an experience like nothing he’d ever even imagined before, while Linda was lying in a box in the ground. Put there because of him.

  Bracing his hands on the wall, he leaned forward and let the cold water beat the fever out of him, the fever to take like a greedy child what Julia offered. He wanted to let himself drown in her eyes, to lose himself in her sweet body, to look at Julia and think of nothing but her.

  But he couldn’t. Every time he looked past her shoulder, he saw his wife. Lying in a smashed car, covered with blood, motionless and limp. Himself helpless to get to her, trying to pull aside the crumpled metal with his bare hands.

  The bathroom door opened with a click. Turning his head, he saw Julia standing beside the shower, easing open the glass door. “Care for some company in there?”

  Without waiting for an answer, she stepped inside, flinching as the first blast of freezing water hit her. Jumping backward out of the shower stall, she looked at him, puzzled.

  “Why on earth are you taking a cold shower?”

  “It’s a time-honored method of taking care of certain problems,” he answered tersely.

  She stared at him for a moment, then smiled. He’d never seen such an alluring expression on a woman’s face before. “There are other ways of solving that particular problem,” she whispered. Reaching to the front of the shower, she adjusted the handles and waited for the water to warm up. Then she stepped into the stall with him.

  “In fact,” she murmured, reaching for the soap, “I’m surprised you didn’t think of some of them yourself. I thought you were a pretty smart guy, McKinley.”

  Not smart enough, obviously, to get out of the shower now, while he still could, he thought sourly. He watched as she ran the soap slowly down her chest, feeling his loins tighten helplessly in response.

  Guilt swirled with need in his gut, and he tried to push the guilt aside. For now, until this case was over, he needed to have Julia with him. It was a matter of her survival. And he was no more able to turn away from her than he was able to stop breathing. He’d deal with the guilt later. Right now he’d take what she was offering, and damn his soul to hell.

  Roughly he reached out and pulled her against him. His throbbing arousal pressed against her belly, and she dropped the soap on the floor and w
rapped her arms around him. “I’ve thought about plenty of things this morning, Julia, believe me,” he muttered, nuzzling her wet hair away from her ear. “And every one of them involved you.”

  Then as she lifted her mouth to his, everything but Julia was forgotten. Even the guilt, never far from the surface, disappeared into the darkness, banished by the power of her kiss. While he held her, he could pretend that nothing was important except for her.

  A long time later she stirred on the bed next to him. He hadn’t slept, but had held her tightly, staring up at the ceiling. With any luck, in three days it would all be over. He could go back to his life and send Julia back to hers. He would pay his penance for his few stolen hours of joy and get on with his life.

  “I’m starving.”

  He looked down at her and found her grinning up at him. “I’m sorry, I know that isn’t the best way to greet your lover after incredible lovemaking, but I can’t help it. If I don’t get food soon I’m going to start gnawing on the furniture.”

  He strained to match her teasing tone. “We’d better find you some food, then. The stuff in here is bound to give you indigestion.” Sitting up in bed, he searched the floor until he found his shorts. After he’d pulled them on, he stood up.

  She’d slid off the bed on the other side, dragging the sheet with her. Wrapping it around herself like a toga, she rummaged in her bag for clean clothes. When she stood up with a pair of jeans and a sweater clutched in her hands, she noticed him watching her and flushed a delicate pink.

  “I’ve seen everything that sheet is covering, and more than once,” he drawled, even as he asked himself why he was doing this. It would be much better to let her keep her distance from him. But, perversely, he was determined that there be no barriers between them, at least for the next few days. He might as well be hanged for a wolf as a sheep.

  Her color deepened and her hold on the sheet tightened. “I’m not used to prancing around naked in front of men.”

  He was oddly moved by her modesty as he watched her. Abruptly he turned around. “It’ll be kind of hard to get dressed while you’re holding that sheet in place. How about if I promise not to peek?”

  Behind him he heard the whoosh of the sheet dropping to the floor and had to stop himself from turning around. Now he could spend the day thinking about when he could take those clothes off her again.

  Another minute and she said brightly, “I’m all set.”

  He turned around to find her trying to brush the curl out of her hair and deliberately not looking at him. Her sweater rose up as she raised her hand to attack her hair again, and a flash of white skin showed at the top of her jeans. He felt such a rush of tenderness that he had to fight the urge to go to her and gather her close, to feel her heart beating against his. Looking away, he pulled a clean pair of jeans and a flannel shirt out of his duffel bag and threw them on, then grabbed his gun off the night table.

  He avoided her while he set his traps. Finally, opening the door, he permitted himself to look at her. “I can hear your stomach grumbling from here. Let’s go get something to eat.”

  Chapter 12

  Julia looked at Luke as the car slid to a halt in front of his old precinct house. He’d been too silent during breakfast, avoiding her eyes and making it clear he didn’t want to discuss what had happened the night before.

  That was fine with Julia, because she didn’t much want to discuss it, either. The joy and the incredible sense of rightness that she’d experienced were overlaid by the knowledge that she hadn’t been completely honest with Luke about the case they were working on. She hadn’t told him her suspicions about Bobby, her horrible fear that he was somehow involved.

  “I’m going to park around the corner.” His voice interrupted her thoughts, and she looked up at him, startled. “I don’t want anyone to walk out the door and spot me. No one knows for sure that I’m working for you, and I want to keep it that way.”

  “Okay.” She licked her suddenly dry lips and nodded. They were back to business. “I’ll get the time sheets and meet you at the car.”

  “Remember, don’t ask to see the sheets for this week. But get a look at them.”

  “You’ve told me that five times already,” she snapped, then bit her lip. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m just nervous.”

  He reached out his hand and cupped her face. It was the first time he’d touched her since they’d left the motel room. “I know. But this is the easy part. You have every right to those records, and you have surprise on your side. No one’s expecting you. They’re going to hand them over to you, and you’re going to walk out that door and get back in the car. Then you’re going to tell me who’s on duty two days from now. And I’m willing to bet a lot that it’s the six guys you saw last night, plus Eddie.”

  She turned to kiss his hand, feeling the ridges and calluses of his palm against her lips, letting her face rest there for a moment. Then, reluctantly, she drew away. “Okay, I’m ready to face the bad guys.” Squaring her shoulders, she got out of the car and walked up the steps, careful not to look behind her as Luke pulled away. Already she felt desolate without him next to her, and he was only as far away as the next street. She forced herself to concentrate on what she would say to the desk sergeant.

  And on what she would do if Bobby’s name was on the duty roster for two nights from now.

  Smoothing her hands self-consciously down her jeans, regretting that she wasn’t wearing one of her business suits to make her feel more in control, she opened the door and walked in. The familiar smells of stale coffee and stale sweat surrounded her, and she felt herself calm down. This was her job, and she was good at it.

  Strolling over to the desk, she resisted the impulse to look into the squad room. She was afraid that if she saw any of the men that had been with the Demons last night, her face would give her away. They’d know immediately that she knew. And she particularly didn’t want to see Bobby.

  “Can I help you, miss?” The gray-haired man at the desk looked at her politely.

  “Julia Carleton from Internal Affairs,” she answered briskly, showing him her identification. “I need to see your duty rosters for the last couple of months.”

  He gaped at her. “Duty rosters? What for?”

  “I’m afraid that’s classified information.” She softened the words with a smile, and the man flushed and turned around.

  “I’ll get them.” Fumbling in a drawer, he eventually turned back to her with a sheaf of papers clutched in his hand. He laid them on the counter, and she began to page through them, pretending to check that every week was accounted for.

  “The last two weeks are missing,” she finally said, looking up to find the older man watching her with a worried look.

  “They’re probably still on the board,” he answered quickly. “I’ll go get them.”

  That meant that this week’s list would be on the board, too, she thought, her heart sinking. It was one thing to ask for records properly, at the front desk. How would she manage to get hold of a list that was posted in the squad room?

  The old man hurried back, holding several pages in his hands. “Here you are. I just grabbed everything off the board. I hope this is what you want.”

  At the bottom of the stack was this week’s list. She looked up at him with a brilliant smile. “This should do it. If you could just make me a copy of these?”

  “Sure thing, Ms. Carleton.” He grabbed the thick pile of papers and disappeared behind a door.

  Julia reached for the current week’s list but it was gone. The desk clerk must have taken it, too. Praying fervently that he would copy it along with the others, she shifted from one foot to the other and tried to look inconspicuous.

  “Hey, Skinny,” came a voice from the other room, and she froze for a moment, then turned around slowly.

  “Hello, Bobby.” Her voice was muted and she avoided looking at her brother’s eyes, afraid of what she might see.

  He strolled over and enveloped h
er in a bear hug, then set her down and held her at arm’s length. “What’s up, sis? Looking for me?”

  His gaze was as bland as his voice. She met it briefly then looked away, shriveling inside at the guarded expression in his eyes. “Not this time, Bobby. I’m here on business.”

  She was sure no one but her would have noticed his infinitesimal pause, the almost imperceptible tensing. Stepping backward so he was forced to let her go, she caught a glimpse of his haunted eyes and tried to swallow around the hard lump of fear and despair that swelled in her throat. She turned blindly back to the desk, willing the desk sergeant to appear. Please hurry, she prayed silently. She had to get away from Bobby, to have time to think about what to do next.

  “Here are those time sheets, Ms. Carleton.” The desk clerk seemed to appear out of nowhere, handing her a thick sheaf of papers.

  “Checking to make sure all our overtime is on the up-and-up?” Bobby’s voice was just a little too hearty, and she nodded mutely.

  “Something like that,” she managed to answer. Looking at the clerk, she muttered, “Thank you,” then turned and hurried for the door.

  “Hey, hold on, sis.” Bobby was in front of her, holding on to the door. “Why don’t you come on back to my desk and have a cup of coffee? We didn’t get much of a chance to talk the other night.”

  Julia looked around him, trying desperately to disguise her pain and anger. “Sorry, Bobby, not today. I’ve got a meeting scheduled for ten minutes from now. Maybe next time.”

  “Sure, Skinny.” He stepped aside. “I’ll catch you next time.”

  Mumbling a goodbye, she slipped through the door before it opened completely and ran down the steps, tripping on the next to last one. Catching herself on the rusty metal railing, she clutched the papers to her chest and hurried to the street where Luke would be parked. She didn’t look back, although she could feel her brother’s gaze on her until she’d turned the corner.

  Luke was parked halfway down the block. He’d been watching for her, because she heard him start the engine before she reached the car. Sliding onto the front seat, she fumbled with her seat belt, then leaned back against the cushion.