A Family To Cherish

by Carole Gift Page

  Barbara was still two steps behind. “You—You came all the way from Oregon to pick up Janee?”

  “Well, not just to pick up Janee,” Pam conceded. “Actually, Benny’s here on a business trip.”

  “I’m here to scout out the used car market,” Benny interjected. “You know what they say about L.A.—the used car capital of the world.”

  “And so I decided to join him,” said Pam, her voice sounding like a kitten’s purr. “Like I said, we came so we could get Janee. Only, of course, you weren’t home—and, oh, Barbara, it’s a terrible shame about your house. Doug called us when it happened, but we never dreamed…I mean, once we saw it, you know, we were just shocked. It’s a crying shame!”

  “A stroke of luck that you have this cabin,” said Benny. “Of course, it’s a little rough around the edges, but—”

  “We’ve actually enjoyed it,” said Barbara. “Janee and me both.”

  “But it must be hard being away from Doug for days at a time.” A sly smile crept across Pam’s lips. “Of course, I see you didn’t waste any time renewing old acquaintanceships, if you know what I mean.”

  “I know exactly what you mean,” Barbara said coolly. “And believe me, Pam, it was pure coincidence that Trent and I ran into each other. He’s been a kind and helpful neighbor—and that’s all.”

  Pam raised a conciliatory hand. “Oh, Barbara, I believe you. Really, I was just speaking in jest. Trying for a little levity. But I’m not good at that like Benny. You must know I would never suggest that there was any impropriety going on between you and your old flame.” She stifled a smile. “No matter how gorgeous he is.”

  Benny guffawed and reached over and squeezed Pam’s knee. “You keep your eyes on your number one man, you hear?”

  Barbara forced the indignation out of her voice. “Pam, Benny, you came here to talk about Janee. So let me have my say.”

  “Certainly, Barbara. The floor is yours,” said Benny.

  Barbara inhaled deeply. Why did she suddenly feel that she was facing a judge and jury? “First of all, let me thank you both for responding to my phone call. At the time I was feeling rather overwhelmed with my life, and I thought—I just thought maybe Janee would be better off with someone else…with the two of you.”

  “And we’ve come to see that you’re absolutely right,” said Pam, her smile brilliant as a neon sign.

  “But that’s just it,” Barbara protested. “I wasn’t right. I was wrong. Since we came to the cabin, Janee has settled in very well. We’re getting along wonderfully. We’re very happy together.”

  Pam crossed her long, tapered legs with a practiced grace. “But, Barbara, dear, what can you offer a child in a moldering old cabin like this, stuck in the backwoods on top of some mountain? Janee belongs in the city where she can have the best school, the finest clothes, the right friends.”

  “She’ll have all of that as soon as we get settled back into our home. Meanwhile, we’re having a pleasant little vacation together in this rustic cabin—which isn’t moldering in the least.”

  Pam tapped her long fingernails on the tufted arm of the sofa. “Well, Barbara, I just wish you had phoned us and told us you’d changed your mind. You would have saved me a trip.”

  “I didn’t hear from you, Pam, so I just assumed you weren’t interested.”

  “I’ll tell you what,” said Benny. “We bought a plane ticket for the kid, so we might as well take her back with us for a week. Give you a little break.”

  Barbara stiffened. “You want to take Janee home with you? Now?”

  “Just for a week,” said Pam smoothly. “After all, we haven’t had a chance to get to know our little niece, have we? Surely you’re not going to begrudge us a week with her.” Pam’s tone took on a cutting edge. “I mean, a couple of weeks ago you were ready to pawn her off on us for good.”

  Barbara’s temper flared, but she clenched her teeth and said evenly, “I wasn’t trying to pawn her off on you. I was just—”

  “Yeah, we get the picture,” said Benny. “So how about it? We take the kid now, and you get her back in a week. Fair enough?”

  Barbara’s mind raced. There was a certain inevitable logic in their reasoning. And surely they had as much right to spend time with Janee as she did. But at the back of Barbara’s mind a warning light flashed. “I really hate to uproot the child again, Pam,” she said, trying not to let her rising emotion color her voice. “You know how it is. She’s just gotten comfortable here at the cabin.”

  “Oh, for Pete’s sake, Barbara, children are adaptable. They’re resilient. I may not have kids, but everyone knows that.”

  Suddenly Janee peeked her head in the doorway and asked eagerly, “When are you going to come outside and see my nesting boxes?”

  Benny stood up. “In just a minute, sweetheart.”

  “Me and Uncle Trent found the neatest little cave. We put a nesting box in it. Wanna come see?”

  “Sure, kiddo,” said Benny. “Hey, where’s your, uh, your Uncle Trent?”

  “He went home.”

  “Smart man,” said Pam. “He knows when it’s time to retreat.”

  “Hey, listen, Janee,” said Benny. “The nesting boxes can wait, okay? Your Aunt Pam and I have a surprise for you. Come here, honey, and see your Uncle Benny.”

  Janee shuffled over to him, looking shy but curious. Benny picked her up in his arms and bounced her up and down. “Hey, pretty girl, how would you like to come visit your Aunt Pam and Uncle Benny in Oregon for a few days?”

  Janee cast a questioning glance at Barbara. Before Barbara could respond, Pam was on her feet. In those deadly three-inch heels, she sashayed over to Benny and clasped Janee’s round cheeks in her palms. “You’ll have lots of fun, honey,” she purred as she smoothed Janee’s flyaway hair. “We’ll ride on a big airplane, and when we get home we’ll go to the toy store and you can buy any toy you want.”

  Janee’s eyes grew wide as saucers. “Can I buy a baby doll that drinks and wets?”

  Benny guffawed. “Sweetheart, you can buy a doll that dances, juggles plates, and sings ‘God Bless America,’ if you like.”

  Janee shook her head solemnly. “No, just one that drinks and wets.”

  “Janee’s not going anywhere,” said Barbara under her breath. Her eyes were shooting darts at Benny, but he chose not to notice.

  “Let’s see what Janee wants to do,” said Benny with the flashy, inflated tone of a salesman closing a deal. “What about it, Janee? You want to come home with Pam and me?”

  Janee’s cheeks glowed with anticipation. “Will we go to the toy store and buy my dolly?”

  “That’s a promise, kiddo. And your Uncle Benny never goes back on a promise.”

  Janee looked over at Barbara and a shadow crossed her face. “Can Aunt Barbara come, too?”

  “Not this time, baby,” said Pam. “But we’ll bring you right back to your Aunt Barbara whenever you want to come. Okay?”

  Janee twisted her mouth as if deep in thought. Finally she grinned and said, “Okay.”

  “Great! Pam, you go help Janee pack a few of her clothes.” Benny set Janee down and patted her head. “Now, you scoot along, gal.” He looked at Pam. “She won’t need much, hon. We’ll buy her some new stuff.”

  Barbara stepped forward and seized Janee’s hand. “Wait just a minute. I don’t think Janee’s going anywhere. She’s better off staying right here.”

  “Really?” challenged Benny, fingering his too-wide red tie. “Why don’t you ask Janee what she wants to do?”

  Barbara stood immobilized for a moment. Benny had her in a corner. No matter what she said now in her own defense, she was going to come off looking like the bad guy. “You two are making this very difficult…”

  Janee clasped Barbara’s arms and pleaded, “Please, Aunt Barbara, please, let me go! Please, please, please!”

  Barbara gathered Janee up in her arms. Janee bounced and rocked and begged, “Please, Aunt Barbara, pretty please with
sugar on it!”

  Tears welled in Barbara’s eyes. She embraced Janee tightly and kissed the top of her golden hair. “You really want to go, sweet girl?”

  Janee gave her an exaggerated nod. “Yes, Aunt Barbara. I’m going to get a dolly that drinks and wets.”

  Reluctantly Barbara set Janee down. “Okay, baby, go to your room and get your favorite clothes and put them in your backpack.” As Janee scampered off, Barbara turned a withering gaze on Pam and Benny. “I don’t appreciate the two of you coming in here unannounced and persuading Janee to go home with you. She’s just a five-year-old, and you manipulated her. That’s inexcusable.”

  “Oh, Barbara, don’t be so stuffy,” said Pam, examining one long crimson nail. “For someone who wanted to unload the kid a couple of weeks ago, you’re sure acting the concerned mommy now. Besides, it’s just a week. The kid will have a great time. She’ll be back here before you know it.”

  “One week,” said Barbara coldly. She was trembling, but she didn’t want them to notice. “I want that child back in this cabin one week from today.”

  “Sure,” said Pam breezily. “I’ll bring her myself. And don’t worry. We’ll treat her like a little princess.”

  Benny motioned to Pam. “Go help the kid pack, okay? I want to get back down the mountain before nightfall.”

  Before Barbara could quite comprehend what was happening, Janee was traipsing out the door with Pam and Benny. Barbara stood on the porch and watched, stunned and speechless, as they buckled Janee into the back seat and drove off down the road in their fancy rental car.

  When their automobile was out of sight, the reality of what had just happened struck Barbara like a sudden punch in the stomach. She nearly doubled over as she stumbled back inside the cabin. “Oh, Janee,” her voice echoed eerily in the empty cabin. “Janee, baby, how could I let them take you?”

  She hurried to her cell phone and called Doug at the hospital. “He doesn’t answer his page,” said the operator.

  “Keep trying.” Barbara was shaking so hard now that her teeth nearly chattered.

  After nearly ten minutes, Doug came on the line. “What’s up, Barb?”

  “They’ve come and taken Janee,” she blurted.

  Doug’s voice rang with alarm. “Who took her? What are you talking about, Barb?”

  “Pam and Benny.” She was weeping now. “They came here, Doug. Out of the blue. They showed up at the cabin and said they had decided to take Janee. Just like that. They just drove off with her. They’re taking her home to Oregon.”

  “Barb, I don’t understand. They’ve never wanted kids. They certainly didn’t want Janee. Why on earth would they come and take her now?”

  “I don’t know,” Barbara said between sobs. “Maybe because I—I called and asked them to take her.”

  “You asked them to take her? What kind of fool thing—!”

  “I know, Doug. I was wrong. Terribly wrong. But that was weeks ago, before the earthquake. Before we came here. Before I realized how much I want Janee to stay with us.”

  “Then why didn’t you just tell them no?”

  “I tried, but they promised Janee the world, and she wanted to go. What could I say?”

  “Okay, calm down, Barb. You know Pam and Benny. A child would cramp their style, they know that. I’m sure they don’t plan to keep her for long.”

  “They said it’s just for a week,” Barbara said shakily. “But I don’t believe them, Doug. I have a bad feeling about this. I think they intend to keep Janee for good. Oh, Doug, I don’t think they’ll ever let us have her back!”

  Chapter Thirteen

  In the days that followed, Barbara felt as if she were caught in a time warp and moving in slow motion. Worse, she was slogging through the depths of despair. Each day was longer than the one before. The tedium was nearly unbearable.

  She missed Janee. Heavens, how she missed that child. The cabin that had rung with the little girl’s laughter and been bright with her smile was suddenly a desolate place. How could it be, Barbara wondered, that she found herself in the untenable predicament of grieving for two children? Her beloved Caitlin was gone and could never come back, of course. But Janee—precious Janee—the child she had almost let slip through her fingers. Janee belonged here with Barbara. Janee had to come home again. Had to!

  As the week dragged on, Barbara considered leaving the cabin and returning to Los Angeles. She and Doug could rent an apartment until their house was ready, or even stay in a motel. But she couldn’t quite bear the thought of leaving this cabin where she and Janee had learned to care for each other. Leaving would break that special connection she felt with the child. Here in this homey cabin they had played and read and sung and prayed together. Here, for the first time, Barbara had discovered she could actually love another child.

  But what irony. Now that she wanted Janee, Pam and Benny had decided they wanted her, too. Was God punishing her for her anger and bitterness and resentment over Caitlin’s death?

  For four long years Barbara had nursed those dark, insidious emotions. Her anger had revealed itself in ways subtle—and not so subtle. Grief had erected a wall between her and Doug, between her and God. After losing Caitlin, she had locked her heart against them both, partly in self-defense, partly as a means of striking back at them.

  And yet she was never quite sure why she felt the need to retaliate. Did she believe Doug was responsible for Caitlin’s death? Was God responsible? She wasn’t sure. She knew only that someone was to blame. The worst moment of her life couldn’t have been a random, meaningless incident.

  By Friday Barbara was fit to be tied. She had phoned Pam and Benny every day and left messages on their machine, but they never returned her calls. What was going on? She had visions of them skipping the country, disappearing forever with Janee to some remote island, some foreign continent. What if she never saw Janee again?

  How was it possible that she had finally allowed a chink in her stony heart that would allow it to be shattered again by a child she had never meant to care for?

  In desperation Barbara finally took out her Bible and sat down to read. So often when she was troubled she resisted reading the Scriptures; she told herself it wouldn’t help. She wasn’t in the mood; the verses wouldn’t be relevant to her situation. But inevitably when she started reading a passage, she would feel the tug of God’s Spirit, and she would realize this was what she should have been doing all along.

  It was that way now, too. As she thumbed through the Book of Romans, she felt a hunger to make amends with God. She had held her heart back from Him for so long, but He was still there, waiting, ready to shower her with His love. She knew this instinctively, knew it with every fiber of her being, and yet she resisted God, turned from His love.

  What was wrong with her that she couldn’t give in and let God be God in her life? Why couldn’t she simply open her hands and let Him have His way in her heart? Was it too important to nurse her grief, to clutch her anger to her breast?

  As she scanned the eighth chapter of Romans, several verses caught her attention. She read them aloud, hungrily, the very words a balm to her wounded heart. “‘For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us…. Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities…. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.’”

  Barbara closed the Bible and moved her fingertips over its sturdy binding. Dear God, if only I had the kind of faith to believe that everything in my life is working together for good. If only I could trust You again—but I can’t. I’m so afraid. What if You demand more of me than I can give? I can’t bear any more losses. I’m sorry, God, I just can’t!

  Barbara set the Bible back in the bookcase as tears brimmed in her eyes. “Oh, Lord,” she whispered, “I want to love You. I want to trust You. I want to love Doug again the way I used to. I don’t want my hea
rt to be like stone. Please, help me! I can’t do it by myself!” She sank down on the floor beside the sofa, cradled her head in her arms and wept. As her tears flowed, she had the extraordinary sensation that she wasn’t alone, that someone—God Himself—was holding her in His arms, offering His solace.

  She cried until her tears were spent, then rested her head on the sofa cushion and savored God’s comforting presence. “You are here for me, after all,” she murmured. “You understand how weak I am. You know I can’t go it alone.”

  When she had finished praying, Barbara stood up and dried her eyes, then went to the bathroom and touched up her face. Her eyes were red-rimmed, but she felt amazingly refreshed. God had given her a new lease on life. He would see her through, she knew now, whatever happened.

  And He would bring Janee safely back to her, for hadn’t He brought Janee into her life in the first place? Surely God wouldn’t tantalize her with a child, then tear that child from her arms. He wouldn’t do that to her again. He knew how much she had suffered over Caitlin. If there truly was a time for every season under heaven, surely now it was her time to be happy.

  Barbara was running a brush through her hair when she heard the doorbell ring. Maybe it was Pam and Benny bringing Janee back a few days early. Wouldn’t that be a perfect answer to her prayers? She tossed the brush aside and hurried to the front door. Her heart sank when she spotted Trent Townsend through the screen. “Hi,” she said, trying to hide her disappointment. “Come on in.”

  “Thanks. Don’t mind if I do.” He opened the screen door and sauntered inside. He was wearing a polo shirt and slacks, and looked like he was ready for a game of tennis. “What’s up, Barb?” he asked. “You look like you were expecting someone, and I’m afraid it wasn’t me.”