by E. L. Todd
You Stole My Heart
Book Thirty-Five of the Forever and Ever Series
E. L. Todd
This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this novel are fictitious or used fictitiously. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher or author, except in the case of a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.
You Stole My Heart
E. L. Todd
Copyright E. L. Todd 2015
Smashwords Edition
CHAPTER ONE
Arsen
Her face was all I could ever think about.
Even when I wasn’t around smoke, I could smell it. The clanking of glasses played in my ear. The distant sound of arguments down the hallway played indefinitely like a broken record. The darkness, the cold, and the fear all clenched my heart.
I wasn’t sure how I knew the woman was my mother. There was no concrete evidence to prove the assumption. The last time I saw her I was a young boy and I couldn’t even remember what she looked like. I didn’t have a single picture to look back on.
But somehow, I knew.
Whenever I was at work, my eyes always drifted to the door and waited for her to walk inside. The last thing I wanted was to be caught off guard. If she came to me, I wanted to know she was approaching. But after the last interaction we had, she might not come back. I scared her off.
Maybe that was a good thing.
I hadn’t thought about her in a really long time. Her abandonment used to be the subject of my nightmares. The way she let me go without even glancing in her rearview mirror burned me more than I could describe in words. The act haunted me from that moment onward. I didn’t know how to love someone and let them love me in return. Because if I did, they would leave.
Then I met Silke.
She put up with my bullshit and still stuck around when I didn’t deserve it. Every time I pushed her away she pulled me closer. I never knew what unconditional love felt like until she walked into my life. Her family accepted me and didn’t judge me for my cheap clothes or shady lifestyle. They took me in and made me a better person.
It was the only love I’d ever known.
Once I realized what she meant to me, I got her back. And that time, I didn’t let her go. The pain from my childhood disappeared when we were reunited. I finally shed my former skin and let the past go. I moved forward, love in my heart and my guard down.
And I never looked back.
But the idea of my mother returning brought everything back. My past seemed like a lifetime ago, a different reality. But it flooded my heart in full force. I remembered all the drunken nights, the fighting, and all the strange men…and the way they hurt me.
I was a strong man but the memories still crippled me. When I thought about them too intensely, it actually frightened me. When it happened, I thought about my little girl. I loved her with everything I had and I would never give her a life like that. I may have had a traumatic childhood, but Abby would never know what that was like. She would be happy and safe. She would be whole.
And I thought about the other woman in my life. Silke was strong, sassy, and proud. Just because she was petite and small didn’t mean she couldn’t put up a good fight. While she was compassionate and understanding, she possessed a fire that couldn’t be quenched. She was the reason I was happy. She was the reason I’d turned my life around.
She was my guardian angel.
***
“The shop is going well.” Ryan bit into his burrito then munched on a few chips. “It’s just not the same without Slade. It’s so quiet.” He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I actually miss him. But don’t tell him that.”
I stared out the window and didn’t really listen to him.
Ryan chewed while he watched me. “Something on your mind, Arsen?”
I turned back to him, feeling the weight on my chest. “I think I saw my mother.”
Ryan immediately stopped chewing. Even if his bite was big, he swallowed it anyway. He cleared his throat to get rid of the debris. “What did you say?”
“The woman who keeps coming by the shop…I think she’s my mother.”
Ryan set his burrito back on the tray then rested his elbows on the table. “Why do you say that?”
“That’s the thing…I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t even remember what she looks like. But I had this dream…I think it’s her.”
Ryan stared at me in silence as he took in my words. A calculating look was in his eyes. “Maybe it was just a dream, Arsen. Sometimes they can affect our way of thinking even if they aren’t real.”
“Maybe,” I admitted. “But I still have this feeling in my gut. It’s her.”
Ryan still seemed skeptical. “She could just be some weirdo that loves to stare at the motorcycles by the window.”
“But she only stares at me.” I remembered the look she gave me when she came inside. It was the same one every time. “She gives me this look…like she knows me and she’s afraid of me.”
Ryan didn’t seem convinced. “Or she could be someone else you know…from selling weed or something.”
I shook my head. “I sold them to dealers, not regular people on the street. Too risky.”
Ryan stared out the window before he turned back to me. “I just don’t want you to assume something then make a mistake.”
“I’m pretty sure my assumption is correct.”
“You remember what she looks like?”
“Well…no.”
Ryan shrugged. “For argument’s sake, let’s say it is your mother. What then?”
“What do you mean?”
“What do you plan on doing with her? What do you think she wants?”
The little boy inside me came to the forefront. I hoped she wanted to apologize for what she had done. She regretted leaving me in a foster home and she wanted to know me again. She cleaned up her act and became a good person. Now she wanted to right her wrongs just the way I did with Abby. But that was just wishful thinking. “I’m not sure.”
Ryan sighed like he was about to say something painful. “Arsen, even if it is her don’t expect anything.”
I held his gaze and tried not to let my emotion creep across my face.
“More than likely, she just wants something. She knows you own a shop so she probably wants money or something. People don’t abandon their children for twenty years then come back and ask for a relationship.”
“I abandoned Abby but I came back.”
“In five years,” Ryan explained. “And you knew she had at least one parent. Do you really think you would have done the same thing if you’d known Abby was going to live in an orphanage?”
No. Even though I didn’t have a stable lifestyle I wouldn’t have let Abby go there. I wouldn’t have abandoned Abby to strangers. “No, I wouldn’t.”
Ryan nodded like he proved his point. “Arsen, I’m not saying people don’t deserve a second chance or people can’t change. But don’t have high expectations either.”
It was stupid to think my mom would ever want to repair the relationship we had. She probably wanted something and was so desperate she tracked me down to get it. But I couldn’t help but hope for something more.
“And whatever happens…” Ryan said. “Don’t let her meet Abby.” He held up his hand as he said it. “You don’t want Abby to get attached to someone who’s just going to leave. Besides, I doubt your mother is the type of woman you would want Abby to associate with.”
I shook my head. “I would never mention Abby.”
Ryan nodded in satisfaction. “The worst thing
about being a father is having to tell your kids the god-awful truth. The world is not a good place because there are bad people who destroy the beauty of it.”
“I understand.” Now I had a daughter of my own. I tried to protect her from everything, but one day I wouldn’t be able to shield her anymore. Letting her live in ignorance was easier. But that wouldn’t help her in the long run.
“Hopefully, he doesn’t come by the shop again. If you scared her off, I doubt she would come back…unless she was really desperate.”
***
“How was your day?” Silke asked when I walked through the door. She had a concerned look in her eyes, like she thought I would walk through the door with terrible news.
“It was okay.” I loosened my tie then tossed it on the couch.
Normally, Silke would tell me to pick it up and put it in the laundry. But today, she didn’t say anything. “No visitors?”
I knew what she was really asking. “No. Where’s Abby?”
“Cleaning her room. It was a mess so I told her if she didn’t organize it we wouldn’t take her to the zoo this weekend.”
“Abby loves the zoo,” I said with a chuckle. “That’s a good way to coerce her into something.”
Silke wasn’t in a good mood today. “Arsen, I don’t want you talking to her.”
I knew she wasn’t referring to Abby. “She hasn’t come by the shop so you don’t need to worry about it.”
“But if she does I want you to send her away.” Silke put her hands on her hips and gave me a look men gave in battle. She was only five feet tall but she made herself look humongous.
“Silke, let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.” I stepped around her to head to the stairs.
She blocked my path. “Arsen, I mean it. Whatever she says, whatever she wants, I want you to throw her out. She has no right dropping in on your life all these years later. She hurt you so much and I’ll never forget it.” The protective side of her was coming out, growling.
“She may not even be my mother.” I kept my voice calm so Silke wouldn’t start yelling. “This could all be for nothing.”
“She is your mother,” Silke said with confidence. “Sometimes you just know these things…and I know you’re right about this.”
I stared at her and couldn’t think of a response.
“I mean it, Arsen.” She stepped closer to me, her face inches from mine. “If she bothers you, I’ll handle it. I’ll make sure that witch never bothers you again.” She gave me one last fiery look before she stepped around me and headed to the kitchen.
I stayed in place as Silke’s words echoed in my mind. Both she and Ryan didn’t want me to have any interaction with her, and since they were the smartest people I knew, they were probably right.
I should listen to them.
***
A week had come and gone and she never made an appearance. When I asked my secretary if he’d seen her walk past the windows or stop by, he said he hadn’t. Perhaps I had scared her off. Perhaps she chickened out.
That was for the best.
I was only five years old when she dropped me off on that sidewalk. A woman I didn’t know approached me and chauffeured me to the foster home. I tried to resist her because I didn’t know her, and when I was forced into the house with all the other kids I cried my eyes out. I cried so hard and for so long I gave myself a migraine.
I still remembered it.
Did I really want to have any interaction with a woman capable of doing that? She never showed me any love when she did have me. Most of the time I just felt like a nuisance. The only thing she really cared about was her liquor and cigarettes. She never had the money to get a Christmas tree because she pissed it all away on things that only poisoned her.
What did I really expect to happen? That she would come to me and tell me she had a respectable job? That she finally dropped the liquor and the smoking? That she cleaned up her act just so she could be with me again? Exactly what I had done with Abby?
Ryan was right. That was a stupid fairytale.
I was sitting at my desk when Stewart, my secretary, called my office phone.
“What’s up?” I said into the receiver.
“Arsen, that woman is here…she wants to see you.”
My heart went into my throat and I couldn’t breathe. Just when I thought the ordeal had passed, she crept up behind me and struck again. I continued to hold the phone to my ear as I tried to think of a response.
“Should I send her to your office?” He spoke quietly like he didn’t want to be overheard.
“What’s her name?” Maybe it wasn’t my mother. Maybe it was someone else. Who else it would be, I didn’t have a clue.
“She didn’t say.”
“Did you ask?”
“Yes,” he said. “She wouldn’t give it to me.”
An alarm went off in my head. I couldn’t make a decision. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I tried to think of a response.
“Arsen?”
I sighed into the phone. “Tell her to leave.” That was the right decision. What good came from speaking to her? If she refused to give her name, then she purposely didn’t want me to know her identity. That indicated she knew I wouldn’t want to see her but she was going to try anyway.
“Okay.” Stewart said.
“Let me know when she’s gone.”
“Will do.” He hung up.
I stayed in my office and stared at the photo on my desk. It was Abby and Silke making a sand castle at the beach. When I had a loving family like that, what else did I need? My mother was never my mother. She was just a temporary roommate. I was a brat she never wanted.
My phone rang again.
“What?” I said when I answered it.
“Arsen, she won’t leave.”
My hand balled into a fist as I listened to his words. “She’s just standing there?”
“She took a seat in the lobby,” he whispered. “She said she’d wait until you’re ready.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose again. Goddammit.
“Do you want me to call the police?”
“No.” That would be bad for business. I could walk out there myself and ask her to leave but that wouldn’t make me look good either. Other customers would see the interaction and wonder if this was a good place to drop off their vehicles.
What do I do?
“You want me to ask her to leave again?”
“No.” I wouldn’t make my employee deal with my drama. “Send her in my office.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” I slammed the phone down. I didn’t want to see her but if I ignored her she would just catch me by surprise again. It would be better to have this conversation on my terms, not hers. And if it were in the privacy of my office no one would know what was said.
Stewart opened my door a moment later and allowed her inside. He quickly shut the door, closing it a little too abruptly. She stayed in front of the door with her purse over her shoulder. It was made of brown leather and was weathered like it was twenty years old. Her face was covered in wrinkles even though she wasn’t that old. She wore jeans and a white blouse, but it looked almost gray because she didn’t wash it enough. There were small wrinkles on her arms, and the muscle above her elbow drooped slightly.
I stared at her and kept my face emotionless. I refused to let her really see me, even understand me. Like a brick wall without a story to tell, I stared at her. If she expected me to speak first, she was wasting her time.
She finally turned her gaze on me, and crystal blue eyes identical to Abby’s looked back at me. If I blocked out the rest of her face it was like looking at my daughter. She slowly inched further into the room, rigid like I might strike her with a baseball bat.
She approached my desk then stood there, looking awkward and weak. She was very thin, thin like a drug addict that chose to spend their money on poison instead of lunch.
I remained in my chair with my hands restin
g on the armrests.
Her eyes moved to the pictures on my desk, and her eyes honed in on one of Abby. She stared at it for a long time.
The protective father inside me came out and I turned the picture over so she couldn’t see it anymore. I didn’t like it when anyone stared at my daughter too long, at least someone I didn’t know.
If she was offended by my actions, she didn’t show it. She kept her hands on her purse like I might snatch it.
I stared at her patiently and waited.
When she realized I wasn’t going to say anything, she spoke. Her voice came out raspy, from too many years of smoking. “I…I’m sorry for stopping by like this. I know it must have looked odd.”
“Very.” If she thought I was going to make this easy for her, she was in for a surprise.
“You’re probably wondering who I am—”
“I know exactly who you are.” Now there wasn’t a doubt in my mind. She fit the bill perfectly.
“You do…?” Her voice shook slightly, like my intuition was a deathblow.
I nodded. “You reek of alcohol and smell like smoke. Who else would you be?” I didn’t realize how angry I was until I started talking. Now I knew, beyond a doubt, that this was my mother I couldn’t contain my smoldering rage. “I remember the last time I saw you…driving away while I stood on the sidewalk. Happy memories.”
Guilt and shame moved into her eyes. Then she closed them abruptly like she couldn’t stand to look at me. Or perhaps she couldn’t stand to see her own self-loathing reflected in my eyes.
“If you’re here for money, I’m not giving it to you. If you’re in trouble, that’s not my problem. If you need help, go look somewhere else. You have a lot of nerve tracking me down just to ask for something. I always knew you were trash, but this is an all-time low for you.”
She continued to clutch her purse, and her lips quivered slightly.
There wasn’t an ounce of guilt in my body.
She cleared her throat, and it sounded like a pocket of phlegm was deep inside. “That’s not why I’m here…”
“Yeah?” I couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of my voice.