Mr. Darcy's Bite

by Mary Lydon Simonsen

“Mama, at this point, there is nothing to be done, and I wish to enjoy my wedding day without thinking apprehensively about my wedding night.” Lizzy gave a silent prayer of thanks when Kitty arrived and handed their mother a letter.

  “Oh dear!” Mrs. Bennet said after briefly scanning its opening paragraph. “It is from Lydia. She will not be coming to the wedding after all, as there are no funds to pay for her coach fare. It is too bad that she did not write sooner as there is nothing to be done now.” She continued perusing the letter. “Oh, goodness me! There is more news. Lydia is to be a mother, and she expects to be delivered of her child in midsummer. How wonderful! I shall be a grandmother twice over in the new year.”

  Lizzy made no comment. Her sister’s announcement that she was with child should have been joyfully received, but how could it be when it was coupled with the news that she did not have enough money to pay the coach fare to come to her sister’s wedding. As her father had so succinctly put it at the time of Lydia and Wickham’s marriage, “Lydia has married one of the most worthless men in Great Britain.” No good could come out of such a union, and the letter proved it.

  But then Mrs. Bennet burst forth with the happy news that Lydia would shortly be coming home, as Mr. Wickham’s regiment was to go to fight in the Peninsular campaign. With Wickham gone, there was no point in Lydia remaining in Newcastle. Although her mother was happy that her youngest daughter would be coming back to Longbourn, Lydia’s sisters were not, not even Kitty, who had learned a lesson from her sister’s mistakes. Everyone understood that with Lydia’s arrival the house would be topsy-turvy once again. But this gray cloud did have a sliver of a silver lining for Lizzy: Mrs. Bennet had left the bedroom to share the good news with Mr. Bennet, and all discussion about Mr. Darcy’s size had come to an end.

  ***

  Darcy had been up since dawn, and with Mercer gone to see to the arrangements for their journey, he had to dress himself, which was no hardship, except for the damn neckcloth, and he enlisted Bingley’s assistance in tying the knot.

  “We are all fools to have that peacock, Beau Brummel, dictate fashion,” Darcy complained. “This thing around my neck is little different from the bows that Georgiana wore in her hair when she was a little girl. Why must it be so complicated?”

  “Calm down, Darcy. You know that this has nothing to do with your neckwear. You are a nervous bridegroom, and there is no need to take your frustration out on poor Mr. Brummel.”

  “You mock me, Bingley, and having been in my position, what, seven or eight months ago, you should be more sympathetic.”

  “I do not recall being this nervous—certainly not about the ceremony. Perhaps you are looking past the festivities to your wedding night.”

  “Why do you say that?” he asked anxiously. “What do you think will happen? Will it be unpleasant?”

  “Not for you, it won’t.”

  “Damn it, Bingley. I am not here for your amusement.”

  Bingley found it difficult to suppress his laughter, but since his friend was in desperate need of calming, he told Darcy of his own wedding night, including the darkened room, Jane with the covers up to her nose, his wife lying in their bed as stiff as a board, and fumbling about in the dark.

  “But, Darcy, you have to allow that it is a rather curious thing for a woman. Jane and I were not permitted to be alone at any time during our courtship, but on our wedding night, she is supposed to be comfortable disrobing in front of a man? Not likely. You will find that it takes patience and a great deal of talking about love.”

  “I am finding this whole business of the terrors of the wedding night to be ridiculous. Why should a woman hide beneath the covers in trepidation of a physical act that has gone on since the time of Adam and Eve? It is a part of the natural order. Men and women were created so that they might reproduce. ‘Be fruitful and multiply.’ It is a Biblical injunction.”

  “Is that what you are going to whisper in Elizabeth’s ear? ‘Darling, I come to you tonight by Biblical injunction, so that we might reproduce.’”

  And even Darcy had to see the absurdity of his statement. “I cannot wait for this day to be over.”

  ***

  Darcy decided to follow Bingley’s suggestion and have a glass of wine, and he had just poured himself a tall one when Colonel Fitzwilliam arrived at Netherfield. Because Richard had been unsure if he would receive permission to leave his regiment, Darcy was more than pleased when his cousin entered the room. However, his pleasure was short-lived because right behind him was Antony, Lord Fitzwilliam.

  “Oh, God, just what I need,” Darcy said to himself, and he added more wine to the glass.

  Antony immediately sought an introduction to Mr. and Mrs. Bingley, and it was quickly apparent why women loved this irredeemable rascal.

  “Mrs. Bingley, I had the good fortune to make your sister’s acquaintance while in town, and I thought, what a beautiful young lady my cousin is to marry, but here I come to find that Miss Bennet has a golden-haired equivalent residing in the country.” He continued on in that vein, and although Jane had been told about the black sheep of the Fitzwilliam family and his shameless flattery, she could not help but smile, especially since she was in need of compliments as she felt as wide as a barn door.

  As much as he was enjoying the company of the lovely Mrs. Bingley, Antony tore himself away so that he might speak with his cousin to reassure him that he had not come to make mischief.

  “Darcy, I promise to be on my best behavior. Besides, I do not think there is anyone here to misbehave with, so I shall limit myself to flirting with Mrs. Gardiner.”

  Darcy rolled his eyes but decided it was best not to say anything. It only encouraged him.

  “Oh come, Darcy, don’t give me that look. I daresay Mrs. Gardiner enjoyed my winking at her. I do not know of any woman who does not like to be reminded of a time when a man flirted with her. Such little pleasures keep one young. But I have come with only one purpose in mind and that is to wish you joy. Honestly, I did not think you would ever marry.”

  Darcy gave his cousin a sideways glance. “Why not?”

  Antony looked about to see if their conversation could be overhead before continuing, “Because your wife would have to be a very special person, now wouldn’t she?”

  “What are you talking about?” Darcy asked, as he felt his heart quicken. Had Richard betrayed him by telling his blabbing brother of his situation?

  “I know that you do not have a high opinion of me, Darcy, and with good reason. You think that I am incapable of keeping a secret, but I have kept yours for eight years.” Following Darcy’s eyes as he looked across the room at Colonel Fitzwilliam, he continued, “Richard did not tell me. It was Anne.” At first, Darcy felt his heart sink, but knowing what an incurable gossip the earl was, Anne must have had a good reason for revealing so dark a secret.

  “Do you remember the time when Anne was so ill that she thought she was going to die?” Darcy nodded, and a vision of Anne lying in her bedroom at Rosings fighting for every breath appeared before him. It was only by God’s good grace that she survived. “It was then that she asked me, as the head of the Fitzwilliam family, to take care of you. So I have watched you all these years from a distance, and as far as I could tell, you required no assistance from me. But when I learned from Anne that you were engaged, I was concerned—for both of you—which is why I called on Miss Bennet while she was in town.”

  “You have no reason to be concerned on Elizabeth’s account. She knows everything as she has seen me in my altered state.”

  “Then I have nothing else to say except to offer my congratulations to you on finding true love,” Antony said. “In my short visit with Miss Bennet, I saw something: a strength of will and character. And I knew that you had found the perfect wife, and I envy you that. But I want you to know that if either of you ever needs assistance, I will be there to help you
in any way I can. I also want you to know that I will take your secret to my grave. Not even Richard knows that I know. The less said, the better, even to my brother. Let me conclude by saying how much I admire you. Something like that would have brought a lesser man to his knees—me, for instance.”

  Antony took out his pocket watch and showed it to Darcy. “You have about one hour before you leave the ranks of one of England’s most sought-after bachelors. Do you know how many hearts you are breaking by marrying Miss Bennet? Alexandra Banbury has taken to wearing dark colors.”

  “How is it that anyone in town knows I am to be married? I have made no announcement.” Antony looked at the ceiling, studied his nails, straightened his collar, and in every way looked uncomfortable. “You cannot help yourself, can you?” Darcy asked.

  Antony merely smiled, but as he started to walk away, Darcy pulled him back. “You and I have had our differences, but you should know that if I did not care, I would not bother.”

  “Of course, I know that, but as for our having differences, I know your lectures are for the purpose of making me a better man. However, I have no intention of reforming. Our time on earth is so short that it would be a sacrilege to go through life as a virtuous prig. Now, here comes my brother, so I shall have a glass of wine.” The brothers bowed in passing.

  “Good grief, Darcy. You are not even a married man yet, and you are already mellowing. That is the longest conversation you have had with Antony in years, and you only rolled your eyes once. That is a record, I am sure.”

  “There are times when he can actually be helpful. I assume you came in Antony’s carriage, so if he was the only means of your getting here, I am glad to have him. But where the devil did you stay last night?”

  “At the coaching inn, the Roost, about four miles from here.”

  “I cannot picture Lord Fitzwilliam sleeping on a well-worn mattress in a coaching inn.”

  “You do not have to picture such a scene because he did not sleep on any mattress. He came prepared with his own pillow and blanket, and after spreading out his overcoat, he lay down and went right to sleep. So I slept in the bed and escaped without so much as one bedbug bite.

  “On another matter, on the way up to town,” the colonel continued, “I stopped at Rosings Park and visited with Aunt Catherine and Anne, and our cousin looked very well; she was lacking that gray pallor she usually has in the winter. She sends you her love and is looking forward to visiting Pemberley in the spring.”

  “Did Aunt Catherine have a message for me?” Darcy asked.

  “Actually, she said that she hopes the weather stays fine—not necessarily for you, but for everyone, and there is reason to hope that she will come around. Apparently, after Georgie and you left, Anne and her dear Mama had a long talk, and Aunt Catherine stated that she hopes you will be happy. Although she doubts you will achieve domestic felicity, she wishes to be proved wrong.”

  Darcy nearly spit out his wine. “Aunt Catherine wishes to be proved wrong? Yes, and Antony wishes to stop sleeping with married women.”

  “However, bringing up a touchy subject was not my reason for making my way over here. I have come to execute my responsibilities as your best man and to make you aware of the time.”

  “Richard, I can hardly believe it. I am actually getting married.” Darcy’s whole demeanor changed at the thought of his marrying Elizabeth. “Just like any other man, I shall have a wife and family. I did not think…” Darcy could hear the catch in his voice and looked away from his cousin.

  “Come on, old boy,” Richard said, slapping Darcy on the back. “We are to church, as your bride awaits.”

  Chapter 32

  While Mrs. Bennet prattled on during the ride to the church, Lizzy and her father were lost in thought. Mr. Bennet still had a nagging feeling that there was more to Mr. Darcy’s lengthy absences than either the bride or groom cared to reveal, but whatever the cause, Mr. Bennet was sure his daughter knew of the reason as the couple seemed to have formed a bond that was usually reserved for those who shared a secret.

  Lizzy’s mind was more pleasantly engaged. She was thinking about Mr. Darcy and how fortunate she was to have found such a man. While most men would be offended by her impertinence, Mr. Darcy found it amusing, and he had often told her how much he admired her strong character. She would be brave for him and not give into her fears, but he must do the same and not be overly protective of her or he would hear about it.

  When Lizzy entered the church vestibule, she was met by Jane, who was wearing a panel attached to her pale yellow dress to hide her pregnancy, but even with her bulging middle, she looked particularly lovely as yellow was her best color. However, on this day, the most beautiful Bennet sister was Elizabeth. Her wedding dress was white satin with a gauze overdress and trimmed with Brussels lace matching her waist-length mantilla. Her only jewelry was a single strand of pearls that Mr. Darcy’s mother had worn on her wedding day.

  Standing near the altar was the bridegroom, whose impatience to be married was providing amusement for the guests, but even if he had made note of the whispers, he would have ignored them as his mind was fixed on one thing: his ardent desire to make Elizabeth Bennet his wife. He even ignored the tittering of Mrs. Gardiner and Aunt Susan, Mr. Bennet’s sister, who were listening to Lord Fitzwilliam describe his own nuptials.

  “I was in the vestry, but they found me,” the earl explained, “and after being dragged from my hiding place, Eleanor and I were united in wedlock—the emphasis being on ‘lock.’ We promised to stay married for better or for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part, and by God, we have lived up to those vows. She is richer; I am poorer. She is hale and hearty, while I am sick whenever I am in her company. It could be better, but it could not possibly be worse. And because we are both too stubborn to die, we remain married.”

  But Darcy heard none of this. He had just taken out his pocket watch when the church doors opened. As he caught sight of his bride, a sense of well-being surged through him. As Elizabeth drew closer, he knew that she was feeling exactly the same thing, and their hearts beat as one.

  ***

  Except for the absent militia, Netherfield was as crowded as it had been on the evening of the ball, and Elizabeth and Darcy had to squeeze through the throng to greet all of their well-wishers. While moving amongst their guests, Lizzy heard snatches of conversation, all complimentary, about how well the two eldest Bennet daughters had done in the business of getting husbands, but among those bits of overheard dialogue was her mother informing her friends that ten thousand pounds was not even close to the true amount of Mr. Darcy’s yearly income. How did Mrs. Bennet know that? they asked. She replied, if his assets were not substantially larger than that sum, how could one account for the large estate, the house in town, the carriages, the clothes, etc., etc.?

  The Fitzwilliam brothers were enormously popular and covered both ends of the spectrum. While Lord Fitzwilliam entertained the married women with his double entendres or stories about his unhappy marriage to Lady Macbeth, the colonel, handsomely accoutered in his regimentals, had all the local beauties surrounding him, much to the chagrin of the Lucas boys and the other youths of Meryton. But Georgiana put a smile on the lads’ faces when she offered to play a jig on the pianoforte so that they might dance, and Kitty’s response was immediate. She stood in front of the colonel so that he would have to ask her to dance first.

  But before the day got away from him, Darcy was determined to have a conversation with Jane Bingley. He understood why she was unhappy with him. In addition to interfering in her relationship with Charles, he had insulted her sister with his ungracious proposal, and when he had returned to renew his efforts to win Lizzy, his behavior was so erratic that at a minimum it invited criticism, but more alarmingly, it had aroused her suspicions.

  When Darcy approached, Jane, who was sitting in the parlor in orde
r to avoid the press of people, was having a conversation with Mrs. Glenn, who had recently become a grandmother, but the older woman kindly left the two to have their talk.

  “Mrs. Bingley, I know that you have reservations about your sister marrying me, but…”

  Jane blushed at this revelation. “I am sorry Lizzy repeated what I said. I thought our conversation was confidential.”

  “Your sister did not betray your confidence. I am afraid on this subject your face is an open book, and I understand the cause for your concerns. I was not the best suitor, but I would ask that you put aside all prejudice and judge me from this day forward as I intend to be the best of husbands.”

  “Sir, please understand that I only want my sister’s happiness, and since Lizzy has informed me that she cannot be happy without you, I wish you joy.”

  “Be assured, Mrs. Bingley, that you and Charles are always welcome at Pemberley, and I know that Elizabeth and I will be welcomed at Netherfield Park. I anticipate a lot of time being spent on the road between Hertfordshire and Derbyshire. We shall visit so often that our carriages will leave ruts in the road.”

  By the time Mr. Darcy returned to his wife, Jane was reassured. The dour gentleman from Derbyshire really could be quite charming, and she had absolutely no doubt that he loved Elizabeth. But she would hold her brother-in-law to his promise to allow Lizzy to visit frequently because if Lizzy did not come to her, she would go to Lizzy.

  ***

  By evening, when the last of the guests had departed, not so much as a cake crumb was left, only a few scraps of meat remained on the platter, and the punch bowl had been emptied and replenished several times. Lizzy was glad she had instructed Mr. Jackson to make sure that enough food was set aside for the servants so that they might join in the celebration.

  “I really should go downstairs and compliment Mrs. Bradshaw for the wonderful job she did today,” Lizzy said as she collapsed into a chair, “but I am too tired.”