Uncensored Passion (Men of Passion)

by Bobbi Cole Meyer

  “I miss you, too.”

  “I wish things were different. I—I wish….”

  “I know. But they aren’t. Remember what you said about ships passing in the night? Well, guess you were right. That’s us.”

  He heard her intake of breath, heard the catch of it, and knew she was close to crying. It grabbed at his heart, but somehow he managed to keep his voice steady.

  “Take care of yourself, Kayla.”

  “You, too.”

  The line went dead, and for the longest time, Trey just held the phone and stared at it, thinking that was how he felt inside, dead and disconnected.

  He wondered if he would ever feel differently. How long did it take to get a woman you love with everything in you out of your head?

  With a sigh, he silently thought, I might get her out of my head, but I’ll never get her out of my heart, dammit!

  Trey didn’t realize how long he had been in the bathroom until he heard Jerry knocking on the bathroom door, asking, “You all right in there? You fall in or something?”

  “I’m fine. Be right out.”

  Swallowing back the ache of his loss, Trey left the bathroom and wandered back into the living room. He sat down, favoring his side with a groan, and listened to Jerry talk. But he wasn’t really tuning in. He heard just bits and pieces. His mind was too consumed with the lingering memory of Kayla in his arms, beneath him, on top of him, licking his body, bringing him to a fever pitch of desire.

  He resolutely stopped the memories there, determined not to think of her in those other men’s arms or doing those things to them. He wanted to believe she had given him, and him only, the ultimate gift of such total erotic surrender. He could live with that thought. He couldn’t with the other. In that way, she would always be his and his alone.

  CHAPTER 24

  Only mine

  Sarah arrived at 6:30 p.m. The steaks were almost done and the salad made. After her initial shock at seeing Trey’s battered and stitched face now that the bandages had been removed, the talk was kept on the light, uncomplicated side. Trey was aware they were both trying to make him forget what he’d been through, so he played along, laughing at Jerry’s inane jokes and pretending everything dark and sordid was in the past and forgotten.

  The only time Sarah alluded to the events that had precipitated his firing was when she said, “Gavin has taken an extended vacation and, man, am I glad. He’s been harder to get along with than usual after your visit, Jerry, so maybe what you told him got through more than you thought. Maybe he’s reevaluating his take on what actually happened, like he should be. He might even decide to offer your job back to you, Trey. I know for a fact that both of the other partners would hire you back in a flash.”

  “I doubt that, Sarah. But even if he did offer, I wouldn’t take it. I haven’t decided what I want to do yet, and thank goodness I have enough saved that I can take a little time on that. Actually, I’ve been mulling over the idea of opening my own private investigative and personal security company. That way I could hire a couple of guys for security and handle the investigative part myself. Only I would want to take the kind of cases that would be more inclusive than those taken by M. J. and L. I wouldn’t take a case simply because of a large fee involved, and I wouldn’t limit myself or any operative working for me to the narrow guidelines set forth by most agencies.”

  “What do you mean?” Sarah asked.

  “I would want to really help people, take on cases that had been given up on by others, that seemed impossible. And do whatever it took to see the job through. Maybe crack some old cold case files and set the families’ mind to rest about their murdered loved ones, or track down some missing kids. Protect people that need help but can’t afford high-priced security. That sort of thing. So, Jerry, if I do decide to open an agency, would you be interested in becoming a personal security operative? Or better yet, how about becoming a partner?”

  “Hell, yeah. That sounds right up my alley. I’ve got some dough stashed away myself, so if we pooled our resources, we could start a bang-up, classy agency.”

  “Well,” Sarah said enthusiastically, “the first thing you’ll need is a first class secretary/receptionist, and I know just the person.”

  “Sarah, it would be a risky, start-up business and it might fold, especially since I’ll be bucking all the bad-mouthing Johnson has spewed out there about me. Then you’d be out of a job. And you’ve been with M. J. and L. for a long time, so I know we couldn’t afford to pay you the salary you’re getting now.”

  “Are you trying to burst my euphoric bubble by talking me out of what sounds like the most exciting job I could get, Trey Cameron?”

  “I just want you to give it serious thought, Sarah. Don’t do anything rash that you’ll regret later. Besides, it’s just in the planning stage in my head right now.”

  “Well, when it leaves your head and materializes into an office in need of a secretary, let me know and I’ll be there. Working with two of my favorite guys sounds like heaven. In fact, it doesn’t even sound like work at all.

  “Plus, I can probably swing a few cases your way, because I know the ones who didn’t have the biggest bucks and got turned away from M. J. and L. And by the way, never underestimate the power of word of mouth, because it can be a powerful advertising tool.”

  Jerry hugged her. “Sounds like a plan to me, Trey. And Sarah, you’re one special lady.”

  “And don’t you forget it,” she teased.

  As Trey watched the two of them hugging, seeing their strong connection, he felt a jabbing pain of regret. God, I wish Kayla and I could connect like that. Why couldn’t she be just a woman like Sarah, satisfied with one man?

  They talked until late in the evening about the agency idea and what the best location for an office would be and how much start-up capital would be needed.

  Trey saw the way the two of them kept stealing glances at each other, saw their need to spend time alone, so he excused himself, said he was tired—and truthfully, he was.

  “See you in the morning,” he told Jerry. “And glad to see you again, Sarah. Hope you’ll forgive me for conking out. Guess I need more rest than I realized.”

  “I understand. You’ve been through a lot. I sure hate what happened, Trey.” She gave him a gentle hug.

  “I know. Thanks. But hey, I’m gonna be fine in a day or two.”

  “If there’s anything I can do, just call.”

  “You’ve already done the best thing, just being my friend.”

  As Trey closed his bedroom door, he could visualize the two of them embracing, kissing, and whispering those things that two new lovers say to each other.

  Undressing and climbing between the sheets, he thought about all the things Kayla had said to him and all the things she had failed to say, and it hit him like a punch in the gut.

  He almost wished he’d never met her. Almost. But not quite. Because she had given him the greatest day of his life, the kind of lasting memories that would be etched in his subconscious forever. And if he could never have her again, at least he had that. He consoled himself with the thought that that was more than most men would ever know.

  A restless sleep, driven by exhaustion, finally overcame Trey, and he fell into the cobweb softness of his dream Kayla’s arms.

  He ran his hands down her body. The static crackle of what felt like electricity skittered throughout his senses as he touched her heated skin. His fingers parted that curly patch of hair between her long, beautiful legs, seeking that wet, eager clit, and massaged it until she was begging him…

  “Take me! Fill me as only you can.”

  “Not yet,” he whispered to her. “I want to watch you wanting me. I want to see how much you love me first.”

  “I do love you. You know that.”

  “I want you to love only me!”

  “Take me, Trey. Take me now. I want you inside me. I’m aching to feel you deep inside me. Now! Now!”

  “Say it, Kayla
. Say I am the only one you want.”

  “Yes. You are the only one I want.”

  “Say you don’t need anyone else.”

  “I don’t need anyone else.”

  Kissing her, ravaging her mouth, he drove into her fiercely, satiating his own burning sexual appetite as well as hers. She clawed his back, moaned his name, cried out in blissful exuberance as they rose to the pinnacle of desire and fell into total satisfaction together.

  Trey held his dream Kayla tightly against him, crushing the pillow in the circle of his arms, as the tide of emotions ebbed and calmed. Frowning in his sleep, he resisted letting her go, suddenly struck by the fact that she would disappear like a puff of wind if he did.

  “Say you’ll never leave me, Trey.” His dream Kayla pleaded.

  “I love you, Kayla. I will always love you. You are mine and only mine…”

  Trey was startled awake by a noise. Disappointed to have his dream interrupted and struggling back from the foggy dregs of sleep, he couldn’t remember where he was—and then he did.

  He was at home. Or at his apartment, anyway, which he really didn’t consider home. And he remembered that Jerry was there, too. He assumed the noise he’d heard was either Sarah leaving or Jerry opening the couch.

  He pushed up, groaning at the flash of pain. Feeling sticky from his wet dream, he fished a clean pair of shorts from the bureau and went to the bathroom. After relieving himself and washing his hands, he downed three Tylenols, hoping they would at least dull the throbbing aches. Then he exchanged his soiled shorts for a dry, clean pair and crawled into bed, emitting another groan and trying to replace the pain with hope.

  Maybe I’ll dream of Kayla again.

  He couldn’t remember the dream exactly, but he knew it had been good, as evidenced by the shorts he had dropped into the dirty clothes hamper.

  He glanced at the bedside clock. It was 0400.

  * * *

  At the same predawn time in Nashville, Kayla lay tossing and turning. By silent, yet mutual agreement among the guys, she was sleeping alone as she had been since J.J.’s tragedy and her subsequent meltdown.

  They took turns being attentive and nurturing. Each kissed her goodnight when it was time to go to bed. Then one would sit with her till she fell asleep.

  For a moment, Kayla thought about their thoughtfulness and almost smiled, but then a stab of pain in the region of her heart had her wondering, will I ever pull myself back together?

  She closed her eyes as she remembered Trey’s voice. He had sounded tired and in pain. She could only imagine how tough it must have been, taking that beating, and just getting from the hospital to his apartment. She wished she could go to him. Comfort him.

  How he must be hurting, and not just from the beating of his body, but the beating I know he’s taking in his heart and mind, as am I. God, we’re so connected and yet so totally far apart in the lifestyle we want to live!

  She wanted Trey Cameron more than she had ever wanted anyone in her life. And she knew that he felt the same about her, knew it like she knew her own shadow. Though she couldn’t understand why, she realized that somehow, in the short but erotic time they had shared, they had become like two halves of one whole. With a sinking feeling, Kayla silently acknowledged that one without the other would never be complete.

  But then she thought how they were philosophically standing on opposite sides of a great gulf with no way to bridge the gap, and she felt physically ill. Her stomach roiling, she pushed off the bed and rushed to the bathroom, just in time to throw up her dinner.

  Afterward, she sat on the closed toilet seat and dropped her head to her hands, sobbing, knowing she couldn’t go on like this, but not knowing how to remedy it.

  How will I stop the aching pain of not ever seeing Trey again? And how can I live with the guilt of causing J.J. to want to shoot himself, because no matter how much the guys try to make me believe I’m not responsible, I know I am.

  She washed her face, brushed her teeth, and sank back down to the toilet seat, suddenly drained of emotion and weary beyond belief.

  She had been wrestling with her feelings ever since Trey had left, and now, Kayla silently admitted the truth that she had been mentally running away from and the admission shook her to the depths of her soul.

  I thought I loved the guys and they, in combination, were what I needed to be fulfilled. But I have never loved any of them the way I love Trey Cameron. He alone would be enough for me. But I can’t and won’t ever hurt them by telling them that.

  She pushed up and walked slowly back to the bed, feeling depressed and more tired than she could remember ever feeling.

  I’ve got to get hold of myself. What is wrong with me? I am stronger than this, she told herself as she lay down and curled into a fetal ball, trying to convince herself she would get beyond this overwhelming sense of loss. Hadn’t she coached many people through something like this?

  Yes, but I never truly empathized with their lack of resolution, until now. Is this karmic payback?

  It’ll just take time. Give yourself time. That’s what I’ve told countless others. Now I know how senseless that kind of counseling is, because I don’t believe I can take my own advice.

  When she finally succumbed to weariness and fell into a fitful sleep, her dreams became entangled in an imaginary world of erotic hope.

  As the mist of memory became clearer, Kayla saw herself lying in Trey’s arms. She felt his mouth ravaging hers, his demanding tongue probing. He prodded her legs apart with his knees as he rose above her. She reached for him, clasping his rock-hard shaft, engorged and ready. She stroked him as their kiss deepened.

  He moved her hand and rubbed the velvet tip of his cock against her clit, delighted in her gasping moans before plunging into her heated, inviting core. It instantly and hungrily closed around him, as he increased the friction by clasping her bottom, lifting her pelvis and slamming into her. Leaning to claim her mouth, his thumb gently pressed her sensitized breast. Releasing her mouth, Trey sucked a nipple deeply and Kayla experienced the starting of the tingling, overpowering climax that she suddenly knew only Trey, the man she loved, could give her.

  Her fingers felt his powerful hip muscles as he pistoned into her again and again. She writhed, begging for release, and when it came, it shook her to her soul, taking her breath, honing every sensual nerve to a singing edge as she lay quivering in sated ecstasy.

  Kayla exhaled a satisfied breath. She hugged her pillow in her sleep. Within her dream mind, she caught Trey’s unmistakable masculine scent. Snuggling contentedly against him, she reveled in his whispered words.

  “I love you, Kayla. I will always love you. You are mine and only mine.”

  “Yes,” she agreed. “Only yours.”

  CHAPTER 25

  Illusive fate

  Lee hung up the phone and stared at it, though not really seeing it. Luke ventured into the den, saw his pensive expression, and asked, “What’s up? Who was that on the phone?”

  “It was my former agent, Morey.”

  “Still after you to go back in the ring?”

  “Yeah, but that call wasn’t about going back in the ring. It seems there’s a company that used to be one of my biggest sponsors saying they’ll kick in the big bucks for the upcoming St. Jude’s Hospital benefit if I make a personal appearance at the big charity drive they’re having in Memphis.

  “I know Morey has probably promoted the idea, thinking that if they could get my name before the public again, get me back in the loop somehow, I’d probably go back to wrestling and bring in the dough like I used to. I’m pretty sure that’s his thinking. Hell, I don’t need the money.

  “But regardless of how it’s come about, the cause is the best and, according to Morey, I just have to show up for a press talk beforehand and put in a brief stage appearance, maybe just imply I’m considering returning to the ring, without obligating myself. Then full coverage will be devoted to the hospital and the charitable gift from t
hat company. So, how can I say no to something like that?”

  “The man knows how to push your buttons, Lee.”

  “That he does. He knows I have a soft spot for sick kids.”

  “Well, I know St. Jude Hospital is certainly a worthy cause, but even without your doing this, Lee, people are going to donate. So it doesn’t rest on your shoulders. If you don’t want to do it, just decline.”

  “I know I could, but I just feel like I should do it. Besides, right now, with Kayla going through what she’s going through, might be the best time to cut out for a few days and give her more space. Harm is better at comforting her than either of us, anyway.”

  “But I’ll be around, too.”

  “Well, I was kinda hoping I could talk you into going to Memphis with me, Luke. I told Morey about you and the way you play the guitar and write songs. He asked if you had a song appropriate for the fund raiser, and I said you did, that you’d be a great opening act for me to come on and tell the audience that, just like the song you sang, the need was great, the cause important, and the reward everlasting.”

  “You what?” Luke asked incredulously. “Lee, what the hell! I don’t have a song about that.”

  “Well, write one. You’ve got a week. I have to give Morey my answer by then.”

  “A week? A whole week to make up a song to be sung on TV? Thanks for the vote of confidence, Lee, but what if I come up empty?”

  “You won’t. I know you’ve got the talent to do this, Luke. I have faith in you, even if you don’t, and who knows? This could be the big break you’ve been waiting for, man. Your name will be out there and your song, with international media coverage, the whole works.”

  “Damn, Lee. I don’t know whether to thank you or cuss you out.”