Whisper of Love

by Melanie Shawn

  “I’m Dr. Robinson. Are you George McNight’s son?” Her expression was unreadable.

  “Yes.”

  “Your father appears to have suffered a massive heart attack. When he arrived he was unresponsive and we were unable to find a pulse. The paramedics performed CPR and administered the defibrillator twice. We continued manual CPR, intubated him, and gave several drugs to try to restart everything in the body…however all our attempts failed. I am sorry but your father has passed away.”

  Kade stood there, waiting to feel what he’d always imagined he would feel when this time came, but nothing happened. He wasn’t happy. He wasn’t relieved. He wasn’t anything.

  “I’m so sorry for your loss. I can arrange for you to see him if you’d like to say goodbye.”

  Kade wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t know if he wanted to say goodbye.

  “We’ll let you know,” Nancy responded for him.

  “Okay. Let me know if you have any questions, and once again. I’m sorry for your loss.”

  Kade watched as the doctor disappeared back through the door she’d come in and he sank back down in his chair. Nancy sat beside him.

  “I’m not sure if this is the right time, but…” She reached down and rummaged through her bag. Then, she pulled out a VHS tape. “Your father recorded this right after he was diagnosed. When I became his sponsor he asked if I would give it to you when he…was gone.”

  “You’ve been carrying it around in your purse?” he asked as he took it from her.

  “No.” She smiled. “It was at the trailer, I grabbed it just in case. He just told me where it was, he never actually gave it to me, I think because he didn’t trust me not to watch it. I wouldn’t even know how. I haven’t had a VCR in over a decade.”

  Kade looked down at the white strip of tape that had his name scribbled on it in his dad’s handwriting. He wasn’t sure how he was going to watch it either, but surprisingly, he wanted to. He wanted to hear what his dad had to say to him.

  And that was something he’d never thought would happen.

  CHAPTER 24

  Ali rubbed her eyes and squinted as she held the railing and leaned forward to see into the darkened basement. She’d woken up, gone to check on Ricky, and then decided to come down and get a glass of water when she saw the light on in the basement. Since she’d just seen KJ and Ricky upstairs there was only one person it could be.

  “Kade?”

  “Yeah, it’s me.”

  Ali quietly shut the door, clicking the lock behind her as she did. It wasn’t until she was halfway down the stairs that she realized she didn’t need to do that anymore. It was a habit she’d gotten into when she would come down here to cry in the middle of the night after KJ had caught her crying in her room and bathroom one too many times.

  She stepped off the last step and saw Kade sitting on the couch in front of the TV. His dad’s face was on the screen but the picture was paused.

  “Hey.” He looked up and she could see that his eyes were red. Her heart sank at the raw vulnerability she saw there.

  “Hey.” She started to cross the room to him. “Is everything okay? Is your dad—”

  His head shook back and forth. “He’s gone. Heart attack.”

  “I’m so sorry.” She continued toward him and when she was within arms distance he reached out and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him and hugging her waist.

  “I’m so sorry.” His cheek was pressed against her belly as she ran her hands through his hair. She started to ask if he was okay, but stopped herself. After losing her brother she hated when people asked her that. So instead she just repeated, “I’m sorry.”

  She hadn’t found out that George was sick until about a year ago. But since that day, she’d wondered how Kade would take it. Their relationship had always been so volatile. She didn’t know the extent of the abuse that Kade had endured but Patrick had told her it was bad. Really bad.

  He held her for a few minutes before dropping his arms and scrubbing his hands over his face. She sat beside him and rubbed his back, not knowing the right words to say, or if there even were any. She just wanted him to know that she was there.

  “He left me this.” Kade pointed at the screen.

  “What is it?”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “A message to me. Nancy said he recorded it when he was diagnosed.”

  “Have you watched it?” George’s face was frozen on the screen but she wasn’t sure if it was over or just starting.

  “Yeah.” His back deflated beneath her touch as he exhaled. “A few times.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “My mom died.” Kade cleared his throat and she saw that his eyes grew watery.

  “Your mom?” The only thing Ali knew about Kade’s mom was that she’d left him when he was little.

  “Yeah. She didn’t just go to work and not come home. She was killed.”

  “Oh my god. I’m so sorry.” Ali’s chest constricted painfully with grief for Kade.

  He stared at the screen blankly. “She was working late. My dad was supposed to go pick her up, but he was at the studio and lost track of time. So she walked.” A single tear slid down his cheek, he made no move to wipe it. “She never made it home. They found her early the next morning.”

  “Oh my God, I’m so sorry, Kade.” Tears were now falling down Ali’s cheeks.

  Kade’s tone was flat as he relayed, “He said he didn’t know how to tell me so he didn’t. He thought me thinking she was gone and not coming back was better. It worked for a couple years, but when I got a little older and I guess I started asking other people questions about her, so he packed us up and moved us here.”

  “I don’t even know what to say…” Ali was trying to wrap her mind around how it would feel to have such a huge part of your life, your identity, be a lie. She’d never known her dad, but at least she hadn’t had a story that she thought was one thing and then it turned out to be another.

  “My dad said that every time he saw me the guilt would eat him up inside. He never forgave himself for not being there and I reminded him of that. He was angry. He hated himself. So he drank. And then sometimes he took out his anger on me. That would just add to his guilt, so he’d drink some more. And it just kept going on like that. It was a vicious cycle.” Kade wiped his hands over his face again. “He said he was sorry for making my life hell. He said that he was proud of me and that he loved me even though he was too fucked up to show it. And he said that he was going to get sober and stay sober until the cancer killed him. He said it was his penance for what a monster he’d been.”

  Kade stood and ejected the tape from the VCR. “And I think he actually did it. I don’t think he picked up a bottle again.” Kade let out a harsh chuckle. “But, I think it took a lot longer for him to die than he was bargaining for.”

  Ali watched silently, unsure of what to say, as he put another tape in the player.

  He sat back down at an angle so he was facing Ali. “Nancy gave me the tape. She was his sponsor and he told her to give it to me after…”

  Ali nodded, knowing how hard it was to say the word.

  “When I got back here I remembered the old VCR that you guys had. I dug it out and there was a tape in it. A home movie that Patrick took at one of the twins’ birthdays. Have you seen it?”

  “No, I don’t think so,” she said as she shook her head. When the boys were little Patrick was always recording them on an old camcorder her granddad had, but she hadn’t watched much of the footage.

  “There’s a part I want to show you. Do you want to see it?”

  “Sure.” She watched videos of Patrick that she’d taken on her phone all the time because she didn’t want to forget his voice. His smile. His mannerisms. Watching him made her feel like he was still around. The twins couldn’t watch recordings of their dad but it helped her.

  The video started playing but Kade rewound it for a few seconds and then pressed play. Ka
de and Ali were on the screen. They were in the backyard and it looked like they were arguing about something, but there was no sound because it was being filmed through a window in the house. Her arms were waving animatedly and Kade was smirking.

  “Do you remember what I was mad about?”

  “I think it was because I bought another bike.”

  “That’s right.” She remembered how scared she’d been when they’d found his bike down by the riverbank. “Those things are dangerous,” she told him for probably the hundredth time, even though she knew it was like talking to a brick wall.

  “This is it,” he turned up the volume when the camera panned around and Patrick was on the screen.

  “You two are either going to marry each other or kill each other,” Her brother said and smiled widely and she felt her own lips turn up. “My guess is marry so just in case, I’m saving this to play at your wedding to show and have on record that, of course, I knew you two were gonna end up together.

  “Ali, I’ve always said that I feel sorry for whoever ends up with you, and this is why.” He panned the camera back to where Ali was still giving Kade a piece of her mind then he appeared on screen again. “And Kade I’ve told you the same thing, but for different reasons. But if you guys do end up together, I take it all back. You deserve each other, and I’m not being a smart ass.

  “You are the two best people I know. You both love with your whole hearts, you’re both fiercely loyal, and you’re both fighters.” Patrick turned so that Ali and Kade were visible behind him over his shoulder. “Kade you might be the professional, but I think we can all agree that Ali could take you down any day of the week. But seriously, I know whatever life throws at you, you guys will handle it. Together. And hey, you’ve been arguing like an old married couple for years, so you have a lot of practice already. Love you guys.”

  The video went blank and Ali was speechless. She’d had no idea her brother felt like that. He’d never even hinted that he’d known how Ali felt about Kade or that he thought the two of them would get married one day. The thought sent a thrill racing through her.

  Kade shifted so he was facing her again. “I love you, Ali. I’m in love with you. I’ve always thought I wasn’t good enough for you and that Patri—”

  “What are you talking about?! You’re amazi—”

  Kade lifted his hand. “I love that you interrupt me even when it’s to tell me when I’m wrong, and your voice is my favorite sound in the entire world, but right now I need you to shut up and let me talk.”

  Ali rolled her lips inward, tucking them between her teeth.

  “Okay?” he asked.

  She nodded, scared to even breathe because she wanted so badly to hear what he had to tell her.

  “I love you, Ali. And I want to be with you. I used to think that was impossible. But, I think Patrick was right, I think that we deserve each other. I know that you said that nothing could happen between us, but it’s my turn to call you out. You’re wrong. Something is happening between us. It has been for a long time. And if you want to deny it, or ignore it, that’s fine. I’ll move out and we can raise the boys together and be friends. But just so you know, even if we’re not together, I’m still going to be completely, madly in love with you. Nothing will ever change that.

  “Every time I see you I’ll be thinking about how soft your lips are, how sweet your tongue tastes, how right you feel when you’re in my arms. I’ll never stop wanting you. I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll never stop being yours. It’s always been you, Ali. Even before I knew it, it was you.”

  Kade was saying all the things she’d always dreamed of him saying and she was dying to tell him that she felt the same way, but she was trying to keep her promise and let him talk. When he finally paused, she couldn’t stay silent another moment. “Can I please talk now?”

  He smiled as a soft, sexy laugh fell from his lips. “Yes.”

  “I love you, too. I always have. And I want to be with you. I don’t know how it’s all going to work out logistically, but I know that it’s you. It always been y—”

  Before she could finish he crushed his mouth to hers as he hauled her onto his lap. She straddled him, her thighs settling outside his. There was so much more she wanted to tell him, but it would keep. Right now she was happy to show him how she felt.

  CHAPTER 25

  Kade kissed Ali like he was drowning and she was air. He breathed her in with everything he had. He devoured her as his hands roamed up and down her body with a primal desperation. He wanted to touch every single inch of her all at once. Erotic tension was building inside of him with an intensity that was driving him to the brink.

  “I love you.” He broke their kiss just long enough to say the words he’d been waiting to tell her for so long. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

  Ali repeated those words back to him as she did her own roaming. Her fingers threaded through his hair and traveled down the back of his neck, across his shoulders, and over his chest. She fisted the material of his shirt and started tugging it up.

  “What about the boys?” he asked.

  “What about them?” she asked breathlessly as her brow wrinkled.

  “What if they wake up and come down here?”

  She smiled, pulling at his shirt again. “I locked the door.”

  “You did?”

  “Habit. KJ worries, so I come down here if I’m feeling emotional.”

  His heart squeezed in his chest thinking of her having to hide and disguise her grief to protect her nephew. “Like the onion.”

  She smiled as she yanked harder at his shirt and confirmed, “Like the onion.”

  He knew that she wanted this to be fast and furious but he needed to slow things down. As desperate as he was to feel her skin under his hands and as much as he wanted to be buried inside her again, he wasn’t going to let this be a “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” situation. No, this time he was going to explore every inch of her body before they came together.

  Sitting up so his back was no longer pressed against the back cushions, he reached behind him and pulled his shirt up and over his head in a swift motion.

  “Better?” he asked.

  “We’re getting there,” she said as she started to remove her own shirt but Kade stopped her by covering her hands with his.

  She stilled and looked at him with a questioning eye. He stared at her, silently communicating what he wanted to do. His steady gaze bore into her with muted expectation. If it was any other woman, he would’ve felt the need to explain to her that he wanted to be the one to do the undressing, but with Ali a look was all it took. They were that connected.

  Her arms dropped to her sides, surrendering to his silent plea. He watched as her chest rose and fell in increasingly faster intervals and the skin on her neck flushed with anticipation.

  The air between them crackled with desire. He could hear the base of his thudding heart as his fingers skimmed up her torso, still covered by her T-shirt. When they reached the rounded curve of her lower breast he stopped for a moment before outlining the crescent shape. Then, he let them travel up her mounds, brushing against the hardened tips of her nipples. They lingered there, circling, pressing, squeezing her nubs, teasing them with his barely-there touch.

  As she sat straddling him in only a T-shirt and cutoff sweats her hips began to roll into him, and he felt the heat of her core pressing against his raging erection. It was screaming for him to rip off her clothes and bury himself in her tight, wet canal but he ignored it. Tonight was about delayed gratification. He wanted to bring them both to the edge and keep them there as he discovered each and every nuance of her body and soul.

  She looked at him with a lust-filled gaze as he slid her shirt up. His heart beat a little faster with every new part of her body he uncovered. Her gently flared hips, the flat expanse of belly, her softly rounded breasts tipped by proud pink nipples, the elegant slope of her thin shoulders, all of it calling for his full attention.
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  When her shirt dropped beside his, he paused for a minute to take in her bare upper body, letting his gaze rove lazily over the creamy expanse.

  She was truly breathtaking, and he was finding it difficult to inhale or exhale.

  He couldn’t truly wrap his mind around how beautiful she was, both inside and out. As gorgeous as her body was, it paled in comparison to the shining beauty of her heart. And that heart had chosen to love him. Now he needed to make damn sure that he proved himself worthy.

  His hands did a thorough job of trailing over every square inch of her exposed skin, including her thighs, which were settled on each side of him. Then he snaked his touch around her back and splayed his fingers out as he flattened his palms. Holding her firmly in place, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to her neck and shoulders, moving down her chest slowly but surely until he finally reached her nipples.

  When he felt the soft skin of her areola under his lips he traced the outline of each with his tongue several times before he flicked the center buds. She buried her fingers in his hair, curling them up in fists and sending sharp little jolts of pain through his scalp that immediately translated into pleasure.

  As he continued licking her flesh, he let his hands drift to her waist and moved his thumbs in slow circles over the tight skin of her belly. With each circle he made, his thumbs dared to dip a centimeter lower until they began slipping beneath the elastic of her waistline. She was moving closer and closer to oblivion with every lick, every caress, and he couldn’t wait to take her all the way. He could already hear it in the sharp little pants she let out; already feel it in the trembling of her skin under his fingers; already see it in a red flush covering her skin in patches.

  Without warning, he gripped her hips, turned and laid her on the couch in one swift, smooth motion. Her heavy-lidded eyes looked up at him as he tugged her cutoff sweats and panties down and off of her toned legs.

  When her feet lowered back down her legs fell open. The sight was tantalizing and erotic, causing flashes of anticipation lightning to burst in him like a sultry summer storm rolling in. At his blatant appraisal, she spread her thighs farther apart, revealing her arousal glistening on her sex.