by P. J. Belden
The moment was ending I could feel it, but he asked the right questions that deserved answers. He put his life in danger for me, it was the least I could to answer the questions. I took a deep breath, breathing in his scent. I never wanted to forget it.
“Alex comes into my life and forces himself on me, in more ways than just sexually. He takes away securities each and every time he attacks me. Each security is then viewed as a vulnerability in my life. I am sitting here with no safeties and completely lost as to who I can trust and who can help me. Then I meet you, and something in me is drawn to you. I… I can’t help but follow. I can’t explain it Jason, but when I am near you - when you hold me - I am not scared anymore. It’s like a freedom; a safe place I’ve never had before. You are the only one that has ever had that effect on me. I know it doesn’t make sense and I am not explaining myself well, but that’s how it feels.”
I stopped talking. Nothing was said for a while, and I was afraid to look up. He lifted my chin a moment later so I was looking at his face. He stared into my eyes, and I got lost in his.
“You have the same effect on me.” he whispered. “You are unlike any other woman I have met in my life. You’re different. You calm me when I’m out of control, and you ground me when I get too cocky. I understand not being able to explain it when we really don’t know each other well, but I am here to protect you and catch this bastard. You deserve a life, Kayla. You deserve to be able to walk out your door and not have to check every nook and cranny just to ensure that you are alone. Most of all, sunshine, you deserve to be loved. You deserve to love in return. I will do whatever I can to get this bastard out of your life so that maybe you can actually start having a life. Putting your own stamp on and all that shit.”
I chuckled softly. It was the sweetest thing I had ever been told. It was, in a way, exactly how I felt about him. I was trying hard to not get my hopes up that one day, he could be the one I loved and who loved me in return. He was everything I dreamed about when I was little, before those dreams were ripped from me.
He pressed a soft kiss to my lips and I sighed.
“Now enough of this serious shit!” he said with a grin. “Why don’t we get back to our game? What do you say?”
I smiled. He was perfect!
“Yes, please!”
CHAPTER TWELVE
~JASON~
Kayla had scared the living shit out of me. I thought for sure I was going to have to take her to the hospital. The things she was screaming when I got back into the apartment, the way she was talking – I could tell she wasn’t with us anymore. The absolute horror on Nate’s face said it all.
“Guys! Let’s get back to the game night,” I hollered at them.
A few minutes later, they came back out into the living room. I noted Mary’s ruffled hair and flushed face, but I wasn’t going to say anything. They needed each other at the moment, and I wasn’t going to blame them for wanting to forget what they saw. It was a heartbreaking sight to see Kayla on the floor, curled into a fetal position, shaking violently, crying, and screaming like she was. I was honestly scared to pick her up. It wasn’t because I thought she was going to hurt me, but because I was afraid that I was going to hurt her. In the end, though, I couldn’t handle hearing her say those things and seeing her like that. It was breaking my heart.
We all sat back around the table and the heaviness of what had just occurred hung over the table. Kayla kept looking out the window.
Drastic times call for drastic measures.
I was going to make myself look like an ass, but if it brought a smile to Kayla’s face and alleviated the heaviness away in the room, then it would be worth it. I wanted the carefree atmosphere that was there before Alex intervened.
“How did the cow keep up on the news?”
I looked around the table. Kayla shrugged.
“By reading the Moospaper.”
There was a small smirk on Kayla face, so I kept going.
“What did Earth say to Mars?”
Kayla shrugged, still holding the small smirk on her beautiful lips.
“Get away from me. You have gas.”
A bigger smirk.
“What did the pencil say to the marker and crayon after a race?”
She shook her head.
“My lead hurts.”
With that, she busted up laughing. A huge grin spread across my face. I don’t think she was laughing so much at the joke, but at me and that was okay because she was laughing. My heart was lighter, and immediately everyone else joined in with her laughter. The heaviness in the room was gone, and I was glad I had made an ass out of myself.
We got back to our game. Everyone was smiling and laughing. It was the way we were before when we forgot we were all just pretending; it was like it was real. Taking a deep breath, I breathed in the moment and hoped to never forget it. When the case was over, I was sure Kayla would be ready to live and expand her life - she deserved to. But I was also sure that it wouldn’t include the detective that helped her get out of it.
From now on, I will be the reminder of what she was going through, and eventually what she had gone through.
As much as the realization hurts, I just wanted her happy. I just wanted her… free.
“No! That’s cheating! You can’t use your hands when it says ‘NO GESTURES.’” Kayla hollered. “Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater!”
I laughed. She was so funny at times.
“No cheating bro, or you forfeit the game,” I added.
Before we knew it, it was nearly midnight. The saying ‘time flies when you’re having fun’ truly applied that night. We were having so much fun that we didn’t realize how much time had passed. For me, that was fine. I would take the loss of sleep knowing that Kayla had fun and, for a moment, was free.
“Well, to anyone watching, we were definitely having a date night, I guess,” Nate stupidly said.
I glared at him.
“It was a good night. Glad I thought to have my assistant send games along. I was going to make sure you had fun while you were stuck with me,” Mary smiled at Kayla.
“I did have fun. Wow, that is weird to say. I had fun for the first time in a very long time. Thank you, guys. I really needed this.”
She met my eyes and I smiled at her.
I loved her smile. It was rare, but completely worth it when you saw it, kind of like a shooting star - just amazing when you see it for those few seconds, and is never forgotten afterward. Her eyes lit up when it was a real smile, and not one of her forced ones that she puts on during the day. Kayla shook her head slightly.
“Um,” she cleared her throat. “Would you guys like leftovers to take home with you? I love to cook too much, so I rarely eat them. When I usually have leftovers I either take them to work and feed the volunteers or give to the homeless shelter nearby, but you guys are more than welcome to it.”
Nate eagerly took the leftovers. Nate and I offered to help clean up, but the girls wouldn’t let us. We all walked to the door. Mary walked Nate down to the car. Kayla and I were left standing alone in the doorway to her condo.
“I had a lot of fun tonight. It was great to see you relax and have fun. I loved seeing you smile and hear you laugh.”
“I had a lot of fun tonight too. It could have ended badly, but you saved it. I was able to forget everything for a moment and remember who I use to be, and it was nice. Really nice. In one day, you showed me what I could be and what I could have. You have no idea how grateful I am for that,” she whispered.
“I meant what I said to you earlier, but if you keep looking at me like that, I might have to break my promise for the first time.”
We looked at each other for a moment; she knew I was referring to kissing her. I really wanted to kiss her. I had given her small kisses since the promise, but I wanted to really kiss her. I wanted to press her against the wall and have her legs wrapped around my waist as my tongue pushed into her warm, welcoming mouth, allowing me a taste of her
sweet goodness. I shook my head and willed my hard-on to go down. It didn’t seem to work with me standing in her presence.
Her eyes dropped to my lips, then looked back into my eyes. I tilted my head and raised an eyebrow. She nodded. It was all I needed. I needed my lips on hers.
Reaching up and cupping her face in my hands, I gently ran my thumbs on her cheeks. I tilted her head slightly and slowly leaned in, pausing for a moment to make sure that she really wanted me to do it. Searching her eyes and finding that desired, I leaned in the rest of the way, closing my eyes. It was a gentle, tender kiss. No devouring her like I really wanted to do right then. She may have told me she wanted it, but I knew that she didn’t want a kiss like earlier. The evening’s events were still too raw; there was no way I was going to scare her by rushing a kiss.
Pulling back slowly, with my lips still brushing hers, I said, “Good Night, sunshine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Good night, my Konane,” she breathed.
I turned and walked down the stairs. When I got to the landing, before disappearing out of view, I paused and looked up at her. She was still standing in her doorway with her hand to her lips. I smiled and walked the rest of the way down the steps. Mary was just coming in as I was heading out.
“Good night, Jason,” she said, breathing heavy.
“Good night Mary,” I replied as I walked past, shaking my head.
I was going to have a talk with Nate. I told him not to screw things up, and he didn’t listen. Of course, I guess I couldn’t really say much because I was in the same boat as he was. I wasn’t having sex with Kayla, but I was in deep with her. I knew it, but it didn’t matter either. There was no way that after this I would be anything more than a reminder. We might last a little while, but it would become too much, I wasn’t sure I could handle the heartbreak that would come with being with her, then her walk out of my life.
I knew I needed to quit thinking about her, but as I pulled out of her parking lot and turned toward my temporary home, I knew it was too much to wish for. As much as I knew it was going to hurt later, I couldn’t quit thinking about her. I needed her in my life.
I got out of my car and headed into our ground floor apartment and set everything up and had ready to go before Nate even got back to the apartment.
“Where have you been?” I questioned.
“I stopped at both of our homes for some clothes, then grabbed some shit for breakfast” he grumbled.
The volume kicked on and the video began to play.
“Mare! Are you almost done in the shower? You’re going to use up all the hot water!”
I smiled as Kayla came into view.
“I’m done. Jeez!” Mary threw over her shoulder as she walked down to her room.
About ten minutes passed when Kayla emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her. My cock twitched in my pants. I wanted this woman, but it was more than that - I needed her. Not realizing what I was doing, I leaned in toward the monitor, watching and listening as she spoke with her sister. There had never been a more beautiful woman. I watched her stare at her bedroom door. The thoughts in her head were obvious to me.
You can do it, baby. Just go in there and grab your clothes. You can do it.
She ran into her room and was only out of sight for a mere five minutes, but it was agony waiting. I knew what happened earlier in that room, and recalled her panic attack when I made her relive it.
Finally, she was out wearing shorts and a T-shirt. It was baggy and the shorts were longer than I was used to seeing most women wear, but she looked downright sexy. I shifted in my seat trying to adjust myself without Nate noticing. I failed.
“You just need to fuck her and get it over with. Women just want to be fucked sometimes.”
I glared at him.
“I can’t believe you just said that after what you witnessed today. I know you aren’t that much of an asshole. Kayla has had everything taken from her, and has received nothing in return but fear, pain, and nightmares. She deserves the world.”
I turned back and watched her clean, coming out of the bathroom with a handful of dirty clothes.
“She deserves to be pampered - to be put first, to be loved. What she doesn’t deserve is some asshole thinking she is only there for a fuck and can have her whenever he wants.” I looked back at Nate. “If you don’t want to help save her, then what the fuck are you doing on the case?”
“Sorry man I was more joking with you than anything against her. I know she deserves better. I know-”
He was cut off as a conversation caught my attention.
“He really likes you. You know that right sis?”
“Huh? I’m sorry I wasn’t listening.”
Mary chuckled at her.
“Jason likes you - a lot, I think. You realize that right?”
Kayla smiled a sad smile and my heart broke.
“He says he does, and that he will do whatever he can to earn my trust. I just don’t know.”
I knew when I told her I liked her that she may not believe me, but hearing it from her lips really bothered me. It was like a stab in the chest because I wanted her to believe me – to see that I was different. Kayla was thinking about something and judging by the frown it wasn’t good.
“Kay, look at me. Did you not like the kiss?”
HOLY SHIT! When did she see?
“Oh, no you don’t. You are trying to keep me from asking the questions I almost forgot to ask,” Kayla countered.
“What questions?”
“Why, when we were playing ‘Scene It,’ did you get pissed off at Nate for getting it wrong, but during Cranium you were laughing about it? Why did you come out after my… episode with your hair messy and smiling like an idiot? The same look you had when you came in from saying goodbye to Nate?”
“Oh. Ummm. Do you soak your pan or do you scrub it?” Mary asked, trying to get off the topic.
I looked at Nate out of the corner of my eye and saw him fidgeting.
He knows I know, and he’s waiting for the lecture.
“Answer me, Mare!”
“Oh, fine! We fucked! In my room and on the side of the building outside.”
“What?” Kayla whispered.
“What the hell were you thinking?!” I didn’t even realizing I had screamed until I saw Nate jump.
“I was thinking she was fucking HOT, and we were both messed up after seeing Kayla like that, and… well, it made us feel better.”
“Okay, that explains the bedroom. Why outside in fucking public?”
“Uh, we were horny, and y’all were in the house.”
He shrugged like it was no big fucking deal that they’d just had sex outside, and anyone could have seen them.
I dropped my head in my hands.
“What am I going to do with you Nate?”
“Dude, we wanted each other, so we took it. You’re just pissed because you’re sitting here with a boner and can’t do anything about it with the object of your affection.”
I looked back at the camera and Kayla was pretty much yelling the same things that I had yelled at Nate. I started laughing. Nate joined me.
“Bro, you and Kayla - you’re meant to be together. If you like her enough to wait, I have a feeling it will be worth it.”
My laughter had stopped and I stared at the screen.
“She’s worth it,” I murmured.
“Now tell me, didn’t you like the kiss?” Mary asked. “I answered your questions.”
Shit!
I could feel Nate looking at me, but I wouldn’t look at him. If there was a way I could stage an outage for the video and audio I would have, but it would put us out of contact with Kayla, and that just wasn’t worth the risk.
“W-what kiss?” Kayla stuttered.
“Oh please, Kayla! I came back to ask you what game you wanted to play first and his hands were buried in your hair, yours were around his neck, and if his mouth got any deeper on yours your head would have
been in his mouth.”
At this, Nate burst into laughter. He was laughing and slapping his knee hard.
“Hahaha! That’s my girl!”
He continued to laugh even with my evil glare. I sighed and looked back at the monitors. I tried to decipher her face to tell me how she felt.
“It’s not that. It’s just… I really liked the kiss. But that is where the problem lies.”
“What problem is that exactly?”
“That kind of thing has never been a welcoming experience for me. I’ve worked very hard to keep everyone at a distance, but with Jason, I feel so safe and different.”
“That’s great, Kay! You deserve it!”
“No you don’t get it.”
I could hear the panic building in her voice and I felt like such an ass for putting it there.
“It’s really scaring the shit out of me. I can’t stand it when our brothers hug me, but Jason can hold me and kiss me and make me feel… it’s terrifying,” she whispered.
“I get it, Kay. Jason is the first person that could truly destroy you, and you’re afraid he’s going to do just that.”
Watching Kayla nod her head caused butterflies in my stomach. I couldn’t help but smile some at the fact that she liked me, but that was short lived when I realized the added strain I must have been putting on her.
What the hell should I do?
“Can I ask you something?” Mary asked, and Kayla nodded. “Does that mean you want Jason to stop, or that you’re just trying to adjust to this new wave of emotions?”
The longer Kayla didn’t speak the more on edge I became. What would I do if she said she wanted me to stop? Could I stop? Hell, I was just as scared of those feelings as she was. It was new and very intense. When I was around her, I couldn’t control myself, and control was something I’d always had. A thought suddenly occurred to me.
“That’s fucking it!” I yelled, making Nate jump.
“You asshole! Don’t do that! I just spilled my fucking drink!”
“Sorry, but I figured it out. Kayla has never had control of her life. I’m always in control of everything around me. But when I get around her, I lose control and she gains it. That is why she feels so out of sorts about everything.”