Parallel: The Secret Life of Jordan McKay

by Abra Ebner

  “Jordan there’s something about this place I love,” she sighed and smiled, her cap and gown still on her head in celebration.

  I looked at her sideways, wondering if along with the dreams she had also developed a way to read my thoughts. “Really, why is that?” I prodded.

  She sat up. “I never told you this because I figured you’d think I was crazy, but we’ve been friends for two years now, so I trust you.”

  “You know I would never think you’re crazy.” I tilted my head. “Just tell me.”

  “Well,” she paused and looked around. “I feel like I’ve dreamt about this place before, even before you ever brought me here.”

  My heart rate picked up. We often talked about her dreaming, but this one was the first that really hit home for me. Often many of her dreams were snippets of her other life I had never even seen, but this dream was the one dream I dreaded most, the one dream that had started it all.

  “It was night and I was on a bus where I found this injured man. He was lost and sick, and I think I brought him here,” she looked around. “Does this mean I’m psychic, you think?” She began to laugh.

  I shrugged. “Perhaps it does.”

  She stood then. “Yes, and you know me, I talk too much so I divulged my whole life to this vagrant, this man.” She walked around the coffee table and sat next to me.

  “So, do you remember it as being a happy place? The town home, I mean,” I dove deeper still.

  Kenzie nodded. “Yep, I do. I think about it every time I’m here. I think about the way it makes me feel, as though it was the beginning of something great.”

  “And what about the man?” I cursed myself the moment the words left my lips. I had never indulged her constant referral to this man in her dreams. I didn’t want her to put the pieces together, though I feared she already thought it.

  “He was tall and handsome, terribly injured, but I remember thinking about life with him and falling in love,” she laughed. “To tell you the truth, I actually think I had been married to Max in that life. I remember this horrible husband I had in the dream. It would make sense, wouldn’t it? If my dreams act as a place for me to store bad memories, then he would be there.”

  I nodded. “It does make sense.”

  She watched me, her green eyes locked on my face. I avoided making eye contact as I always did, knowing all she wanted was to corner me, fall in love with me.

  “He reminds me of you a little,” her breathing was steady. “I never told you that, but you never asked, either.”

  I nodded, feeling my stomach churn, not knowing what to say.

  “Jordan,” she touched my arm.

  I made the mistake of looking at her, her eyes catching mine. She smiled, her hair in knots where the graduation cap had been pinned down only to be torn from her head at the end of the ceremony.

  “What now?” Her eyes looked lost.

  “I suppose you go out and save lives,” I gave her an unassuming answer though I suspected her question was not about her career.

  Her face was solemn, and I felt my heart continue to race though I couldn’t understand why. We had been friends for so long that I had grown comfortable with her, but right now felt awkward again, as though being with her like this was finally too much to handle. She began fussing with her graduation gown, finally lifting it over her head and tossing it on the ground.

  She leaned back then and let out one deep breath, letting it pass her lips with a controlled elegance as though putting all her hard work behind her. My arms were tingling and I shifted in my seat. I had never seen her more beautiful than I had in this moment. For so many years I was used to seeing her live her life from an outside perspective, but for the last few, I had been invited in.

  “Well, I guess it’s time I get a real job right?” I tried to break the silence.

  She laughed. “Yeah, I suppose so.” She jumped suddenly. “Hey, you should take me to Kentucky once. I know you haven’t been in a long while, but it would be a good way to celebrate the fact that you’re putting all that behind you and moving on. Your last hurrah.”

  I tilted my head. “Yeah? You’d want to go?” I had never asked her, thinking she wouldn’t care to watch horses fight their way around a track all in the name of money.

  “Of course I would. Who do you think I am?” She gave me a playful slap on the arm, but I caught her hand before she was able to take it back.

  She was giggling, so I gave her a yank and pulled her toward me. As her laughter finally faded, she looked me in the eyes, her breath falling across my face in warm, sweet waves. I took a few quick breaths as I tried to resist kissing her, but it did little to help as I felt my arms erupt with goose bumps, her scent surrounding me like a drug. I leaned toward her to test the water, pleased that she didn’t flinch or look away and change the subject, as we normally would. Her vivid eyes searched mine, as though she knew my secret and the raw reality of what I was. I mustered the courage as I ran my hand across her cheek and through her hair, resting it on the nape of her neck and lacing my fingers across her back. With a gentle force, I pulled her toward me, pressing my lips to hers in a way I had dreamt of for far too long. At first she seemed surprised by my forward behavior, politely resisting out of respect, but as I continued to coax her to give in, she finally leaned into the kiss, almost trapping me against the couch.

  I ran my hand across her collarbone and down her arm as my lips curled around hers, her skin becoming warm. I opened my eyes and looked at her, suddenly feeling guilt wash over me as I realized my life was still a lie to her. I wrapped both hands around her shoulders, wanting so bad to feel the beauty of the moment, but my mind refused to give me peace. I cursed myself and pulled away, slinking out from under her and onto the floor where I took a deep breath.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.” I propped myself up off the floor with my trembling arms.

  She frowned. “Why are you sorry, Jordan? I liked it, I wanted it.” She looked down at me as I lay on the rug, my knees bent and my gaze resting on the floor in front of me.

  “We shouldn’t, Kenzie. I don’t want to ruin the friendship we have.” In my head, I saw Molly and remembered what she said. Over the past couple years, I had manifested her advice into a sort of warning. I was worried about what she knew, worried that if Kenzie and I were together, something horrible was going to happen.

  Kenzie grumbled and got up off the couch, her cheeks reddened. “I’m sick of this, Jordan. I don’t think I can be friends with you anymore because I love you. How about that?”

  I blinked and sat up. “You do?”

  She was pacing the room, her eyes wild. “Are you really that dense? I’ve loved you since the day I met you, but you seemed so alone and afraid then, and so I couldn’t force you into a relationship when you didn’t want one. But now I can’t bear it anymore.”

  I stood. “I didn’t know it was that hard on you, Kenzie.”

  She shook her head in annoyance and walked over to me with clenched fists. “Is that all you can say? I pour my heart out, and that’s it? Jordan, we can’t be friends anymore.” She was furious, and I knew there was little I could do to calm her down. She whisked her graduation gown off the floor and stormed to the kitchen, where she grabbed her bag.

  “Kenzie, don’t go.” I took one step toward her.

  She spun and looked at me with fury in her eyes. “Jordan, deal with it.”

  She walked toward the door and grabbed the handle. I felt an intense need flood my body as I lunged forward, crossing the room in three strides and grabbing her arm as she opened the door. I twisted her to face me. “Kenzie, please.” I brought my hands to her face, cupping her cheeks. Her furious breath laced around my face and lips, fogging my thoughts as her hair fell between my fingers in fiery waves.

  I could see her green eyes begin to well with tears as she tried to look away, but I forced her to accept the moment as I forced myself to be the man she needed.

  “Kenzie, I lo
ve you.”

  She began to cry, and I felt her entire body relax into mine. She put her head on my shoulder, locking her arms around my torso. After a moment, she stepped back but before she could speak, I kissed her again, but this time with more practice and more meaning. I felt her wrap her hands around my back and sides, a feeling I longed for but had quelled out of fear.

  We fell against the door and it slammed shut. Kenzie pushed her hand against my chest, holding me at bay as she looked at me once more, testing me with her eyes. With soft but frantic hands, she then pulled my shirt over my head, jumping right in. Since the day she had seen my bruises, I hadn’t let her anywhere near me without a shirt on, but her touch now felt as so right, that I couldn’t imagine how I’d lasted this long. It was crazy to deny the feelings we had, and I was tired of waiting. She ran her hands across my chest and down my back, placing them where a faint bruise still remained.

  “Jordan...” Her face became concerned and she knelt to look at it. She ran her hand across the shadowed bruise as I shied away from her touch. I swallowed hard, my heart racing. She looked up, but did not bother me with a question, her eyes understanding as though she knew the bruise was from something else, something beyond her comprehension.

  She stood and touched my face, and I wrapped my arms around her. I held her so tight that I could feel her heart beat against mine. The heart I had protected for so long. She kissed the inside of my neck, causing all my inhibitions to falter, and it was then that I gave up trying to save her, and instead gave in to what I wanted.

  Statement from Dr. Ashcroft,

  Vincent Memorial Hospital, Boston

  August 4, 2009

  04:44 a.m.

  Agent Donnery:

  He gave in then, didn’t he? I mean, stopped trying to be friends.

  Dr. Ashcroft:

  (laughter) That’s a personal question there, Agent, but yes. I suppose he thought he was healthier, and that he could handle it, but…

  Agent Donnery:

  Now he’s here.

  Dr. Ashcroft:

  Yes.

  Agent Donnery:

  And so are you.

  Dr. Ashcroft:

  Yes, I am aware I am also in a hospital bed because of all this, though it’s strange to be on the other side of things as a doctor. I suppose it’s not so bad.

  Agent Donnery:

  Yeah, I bet this is hard. You probably just want to doctor yourself.

  Dr. Ashcroft:

  I am okay with being here, I just wish I had known sooner, this never would have happened. I would have been okay, and so would he.

  Agent Donnery:

  But we’ll get to that part right?

  Dr Ashcroft:

  Right, first comes other things.

  Agent Donnery:

  Right (pause). Anyway, so after that day, you became a couple, then. Correct?

  Dr. Ashcroft:

  Yes, and I started a career, and we started living together, as well. Look here, this is the part where he takes me to a horse race for the first time.

  Agent Donnery:

  First and last right?

  Dr. Ashcroft:

  (laughter) Yes, you’re right.

  Stories from the journals

  of Patient #32185

  June 7, 2008

  06:08 p.m.

  “I like that one.” Kenzie pointed at a horse I had seen before.

  “Him?” I cringed, seeing already that this was a bad idea. “You know, Big Brown is not a bad bet either.”

  “Nope.” She was frank and to the point, her mind already made. “That one.”

  “Da’ Tara? Really? But he’s the last place pick.” I was trying to make her change her mind in the nicest way possible.

  “Yeah, so? I like him.” She gave me a stern look. “You’ve always told me about the time you picked the loser and won remember? This is my chance.”

  I laughed and put my arm around her neck to give her a hug. “That’s true.”

  “What are you going to bet on him?” She looked up at me.

  We walked from the paddocks back to the main concourse at the Belmont in New York. “I’m not really sure.” I took out my checkbook and began to write something that made sense. For the first time, I had no clue which horse would be the winner and it felt strange, like walking blind in a dark room.

  “Bet a lot. Come on, it’s my first time and I want it to be exciting.” She seized my arm, looking down at my hand that held the checkbook.

  My stomach wrenched into a knot. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her choice. It was that her choice was the last place pick. “Alright, I will.”

  I wrote the check and handed it to her and her eyes got wide. “Twenty thousand dollars! Really?”

  “Kenzie, quiet. You say that and people will clamor to make the same bet as us, thinking we have some sort of inside info,” I whispered under my breath.

  “Oh.” She brought her hand to her mouth to silence herself.

  I grinned, finding her innocence cute. “You go pay. I’ll go get us something to drink.” After writing a check like that, I needed one.

  “You’re going to let me pay? But I don’t know what to do.” Her eyes looked lost.

  “You can do it, Kenzie. Seriously. If you can extract a toy truck from a boy’s esophagus, you can do anything.” I nudged her on the arm.

  She gave me a proud smile. Kenzie had landed a job at the Vincent Memorial Hospital where she quickly became a favorite with everyone, not that I was surprised. She was always happy and always smiling, so naturally people were drawn to her. Everyone saw what I had that day on the bus, the love at first sight and the beauty deep inside.

  I watched her walk away before turning to find the restrooms, then the bar. I rounded a corner and saw the sign overhead, but as I looked down, my heart sank and I lost the need to pee. I halted for a moment, wishing I could turn around and slink away, but finding at this point, there was no getting out of it.

  I let out a low growl. “I don’t know if I should be happy to see you or not.” I shoved my hands into the pockets of my suit pants.

  She looked at me from under her same hood. “What are you doing?”

  I shrugged. “What do you mean? It’s just a bet. It’s not like I know who’s going to win.”

  Molly’s jaw clenched. “I don’t mean the betting…” she paused. “Though you should trust Kenzie on her choice.” She tilted her head, giving the thought consideration as I did.

  I laughed. “Well, that certainly takes a load off my mind.” My laughter faded as I saw Molly didn’t find it amusing.

  “You know why I’m here, and you know what I mean when I ask what you’re doing.” She pointed to my pocket.

  “What?” I pretended not to know what she was talking about.

  “Jordan, don’t play dumb,” she glared at me. “It’s not that I’m against it, but here I was living my own little life and find that when I come to check on you, you’re about to get engaged?”

  I shrugged.

  “I thought I told you to just be friends with her.” She crossed her arms against her chest.

  “Well, it didn’t work out. I tried, really I did,” I frowned as she rolled her eyes and struggled not to smile. She hadn’t changed at all since that last time I’d seen her, right down to her clothes, as though she hadn’t aged in the last three years.

  “I guess this is it then.” She looked at me with her electric eyes.

  “This is what?” I was a little short with her, but I was tired of the games.

  “Where it all begins.” She raised her eyebrows.

  I exhaled sharply, “Where what begins?”

  She had a smug look on her face now. “I don’t think telling you is the right thing. It could be a detriment…” she trailed off.

  “Molly, it’s really hard to believe you when you’re like this.” I dropped my hands to my sides and analyzed her with a critical eye. “Why don’t you age?” I began to turn the attention on
her.

  She blinked a few times, as though she were trying to make up an excuse in her head. Her lips pursed as she found her answer. “It’s part of why we’re different, Jordan, that’s all.”

  I nodded, finding there was little else to say to her. “What’s with the hood, then. Does it make you feel sneaky or something?”

  She laughed. “Thanks, Jordan. You really know how to compliment a girl.”

  I smiled. “At least you laugh from time to time. Seriously, what happened to you?” I was joking when I said it, but Molly’s smile faded.

  “Life, Jordan, just as it has for you.” She shifted her weight.

  “Sorry, I didn’t realize that was a sore subject.” I relaxed a little, letting down my guard. “So, does this mean I’ll be seeing you more?”

  She shrugged, but I could tell my earlier question was still bothering her, “Maybe a little sooner than three years, yes.”

  We stopped talking for a moment, and things got awkward. I wanted to know what she knew and what was about to happen, but considering she seemed calm about it, I didn’t figure it was pressing.

  “Well, I better get going.” I broke the silence. “Thanks for dropping in, though.” I tried to smile at her, but found it hard.

  She looked up at me. “Yeah, I better get going as well. Take care, Jordan.” She turned to walk away but halted herself, twisting back to face me. “Just remember that in life, sometimes bad things happen for a reason, perhaps even for something good.”